My Name Is Haruno Sakura
by Zephyras
Summary: My name is Haruno Sakura. I am a straight-A student and am eligible for a scholarship to the top university in the country. My name is Haruno Sakura and I live in a cardboard box. AU, Modern. Sakura-centric, eventual Ino/Sakura.
1. Me, Myself, and I

**A/N: Warning, this fic is rated 'M' for a reason! There will be mentions of lesbian, heterosexual, and gay sex, menstruation, masturbation (female), rape, child abuse, drug abuse, excessive swearing, self-mutilation, and teenagers wanting to go to school. If any of the above offend you, please do not proceed on to reading this fic. **

Chapter One-

My name is Haruno Sakura; I am seventeen years old and am in my last year of high school. I am a straight-A High Honors student and am eligible for a scholarship to the top university in the country. My name is Haruno Sakura and I live in a cardboard box.

I don't remember my parents. Red flashing lights is my earliest memory. Once, in one of my foster homes, I asked what happened to them. I was told that they died in a car crash. Which probably means they were in a gang, involved with drugs, or something unsuitable for a young child like me to know. Some of my foster brothers and sisters who also didn't know their parents came up with stories about them. They would draw pictures, write stories, and even sing songs about them. I had no such fantasies about mine. Personally, I couldn't care less, about my parents. They weren't here with me and I doubted they'd ever be. So what did it matter?

My various foster parents thought I was abnormal. I am abnormal, but for some reason they seemed to have a problem with it. Instead of playing with the other children or even with dolls, I would spend my time reading the household dictionary or encyclopedia. I love to read. I'll read practically anything. I also love to learn, which is the only reason I attend school in the first place. My foster parents, as I said before, thought I was strange and a bad influence on their other children. I was shuffled from foster home to foster home most of my childhood. At nine, I got sick of it. I got sick of changing schools every few months, I was sick of being whispered at behind my back, sick of being ostracized by my 'siblings.' And so I ran away. Just like that. It was March 14 at 10:38 pm when I decided to run away. I planned my escape carefully. I packed food, money, clothes, and a map and left the next morning. Looking back, I realize that it was quite a foolish choice and a million things could have gone wrong, but I never regretted running away. I don't care that I live on the streets, or pickpocket, or don't have nice clothes. I'm free and that's all that matters.

The first two years were hard. I learned to grow up very quickly. There were all sorts of tricks I came up with to get food. For example, I would use a phone at the local library ("Excuse me, miss, can I call my parents using your phone? They were supposed to be here an hour ago.") and order a pizza. I would order one with all the grossest toppings I could think of and when they couldn't sell it they would throw it straight into the garbage can where I would wait (1). I also learned to pickpocket. You wouldn't believe how many women leave their purses open, or men have their wallets sticking out their back pockets. I would usually sleep in the subway station, or in a public bathroom. In all my years being a 'homeless person' no one ever tried to take me to a police station or contact my parents. Not that I wanted them to. When most people think of 'young girl' and 'homeless' they always think it would be especially dangerous. Oh yes, all those old, starving, homeless men out to get me. Sure, once and a while a drunk will get a bit touchy, but I'm fast and I hit twice as hard as any boy. Seriously, most people on the streets are more worried about finding their next meal, not satisfying sexual urges with ugly teenage girls like me.

I know, I'm a bit blunt, but that's because being subtle is for everything else in my life besides my thoughts.

Another thing that helps is that I have a very boyish figure. I have no chest to speak of (wearing sports bras doesn't help), thin hips, very long legs, and an oversized forehead. My hair is short and shaggy, from the lack of baths I take, and is a strange pink color. I don't dye my hair (what a waste of money) and I have no clue why it's pink of all colors. I hate pink; I'm more of a red person. My best friend thinks my strange hair color is beautiful and exotic. I think it's a genetic defect.

I'm also freakishly tall. Only one girl in the entire school is taller than me, but I'll talk about her later.

After two years on the streets (sleeping, eating, pick-pocketing, sitting in bookstores for hours on end…etc.), I must confess, I actually got bored. There really isn't much to do around where I live. Then one day, during the fall, I saw a bunch of kids walking home from school. They looked so…happy. So normal. Something I could never aspire to be. And that was when I decided I would go to school again. Now that I think about it, those kids were probably happy that they just got_ out_ of school, but I didn't care. Now when I ran away, I wasn't stupid enough to decide live in the same city as my previous home. I actually took the trains and buses to almost 100 miles away from that home, just to be sure. I knew that I wasn't going to be accepted among my peers at my new school, but I didn't care. It was something to do and besides, I love to learn. It didn't occur to me until I was about thirteen, but going to school was the best choice I ever made. The only problem was getting in to the system. I never finished elementary school, but if I could figure out how to hack in the main school system and add myself in…bingo, I win.

It was depressingly easy. I'd had some experience with computers before, but I'd never hacked into anything before. With a little practice I added myself in as 'Haruno Sakura' an average student with mediocre grades. I didn't want to be too behind. What a mistake. Screw being modest. I should've put in all A's.

It's funny, I got so used to being 'Haruno Sakura,' I forgot my old name. Most people think it's impossible to forget your name, unless you have amnesia, but I did anyway.

I bought a P.O. box, for mail (that was expensive) and for my address. My parent's names are 'Haruno Ken and Satsuki.' My 'father' is a plumber and my 'mother' is a cleaning lady. Nope, no fantasies about them, because fantasies unrealistic. Besides, their lack of high-paying jobs explains my…interesting attire. Unlike most girls at my school, I don't spend all my money on designer clothes. I wear cheap, black or white men's shirts and baggy jeans. Every single day. I don't really have any friends at my school, because supposedly I'm a 'teacher's pet.' Well, you know, if you work your ass off on every single assignment and participate in all the class discussions there are benefits.

My best friend's name is Tenten. She lives around where I live and she's a year older than me. She never went to school, no matter how much I tried to persuade her. She has long black hair, which is always pinned to her head in two perfect buns. I want her hair; it doesn't attract so much attention.

I met her when I was twelve and we got along famously. I taught her how to read and she guards my stuff sometimes while I'm at school. When not at school I spend most of my time in an alley, living in a cardboard box. I call it living because that's where all my stuff is: my books, my clothes, everything that I own (except my money, I keep that on me at all times). I don't sleep there (bad experience), but I do all my schoolwork there. My 'parents' don't own a computer, so I handwrite everything.

Tenten's mother abused her and she ran away when she was seven. I am determined not to live on the streets as long as she has. I'm going to win that scholarship, go to university, get a job and then take care of us both. But more about that later.

My school is called Konoha High School (don't ask, just don't), three thousand students attend there, but I know less than twenty of them by name in all my two and something years there. Our principal is insane. She has a horrible temper and no student who ever enters her office for a disciplinary reason ever wants to return there (I don't know from experience). Despite being insane, I think she's awesome, though I have yet to talk to her.

The only person who stands up to her and still lives to tell the story is named Uzumaki Naruto. He's in my Japanese class, though even if he wasn't I'd still know his names. He is the school 'prankster,' which basically means he does juvenile stuff usually involving glue, spray paint, and rotten eggs and gets away with it. Sometimes his pranks are quite funny, but other times, like the time he glued all the papers (my paper included) to the teacher's desk, was not so great. He, coincidently, lives with my English teacher, Umino Iruka.

Another person who I would know even if he wasn't in any of my classes (which he is) is Uchiha Sasuke. Konoha's 'heartthrob.' Hey, I didn't come up with the name. I swear half the girl population of Konoha is obsessed with him. Every time I walk down the hall, I'll hear 'Sasuke-kun' at least four times. Alright, Uchiha's good-looking, but seriously, after two years of constantly turning down girl's offers for a date, you'd think they'd realize that he's not interested.

He's an interesting one, though. Rumor has it that his elder brother went mad and killed his entire family. I usually don't believe rumors, but I wouldn't be surprised if this one was true. It would explain why he's always so damn moody. Interestingly, enough Uzumaki and Uchiha are best friends. Or as the new gossip states today, a bit more than friends, if you get my meaning.

So right now I'm standing at my locker trying to ignore a bunch of heartbroken girls who are telling their friends that last Friday (today is Monday), Uzumaki and Uchiha were caught making out in an empty classroom. I didn't believe it at first, but in homeroom, everyone was glaring at Uzumaki. Their blushing faces (Uchiha is in my homeroom as well. Unfortunately.) I guess it must be true. I have to say I'm not really surprised. Personally, I don't give a damn. I'm not homophobic and even if I was, it's really none of my business what they do on their own time.

Unfortunately, for them, the rest of the school doesn't have my sentiments. Every time the teacher turns around at least someone will whisper 'fag' at Uzumaki or making crude gestures at him. I can tell Uchiha is about to pop a blood vein. It first I found it amusing that everyone only seemed mad at Uzumaki, like he seduced their dear 'Sasuke-kun,' but after two periods and passing periods filled with angry students calling Uzumaki a fag and trying to beat him up it got a bit annoying. I feel a bit bad for them now. I don't know them that well, but in middle school I had to do a science project with them, so I know a little bit about them. That memory is not my fondest memory, because that was back when they still hated each other and all they did was fight, which resulted in me doing the entire project by myself. Not that I would have trusted them to do any of it anyway. I know, I'm a control freak.

Anyway, I'm in the library. Unfortunately, so are Uchiha and Uzumaki. It's not that I don't want them around; it's the bunch of homophobic 'popular kids' that have taken to following them around. They're sitting with all their other friends: Nara, Akimichi, Inuzuka, Aburame, both Hyuuga, and Rock. A weird group if you ask me, but then again who am I to talk?

"You fag!" Cries one of the girls; blond, of course (my school has a lot of foreigner's kids,) "Get out of here and leave Sasuke-kun alone."

All the others start to join in and Uzumaki is sinking lower in his seat and the rest of his friends look like they would like nothing better than to punch all they yelling teens into pulp. I'm actually quite surprised at their restraint. If it were me, well…let's just say I would probably be expelled. And maybe thrown in jail.

"You guys, c'mon let's just go," I look up once again from my work to see Yamanaka Ino, pleading with her friends.

Yamanaka Ino: the tallest, most gorgeous (not that I'd know) girl in the entire school. I envy her, I suppose. She's everything I'm not; she's pretty, popular and still gets good grades. I've wondered forever why she still hangs out with those losers, but then again Yamanaka Ino hangs out with everybody. Goths, Punks, Preps, Jocks, all the stupid cliques this high school has. I don't think she has a single enemy in the world, much less in Konoha High School. It's weird though, because she's loud and opinionated and isn't afraid to show it, but she always seems to get along with anyone. She has yet to try and become friends with me, though, which I am glad of.

Unfortunately, her stupid friends don't listen to her and if I don't act quickly there's definitely going to be a fight. I sigh. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the Student Council President. At first I wondered why they voted me, Haruno Sakura: the ugly, unsocial, nerdiest person in the entire school. But at the first meeting I realized that no one actually takes Student Council seriously. It's all a big joke. Or I should say it was. Because now they are seriously regretting voting me in because I actually make sure all the representatives get stuff done. In fact, the only reason I accepted the position was that the president can hand out detentions, with a teacher's signature of course. I'm almost out of slips and it's only the week after midterms.

I stand up and slowly make my way to their table. To tell the truth, I'm not a very good president, I only interfere with something unless it could directly involve me. Selfish much? Hey, you live on the streets for eight years and you'll put yourself first in everything too. Right now the only reason I'm interfering is that they're being noisy and I can't work. I couldn't care less if they were fighting out in the hallway and not distracting me. Now put that together with the fact that I'm almost out of detention slips or 'Dean Referrals' and what does that say about Konoha High School?

They don't notice me coming until I'm less than three feet away from them. There is an awkward silence.

"Would you mind leaving the library if you're not going to do any work," I say, "You're distracting everyone here."

One of them sneers, obviously he doesn't know that I can give him a detention or he doesn't care, "None of your business, you whore," he says, apparently pleased at his usage of the derogatory term, "Stop defending these fags and fuck off!"

Okay that did it. This guy, whatever his name is, has officially pissed me off…which is not a good thing. An interesting thing about me is that when I'm mad I don't yell. Oh, no, you make me mad I talk calmly and rationally, while inwardly I plot your demise. Tenten made me mad once and…let's just say it wasn't pretty.

"Alright," I say, a smirk evident on my ugly features, "You have ten seconds to get the _fuck _out of here or I will personally make sure that there are so many detentions on your record that any university you apply to won't even look at your grades," I slam my hand on the table; causing them all to jump, "Leave. Now."

I realize that I went a bit overboard when for the rest of the day people stare at me.

"_Nice job, Haruno," _I say to myself, _"Just what I need people thinking Haruno Sakura is PMSing or something." _

By the end of the day, however, I feel much better because I got full marks on a biology test. Which everyone else failed. If anyone in my science class didn't hate me before they sure do now. The funny part is the more people that hate me, the better I feel. What's wrong with me?

I take the bus and then walk a few blocks to that alley. Tenten is busy reading a book and doesn't hear me coming. I squat down and read the title of a book: Seduction in the Jungle. I groan and she looks up.

"Oh shut up. It's a good book," she says and goes back to her reading. Recently, she's become obsessed with romance novels, but that's not the worst of it, she reads those retarded _paperback _romance novels.

"Good afternoon to you too."

I flop down on the ground beside her and look at my watch. I rub the plastic on top, trying to make out the numbers. Actually, I'm surprised it lasted this long; I did buy it at a 100 yen (2) store.

"Uh…Tenten, aren't you supposed to be on a date right now?"

Yeah that's right, she has a _boyfriend. _When she told me I practically had a heart attack, well, after she convinced me she wasn't joking.It's some rich guy that she met at a club in the Red Light District where she works at. Yeah, she has a job, but she's in so much debt that it'll take years for her to pay it all off. I'm trying to find a job as well, but the place where she works at is the only place that'll pay in cash and without any identification and they have no openings. Anyway she has been obsessing over this guy ever since she met him and her obsession has doubled ever he asked her out a month ago.

"OH SHIT! Quick, Sakura, I need to borrow your hairbrush, wait, no, you don't have one…oh, I'm going to be late!"

"You're already late," I say helpfully.

"Oh, no, what am I gonna do? I look horrible, this is horrible-"

"Tenten!" I say sharply cutting her off, "You look fine."

"Really?" She asks timidly, which is strange for her.

"Yes. I think you should be more worried about what you're going to do tonight."

"Oh, no Sakura, not this again."

"Listen to me," I say seriously, "Just…just be careful, all right. I don't trust him."

"Sakura, you've never even met him."

I scowl, she's completely missing the point, "You know what I mean, I just don't want you to get hurt."

She smiles at me cheekily, "That's so corny."

I turn bright red and glare at her, "Shut up," I mutter.

"I'll be careful, relax," she picks up her bag, which, has practically nothing of value in it, in my opinion, and starts off, "You have fun doing your homework!"

"Don't I always?"

She turns around, suddenly serious, "Sakura, you know, maybe you should take a break once in a while."

I sigh wearily, "I can't, Tenten. You know I can't. I have to get us out of this and school is the only way."

She sighs. "You need a boyfriend."

I look up, shocked, my face hot, "Tenten!"

"Maybe I'll ask Neji, if he has any single friends…"

"No, you will NOT! I do not want a boyfriend! I don't need a boyfri…Neji?"

"Yeah, Neji. You know, my boyfriend."

I realize that I never knew the name of her boyfriend, she would always just refer to him as 'he.' 'Neji,' huh. Weird name, it sounds…familiar…though…shit.

"Uh, what's his last name?" I say, trying to sound nonchalant.

She grins at me, "Hyuuga. As in the company."

She frowns when she sees my face, "What's wrong."

"Your boyfriend is in my history class."

Her eyes bug out, "What? But he's eighteen, he can't be in high school!"

"Some people turn eighteen during the school year," I remind her, "Fuck, this is not good. You didn't say anything about me, did you?"

"Oh yes, that's what we do on our dates, just sit and talk about you," she says sarcastically, making me blush.

"Well, how am I supposed to know? I've never been on a date in my life and I don't plan on it."

"That's not something you want to tell people, Sakura."

"Why not? I'm damn proud of it!"

"Another thing you don't want to tell people."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" I grumble.

"Yeah, yeah, don't stay up too late."

"Yes, mom."

She scowls at me and then turns the corner.

Tenten really changed after she met Hyuuga. She became more cheerful, no matter how much I tried to deny it. I have to say, though, I wasn't expecting her too choose a guy like him. He seems like the type of guy who has better things to do than date girls. Especially a girl like Tenten. I wonder if she's told him she's homeless. Probably not.

I lean tiredly against the wall, forgetting for the moment that I have more than four hours of homework to do.

My bangs get in the way of my vision for the millionth time today and I groan in frustration. In my head I make a list of things I need to get done.

Get a new watch, cut my hair, drag Tenten to the public bathes, get a job, do my homework, talk to my stupid homeroom teacher. I stop and grin at this thought. My homeroom teacher is Hatake Kakashi. Who reads porn. In class. All he asks me is if I've found a boyfriend yet. Anyway, yesterday in homeroom he mentioned a school sponsored trip working at a soup kitchen and feeding the homeless for community service. I almost burst into laughter. Oh, the irony. Fortunately, no one seemed too interested about this idea so I didn't have to worry about being seen.

Yeah, I go to a soup kitchen once in awhile, but only if I don't have any money. You wouldn't believe how embarrassing it is to go there especially when the workers are younger than you. Tenten is the only reason I go there, otherwise I would not be seen in a mile of that place. And then there's the public baths. That's the one place that I always end up having to drag Tenten to, instead of the other way around.

When I first met her I didn't see her first, oh no, I _smelt_ her. She hadn't taken a bath in almost five years. Talk about disgusting. Public baths are cheap and you can stay in for almost as long as you want.

I realize that I'm spacing out and reluctantly bring myself back to earth. I have a lot of homework to do.

(1) Just for the record, I did not make this up, a person who was at one time homeless came up with this trick.

(2) Equivalent of a dollar store.

**A/N: Okay, first things first. Fortunately, I have never been homeless before and I don't mean to offend anyone who has been. So please excuse my ignorance. I have, however, worked at a soup kitchen and talked with some of the people there. **

**The setting of this is supposed to be in Japan and I probably have some anachronisms in here so I'm sorry about that.**

**This is my first romance fic and my first Yuri fic so please don't flame me. Also, there will be no lemons in this fic, because I can't write them, period. **

**This fic, like most of my fics, is something I could not get out of my head. It's also probably because I felt bad for editing Sakura out in my other fic, Shi no Me. ****This fic is Sakura-centric, but I might add Ino's P.O.V. in if I feel like it. I realize that Sakura is a bit OOC, but that can't really be helped. This is an AU fic after all. Also, please don't hold me accountable for whatever Sakura thinks or says, I don't want to offend anyone. Please review and tell me what you think! You know you want to. **


	2. Yamanaka Ino

Chapter Two-

I hate math. It's so fucking boring. I'm sitting in my Statistics class now trying not to fall asleep. I don't know why I restrain myself though; I could do this stuff in my sleep.

I doodle on my notebook and then erase it because our teacher Ibiki (he insists on us calling him by his first name, I don't know why) looks at our notes and takes points off for doodles and stuff like that. Ibiki is evil, fucking evil. You can tell I'm not in a good mood when I swear so much.

"Haruno!" he barks, "Get up here and do this problem."

Did I mention he hates me? Well, he does and I think it's because no matter how much he tries he can't find anything wrong with my work and is forced to give me good grades. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm very modest.

I stand up and do the problem at the board. One of the reasons I hate this class is that each problem is simple but it takes so goddamn long to write it all out. After I finally finish it, he tells me to go back to my seat and calls on someone else. Ibiki is the only teacher that hates me, which I'm very glad of. I mean, who wouldn't be.

Instead of watching the poor kid who's working on the board I turn my attention to Hyuuga Neji who sits a few seats to the right of me. It's been almost a week since I found out he was Tenten's boyfriend and I am pleased to say after watching him for a while (no, I didn't stalk him) there doesn't seem to be anything _horribly_ wrong with him. But seriously, what's up with the hair? He probably has the longest hair in the entire school. Not that he isn't good-looking, but he's kinda weird. If I had been paying more attention I would have noticed that, for the entire class, someone was watching me.

Finally class is over and I pick up my bag and head out before he can give us any homework. Ibiki loves to torture his students and proudly admits it. He sometimes gives us so much homework that I have to start it in my free period, which is next. It's in the library and since today is Friday, I can start my homework for the weekend.

The day ends quickly and I walk to the other side of the building and make my way to my locker. My locker is in the most inconvenient place in this entire school. I've heard rumors that tell that in the last few years Konoha got a lot more students than average and they didn't have enough lockers, so they had to put them in some random corner of the building. I turn a few corners (this place is a fucking maze, my first year here I almost went insane) until I finally reach the tiny out of the way hallway where my locker is. And freeze.

HOLY SHIT

My face turns bright red as I continue to stare. Yes, I have just unknowingly stumbled on Uchiha's and Uzumaki's make out fest. No wonder they got caught.

Maybe I can just quietly open my locker, change my shoes, and then sne…

Oh, no! You've got to be kidding me! Uchiha just happens to be pinned against MY LOCKER! What the hell did I do to deserve this? Er…well, besides all those things… but still!

Uchiha throws his head back and lets out a loud moan before they lock lips again. I briefly consider running to the nearest bathroom. I've always been uncomfortable with people being affectionate in public. It's weird. Though then again, walking in on two people having sex in an alley at the age of ten will probably do that to you.

Holy shit, Uzumaki's hands are going up Uchiha's shirt! Okay, time to break them up. Oh gods, this is really embarrassing. Why couldn't they make out somewhere else? I walk closer to them and they are so…uh…busy that they don't even notice me.

I bang on the locker a few lockers away from mine and they spring apart. I don't think their faces could get any redder.

"Haruno!" Uzumaki gasps.

"This is all very interesting," I say in a bored voice, "But would you mind moving? You're leaning up against my locker."

Never mind. It appears that their faces can get redder. Uchiha dazedly moves to the left and off my locker. I quickly take off my slippers and put on my regular shoes, and then leave them in that hallway staring at me as I walk away.

After school I tell Tenten what happened and, as usual, she doesn't share my opinion about the entire affair.

"That's so hot!" she tells me, "Did you get any pictures?"

"Tenten, are you out of you're mind?" I practically yell at her, my face heating up, "That was one of the most scaring experiences in my entire life!!"

She looks slightly crestfallen, "Oh. Were they that ugly?"

"TENTEN!"

"Well, were they?"

I groan and lean my head against the wall, "They weren't that bad looking."

"Weren't that bad looking coming from you means they were gorgeous, right?"

I groan. And she's quiet for a while.

"Next time you walk in on them I want pictures. The less clothing the better."

I sit up so fast everything was blurry for a second, "Te-nten!" I splutter, feeling a flush crawl down my neck, "If you ever say _anything _like that again, I'm going to _kill _you!"

"But you look so funny when you're embarrassed."

"I don't look funny," I mutter childishly, "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Nice try, Haruno. You can't get rid of me that easily."

I open my mouth to reply, but then a strong wind comes and we both shudder pulling our thin jackets closer to our skin. Winter is one thing that I'll suppose I'll never get used to.

"We're going to the baths tomorrow," I say

"Oh, no. C'mon Sakura, I hate going there, it's embarrassing."

"It's nice and warm there," I reply, but I feel the same way she does. Public bathing is kind of embarrassing, especially for us because we're so thin. I mange to hide my skinny body in baggy clothing at school, but I can't at the baths. Every time we go there people stare at us.

"We should just use the showers at an indoor pool," she tells me

"Too expensive. It costs like 1,750 yen for two people."

Embarrassment of my own body isn't the only reason I don't like going to the public baths, though I'd never tell Tenten that. As I said before, I always get uncomfortable when people are kissing in public or something like that. It's the same with at the baths. Every time I go there I can't even look at the women around me otherwise I turn really red and then Tenten thinks I have a fever or something.

I'd never admit it to anyone, but I get embarrassed really easily. I always change in a bathroom stall for gym because it feels weird changing around other people.

I pick up my biology book and start reading Chapter 15. When I first get my books in the fall I always read the entire thing just to get an overview of the topic and figure out things I'm going to have to work on; right now I'm just reviewing the material because we have a test on Monday.

"Starting homework already?"

"Uh-huh."

"Do you do anything else?"

I look up and glare at her, "Yes."

"Like…?"

"Pickpocket. Some people are so clueless."

She laughs, "Tell me about it. One time I actually bumped into the guy while I took his wallet and he didn't even notice."

I laugh and get back to my homework and she writes in her journal. It's an old thing. One of the things that she's had even before I met her five years ago. She told me she started drawing in it when she was five. Later when I taught her how to read and write she started writing in it. She told me that it's the only reason she survived living with her mom.

Tenten's a natural collector. She loves to collect things: bottle caps, pennies, yogurt spoons, anything that she takes a fancy to. I gave up trying to persuade her not to pick up trash from the ground long ago. She carries this entire bag of it around with her. The only thing that I think is really cool is the bag itself. Tenten sewed her own name on it. She's great at sewing, she can fix anything, but don't let her get anywhere near a stove. I wince at the memory and start answering the questions on the review sheet in my head.

The next afternoon we go to the public baths. I have to hide all my books and school supplies under some crates otherwise it's practically guaranteed that they'll be stolen. Sometimes if a window or the back door is open we sneak in, but we have no such luck today. We undress in the locker room and then walk quickly to the farthest shower area to hide our underweight bodies. A familiar sensation rises to my face as I see two teenage girls our age running unabashedly toward the water laughing and screaming as they jump into the water splashing us all.

An older woman beside me shakes her head, "Young people these days," she grumbles and then gets into the bath.

I cautiously reach down for my basket of soap and shampoo and begin to scrub my hair, noting that the soapsuds were a dirty brown color as they fell of my hair. I hand the shampoo to Tenten who grabs it and begin to scrub her long hair vigorously. I pick up our body wash, wrinkling my nose in distaste as I pour some into my hand. Since we only bathe once or twice every two weeks, we use extra sharp smelling shampoo and soap. We quickly finish washing and vainly attempt to slink unobtrusively into the bathes. I hear a small girl asking her mother why we are so thin and see Tenten flinch. I lean against the wall and attempt to relax, blocking out all the sounds of the people around me. Or at least I try to until I'm rudely interrupted from my peaceful state.

"Haruno?"

My eyes snap open and I turn around trying to locate the source of the voice. The only people who call me 'Haruno' are people from school, which is not good. I turn around to see Yamanaka Ino standing behind me.

Who is completely naked.

_"Holy shit, she's hot!" _Is about the only thought that is going through my head right now.

I unconsciously look her up and down. I am suddenly feeling a hundred degrees hotter and I have a strange feeling in my nose.

"Uh… Haruno, my face is up here." My eyes snap up to here face and she smirks down at me. Wait, she's smirking at me? How dare she!

Suddenly, I am acutely aware that that I am abnormally bony, ugly, bright red, have an unusually large forehead, and was just caught ogling the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in my life.

I'm screwed.

"Uh…yes?" I say trying to keep my dignity intact, though it's probably pointless.

She looks me up and down and I feel slightly dizzy.

"I gotta say, Haruno, I never pegged you as anorexic."

I gape at her. Has she no sense at all? I'm sure tons of people think that, but they never say it!

It takes me a few seconds to realize that she insulted me. My face grows red with anger. How dare she! She knows nothing about me!

"I'm not anorexic," I growl, trying to keep my infamous temper under control. Ooh, I'm going to make her pay for that! I'm going to smash her pretty face into pieces and-

"Really," she says raising her eyebrows in obvious disbelief, "Then the fact that you never bring a lunch doesn't have anything to do with your lack of…" She looks over my body again, causing me to splutter in embarrassment, "boobs."

I stare at her in amazement. She did not just say that. There is no way Yamanaka Ino; the most popular, gorgeous, and fucking perfect girl in Konoha High School would say that to _anyone,_ even me. It wasn't until much later that I wondered how she knew I never brought or bought a lunch.

"Wha-what the fuck…" She's still smirking at me.

"It's true," she says, looking at my chest lewdly.

My face is so hot I feel like I'm going to explode. Instinct tells me to cover myself, but I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she can make me uncomfortable. I want to hit her so bad, but I restrain myself. If I start a fight here, I'll get thrown out and never be allowed in again.

"Well, nice talking to you, Haruno. See you at school."

I stare at back her as she walks out of the baths and into the locker room. Suddenly, I feel something trickled down my lips and chin. I hold a hand up to my nose and see blood. Okay, maybe I wasn't only staring at her back. I wipe the blood off quickly.

_"Damn that bitch and her fucking hot body…"_

"I was so close to hitting that bitch!" snarls Tenten from my right.

"Me too," I mutter angrily, still trying to staunch the flow of the blood.

"Hey are you okay?" she asks worriedly, "What happened?"

"I don't know, it just started bleeding."

"I hate when that happens. C'mon, it's getting late, we'd better go."

I nod and pull myself out of the bath, quickly wrapping the towel around my thin body. We walk into the locker rooms, which are thankfully Yamanaka free and change into our clothes inside the bathroom stalls. Tenten takes longer than me and while I wait I stare in the mirror, remembering what Yamanaka said.

"_Maybe what she said was crude, but,"_ I sigh, _"She's right. I am kinda ugly."_

I knew that I was ugly. I was too tall, too skinny, I had no chest, I had strange looking hair, no hips, and I didn't shave my legs; I was ugly. But I knew this all before. I hadn't cared before. I accepted it as part of who I was. There really wasn't much of a point moping about something you couldn't change. Then why did I feel so sad when _she_ said it? As much as I thought about it I couldn't figure out why it felt so different. I even spaced out on Tenten's rant about how Yamanaka deserved to be set on fire.

By the time we reached the alley it was 5:00 pm and it was already dark. I quickly gathered a few books I wanted to read and we both headed down to the local fast food restaurant. I must have not talked as much as usual at dinner because afterwards Tenten keep asking me what was wrong.

"C'mon Sakura, please tell me you didn't take what that bitch said seriously."

I roll my eyes wearily, "No, for the billionth time, I didn't. I just think I stayed in the baths too long and I'm really tired."

From the look on her face, I know she doesn't believe me, but she decides not to press it. Something I am very glad of.

I sigh, "I wish I was a boy."

"Oh, no, Sakura, not this again."

"What? It's true."

"Why can't you be happy just they way you are?" she asks me.

I find myself unable to answer. Why can't I be happy the way I am? It would be nice, wouldn't it? But I can't be. All my life, I've searched for things that make me feel like I'm actually worth something. That I'm not just a strange child who gets shuffled from home to home, that I'm actually a person who feels happiness and sadness.

I shrug my shoulders and we make our way to the subway station.

I guess that even as Haruno Sakura I still can't be somebody.

At school Yamanaka ignored me. Good. I was worried that she'd make fun of me in front of her friends or the class and draw more unwanted attention towards me. But she didn't. I, on the other hand, was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore her like I had before. She was everywhere. In my classes, in the hallways, in the library; if I didn't know any better, I'd say that she was stalking me.

I found myself watching her. Especially during class or at lunch. In class, she'd whisper to her endless amount of friends and pass notes, though whenever the teacher called on her she'd know the answer. At lunch she'd moved from table to table, (that's another weird thing about our school, we have a cafeteria) talking to anyone who was willing to talk back. And, oh, are they willing. She chatted with the teachers about their personal lives or fundraisers or whatever. She was nice to everyone no matter their status on the 'social ladder.' She even got people to stop making fun of Uchiha and Uzumaki. She would stop brawls in the hallways and get couples that were fighting back together. She was so perfect. She was so fake. And I hated her.

I hated her because of how much she hurt me and probably knew it too. She made friends with some of the stupidest kids on the planet, with the druggies, with people I would never want to even look at much less hang out with on the weekends. But she couldn't make friends with me. Oh, no. Instead she made fun of me. Smirked at me and made me feel embarrassed. Made me feel worthless, like dirt. When she looked at me back then, I felt like an insect. She made me feel like she knew everything about me. Like she knew every single, dark secret I possessed.

I wanted her out of my life, but at the same time I was fascinated with her. I couldn't imagine how she could live like that. She manipulated the entire school; they were all under her sway. At this point she could do whatever she wanted and they would think it was cool. She made me so mad!

She was normal, but she wasn't normal. She acted so normal, like she was just a nice, forward girl. She flirted with the boys and helped the girls fix their makeup or do their hair. Half the time I walked into the bathroom she would be there with a few other girls, whispering and giggling.

But she had no enemies, no angry ex's, no people thinking she was a snobby bitch, when she was. She was too nice, too happy, too self-confident, too ordinary. No normal person could live in such circumstances; they would explode.

All the boys wanted her and all the girls wanted to be her. It was strange though, for with all the flirting she did, I never saw her with a boy. The rumor was that she had a strict father that wouldn't allow her to date, but I knew that if she really wanted to she would.

After almost a week of observing her I realized something. She had so many friends, but she didn't have a best friend or any really close friends. She treated them all the same. Like they were her playthings that she could do whatever she wanted with. She made me sick. I had never hated anyone before, but I was sure I hated her. This went beyond normal jealously or envy. I wished she had never talked to me at that bathhouse and just ignored me like everyone else.

I'm walking back from school, now. The wind blowing in my face as I clutch my thin coat around me. When I come to the alley no one is there. I blink in surprise. While Tenten doesn't sit in this alley all day usually she's here when I get back from school. Strange. I was just about to sit down when I heard it. A scream. Tenten's scream. I drop my heavy bag on top of some crates and rush off. She screams again and this time I can hear what she's saying.

"Get AWAY from me, you CREEP!"

"Just hold still, you little bitch!" A man's voice.

Oh, gods, no! He can't be…

I turn the corner. Tenten is backed up against a wall, her eyes wide and terrified. A man of about thirty, who is obviously drunk is holding her wrists to the wall. Her shirt is torn a bit.

I see red. Before he can even turn around, I punch him straight in the back of the head. He topples over with a yell and I knee him in the stomach and then kick him in the groin. I knew teaching self-defense in gym was a good idea. I'll have to remember to be extra nice to the gym teacher, Maito Gai.

I grab Tenten by the hand and we run. Just another day in paradise.

**A/N: Wow that was quick. I'm on a roll! Yes, I know I made Ino a little weird, but she's not really like that. This is Sakura's P.O.V. and that's just how she sees Ino. No, Sakura does not know she's a lesbian. It will take a while for her to figure it out. Yes, I had to add some Naruto/Sasuke in, I'm sorry. It will be important later. Any questions? Well, you could always REVIEW (hint hint). The next chapter will be coming soon. **

**And just for the record: I really have no idea why I'm writing a Yuri fic. Just don't ask. Hell, I don't even read Yuri…that much. So if this fic is really cliché, I'm sorry. **

**To Yzal: Yes, Sakura is very self-conscious about her looks. She makes up for that in physical and mental strength, which is why she's so confident in those aspects. Just so you know, I'm not trying to make Sakura look different than she does in the manga, it's just that she has very low self-esteem about pretty much everything except her intelligence.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! **


	3. Death

Chapter Three-

For some reason we got the next Tuesday off. I don't know why and I don't really care. I'm just glad that they decided to tell us during school on Monday, instead of calling 'my parents.' That would be problematic.

I mostly just sat in that alley and did homework (surprise, surprise). But then Tenten dragged me some knew ramen shop called Ichiriku's or something. She said it was cheap and really good, so who was I to complain? Besides, I've been sick of fast-food for years now.

The place wasn't too fare away, only a few miles, so we didn't take the bus or the subway. However, when we got there, there was another problem. I groan and pull Tenten to the side before she can run in. _They're_ there. I really shouldn't be that surprised, after all, the entire school does know that Uzumaki has a ramen fetish.

"Sakura, wha-"

"Shh."

I peer around the corner. I see/hear (how could I not) Uzumaki, Uchiha, Nara, both Hyuuga, Akimichi, Aburame, a few other people…and Yamanaka. Okay, no way am I going in there.

"Oh, my God, It's Neji! I can't go in there!"

_"Wait…what?"_

"What do you mean, you can't go in there? I realize we can't go in there together, but…"

"No, what will his friends think?! All those other girls will make fun of me, you know how girls are!"

"Uh…"

"And there's that girl from the bathhouse! They'll eat me alive!"

I stare at her. Okay…

"Look, Tenten, there is no way I'm going in there. They know me! They-"

"Well what if that girl from the bathhouse-"

"Yamanaka," I mutter.

"-recognizes me from there? She'll remember we were together and then Neji will find out you're homeless and then-"

"Wait, you _told _him you're homeless?! Are you insane?"

"Well, he asked," she muttered.

"How about we go somewhere else."

"No! We walked an hour for this. Now go in there and get me a miso ramen."

"Fine, fine."

I'm such a pushover. I inwardly sigh and brace myself as I walk in. It's just ramen; hardly worth an hour walk, much less the torture I'm about to go through. I walk up to the counter and order two miso ramen to go. The man at the counter looks at me strangely, but doesn't say anything. Are you not supposed to eat ramen on the go? Is it an insult to the cook? I really don't care, I just want to get out of here without any one recognizing me.

"Hey, it's Haruno!"

Too late. I'm surprised that it wasn't Uzumaki but Inuzuka who yelled it out. Though then again, Uzumaki's probably still embarrassed about the whole locker thing on Friday. I inwardly snicker. I turn around to face him, pointedly not looking at Yamanaka. I glance outside and scowl inwardly. Tenten's such a coward. No, not really, but I'm in a bad mood right now, so I can think anything I want.

"Yes?" I say coolly, raising my eyebrows disdainfully. Which I am very good at.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be studying or plotting more ways to make my life hell?"

Inuzuka is his class's student council representative. He seems to have a problem with me actually making him do work. He is also convinced that I am out to get him.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I ask him in my usual bored voice, "What does one usually do in a restaurant?"

"What does one usually do in a restaurant?" Inuzuka says mockingly, "Geez, someone's got a superiority complex."

_" And someone's been spending too much time at their psychologist's," _but I choose not to voice this particular thought. Instead, I turn and look back at the counter at the cook who is still stirring my ramen. Mmm, it smells really good. Tenten was right.

"Oh, am I _bothering_ you, Haruno?"

"Yes," I say bluntly, "You mind leaving me alone?"

"Why you little-"

"Kiba, just leave her alone," I look up to see Yamanaka, but she's not looking at Inuzuka, she's looking at me, "She's not worth it," she says, her eyes never leaving mine. I raise my eyebrows and turn away. There is an awkward silence.

"Fine," Inuzuka mutters and rejoins his friends.

As if in cue, my ramen is ready and after paying for it, I quickly leave, Yamanaka's words still echoing in my head.

_"She's not worth it."_

I'm suddenly not hungry anymore, despite the fact that I didn't eat breakfast, not that I ever do. I meet Tenten at a nearby park and I quietly eat my ramen.

"That Yamanaka girl say something to you again?" she asks me.

"No, I don't think any of them even recognized me," I lie.

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right Sakura?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"So were those two guys you were telling me about there?" she asks me, changing the subject.

"Oh, no, not this again," I groan, eager to talk about something else.

"They were, weren't they? Which ones were they?"

I scowl, realizing she's going to annoy me about this forever if I don't tell her, "The tan blond guy and the pale guy with the black hair."

"Neji?!"

"No, the other one."

She thinks for a while and then an evil grin appears on her face, "Ooh, yeah, I remember. They were hot."

"Tenten!" I gasp, shocked, "You have a _boyfriend_!"

"So, I can still look, can't I?"

I let my head fall on the picnic table with a loud thump, "You're insane," I mumble into the wood.

"And proud of it!"

I groan again, "C'mon let's go back, I'm tired."

"Alright, alright, you workaholic."

I stick out my tongue at her and we both laugh.

Wednesday was a regular day. I went to school, took a few tests and sat in the library during my lunch and free period. I stopped one fight in the hallway and gave out three detentions. Uzumaki stole the school flag and pinned it on his bag for the entire day. Our principle, Sannin Tsunade, told the entire school, via intercom, that the school was collecting money for our theater group and that if we didn't give enough money she'd cancel some of our holidays. Our baseball team won for the first time in five years. Boring things. Regular things.

I took the subway back today, instead of the bus. The bus was cheaper but the subway was more comfortable. I'm walking the half mile back to the alley when I hear sirens. I think nothing of it because around here there are always sirens.

When I reach the alley Tenten isn't there. I tense remembering the last time she wasn't here. And then I remember the sirens. I run. I run faster than I ever ran in my life, in my mind praying to every deity I've ever heard of. I wheel around a corner and find the space before me crowded with police officers and surrounded by yellow tape. But I'm not looking at all that; the only thing I see is the body in the middle.

Tenten is lying on the ground, as if she's asleep, but her eyes are open and her chest isn't moving to show breathing. They lay a sheet over her, but I can see her bare shoulders and legs sticking out. Blood is staining the sheet and her expression is one of fear and pain. I stare at her for a while, not aware of the growing crowed of curious people around me. Her hair which she always kept in buns is down and is spread across on the ground like a dark shiny blanket. Her mouth is slightly open and I can see her shiny teeth, the only things she ever liked to keep clean. I stare at her.

And then I turn away. That's not Tenten, Tenten's in the alley. That sad girl on the ground isn't her. There's no way it's her. She's probably wondering where I am now, waiting for me. I run back to the alley, ignoring the voice in my head that tells me that Tenten's gone and that there's nothing I can do about it. The alley is empty except for her bag which is laying against the wall. And then it hits me.

Tenten's dead.

Dead.

Gone.

Never coming back.

Dead.

Dead.

DEAD.

I slide down the wall and my hands automatically reach out for her bag, as if holding it will bring her back. I clutch it as if it's the only thing in this world that's keeping me alive. I stare at the opposite wall. I don't know how long I sat there, maybe an hour or two judging by the position of the sun, but suddenly I realize that the police are going to take her away. They're going to take her away and bury her and then I'll never see her again. I want to see her, one last time before she disappears forever. I jump to my feet and then I'm running again, back from where I came, but by the time I get there she's gone.

The tape is still there, but no police or any people at all. There is an outline of tape on the ground where she lay. I slip under the yellow tape and sit down beside the outline. I touch it tentatively with my hands. I'm still clutching her bag and I bring it closer to my chest.

"Tenten…" I whisper, "Please, Tenten…please, don't…don't leave me alone…please…"

I'm not crying. I should be, but I'm not. I can't. The emotion I'm feeling right now can't be described with words or tears. I feel hollow and empty, but at the same time I feel like I'm being ripped in two. She's gone. Dead. My best friend. My only friend is dead. I'll never see her again as long as I live. And there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing in the world.

At six o'clock on Thursday the alarm on my battered watch rings and I'm still sitting there. I turn it off and I slowly stand up. I have to go to school now. I walk back to the alley where I left my books and amazingly they're still there. I put Tenten's bag in a crate along with all her other stuff and walk to the bus stop. I have to get to school extra early today because we have a student council meeting. On the way to school I realize I didn't do my homework last night, but I can't bring myself to care or try to finish it. I feel dead inside. Like when Tenten died she took my life with her. I still can't believe she's dead. That she's gone. And that she's never going to come back.

It hurts. It hurts so much. I bring my hand to the left side of my chest and feel the beat of my heart. Alive. Not dead like Tenten. Alive.

Suddenly I feel a horrible sensation in my gut. Guilt. It's my fault she's dead. If I had been there, I could've saved her. I should've been there. But I wasn't, I was at school. I was doing what I loved. Because of my selfishness she's dead and there's nothing I can do to remedy that. It should've been me, not her, anyone but her. I was the one who should've died.

I get off the bus and walk the rest of the way to school. The meeting goes smoothly and there is talk of organizing a school dance. All the class representatives are surprised when I don't veto their idea. I'm on autopilot now, I answer their questions without enthusiasm or emotion, just like I always do. I don't introduce any new topics and the meeting gets out half and hour before school starts.

I sit in the library, a book in my lap, but I'm not really reading it. I'm just sitting there. Not reading, not thinking, not doing. Just sitting. The bell rings and I walk to my homeroom.

When my teachers come around to collect homework, I shock the entire class when I tell him that I didn't do it. They ask me why and I tell them I was sick last night. They believe me. And give me an extra day. But I doubt I'll do it. I don't think I care anymore.

Normally something like this would make me feel happy, but I don't feel anything anymore. Someone could walk in with a gun and I doubt I would care.

I feel so dead inside.

During my lunch period I sit in the library, as usual. Hyuuga Neji is there too and the second I see his face everything comes back. The look on her face as she lay there, the blood, her hair. I have to dig my nails deep into my palms and bite my lip from sobbing. My eyes water and I wipe them off quickly.

He knew. I don't know how he found out, but the dead look on his face looks exactly how my face looked when I looked in the mirror. A few weeks ago, Tenten told me that she loved Neji. I denied it because I was scared. I told her that teenagers couldn't fall in love and that the emotion she was feeling was just lust, nothing more. That was the biggest fight we ever had. We made up, somehow, but the topic of love immediately became taboo after that. The horrible look on his face made me think that maybe…just maybe…he loved her too.

And then I knew immediately what I have to do. I owe it to both of them. I finished all my homework quickly that night and gathered Tenten's things. Her journal, all the things she collected over the years, her bag, everything she treasured. The only thing I kept was that old picture of her and me that we got taken at one of those cheap machines at the local mall. I put it all in her old bag.

When I saw Neji, it got me thinking. He was so sad and I knew that Tenten wouldn't want him to be sad. She wouldn't want me to be sad either. So I wouldn't be sad. I would be strong and finish high school and go to university and get a good job just like she would have wanted me to. Even if she wasn't here, as corny as it sounds, I would make our dream come true.

On Friday I brought the bag to school, wearing it backwards so people wouldn't see the name that she sewed on it. During Math I realized I didn't know how I was going to give it to him. I couldn't just tape it to his locker with a note. I defiantly couldn't give it to a teacher and tell them to give it to him. (Hey Sensei, could you give this bag to Hyuuga Neji? But don't open it whatever you do.) The teachers liked me, but not _that _much. The only choice I had left was to give it to him in person. Neji would probably deduct that if I knew Tenten and Tenten was homeless that I was probably homeless too. But I had to give him the bag and there was no other way. I would just have to hope that he wouldn't tell any one.

Uzumaki and Uchiha were talking about Hyuuga during English class. From what they said, I don't think Hyuuga told them what happened, but they had noticed that he was acting strangely. That he hadn't been eating much. He, Uzumaki, Uchiha, Nara, and Inuzuka are sitting around him trying to cheer him up. I don't know where the rest of his friends are. Yamanaka is also in the library sitting at another table, but she is throwing worried glances his way. I wonder if she likes him.

It's now or never. I brace myself and make my way over to their table. Once it becomes clear that I'm headed toward them they look at me warily and Inuzuka glares.

"Look, Haruno, you're the smartest kid in the school, you should be able to tell this isn't a good time, right?" Inuzuka says almost tiredly.

I feel like hitting him. But I restrain myself. I can't let my emotions get the better of me. I have to be strong.

I ignore him.

"Hyuuga-" I start, but Inuzuka interrupts me.

"Goddammit, Haruno! Will you just mind your own fucking business?!"

The entire library is starring at me and him. Even Hyuuga has looked up. I wonder why he hasn't recognized the bag yet. I pull of the bag and put it on the table, face up. He goes rigid, looking from the bag to me and then back again.

"She would have wanted you to have this," I say quietly so only the people at his table can hear.

"How did yo-"

I turn and walk toward the exit.

'Wait, Haruno!" I here him call, but I ignore him and leave the library all together. My eyes are watering badly and I rush to the nearest bathroom, which is luckily unoccupied.

I promised myself that I wouldn't cry. That I would be strong and not be sad, but I can't do it. I completely forget that at any second someone could walk in and I stand in front of the mirror sobbing softly, my face in my hands. I don't know how long I stood there, my sobs growing louder and louder, I heard the bell ring a couple of times, but I didn't care.

At some point I realize that I'm not only crying for Tenten. I'm crying for myself too. I'm crying because I will never see her again, but I'm also crying for other reasons. I'm crying because I am all alone now and because I'm scared and because I don't know what to do. I'm crying because now no one in the entire world would care if I dropped dead. I'm crying because my parents left me all alone in this cruel, cold world and because I have no one left.

Suddenly I hear voices outside the door and it opens. I automatically turn my head away from them and walk in a bathroom stall as if I just got here. I sit down on the toilet seat and sob silently, my upper body shaking back and forth. As I cry I hear their conversation.

"Ino-chan can you brush my hair? You're so good at it!"

There is a pause.

"Ino-chan what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Here give me your brush."

"Are you okay Ino-chan? You've been acting weird since like, 6th period."

"Yeah, I had to stay up late finishing a paper. I hate Mitarashi, she's such a bitch!"

I hear the other girls giggle.

"What, it's true!"  
They giggle again.

"Oh, Ino-chan, have you heard that that girl Hinata is going out with the class rep.?

"Kiba and Hinata? No, I didn't. When did this happen?"

"I think he asked her out on Monday. Don't you think they make a really good couple?"

"Ino-chan?"

"Oh, yeah, me too."

"What do you think is up with her cousin though, I heard he was really depressed and no one knows why."

"I don't know, Neji refuses to tell anyone."

"Hey, did you ask out Shino-kun yet?

"No way, he'd never agree!"

"You never know, if you don't try!"

"Why do you like him anyway, he's weird!"

"No he's not!"

"Alright, alright. C'mon let's not fight! Personally, I think you should ask him out."

"But, I'm sure he doesn't like me. Really. Hey, Ino-chan do you like anyone?"

"Nah, Ino-chan never likes anyone."

"You're so picky."

"No, I'm not! I just hadn't found the right person yet."

"…hadn't?"

"You like someone? Ooh, tell us!! Tell us!"

"Nah, it's a secret, besides I'm pretty sure they don't like me back so it doesn't matter.

"What about, 'you never know if you don't try', Ino-chan."

"Hey, don't use my own words against me, that's cheap!"

"Aww, c'mon tell us! It's not Sasuke-kun is it?"

"No, though it might as well be."

"Ino-chan! Please!"

"No. Look you guys go ahead of me, I need to go to the bathroom."

"We'll wait for you."

"No, you don't have to I'll only be a minute. Besides the bell is going to ring soon."

"Alright, see you tomorrow, Ino-chan."

"Bye!"

There is the sound of the door closing and then a minutes later a toilet flushing and I hear the door bang shut again. Sometime during their conversation I stopped sobbing and I'm now sitting completely still. The bell rings and it jolts me back to my senses. No matter how bad I was feeling I couldn't just sit here forever.

I slowly stand up and unlock the door. I feel so stupid now, crying over something that I couldn't change. Crying never helped me before, why did I expect it would help me now? I promised myself that I would be strong and not cry like Tenten would want me to, but I just couldn't. It hurt so much. I walk slowly to the mirror and turn on the sink keeping my head down even though I know there isn't anyone here to see my tearstained face. There never was.

"Haruno."

My eyes widen and I spin around to see Yamanaka leaning casually against the door. I feel myself redden in shame and then I clench the outsides of my pants pockets and glare at her.

"What do you want?"

She takes a step closer to me and as I try to move away I realize I can't because I'm up against the sink.

"You've been crying," she says, an odd expression on her face that I've never seen before. She takes another step.

I'm completely trapped now. Her back is to the door and I'm up against the sink. I clutch the fabric over my thighs harder.

"No, I haven't," my pride says, "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"Shouldn't you?" she counters, "You weren't in Biology today, which was three periods ago."

Shit, how long have I been in here? My teachers are going to kill me!

"Now why were you crying?"

She's close now, too close. I feel nervous and shift slightly.

"What business of it is yours?" I say viciously, "Why don't you just leave me alone?"

I move to leave, but I only get a few feet before she slams her hands against the wall above my shoulders trapping me again. I gulp and remember that she is the star of the Konoha girl's volleyball team while I am underweight and out of shape.

"Tell me."

I'm angry now, too angry to think properly, "Why don't just leave me the fuck alone!? What the fuck did I ever do to you, huh?" I yell, too sad and angry and confused to keep my voice down, "I never did anything to you! Just leave me…" I'm shocked to find that tears are running down my cheeks for the second time today. I cover my eyes with my hands and lean down attempting to save my broken pride."…alone…"

"Haruno…" she sounds unsure and maybe a little bit nervous.

"Just…leave…please…" I mange to gasp out through my silent sobs, cursing myself for how pitiful my voice sounds. My entire body is shaking now and I just want to curl up in a ball right here on the bathroom floor.

Suddenly I feel her one of her hands around my waist and the other curl around my neck. She pull me flush against her body and pushed my head gently into her shoulder. I'm too shocked to protest or do anything so I just stand there for a few seconds. Finally, I realize that she's hugging me and try to pull away but she won't let me.

"Yamanaka…please…don't do…let go, please!"

Human contact has never been my thing. Tenten tried to hug me once and it was very uncomfortable for me and she never tried again.

"You know it's okay to cry sometimes," she says softly in my ear, sending shivers down my entire body. She pulls me closer, something I thought was impossible and I find myself unable to protest. I feel cold suddenly and find myself gripping her back and pushing my face deeper into her shoulder to sob quietly. She flips through my dirty hair gently and rocks me back and forth soothingly.

I don't understand what's going on anymore. I'm confused and tired and everything hurts so much, all I know is that I don't ever want to let go and that for the first time in my life I feel warm and safe. I stand here wrapped up in her arms for what seems like forever and then slowly everything goes dim and I fall asleep.

**A/N: Yeah…I killed off Tenten. I'm sorry, but I had too. Umm…please don't hurt me.**

**The next chapter might take a while to come out because I have to go back to school. It's sad, I know. **

**On a good note, I'm amazed that this story is so popular! I got ten reviews already and only on the first chapter! Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed and thanks to my awesome beta, Sleeping Soundly. Please review if you have any questions! **


	4. The Aftermath

Chapter Four-

Before I even opened my eyes I knew something was wrong. I'm lying on something soft. It wasn't the bench I usually fell asleep on. I open my eyes and see ceiling tiles. Wait, _ceiling tiles_? The subway station doesn't have ceiling tiles. Where am I? I look to the right a little and see white see-through curtains, that are surrounding the bed that I am lying in. I think I am in the nurses' office, though I can't be sure because I've never been in here before. As if on cue a woman with short black hair walks in (1).

"Oh, you're up! Ino-san said you fell asleep in class and couldn't be woken up so she brought you here."

I blink. I fell asleep in class? I don't remember doing tha…oh. I flush as I remember what really happened.

"Are you feeling alright, Sakura-san?"

"Err…yeah…I'm fine. I think I just stayed up too late finishing homework."

"I see. Well you've been sleeping for three hours, I tired calling your parents, but they didn't pick up."

I sigh in relief that no one picked up the phone. That would have been hard to explain.

"Yeah, they might not be home from work yet. I'll just take the bus home."

"Are you sure you're feeling better?" she asks worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Er…thanks," I say awkwardly.

She smiles at me and I stand up and pick up my bag which is lying in the corner.

"Be sure to get enough sleep tonight!" she says as I leave. I nod in acknowledgement and walk slowly down the deserted hallway. It's 5:30 now and there's a bus at six so I have some time. I feel weird, like I'm empty. It's a strange feeling and rather refreshing considering how bad I felt before. I walk through that maze to my locker. I open my planner and find that I only have two assignments since I missed most of the day anyway. I'm kinda surprised that no one's here but then I remember that it's Friday and there are no clubs or sport's practice for some reason.

I have a whole weekend ahead of me. Without Tenten. I block out those thoughts. I've already sobbed my eyes out once.

I change my shoes and then pause, wondering what I should do for the next 20 minutes. The bus stop is very close to the school. I suppose I could start on homework, but then what would I do during the weekend? I sigh and lean against the lockers and slide to the floor.

I suppose I'm confused about what Yamanaka did, but I can't say that I was surprised. Does that make any sense? Now that I think about it nothing really ever surprises me. I mean, sure, I might say I'm surprised, but nothing ever seems to faze me anymore. I might be disgusted or angered or confused, but never shocked. Maybe, it's because I've seen so much of people in various mental status' that I find people can and will do anything they please and I got used to that.

I don't understand why Yamanaka wanted to know why I was crying. I don't understand why she hugged me and brought me to the nurses' office with a cover story. It just doesn't make any sense. I thought she hated me. I shake my head. I doubt I'll ever figure it out. But it doesn't matter. Hopefully, Yamanaka will just ignore me after this and everything will go back to normal.

Normal. Ha.

What do I know about being normal? Nothing really. Even if I had stayed in that foster home I still wouldn't have been normal. And even with my twisted sense of normality, everything can't go back to 'normal' because Tenten's dead. She's dead and now I'll have to start all over again.

I rest my head against my knees. What am I going to do? There's nothing left for me. Nothing at all. A few days ago I was so sure. I knew what I was going to do. When I was fourteen I thought it all up. I would graduate from high school and win that scholarship and would become a cryptologist. There was actually a high demand for that kind of job and I loved solving puzzles. I would buy a house for Tenten and I and we would be together forever.

Forever. Such a simple word that most people used at least ten times a week. But what did it mean? What exactly was 'forever?' I cut of that train of thought before I could embellish on it. It didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I was lost; uncertain. And nothing made sense any more. For the second time today tears trickle down my cheeks and this time there really isn't anyone around to see them

Days went by. I wasn't really sure how many. It was all a blur. I suppose one could say I was depressed, but depressed didn't really cover it. I was alone. I hardly felt anything anymore; not annoyance or pride or even sadness. I was empty. And it hurt. It hurt so much. I wake up, go to school, do homework, eat, do more homework, and then sleep. And then I start all over again. It seems so meaningless now. So utterly pointless. Sure, if I keep this up I'll go to college, get a job and a home. But somehow that doesn't seem to matter anymore. I've lost all sense of ambition and pride. I don't know what I want. Not anymore.

Oh gods, does it hurt.

I began to have nightmares. Ones where I would wake up covered in sweat, shaking and breathing harshly. I dreamt about her. How she looked as she laid there. Her face contorted in fear and pain. I found an article in the newspaper about her. It was a small column, less than five inches long. It said that an unidentified woman of about eighteen years of age had been raped and murdered. Her body had been dumped in an empty alley. The killer hadn't been found.

I bought a lighter and watched as the newspaper burned to ash.

I never really showed much emotion to begin with, but a few days after 'the incident' my teachers began to ask if there was anything wrong. I told them, politely of course, that I was fine but I don't think any of them believed me.

It's the weekend now and I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do. My teachers decided to be nice for once and decided not to give us a lot of homework, so I have nothing to do. If I were in any other financial situation I probably would have just gone to a local bar and gotten hammered, however, buying alcohol costs money, which is something I have to conserve. I guess I'll just have to be depressed _without _the alcohol. Oh, joy.

It's not that I like being depressed like some kids at my school, it's just that I am. I can't control it and let's face it: who wouldn't be depressed if their best friend had been raped and murdered? I'm not going to cut myself or anything and I sure as hell don't want to die, I'm just depressed.

…Okay, so maybe I _have_ had a few suicidal thoughts, but I wasn't planning on acting on them. Personally, I think it's stupid and rather pointless…like everything else in this world.

I go to the local library mostly. I can't take anything out or use the computers because of my lack of an address, so I sit in the comfy chairs in the teen section and read. I stay there for about three hours and then leave for the subway station. It's busy, even for a Sunday night, and everyone is trying to push towards the entrance to the station without trampling each other. A perfect place to steal someone's wallet and I take advantage of it. I take the subway back and then go out to eat at the cheapest place around. It begins to get dark and I make my way down to the subway station again which is still crowded with people. Usually I lock myself in the bathroom until it quiets down, however, before I even reach the subway I walk straight into someone.

"Sorry," I say unsympathetically, I move to sidestep the woman, the person was wearing a _very _short miniskirt after all, so it was _probably_ a woman. Or Uzumaki or Uchiha. Heh.

"Haruno?"

I look up into Yamanaka's surprised face and inwardly curse. Goddammit!! She's everywhere!

She looks over me critically, "Are you okay?"

I blink. What kind of question is that? I can't look _that _bad, can I?

"Fine. Now if you'll excuse me…"

She doesn't move and looks at me curiously. I hold back the urge to yell at her to leave.

"Yamanaka…" I say impatiently. She still doesn't move.

"Hey Haruno, you don't look so good."

Thanks a lot, but you've already told me that at least twice. Now will you leave me alone?

"Thanks," I say sarcastically, my impatience getting the better of me.

"You know if something's wrong you can tell me."

I stare at her. That was…random. But I'm sick of everyone patronizing me. First Tenten, then my teachers and now _her_.

"Whatever," I snarl and walk quickly past her and into the subway station.

As I ride the subway I think over my encounter and I find myself becoming even more angry (if possible) at Yamanaka. How dare she? She doesn't know a thing about me and suddenly she just decides to come up and _insult_ me, and then she tries to _help _me. Yeah, right and I'm a millionaire.

I don't understand her at all. Did her friends dare her to befriend me or was this her idea of a joke. Because it's not funny! Not one fucking bit!! I'm practically steaming with anger as I get off the subway station. I walk into the bathroom, lock the door and then my fist goes through the mirror. The shards dig into my hand but I pay them no heed. I draw my fist back and punch the mirror again, leaving a trickle of blood.

"Why-" my fist collides with the broken mirror again, "Why, Goddammit?! Stupid! Fucking! Why-" And again, "What the fuck did I ever do?!" I yell, "What did I ever do to deserve this?!" Blood is seeping down the wall and into the sink. For some reason I don't feel the pain, "It's not fair! It's not…"

Angry tears are now coursing down my cheeks and I wipe them away with my uninjured hand. I rest my forehead on the sink and slam my hand into the mirror again. I don't know how long I stand there; punching the mirror, completely oblivious to everything around me.

When I open my eyes again I feel a horrible stinging in my hand. I stare at it for a while in morbid curiosity; almost all the skin has been tore off and I see bright red flesh peeking through. My other hand grasps for the sink and I turn the water on and stick my hand under it. I immediately recoil and adjust the temperature. After all the blood has been washed away, I inspect it carefully. Amazingly, I don't see any glass splinters in my hand. I put my numb hand down and stare into the blood-stained broken mirror. I see an angry little girl. Tears are streaked down her cheeks, but there is no emotion in her eyes. She looks dead. She is too skinny, too tall, too weak. I sink to my knees. I am that angry little girl. I am that pitiful creature in the mirror. I am that selfish, trapped, egocentric child. But I don't want to be. I want to be free. I want to be loved. I don't want to be alone. But I'm not free, I'm not loved, and I am alone. And I hate it. I hate it because it hurts me, no matter how much I try to deny it, or hide it. The horrible feeling is eating me alive, it has been eating me alive ever since she died. And left me alone again.

A laugh erupts from my throat. How sad I am. How incredibly sad. A sad, stupid child. I stare at my hand again. I wonder if it will scar. I pull myself over to the toilet paper and wrap some around my bleeding hand.

I titter again. My laugher gets louder and I grab the toilet seat to steady myself.

Here I am, lying in a subway bathroom, clutching toilet paper around my hand that I maimed by punching a mirror countless times. Gigantic tears are rolling down my face and predictably my laughter turns into sobs. Great, heart-wrenching sobs. I lie my head in my arms and sob myself to sleep.

How sad Haruno Sakura is. How incredibly sad.

I open my eyes. I am lying in a white room. I sit up and remember. Yamanaka, the subway, the bathroom, the mirror, and my tears. I look at my watch. It reads 9:30pm. But that can't be right. It's morning I am sure of it. Then I notice something odd. My watch is red. Stained red. With blood. My blood. I blink. It's broken. My blood has leaked into the watch and broken it. I look down my arm and see the once white toilet paper. I gingerly pull off the paper and examine my hand. I have to go to the store and buy a proper bandage and by some alcohol to disinfect it otherwise the consequences are unthinkable. I pull myself to my feet and wrap another piece of paper around my hand. I look into the broken mirror. The blood had dried to a rusty color. I open the door and look at the time on the clock. 10:30am. Wait, isn't today…a school…day. I freeze in the doorway. SHIT!

I quickly blend into the crowd. I walk up the subway stairs and find a convenience store. The cashier stares at my bleeding hand, but makes no comment. I ask to use the bathroom and he lets me. I pour the bottle of alcohol over my hand and hope that it's not too late. I wash my hand again and carefully wrap the bandage around it. I thank the confused cashier and walk to the bus stop and take the bus to school. I'll be really late, but I can always blame it on public transportation. By the time I make it to school it's eleven. I wouldn't bother coming in at all if it weren't for the fact that if I don't show up I'll have to come in for detention on Saturday. I go to the office where a man with a toothpick in his mouth (2) gives me a pass without even listening to my excuse. What a weird school.

I walk in late to Mitarashi Anko's biology class, I give her the pass and walk over to my seat, aware that everyone is staring at me and my hand. And of course, Yamanaka's in that class. Someone up there hates me. _Really_ hates me. We're studying the Krebs Cycle (3) and about halfway through the class, my previously numb hand starts to throb. I bite the inside of my lip and bear it. In the middle of Literature I get a note from my homeroom teacher (Hatake) which says to meet him after school because I wasn't here for my initial meeting during my free period.

After school is over, I pack up my books and take my time walking over to his office in the East Wing; he'll be late anyway. By this time, I've sorta gotten used to the pain but I wish I could take a painkiller of some sort. In the beginning he asks me all the usual questions, (Do you have a boyfriend yet? When was the last time you got laid? Do you use protection? etc.,)

I tell him for the millionth time this year that I don't have a boyfriend, I'm a virgin (and proud of it!)…need I say more? Personally, I doubt I'll ever get a boyfriend or get married. In my opinion people are disgusting. They are the most vile and dirty creatures on earth and I can't imagine wanting to fuck one, much less touch one, a thing that Tenten never understood. I've never been interested in boys and I doubt I ever will be. Hatake doesn't seem to understand that. Sex-obsessed maniac.

Then he starts to ask me more serious questions like what my relationship with my parents is. I decided to be the normal teen and complain about my mother and father not understanding me. For some reason Hatake didn't look convinced. When he asked what I did to my hand I told him I was carrying something glass and I tripped and fell. For some reason he looked like he didn't believe me on that either. Is he psychic or something? Finally he's done with his questioning (interrogation!) and lets me go. I'm walking right outside the school when I see them.

They're a bunch of the 'cool kids' who couldn't graduate last year because they failed. The entire school knows they're drug dealers, but there's no proof. What I see now shows me that they are not only drug dealers, but addicts themselves.

I watch impassively as one of them with strange silver-colored hair, Yakushi, I think, pulls up his sleeve and injects morphine into his vein. It's also rumored that they're part of some Yakuza group. Either way, they're on school property and even though it's not during school I have to stop them. For their own good as well as the rest of the schools'. They don't even notice me walking up because they're so high. Usually I wouldn't bother them, but I'm in a bad mood and if Hatake comes this way he'll know that I didn't do anything.

"Excuse me," I say quietly, "You're going to have to turn that over to me."

I don't think Yakushi even hears me, but his friends do.

"What the fuck, bitch?!" one of them wearing an odd looking spider web insignia on his shirt says loudly, "You want some?"

"No. You need to give those to me," I point to the needles that Yakushi is holding, "And anything else you're holding. They're not allowed on school grounds and I'm going have to report you."

They all laugh. Loudly. I grit my teeth in anger.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" asks a girl with magenta colored hair, "You think we're just going to give them to you?"

"Yes. And hurry, I have to catch a train."

They all stare at me. Yakushi mumbles something.

"What you say, Kabuto?"

"Tell her to go away," he says .

All his friends snicker, "Back off, bitch. Otherwise you're going get trouble."

I raise my eyebrows, "Oh really. You're the ones who are going to get in trouble. In fact, by not cooperating with me you're making it worse."

"In fact, by not cooperating with me you're making it worse," mocks a boy whom I'm sure is wearing pink makeup, "Geez, what a stuck-up little fucker, huh?"

"You're annoying us, Haruno," says the last of the four, but certainly not the least if you get what I mean, "Get out of here before we pound you."

My hand chooses this opportune moment to throb painfully and I don't have enough time to duck the punch. He hits me right in the jaw and I slam into the fence. This is not good. Why did I think it was a good idea to try and take drugs from a bunch of addicts?

I'm cornered now and it's not like on the streets where there's people everywhere. It's an hour after school ended and there's no one around. The boy in the makeup kicks me hard in the stomach before I have enough time to get up and I cry out in pain. The fat kid lunges at me again, but this time I roll out of the way and kick him right in the face. I stand up quickly and dodge another hit by the kid in the makeup. Being thin has it's advantages and I use them to their fullest extent. Suddenly, a fist collides with my nose and I yell out and fall to the ground.

"You little _BITCH_!!"

I struggled to get up and nearly succeed before I'm kicked again and my back hits the wall. I'm aware that my nose and jaw are bleeding profusely. I crouched against a wall and four large figures are looming above me. I inwardly curse. Shit, this is going to hurt.

"What should we do with her, Tayuya?"

"I say we beat the shit out of her and dump her in an alley."

"Who asked you, fatty!"

While they're arguing I spring up. They guy in the makeup grabs the wrist of my uninjured hand, I struggle weakly, but to no avail.

"Heh, maybe we should break your _other _hand," says the girl.

"Not a bad idea…" he trails off and I brace myself.

Suddenly I hear voices.

"…power…youth! When…understand…rival Kakashi?"

"…not…Gai…go home."

The voices get louder. The four (I doubt Yakushi even knows what's going on) freeze.

"Damn," mutters the kid with the spider, "You got off easy this time, Haruno. Don't mess with us again."

My wrist is released and they leave quickly, dragging Yakushi with them. I pull myself around the corner and wait until Maito and Hatake walk by; Maito yelling about 'the power of youth' all the way.

I drag my tired body back into the thankfully unlocked school. I can't take the subway looking like this. My nose and jaw are bleeding and I use the bandage on my hand to stifle the blood; I can't afford to get any on my clothes. My wrist is still throbbing and I'm definitely going to have bruises on my back and stomach. I wince as I enter the bathroom and look in the mirror. Great. The combination of my hand and then this is going to make everyone think I'm being _abused_ or something. I sigh and wash my face off with lukewarm water and soap. I don't think anything is broken which is very lucky, but it'll definitely bruise. Lovely.

I stand up too quickly and I feel dizzy. Fuck, maybe I should stay here for a while. Well, at least until the room stops spinning. I lean against the sink and sigh again. There's no way I'm going to let them get away with this. I'll write out detention slips tomorrow as soon as I figure out who they were. One was Yakushi…er, Kabudo, or something like that. The girl…I think they called her 'Tayuya' or something like that and I don't know anything about the others. My injured face twists into a smirk. I'll take pleasure in getting them thrown out and arrested. Revenge will be mine!

Suddenly, my smirk disappears and I suddenly have a not-so-happy thought. I think back to the article. "The police have not yet discovered the murderer and have no leads," it said. I stare sadly and then angrily at the bathroom door. The bastard who murdered her hasn't been caught. He's still out there, free. My fingernails dig into my palms.

"_You had better pray that we never meet," _I think, _"Because if we do, the police won't even be able to find the pieces!"_

Blood trickles down both hands. And then the tears.

How sad Haruno Sakura is. How incredibly sad.

(1) Shizune.

(2) Genma.

(3) The Krebs Cycle is evil. I got a 16/45 on that test.

**A/N: O.O…wow. This is really angsty. I might have to change the genre to Romance/Angst. Anyway, I won't be updating for a long time because of Exams. For those of you who haven't taken them: Exams are evil. Beware. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and thanks to my awesome beta Sleeping Soundly. Please review! **


	5. High School Retreat

Chapter Five-

No one asks about my injuries. My scowling scares all the teachers off and I doubt any of my classmates would even care if I came in with no arm or something. I'm not exactly sure if this is a bad thing or not, but I eventually resolve not to think about it. Like I do with most things. If it doesn't matter, don't think about it. I'm resolved, however, not to get so much as a paper cut the rest of this entire year or people will probably think my parent's are abusive. I have more important things to worry about, anyway. The year is almost over, there's a little over a month left, and while the teachers haven't been giving us much homework, all the third years are studying for college entrance exams (I'm _so_ glad I've already taken mine!) One girl in my class actually had a mental breakdown because of all the stress. I spend most of my time doing homework. It's almost getting too much, even for me. On a good note, however, I found out the names of those druggies and let's just say they won't be coming to Konoha High School as students anymore. Also, neither Hyuuga nor Yamanaka have talked to me lately, which can only be a good thing. I really hope Hyuuga doesn't figure out/tell anyone that I'm homeless. That would not be good.

I'm walking back from the bus stop now and stop by my P.O. box at the post office. I have a letter from the school. I throw away all the other advertisements and open it. Could it be my scholarship? Does it come this soon? I open it with trembling hands and pull out a brightly colored paper. I sigh. Damn, it's not my scholarship. I open the paper, take a quick look, and then proceed to drop it.

Shitfuckgoddammitstupidfuckinghighschool

It's a notice for a high school retreat up north for 3rd years (1). Mandatory. Fuck. Oh great. Just what I need. Spending more time with my classmates. Exactly what I've always wanted. I pick up the paper and look over it again.

Apparently, it's a week long trip that will be spent it the Northern woods of Honshuu. All of us will be in cabins with a roommate It will have outdoor activities and will help us 'bond' with our year mates. Ughh. Kill me now. It's from February 15th to February 21st. I blink. What the hell! That's five days from now! Who the hell decided to do this retarded field trip? You'd think as president of the student council they'd tell me in advance. I'm seventeen fucking years old. Field trips are for 1st years! I growl and sign the paper with my 'mother's' signature. I stuff it in my bag and walk back to the alley.

Well, at least no one here will miss me.

The next day during school everyone is talking about the field trip. Why are they so fucking excited? It's a goddamn field trip. I blink. Wait…how are they all paying for this? They didn't say we had to pay anything. I shrug, oh well, maybe the government pays for it or something.

I inwardly groan and rest my head on the library table. I hate cramps. They suck. It'd be so much easier if I were a boy; no period, no discrimination, less likelihood of getting raped, no getting berated when you don't spend three fucking hours getting 'ready' for school, no…the list goes on and on. The bell rings and I stand up grumbling to myself and get ready for third period: Maito's Gym class. I change quickly in a bathroom stall and listen to all the other girls screaming and laughing about makeup and boys. Isn't there anything else to life? Of course not. There couldn't _possibly _be anything else. But then again, most of them will marry and spend the rest of their lives doing housework and taking care of children, anyway. That's the typical Japanese woman for you.(2) I could never stand that. Having some _boy_ having power over me. Disgusting. I can't understand why anyone would want that. I pull on my sweatpants and thin long-sleeved shirt that is my gym uniform. I really am lucky that Maito doesn't make us wear our gym uniforms. Those things are so revealing! It would be really embarrassing if everyone saw how skinny I really am. Not to mention the fact that they would make fun of me because I don't shave my legs. Not that I care, it's just that I'd rather not be the center of attention. However Maito's leniency is a double-edged sword. All the _other _girls run around wearing practically nothing. They wear stuff that looks like underwear to me! It's so goddamn distracting! And we're playing volleyball today. Again. I sigh and open the bathroom stall, noting that all conversation stops when I walk by. Do I feel loved or what?

_--_

The next few days pass too quickly for my liking. I stuff all my books in my locker, squashing my shoes in the process, and put all my other stuff in my backpack. I'm really glad I didn't have to buy anything extra for this trip. I have better things to waste my money on. The buses come and picks us up. And we drive. And drive. And drive some more. After five hours I have a horrible headache from all the retards that have been screaming the entire trip. Uggh…I don't think I'll be alive by the time the week is over. After twelve hours of constant yelling…okay, I exaggerate a little, I finally drift off to sleep.

When I wake up the next morning (surprise, surprise) we are still driving. I officially hate buses. Why do they have to be so goddamn bumpy? And of course everyone refuses to take of their jackets so the windows are open and it's freezing and loud. Why the hell didn't I just pretend to be sick? I pull my knees into my chest and stare miserably out the window. There's another reason I hate cars and buses. It always reminds me of when my foster parents got sick of me and drove me back to the agency. I couldn't count the times I've been driven back there. I lean my head against the window, but immediately recoil because of the unpleasant sensation it causes. Stupid buses.

After many hours of being stuck in a bouncing vehicle with eighty hyper seventeen and eighteen year olds, my headache has not gotten any better in the least. In fact, it's gotten worse. It's about noon when we all pile off the buses and I see a picturesque forest dotted with cabins. Lovely. Now where are the beds?

I haven't slept on a real bed since I was nine years old and have been looking forward to sleeping in one after that bus ride. We're given our cabin assignments; I hear my name and then block everything else out. Cabin 56. Okay. That's nice. Now where the hell is it? I grab a map and scan it quickly. I want to go to sleep, Dammit! I walk past a bunch of other cabins and find the large golden number 56. I could have kissed it, except for the fact that I'm just about to topple over right now. I unlock the door, drop my stuff on the floor, and look around. There is no bathroom or shower. Shit. That means they'll be communal ones, unless they want us to bathe in a lake. And since it's below freezing here I sincerely doubt that. There are two closets, two desks and two beds. I drop onto the nearest bed and fall asleep immediately. If I had been less tired I probably would have wondered who my roommate was.

It's dark when I wake up and I hear someone shuffling around. My first thought is to go for my pocket knife in my back pocket, but then I remember that I'm not in the subway station, but on a school field trip. I relax slightly and lift my head up to see who my roommate is. If it's Yamanaka I'm going to kill someone. Preferably her. I inwardly sigh in relief as I see the person's long black hair. Finally I'm getting some luck. I sit up and look at my (new) watch. It reads 7:00. Well, at least I haven't missed dinner completely. I stand up and Hyuuga starts.

"Oh, Haruno-san, I didn't see you…uh…were awake."

She's hiding something behind her back and is blushing slightly. Though then again, that might be because the heating system in here is on full blast and she's wearing a sweatshirt. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't think I've seen her in anything else _but _a sweatshirt. Weird.

I grumble noncommittally and walk outside pulling my cheap jacket around me as the wind blows. Of all the places in Japan we had to go to they pick the coldest one. Stupid fucking administration. I pull the crumpled map out of my pocket and find the Dining Hall. Which is, of course, the farthest away from where I'm standing. Cursing anything and everything that comes to mind I make my way to the Dining Hall. I grab the largest bowl of udon there is, eat the entire thing, and then get another one. Udon is a gift from the gods. Well, at least for now. At the table I'm sitting at there are a stack of fliers with the Konoha High School insignia on it and I pick one up and look over it. The schedule for the week. And just when I was thinking that this wouldn't be so bad. It appears I'm in a group with a bunch of other people and I was supposed to do rock climbing, journaling, and 'group time' today. Oh dear, what a shame I was asleep. Whatever shall I do?

I scan the schedule in disgust. Half these 'activities' even junior high kids are too old for. Who the hell planned this trip anyway? I finish my udon, walk back to the cabin and fall asleep in my soft bed. Another gift from the gods.

_--_

"…runo-san! Haruno-san, it's time to get up!"

I grumble and turn over trying to block out the noise with my pillow. Wait…pillow? I sit up to see Hyuuga's pale face.

"Wha…?" I mumble.

"Haruno-san, we're all supposed to meet for breakfast at 6:30! We've got to go!"

I grab my tattered jeans from off the floor shove them on clumsily, grab my coat, and walk out of the cabin, Hyuuga trailing behind me. I curse the administration for making us go on this stupid field trip; if Hyuuga tells _anyone_ that I don't only wear male outer clothing, I'll kill her…or at least make life hard for her. Boxers are way cheaper, sue me. We go our separate ways when we reach the Dining Hall, she to her friends and me to the unoccupied table in the back. I drop my coat there and then wait in line for breakfast. I notice a bunch of kids staring at where I dropped my coat. I inwardly snigger; they're probably trying to memorize the spot so they'll never make the mistake of sitting there. Farthest table from the front: Property of Haruno Sakura. Or in other words, you sit there, you become associated with me…which is bad. Hooray for high schooler's twisted sense of logic and social values. Once we've all finished eating, a man with a strange looking scar on his face (3) stands up and starts talking about what we're going to do on this trip, it's goal, and all that shit. I zone out about halfway through and next thing I know my group (Group F) is going hiking. Apparently, it's a healthy way to start the morning. Bullshit. Crazy sadistic teachers are trying to kill me. We fill up our water bottles and start on our way up. 'Have fun!' says Maito. Oh yeah, I'm sure I will.

_--_

Right now, I'm really regretting wearing baggy pants. They've gotten caught like twenty times and I've only been walking for an hour. I shudder and clutch my jacket tightly. Whoever made this thing seriously didn't know what they were doing. I swear I just get colder from wearing it. My worn shoe gets caught on a rock and I fall. My hands are caught on my jacket and I close my eyes and brace myself. Fuck, this is going to hurt. However, before I hit the ground someone grabs me and pull me upright. I color in embarrassment and untangle my hands from my jacket.

"Are you okay?" Hyuuga, the male one, asks me. I tense remembering the last time he talked to me.

"I'm fine, thanks," I say coldly, trying to end the conversation.

He looks at my feet with raised eyebrows, "You're going to need new shoes."

I look down. Fuck! My right shoe has a huge hole in it. Dammit, these were expensive!

"Though then again, you were probably going to get new ones anyway, they were pretty beat up before you ripped them."

I know what he's trying to do. He's trying to find out if, like Tenten, I'm homeless or not. I clench my jaw in anger. How _dare _he? It's none of his business.

"Yeah, I was thinking of getting new ones," I say casually, looking down at my feet, "Now, if you'll excuse me…" I walk past him quickly, trying to catch up with the others. Hopefully, he'll get the picture and just leave me alone from now on. I close my eye in irritation as my pants catch on yet another rock. If I these rip too, I'll be in big trouble. I only have two pairs after all. Fucking rocks.

By the time we get back to the Cabin Area it's 1:00 and I'm starving. All that climbing made me hungry and I'm looking forward to lunch. We all pile into the Dining Hall shivering from the cold and the cook serves us hot Miso soup. I have about three bowls and then we have 'group time.' Yes, it's as retarded as it sounds. Basically, we just waste a half and hour talking about or hobbies, likes, dislikes…etc., like junior high all over again. After that we get a hour and a half break and then we meet again for rock climbing. Wonderful, _more _rocks. Whoever made this schedule really hates me. I'll bet anything it was my counselor. I spend most of my break in the showers because no one else is there. It's nice, being able to shower alone for once. As I'm drying off and getting dressed again, I realize one of the high windows is open and is letting in cold air. I move to close it when I hear Inuzuka's loud voice. He seems to be annoyed.

"We are so switching, Uchiha! I'm not sleeping in a room with Naruto. He kept complaining about not seeing you last night!"

I raise my eyebrows. Okay…

"I don't think that's a good idea, Kiba." Came Uzumaki's unmistakable voice, "I don't think the people who run this place will appreciate cleaning up the mess…and then there's the noise…"

…ugh…

"Ewwww! Gross! Naruto!"

"Ow, Sasuke, what the hell was that for?"

"…moron…"

"Oh, you know you-"

At this point I close the window quietly and lean my head against the wall. I did not need to hear that. I bang my head against the tiles. I'm not going to be able to look at them the same way, am I?

I grumble and pull on the rest of my clothes and return, once again, to the Dining Hall. From there we go to the rock climbing wall where…Yamanaka is helping out? Maito, who is in charge of the wall, explains briefly that Yamanaka used to do a lot of rock climbing around the country so she's helping out. She had better not come over here. He instructs us on how to put on the harnesses, but, of course, mine is the old one that is all tangled up. I inwardly growl and attempt to untangle it. This is all the rock's fault. I don't know how, but it is. Rocks are officially evil.

"Need help?" Without waiting for an answer, Yamanaka comes up from behind me, puts her arms under mine and on either side of my waist. She grabs the harness and begins to untangle it. She's holding me right up against her and I can feel her…uh…chest against my back. I freeze and feel a flush traveling down my neck.

"It's not really that hard," she whispers into my ear, causing me to shiver "You just got to _play _around with it for a while."

"Wha…What are you doing?" I stammer, trying to keep my cool. What the hell _is_ she doing? A strange thought comes to mind, but I quickly dispel it from my brain. Yeah, right. Like she would want to…

She gently removes my hands from the harness and continues to untangle it. For some reason I can't think straight. I swallow and try to rationalize what's going on. Okay, Yamanaka Ino is…uh…helping me untangle this harness thing…yeah right. What's her ulterior motive? Is she trying to make a fool out of me? I look around, but no one's even looking over here. So…what the hell is she trying to do?

"Here it's almost untangled, you can get the rest."

She doesn't let me go, but instead picks up both of my frozen hands and places them on the harness. I swallow again as she lightly brushes the underside of my arms with her fingertips and then places her hands on my hips. My eyes bug out as she does this and I find my voice.

"Look, Y-Yamanaka what are you-" I inhale sharply as she begins to rub circles with her thumbs, through my shirt, just above the waistband of my pants, "…doing?!" I gasp out.

"Just untangle the harness, _Sakura_," she says, making me gulp. I quickly untangle the rest and she lets go of me, "See that wasn't that hard. If you need anything else, just come for me…oh, I mean _to_ me." And with that she walks of leaving me completely red to stare at her back.

"Haruno, what are you doing?" Maito says cheerfully, "For the sake of Youth, we must hurry before it is too late!"

"…Er…sorry," I mutter and pull on the harness, hating how it bunches up my pants and reveals the shape of my legs and lower back. Stupid fucking rocks.

After dinner I go to bed early, but I can't seem to fall asleep. I keep hearing her voice in my head. How she whispered in my ear. How she said my name. Stupid stuff like that. I roll over in my nice soft bed and bury my head in my pillow.

"_It's not really that hard. You just got to __**play**__ around with it for a while." _

"_Just untangle the harness, Sakura. See that wasn't that hard." _

"_If you need anything else, just come for me…oh, I mean __**to**__ me."_

"_Just untangle the harness, Sakura."_

"…_Sakura."_

_Sakura_

_SAKURA_

I shiver and roll up into a ball. It scares me how she said my name. Even thinking about it makes me shiver and it makes me feel weird and kind of nice. I remember the feeling of her mouth next to my head, blowing in my ear softly with each breath. I shiver again and turn over. I doubt I'm going to get much sleep tonight.

The next morning I got up when my watch alarm rang at 5:30 and went and took a shower. I put on my other pair of pants and duct tapped the hole in my shoe shut. Hopefully Yamanaka will just stay at the rock climbing wall the entire week and I will only have to see her at meals. Or even better, not at all. After taking a shower, I am the first one at breakfast and then I go back to my room. I lean against the headboard of the bed and then turn up the heat. Hyuuga keeps turning it down. Bitch.

I wish I brought something to read. Even a school book would be welcome. But, no, I had to leave them all at school. I take a look at my watch and realize that it's 7:00. I groan, pull on my jacket and go back to the Dining Hall. Our 'school meeting' has already started and I stand at the back as they yell out the names of the groups and the places they will be going to. I'm going on a scavenger hunt today. How old do they think we are, five? Everyone else leaves except for my group and the rules of the hunt is explained by a guy in sunglasses (4). I like free food, beds and showers, but besides that this place sucks.

_--_

After that sad excuse for a scavenger hunt we had lunch and then we went down to the lake and studied the water. How useful. I'm sure all of us at some point in our life will use this vital knowledge. Right. Then one of the workers took out a bunch of ancient Japanese instruments and explained the history of them. That was kinda interesting. Kinda. We all ate dinner and then I went to sleep almost instantly.

I wake up at 1:00. I'm not exactly sure why, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I feel really sticky (not like that you perverts!). I groan as I realize that I must have sweated a lot from running around all day and now I'm sleeping in it. I plan to just get over it until I realize that I can just go take a shower. I get up silently and don't turn on the light, in case Hyuuga wakes up and grab my soap and shampoo. I shudder as I walk outside and see the trees blowing with the cold wind. It's kind of creepy and I remember that I haven't slept outside since the day that Tenten…I shake my head to rid myself of those thoughts. I find myself doing that a lot lately. Just not thinking about her at all. It hurts too much. But it kind of bothers me too. I can't even think about the good times, without thinking of her death. Tenten was a living, breathing person. Why can't I just think about her life instead of her death?

I reach the showers and am just about to undress when I get a strange feeling that someone's in there. It's like a sixth sense. I just can tell when someone's in a room. I pull off my shoes and tiptoe into the room. Hyuuga (female) is standing there. Damn. Why the hell did she have to pick now of all times to take a shower. I blink; why didn't I notice that she wasn't in our room? I move to leave when I notice two very odd things. The water isn't running and she's fully dressed. What the hell? I move a bit closer and then the bright red stains on the floor come into view. Both her arms are in front of her and it takes a few seconds for me to realize what she's doing. My eyes widen. No way. Hyuuga Hinata, the most innocent, shy, girl I've ever seen is a _cutter_? My throat feels dry and without thinking about it I clear it. She turns around in shock and I see thin cuts and scars crisscrossing the width of her right forearm. In her other hand is a cheap pocket knife which is dripping with blood. I swallow and we stare at each other for a few seconds. I come back to my senses as more blood drips down her wrists and soils the tile floor. I feel slightly sick. The blood doesn't disgust me. I've seen a lot of blood in my life and more than one dead person. What disgusts and shocks me is the fact that _Hyuuga_ is doing this to herself and by the scars on her wrists she's been doing it for a while.

"Why?" I whisper softly, trying not to scare her.

She's terrified and backs up a little. I don't understand this and I suddenly I feel angry. I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and say: You have a home! You have parents and people who care about you. You're pretty and have a boyfriend. You have everything a normal girl could want. Why the hell are you doing this to yourself?! But as I see her terrified face I think, that maybe there's more to Hyuuga Hinata that I suspected.

"I-" she starts, but seems to not be able to continue. She avoids my eyes and bows her head in shame, "P-Please don't tell anyone!" she gasps out and I detect an element of a sob in her voice.

I suddenly feel a strange amount of compassion for her. I could imagine myself in the same place; someone finding out _my_ secret. I walk towards her quickly and before she realizes what I'm doing, I grab her left arm and drag her out of the showers.

"H-Haruno-san!" she gasps, "No! Please, don't-"

I ignore her pleas, stick my feet into my shoes haphazardly, and drag her back to our room. After unlocking the door I drag her inside and push her onto the bed.

"Sit," I say. I grab my backpack and pull out my First Aid Kit. I must say, I didn't think I would need it, but I'm glad I brought it along. I pull out some bandages and alcohol and disinfect and bind her forearm. As I do this I feel her confused stare. After I finish and pull up a chair and sit right in front of her.

"Now, what's this all about?"

(1) In Japan, high hchool is only three years: 10th, 11th and 12th grade.

(2) Again, I apologize for Sakura. Although, this comment does have some truth in it. In Japan, it is quite unusual for a Japanese woman to work after she marries, however it is becoming more popular.

(3) Raidou.

(4) Ebisu.

**A/N: Yay! The fifth installment is done! Before anyone asks, there will be no Sakura/Hinata is this fic, their relationship is/will be purely platonic. And yes, I realize Sakura is a bit oblivious to Ino's…uh…yeah. And about the whole thing with Ino, Sakura, and the harness (thinks perverted thoughts)…I really have no idea where that came from.**

**Also, a few issues from the last chapter. I realized, after re-reading it, that I was rather harsh toward people with drug addictions, again, I didn't mean to offend anyone. One of my cousins has a drug addiction which has caused/is causing a lot of problems for his family, just so you know where I'm coming from. **

**I also wanted to apologize for my representation of Hinata as a 'cutter' for lack of a better term. I've met a few people who have had problems with this sort of thing before, but we've never really discussed the issue in detail so forgive me and feel free to comment as I have no idea what I'm talking about. **

**Reviews are always welcome…meaning review…preferably now. **


	6. Lesbians and Drunks

Chapter Six-

I lean back in my chair, my gaze not leaving her face. She fists the hem of her sweatshirt and looks away.

"I-" she stops, unable to continue.

Crap, I think I'm scaring her. I'm not good at this stuff. Tenten was never that emotional, so I have no experience in this sort of stuff. I think about putting my hand on her shoulder, but decide against it. That'll probably scare her more.

"Look," I say, "If you don't tell me why you're doing this, I can't help you." That sounds okay, right?

"I-I don't need your help!" she says suddenly, though the effect would have been more powerful if she hadn't stuttered.

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say. And what does she mean, she doesn't need help? She's been cutting herself, for God's sake! And Hyuuga isn't the kind of person who'd do it just for kicks or for attention.

"Really?" I say, raising my eyebrows at her. The angry look in her eyes disappears and looks away from me again in…shame?

"I-" she says for the second time, "Just please…d-don't tell anyone! I-I don't want anyone to found out, because, th-then…they'll hate me! Kiba-kun and Neji-ni-san will… " she trails off.

I frown in confusion, why would her friends hate her? I don't cutting is _that_ looked down upon.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," I say softly, though I feel slightly annoyed at her for changing the subject, "However, if you don't tell me why and don't let me help you, I will have to tell someone." (1)

She stares at me with wide eyes that suddenly fill with tears. Shit! Gods, I'm not good at being nice!

"Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…uh…" Hyuuga bring her hand up to her eyes and I panic, "C'mon don't cry…what I meant to say was that…uh…" Fuck, I _suck_ at this, don't I?

Thankfully, Hyuuga doesn't start sobbing and just rubs her eyes.

"W-why do you care?" she asks softly.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and glance at my watch. Goddammit, it's one-thirty in the morning. Can't we get this over with? I really don't like the position I'm in right now. I'm tired and sticky and just wanted to take a shower. Curse my bad timing! (2)

"It's my job," I say dryly.

"Oh," Her voice sounds very emotionless, contrasting greatly to her previous manner.

I blink. Was it something I said? I shake the feeling away, I have a job to do.

"How long have you been…doing this?"

Her eyes stay focused on her lap as she answers, "T-two years, I think."

Holy shit, two years and no one's found out about it? Well, I guess it explains the sweatshirt obsession.

"Why?" I ask again, making sure to keep my voice soft.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, " M-My father -" she starts

I freeze. Suddenly, I remember Tenten waking up screaming from nightmares about her abusive mother. Hyuuga's father wouldn't abuse her though, right? I mean, he's the owners of one of the largest car company in the entire fucking country! But then again, that kind of job would be very stressful…

"Does he hit you?" I say, not even bothering to disguise the anger in my voice.

Startled, Hyuuga looks up at me confusedly. She shakes her head slowly and I let out a sigh of relief. If he did, I'd fucking kill him. I don't care if he's the owner of a gazillion yen company or whatever.

"Do yours?"

I blink in confusion. Where would she get that idea?

"S-Sorry! You just s-seemed so angry when you said th-that, so I thought…"

Wait, why is she apologizing to me?

"No, they don't," I say, "But I used to know someone whose mother…" I stop, What am I saying?

"Never mind," I grit my teeth, trying not to think of Tenten, "You were saying…?"

Hyuuga looks down again, "It's stupid," she mutters.

"Hyuuga…"

"He- he just-doesn't seem to care!" she says quickly and more loudly than necessary, "I mean…about me. He just ignores me sometimes, no, not sometimes, all the time, and I just got so sick of it…I couldn't stand it… and so I'd heard about cutting before and after I did…I just finally felt that I could do something about it…t-that I wasn't completely helpless and that somehow I could control what was happening to me…not just get pushed around!" she's crying again, and I have no idea what to do. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but she isn't done yet, "With him it's always my younger sister and sometimes I wonder if he'd even care if he knew what I do to myself! He's just so obsessed with his-his _stupid _company and that's all he cares about. When Okaa-san left ten years ago I didn't know why, but now I know and I just wish…I wish t-that she took me with her," she swallows and wraps her arms around herself, "After I first started, it felt like when I c-cu-cut myself that I was letting all my anger out. But later it became more than that. I _needed _it. I had to have it. I'd just wake up in the middle of the night and my arms would itch until I cut…cut it all away," She looks up at me and I'm horrified to see a smile on her face, "You know that phrase: 'cutting all the pain away?'" Her smile widens and I begin to feel very uncomfortable, "It's true. Whenever I do it, I feel like there's a weight that's been lifted off me. Like I can breathe again. Until next time at least."

Silence. I never knew silence could be this horrible. I have no idea what to say. For some reason my eyes focus on the bloody pocketknife still clenched in her left hand. I gently pull it away from her, close it and place it in my pocket. I'll deal with it later.

"Hyuuga…," I say, but suddenly that's just not good enough, "Hinata…" I swallow, "I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through. I've never had problems with my parents before," I pause at the irony of this statement. "But, I've gone through a little depression I …I'm not going to tell you that you need to stop because you already know that. You have to, because-"

"I've tried," she says, shivering even though the heat's on, " I don't know how many times. But I couldn't do it. I just…I just couldn't."

"Does anyone else know about this?" I ask.

"No. Only you."

The words come out of my mouth before I even think about them, "I'll help you."

She looks up in surprise, "What?"

"I'll help you," I repeat, a plan forming in my head already, " I won't tell anyone, but you're going to have to let me help you."

She stares at me for a minute or two, as if she's trying to figure out if I'm joking or not.

"Alright," she says finally, though I can hardly understand what she's saying because she's crying again, "T-Th-Thank you!

Any maybe, just maybe, Tenten, I'll be okay.

__

--

The next few days pass quickly, and suddenly the retreat is halfway over. I had to help calm down Hinata twice, when she felt like cutting herself again. It was really weird talking to someone from school as often as I started doing with Hinata, but it was kind of nice, after being alone. She still sat with her other friends which I had no problem with, but we talked a lot once we were both in our cabin. Even our activities seemed to be less pointless. And just when I started to think that I would come out of this trip alive, disaster struck. But this time in the form of Uzumaki and Uchiha. Yes, I just walked in on them making out, _again_.

I stifle a groan of aggravation and horror and pull myself around the corner of a cabin and attempt to block out the disturbing noises I'm hearing. Why does this always happen to me? Why couldn't it happen to some girl like Tenten who likes seeing guys getting it on. Not me!

"S-S-Sasuke," A moan, "Ohhhh…fuck, yes…"

Someone please save me! My ears! Help!

More grunting noises and then a gasp.

"Na-Naruto, you moron, not here! Someone could just walk-"

A very loud moan that seems to have come from Uchiha. I wouldn't be surprised if my ears are bleeding now. Goddammit, of course this has to be the only way to get to the bonfire thing we're doing tonight.

"Naruto! God…" More disturbing noises, "You asshole, stop messing around!"

AHHHHHH!!!!! MY EARS!!! Fuck, why don't I just break it up like I did last time. I peak around the corner and quickly revert to my previous cowering position.

…I did not need to see that. Ididnotneedtoseethat. Ididnotneedtosee…

Uzumaki's hand is down Uchiha's pants. That about sums it up. Now I can go die. Fortunately, before I commit suicide on the spot, I'm saved by the most wonderful angel that ever existed. She's perfection herself…okay, maybe that's just my hysteria kicking in. I hear clapping noises from someone behind the two…uh…sex-obsessed maniacs.

"Not bad, not bad," Yamanaka says, "However, we're supposed to be at the fire pit in ten minutes."

Fuck, I've been here that long! Though my anger dissipates almost immediately after hearing/seeing Uzumaki and Uchiha's reactions. Serves them right! Thank God for Yamanaka and her…uh…immunity to gay make-out fests? Well, whatever it is, I'm eternally grateful.

"Ino!" yells Uzumaki after he calms down a bit, "Never, ever, _ever_, do that again! You almost killed me!"

"I don't know, the way you two were…" her voice drops a bit and I can't hear what she's saying, "…was pretty hot.(3) Maybe, I'll-"

"Say anything else and I'll kill you," growls Uchiha

"Touchy, touchy. Didn't get much sleep last-"

"Ino!"

"Okay, okay. Hey, Uchiha why don't you go on ahead, I have to ask Naruto something."

There is a pause, and I'm starting to wonder if Yamanaka's perverted-ness has a limit.

"Hey, don't be like that, Sasuke. You know I only go for the quiet, antisocial, cute- Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"Ch." I hear the sounds of Uchiha walking off. Now just to get rid of the other two.

"I love you too, bastard!" Uzumaki yells, "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Er…well, I…" Yamanaka sounds uncertain. That's new. But then again, why do I care. I just want them to leeeaaavvee! And fast, 'cause it's damn cold!

"Hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh…?"

What? Did she just say what I think she said?

"What? Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Uh…how did you tell…Iruka you were gay…?"

Oh my God, she did say that? Is Yamanaka a lesbian? Holy shit, that explain a lot. No wonder she was…oh…oh…too much information.

"Err, I didn't really…well, I sort of did…well, he kind of figured it out himself."

"Huh?"

"Well, he sort of-er-walked in on…well, yeah."

Jesus Christ. I've learned something new today. Uzumaki can't hide something for shit. Poor Uchiha. I almost feel sorry for him.

"Oh."

"Ino…are you saying that you're…" Uzumaki trails off.

"Uh…hehheh… I don't know, I mean, I think I might be, but I'm not sure…"

Awkward silence.

"Well," says Uzumaki brightly, "Let's go to this…uh…where are we going again?"

"The fire pit, Naruto."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot."

They walk off, leaving me standing in the cold. Wow, Yamanaka is a lesbian…Well, I guess that explains why she was at the bathhouse. Oh, I did not just think that. Of course I wouldn't. I'm leaving now and hopefully I'll just randomly forget what ever occurred here. Yeah. Definitely……ew……….GODDAMMIT!

I curse and walk hurriedly towards the fire pit. And guess what; I'm still cursing. I sit on a log bench farthest from the fire even though I'm freezing. No need to intrude on other people's merriment, even though misery loves company. So, I'm sitting here. By a fire pit. Now what? Is this what we're going to do for the next how ever long we're going to be here? Fuck, I should have ditched. I shiver and involuntarily move myself closer to the fire. If I get sick and die, I'll know who to haunt.

This is really boring. And it's no wonder that I notice that some people have 'mysteriously disappeared.' Lucky. I wish I could leave too, but, no, I'm the Student Council president. I have to set an 'example.' And the fact that I like my disciplinary record clean is also a factor. So basically, I sit there for another hour until, we're all sent off to bed. I look for Hinata once I get closer to our cabin but I don't see her. She's not inside either. What if…? I cut myself off, no Hinata wouldn't do that. But despite everything, I feel a little afraid and maybe even sick. I breathe in deeply and try to gain some control over my emotions.

_"Calm the fuck down, Haruno. She's fine."_I close my eyes and lean against the headboard of my bed. After a while, I'm not sure how long, I realize that I'm going to fall asleep if I stay here any longer. I glance at the clock. Correction: I was asleep. It's 12:30 am. Fuck, where's Hinata? She should have been back two hours ago! What if she really… No, I'm not going to lose another one! I grab my coat, intent on checking all the showers when I hear noises. Noises that sound suspiciously like voices. Drunk voices. What the hell? I hear footsteps moving toward the door and a key being stuffed in the lock. I come face to face with Hinata, behind her the whole gang. And, yes, most of them look drunk. Oh, no, fucking way!

"Uh…Sakura-san… c-can we come in?" asks Hinata, blushing and stuttering.

I raise my eyebrows and look each one of them over carefully. Uzumaki is very, very, drunk. His arm is around Uchiha's neck and he's _giggling_. Uchiha looks sober and is unsuccessfully trying to ignore his boyfriend. Ha. Sucks for him. Inuzuka looks a little tipsy and is being held up by Aburame, who is clearly not enjoying this. And Hyuuga (male)…is talking. Really, really loudly. He seems to be explaining the concept of fate and destiny to Akimichi whose eating what looks like a raw steak. Rock is unconscious and is being held up by Nara who looks bored as ever. And Yamanaka is…holy shit, if I thought Uzumaki was drunk, then I was wrong. Yamanaka is completely _wasted_. And is drooling on Hinata's shirt. Ew.

"Uh…Sakura-san…?"

I realize that I completely forgot to answer her question. What was it again…oh yeah, she wanted to know if they could…wait, I must have heard wrong. Yup, definitely heard wrong…

"Excuse me? I must have heard you wrong, but did you just ask if _they_ could come in?"

"Uh…yes…"

I stare at her.

"You're joking," I say slowly.

"I wish," snarls Uchiha, "Now move out of the-Naruto, stop that!"

I'm in shock, which is the only way I would ever allow them into _my _room. They all shuffle past me. All ten of them. When Hinata closes the door softly I come back to my senses.

"What the hell is going on here?" I say angrily to Hinata, "_You _should've been back here hours ago! And why the hell are they here? And drunk too! Where the hell did you get alcohol anyway! Just what the fu-"

"You…you know Haruno," says Inuzuka, cutting me off, "Your room…it's pretty…pretty room…heh…heh…but it would be prettier if…if you weren't in it!" He proceeds to burst into laughter, Uzumaki soon joining him. Apparently, Inuzuka's not drunk enough to forget to insult me. Bastard. Aburame manages to shut him up somehow, and after he stops laughing I turn on Hinata again.

"You. Explain. Now."

Hinata blushes and looks away, "Er…well…you see…uh…"

I tap my fingers on one of the empty desks impatiently.

"Uh…well…Na-Naruto-kun suggested than we…we…"

"What she means to say, is that this moron got bored and dragged us all off to a bar and got hammered."

I raise my eyebrows. A bar all the way out here? When I voice my question Uchiha begins to reply, but is then distracted by Uzumaki.

"Err…well, you see, there…were…were a few cars outside and well, th-they were open…and there was a…a-a map in the glove compartment…"Hinata trails off nervously.

"So, let me get this straight," I say, wondering if she has any more surprises she wants to share with me, "You _steal _someone's cars, drive to a town, go to a _bar_, get _drunk_, and _now_ you expect me to _help_ you? Are you crazy?! Oh, sorry, I forgot you're all drunk so it-" I pause, I'm out numbered ten to one, though I suppose Rock and Yamanaka doesn't really count because he's unconscious and she's, well, out of it. If I say too much there's a small chance that I _won't_ get the shit beaten out of me. Again. Either learn from history or repeat it. And I choose Option B.

"Why are you here anyway?" I grumble finally.

"Ne-Neji-ni-san was being loud…and we were w-wo-worried that we'd…be found and since our cabin is far-fart-farthest from a teacher's…"

I stare at her in disbelief. She can't possibly expect that they can stay here, right? Before I can say something Inuzuka falls onto Hinata's bed and begins to snore. Well, I suppose that answers my question. Nara lays Rock down on a rug, mutters something about this being 'troublesome', and walks out with Aburame and Akimichi. I say the first few words that come to mind: "Oh, no, fucking way!!"

They all ignore me as they begin to get comfortable. Uchiha sits on the other side of Hinata's bed, Uzumaki still around his neck, though he appears to have randomly fallen asleep too. Great. Hyuuga is still talking about destiny, though his voice seems to have softened up a bit.

"Ano…Sakura-san…is-is it alright if I put Ino-san on the bed."

I look at her strangely, until I realize that she's talking about _my _bed. Oh, no way. Invasion of my privacy, I can stand, hell, I'm used to it. But when you mess with my stuff, that's a whole different matter.

"She is NOT sleeping on m-"

"Shut up, Haruno," says Uchiha, not even opening his eyes, "Deal with it."

"You fucking, assho-"

"Sa-Sakura…!"

I feel two arms encircle my waist and I turn my head to see Yamanaka pressing herself into my back. Again.

"Get. Off. Now," I say in my deadliest voice, hoping she'll get a clue. She shifts, but instead of getting off me she starts to move against my back and…lower…back. Very lower back. I inhale sharply and I feel reminiscent of that day so long ago at the bathhouse. Very, very, hot.

"Ya-Yamanaka," I gasp, "Wh-What the fuck-"

Suddenly, I'm aware that everyone (who is awake) is staring at me. I feel my face steadily getting redder and redder. I turn around quickly freeing myself from her grip. She smiles lazily at me and her hand moves upward towards my face. I avoid it and step back, blushing furiously.

"Y-Yamanaka, stop it," I say, or try to say, firmly.

Uchiha sniggers, momentarily distracting me. I turn to yell at him, but then I suddenly hit the wall, though that's not what's bothering me the most at this moment. It's the fact that there's something holding me to the wall. Or someone. There's also the fact that for some reason my mouth feels very, very, wet right now.

My eyes widen as I realize that I'm flush between Yamanaka and the wall. Hip against hip, chest against chest, and lip against lip. And her tongue is in my mouth.

My mind is terrifying blank as her hips shift against mine and I feel her hands creep up my thighs. When they reach the hem of my shirt I panic, but I'm completely helpless and it seems that my mind has temporarily become detached from my body. 'Yamanaka!' I try to yell out, but it comes out as a muffled whimper against her lips. Her fingertips skim over my protruding rib bones and continue to move upwards.

The thought, _"Oh, my God, she's feeling me up!"_ floats through my empty head.

In the background I hear yelling and laughter, but it all seems very far away. I stare at her closed eyes and wonder what happened to reality and if this is just a very odd dream.

_"Hey, she's kind of warm,"_ I think dazedly.

Suddenly, I have a strange feeling in my gut. And then it hits me.

_"Yamanaka Ino is molesting me and I'm letting her."_

One of her hands, I don't know which and I don't care, finds something I really don't want it too. I make a sound that is definitely not a whimper (of course) and her other hand trails down and she slides her thumb between the hem of my pants and my bare skin.

I snap. With all my strength, which isn't really that much, I push her off me. She hits the edge of my bed and collapses on to it. She lets out a whine and giggles. I'm breathing hard and Hinata, Uchiha, and Hyuuga are all staring at me. The entire room is silent, and even Hyuuga has stopped his drunken tirade. I bring a finger up to touch my swollen lips and then realize that cold saliva is dripping down my chin. And it's not mine. I gag and barely make it to the bathroom before I empty my stomach into the sink. I hear Hinata saying something, but I slam the door and collapse on the toilet seat. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm going to KILL that lesbian bitch!!

(1) Yes, Sakura is an insensitive jerk.

(2) Again, Sakura's a bitch. We've established this.

(3) No, you don't have to be a straight female to enjoy Yaoi.

****

A/N: Sorry for the wait. We got a lot of snow up here and I had to shovel. I realize that the last half-page is rather…unromantic. Please notice that the summary says 'Eventual Ino/Sakura. Some people have been asking me when Ino and Sakura are going to get together and my answer is that I really don't want to rush this, so I'm going to say a while. I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible.

Another thing some people have been asking me about is why Ino is mean to Sakura and then is suddenly nice to her. I hope this chapter cleared it up a little. I'll explain anyway though. Ino is a little…confused. Basically, she's having an identity crisis. When she starts being nice to Sakura, it's her dealing with the fact that she has a crush on another girl instead of denying it. If you still have no idea what I'm talking about, you could always ask me (coughreviewcough).

Another thing, MNIHS is going to be a lot longer than I expected. I think that's a good thing. Also, I'm debating on whether I should have Orochimaru or Itachi in this fic. Any ideas? So, yeah, be nice and review.

P.S. Special thanks to Noah who helped me on Hinata's situation. It probably makes more sense than if I had just made it up. And yeah, my beta's cool.


	7. Start

Chapter Seven-

I'm not exactly sure what wakes me up. I think it is the light. I grumble and turn over, but find that suddenly my covers are gone. I blearily open my eyes and attempt to pull the covers over my thin body, but find that something it preventing them from moving. Okay, now I'm pissed. These are my covers! And I'm not going to let anything get in the way of that! So get ready, what ever it is that has my covers 'cause I'm going to kick you to…

…

…

…

…Oh, fuck.

I think God hates me. A lot. Otherwise, I think he'd prevent Yamanaka fucking Ino, from not only stealing my covers, but from being in my bed in the first place. Not to mention that she thinks I'm her teddy bear or something. One of her arms is around my neck and the other is grabbing my shoulder, in fact I'm surprised that I didn't notice that she was there earlier because she's _halfway on top of me_. I shift nervously, but her grip on me tightens. I gulp as I remember this is the fourth time that I've found myself in a position similar to this. Oh, I'm going to kill her and then Hinata. I can't _believe_ she thought that it would be okay to bring four completely drunk teenagers into our cabin. I'm going to kill her, bring her back from the dead, and then kill her again!

My train of thought is halted when Yamanaka moans and nuzzles my collarbone with her nose. I freeze and resist the urge to throw her off me. Violence is not the answer nor does it look good on your record. I think of waking her up, but she probably won't move just to spite me. That and she'll have this enormous hangover… She moves again and I take several deep breaths. I try to relax and think rationally, but I don't think it's working because my hands keep involuntarily forming fists. Inhale, exhale, you can do it, Haruno! Her hand slips around my waist and I inhale sharply. Okay, this isn't working.

"Yamanaka," I say, noticing that my voice sounds more high-pitched than usual. I hope that no one else in the room is awake, "Get the fuck off me."

She doesn't seem to hear me and snuggles against me again, a small smile appearing on her face. I blink confusedly, why is she smiling? She moves again, and suddenly her hair is in my face. I twist my head away, scowling. Damn her. I swear she's doing this on purpose. I sigh and then blink. Whoa, what kind of shampoo does she use? It smells really, really, good. Against my better judgment I reach out and touch her hair. And it's soft too. Much softer than mine. Mine feels like plastic. Of course she probably goes to a salon or something instead of cutting hers with blunt scissors in a bathroom mirror. She's stopped moving now and I lean back against my pillow. Well, this could have been worse. She could've tried to molest me (not that she already hasn't) in her sleep. And she is…well maybe kind of warm.

…Wait, why am I in this bed in the first place? The last thing I remember is throwing up after…that thing happened and the I guess I must have fallen asleep. I scowl (again,) those bastards they probably dragged out of there and threw me on the bed. Man, why couldn't they have put me on the other bed with Uzumaki. It's not like he's going to molest _me_; he's got Uchiha for that. Ha. Though, technically I shouldn't be laughing considering the position I'm in. I crane my neck and catch a glimpse of the clock. Oh, great, breakfast is starting now. Okay, time to get off me now. I grab her hand from my waist and slip out of the bed quickly before she can grab me again. She makes a whining noise and curls up in a ball, her arms stretching out for what I realize is me. Hey, she's kind of cut…er…funny looking. Yeah, funny looking. Right.

Okay, I need to get out of here, obviously I'm losing I.Q. points the longer I stay here. I grab my jacket and then trip on something as I head for the door. I fall head first into the desk with an enormous, not to mention loud, crash. Fuck.

I grit my teeth and hiss in pain. Goddammit! I look down to see Hinata pushing herself up from the floor, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Sakura-san, are you ok-"

"Fine," I scramble my feet and leave the cabin as quickly as I could. I swear, as I remember I dropped my jacket when I fell. Well, there's no way I'm going back there now. I shiver and run towards the Dining Hall. I slip inside quickly and grab some rice and a bowl of miso soup. I sit down and begin to eat. Halfway through my meal, some teacher who I've never seen before starts talking about how we're going to spend our last few days. I space out and then suddenly I hear shuffling noises. I look up from my drink to see…

"Need something?" I ask disdainfully, glaring at them. How dare they? First they decide to have a sleepover in my cabin and then they come and bother me while I'm eating?

"Hey, Haruno, we just thought you looked lonely, so we've decided to sit with you."

I stare in disbelief as Uzumaki flops down on the chair across from me and begins to eat. Inuzuka glares at him as he slides into the chair next to him.

"I hate you, Naruto," he grumbles, "You and your immunity against hangovers."

Uzumaki just smiles and the next thing I know, all ten of them are sitting at _my_ table.

"Okay, what the hell are you doing here?" I ask, "Go find your own table." It's childish, I know, but it get the point across: leave me alone.

"Just shut up, Haruno," I glare at Uchiha and Hinata quickly steps in before a brawl starts.

"Ano…Sakura-san, Sasuke-kun d-di-didn't mean it that way, h-he was just saying that…"

I don't listen to her explanation, but just quickly fork the rest of my food into my mouth, looking anywhere but Yamanaka, who is groaning and holding her head in her hands.

"Ow…my head…why the hell did you let me drink so much?"

"You're scary when you're drunk, Ino," says Uzumaki between bites, "Seriously."

He's got that right. I'm gulping down the rest of my drink when Hatake walks by.

"Found some friends, Sakura?"

I choke on my drink and immediately begin to cough. Hyuuga reaches over and pounds me on the back.

"You've got to be kidding me," I wheeze.

"You don't have to be shy now."

"Fuck off," I say quietly, just so that he can't here me.

"Hey, that's not very nice." I glare at Yamanaka and then blush and turn away. Note to self: never, never, never, NEVER, go near Yamanaka when she's drunk. I expect her to say something, but thankfully she doesn't and an awkward silence falls over the table. Then some of Yamanaka's other friends come over and start talking to her. I notice that the rest of the table is unusually quiet until they leave.

"Why do you hang out with them anyway, Ino?" asks Inuzuka, "They're annoying."

"The real question is why I hang out with you?" Yamanaka shoots back. I roll my eyes and pick up my tray. I leave them to their bickering and place the tray on the top of a garbage can. I was about to walk out when a voice stops me.

"Umm…Sakura-san, can I talk to you?"

"Not now, Hinata," I say tiredly. We have an hour and a half to rest before we start our day's activities and I intend on spending it showering and inspecting the damage done to my room and stuff.

'W-Where are you going?" she asks, falling in step with me.

"The room," I say stiffly.

"I-I'll come with you."

I growl softly in annoyance, but don't say anything else. We walk in silence until we reach the door of our cabin.

"Sa-S-Sakura-san, I-I just w-wanted to say that I'm really, really sorry about last night!"

I turn around to find her bowing to me. What the crap?

"I-I shouldn't have brought them to the r-room, I-I should've known that you'd be uncomfortable and I didn't know that Ino-san would…" she trails off.

I sigh and turn to face her.

"Look, Hinata, it's fine. J-just tell me next time, okay?"

She doesn't look convinced but nods. I blink as she follows me into the room.

"You can go back to your friends, you know?" I say, ignoring the tight sensation in my chest, "You don't have to stay here."

She shakes her head, "I-I wanted to spend some time with you, I mean, if that's okay…"

I stare at her. Why in the world would she want to hang out with me?

"Err…okay."

I make up my bed and find, to my relief, that none of my stuff was ruined, though the entire room smells like alcohol. I would _so _tell on them, if they weren't Hinata's friends. I flop down on my bed, completely forgetting about showering.

"Sakura-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Kiba-kun likes Ino-san?"

I start and turn to look at her, "What?"

"W-Well, he always talks to her and t-th-they always argue like N-Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun. And sometimes Ki-Kiba-kun doesn't even notice that I'm there. I mean, I was just wondering…"

I blink. Yamanaka and Inuzuka? Sorry, just can't see that happening.

"Hinata, just because Yamanaka and Inuzuka don't get along, it doesn't mean they like each other. Uzumaki and Uchiha are just weird like that."

"Really," This is rather sad, She's asking _me _to give her advice on her love-life, she really must be desperate, "Besides, Yamanaka doesn't go for guy…er…I don't know, I've never seen her with a guy, have you?" Very smooth, Haruno.

Hinata shakes her head, "And…er, well, Inuzuka, I mean he likes you, you know…" I can't talk today, damn you Yamanaka!

"Y-You think so?" she asks in a small voice.

I roll my eyes, "Believe me, if _I_ think he likes you, then he does."

She laughs quietly. I collapse on my bed again and we sit in a companionable silence. I frown slightly. I am right, right? I mean, Inuzuka wouldn't like Yamanaka. That would kill Hinata.

_"If he hurts her," _I think, _"I'll kill him." _

But what if Yamanaka likes Inuzuka? She could be bisexual, after all. For some reason, the thought of Yamanaka liking him bothers me. Well, of course it would. He's Hinata's boyfriend and there'd be problems. I mean, that's the only reason I would care…right?

I groan. You know, life was complicated enough without this dating crap. I roll over and attempt to get some sleep. But somehow I can't because of that strange feeling in my chest when I thought of Yamanaka with someone else.

The next few days pass quickly and then we're all packed onto the bus again. Hinata and her friends keep bothering me and to my horror I'm almost used to them. Almost. Yamanaka has thankfully avoided me since that lovely incident that I'd rather not think of now. Uzumaki keeps bothering me about what my favorite flavor of ramen is and Inuzuka asks me repeatedly why I'm such a bitch. Hyuuga looks at me like I'm some sort of interesting specimen of bug, Akimichi offers me his extra potato chips every five minutes, Rock explains to me in great detail the power of Youth and green spandex, and Aburame and Uchiha completely ignore me. Needless to say, Hinata has had to restrain me several times from killing them all. I have a gigantic headache and their endless chatter is not helping. I eventually fall asleep with the hopes that tomorrow they will all be dead, or quiet' whichever one, I honestly don't care.

--

I open my eyes a tiny bit and immediately close them as sunlight nearly blinds me. Eventually I get used to it to the point where I can open my eyes all the way. It's that I realize that I'm lying on something that is definitely not the seat or the window. I shift slightly to see that I'm lying against Yamanaka. Fuck. I can never escape from her, can I? She's reading something that looks like…a crappy romance novel. Well, that's something that she and Tenten have in common. I close my eyes against and move slightly to get in a more comfortable. Damn, she soft; she's like a freaking pillow.

"Hey, Haruno?" I freeze, "Are you awake?"

I grumble noncommittally and open my eyes slightly. Every brain cell I have (and I do have a lot, thank you very much.) is yelling at me to move away, but my body has a different opinion.

Mind: "You stupid idiot! It's Yamanaka! Get off her shoulder right now!

Body: "Mmm…warm and comfy. Not moving."

Eventually my body wins out and I yawn and intend on feigning sleep. Fuck consequences. As of tonight, I will be sleeping on a bench, so give me a break.

"Hey, Haruno!"

Shut up, damn you, and let me sleep!

I open my eyes and look at her. My eyes open a little wider as I realize that she's looking nervous again. Weird.

"What?" I say gruffly.

"Er…well, I was going to say…uh…" I raise an eyebrow at her, "I-uh, well, I'm really sorry about, you know, a few nights ago. I was drunk and I didn't realize what I was doing…er, yeah…"

You woke me up for that?! You little- Oh…wait, she just apologized to me didn't she?…Whoa…

I swallow, not exactly sure what to say, "Yamanaka, I-" I start, but thankfully she cuts me off, before I can say anything stupid.

"I know we haven't exactly got along in the past," Greatest understatement of the century. "But-er- I was sort of wondering, if well, we could be friends."

Okay, the world has officially gone insane. Did Yamanaka just ask me to be friends with her or am I dreaming? Or have I gone crazy. I think I have because I just told her that we could. This is all…all…I don't know who's fault it is, but when I find you, you're dead!!

We get back to school at about five and I take the subway home after unpacking all my junk from my locker that I'm pretty sure wasn't made to hold all my crap. I think a lot about the trip. I shouldn't have agreed to be friends with Yamanaka or Hinata. It's too dangerous; if they find out, I'll probably be arrested for messing with government computer files. And I don't think the excuse, "It's not my fault they weren't encoded that well," is going to cut it. I think I'm getting in too deep. I should back out, but I don't think I can anymore. But I'm too tired to care right now. Oh, well. At least I only have a little more than a month of school left until I graduate.

I buy a newspaper to see if anything interesting happened when I was gone. I find the crime section and swear. I throw the newspaper into a garbage can and stalk off. I suppose I took a little too many people's wallets because they've posted police at all the subway stations. Well, at least, they put it in the paper, otherwise I really would've been screwed. I'll have to be extra careful from now on. Scratch that, I better lay low for a few weeks. I'll live off what I have and then eventually I'll have to start going to soup kitchens. Goddammit this sucks! Just by chance I stop by the post office and look through my mail which consists of mostly advertisements. All except one letter. I drop all the other mail and stare at it.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

This is it. The letter I've been waiting for ever since I started high school. The scholarship letter. My heart starts betting fast and my hands start trembling. Oh God, what will I do if I don't get in? No, I have to get in. There's nothing else for me. I slowly pick up my other mail and drop it in a recycling bin on my way out. I can't open it in public, I just can't. I clutch the letter tightly in my left hand as if someone will steal it from me. I half-run half-walk back to the alley and drop my bag of stuff into my old cardboard box. My breath is coming out in short puffs and my hands are shaking as I open the letter. The words: "Oh, please let me have won it!" keep running through my brain. I drop the envelope and slowly, as if time had stopped, unfold the letter and proceed to drop it too. I sink to the floor, not trusting my legs to hold me up any longer. I stare at the letter and my hands form fists.

__

Dear Haruno Sakura-san,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded our four year scholarship to the University of Tokyo. Your school will also have received a copy of this letter and will help you take the next steps into the next few years of …

A tear trickles down my cheek. And then another. And another. And then it hits me.

"YES!" I yell, not caring if anyone hears me, "YES, YES, YES!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! HAHAHAHAHA! I WIN!"

I collapse against that old brick wall that I've leaned against countless times, but this time it's different. This time I'm going to university.

"TAKE THAT, FUCKERS!!" I scream, louder than I've ever done before, "HARUNO SAKURA IS GOING TO UNIVERSITY! AND NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOING TO STOP ME!!!" I inhale sharply and continue, "DO YOU HEAR ME!!! I'M LEAVING THIS SHITHOLE! HAHHAHhahaha…ha…ha…ha." I wipe tears of mirth from my eyes and grab my bag, hugging it to my chest.

I'm brought down from my high when some old woman screams at me to shut up. I think of telling her to fuck off, but I don't want to ruin the night by starting a fight. I pull out that old photo of Tenten and I.

"Tenten," I whisper, suddenly feeling the need to be as quiet as possible, "Tenten, I won! I'm going to university! I did it!"

I wiped my eyes and pushed my cardboard box under some crates. This is a cause for celebration. I walk those stupid miles to that stupid ramen shop that Tenten forced me to go to and order three gigantic bowls of ramen and eat them all. Then as I'm walking home, I realize that that club that Tenten worked at might have a job for me.

I took a late night bus, which usually isn't a good idea, but I couldn't care less. It was nine by the time I reach the club. In the Red Light District. The door bangs open as I walk in and my heart jumps as I notice the 'Help Wanted' sign on the window.

My first impression of the "Gama Senin" ran along the lines of 'get me out of here.' It was almost filled with the smell of smoke and fog from fog machines. There is a crappy band playing on a platform in the center and all around them there are people grinding and making-out. I cringe and look away. I really have no interest in seeing that, though I suppose I'll have to get used to it. I look to the left and a girl with four pigtails serving drinks at the bar who looks like she might be half foreigner. I weave my way through drunk and high people and ask the girl for the manager. She looks me up and down and points to a familiar-looking old man with long white hair drinking and laughing with two scantily clad girls (whores, obviously) on his lap. How the hell did Tenten stand this? No wonder they can't find enough employees. I walk up to him, but he doesn't notice me. I clear my throat but the music is so loud, I can't even hear myself.

"Oi!" I say loudly, "Oi!! Ojii-san! (1)"

"Huh?" he looks at me and shoos the girls on his lap away, "What do you want?" he asks. And suddenly I recognize him from a photo on the cover of one of Hatake's dirty books which I had the unfortunate, not to mention scary, experience of seeing.

"You're Sannin Jiraiya!" I blurt out.

"Ohhhh, so you read my books!" he says, his attention, which had been previously on some girl, now completely on me. "Do you want an autograph?"

I manage to restrain myself from rolling my eyes, "Err…no thanks, I'm here for the job vacancy." He looks confused and I find myself forced to explain using smaller words. Stupid drunk.

"Uh…the 'Help Wanted' sign," I say loudly, pointing at it.

"Ohhhh," Finally! I swear if this wasn't the only place I could get a job… "Hmmm…" he looks me up and down in the same manner as the blonde girl. "Good, good, good. You'll do fine! Come here tomorrow at seven and we'll work out your hours and pay." I briefly wonder why he had to look me up and down before hiring me, but decide I don't want to know.

I thank him and push (and kick) several drunks out of the way before I reach the door. I take a bus back and hum to myself on the way. This is the greatest day of my life and nothing could ruin it for me! I was going to go the subway station, but then I remember the newspaper article and walk back to that alley. I dump my stuff in a crate that isn't filled with beer bottles and used cigarettes and grab my bag and old worn blanket and curl up in my box. I'm going to university and I have a job. The two best things that could have ever happened to me.

It wasn't until the next day that I realize that Sannin Jiraiya is the brother of the principal of my school.

(1) Literally "Mr. Grandfather."

****

A/N: Yah! Seventh chapter is finished! One person (I can't remember who and I'm too lazy to go on the internet and check…) asked if Gaara and co. are going to be in this fic. Well, obviously Temari is and Gaara will be too, but theirs will be a minor role. Sakura will graduate and enter college before the completion of this fic.

Explanation of Ino's actions: (It's a mystery, what will Ino do next and why?) Basically, why she ignores Sakura for a while is, well, she gets drunk attempts to make-out with the person she has a crush on. If that weren't bad in itself, it's the fact that her crush pushes her away and then vomits. Seriously, what would you do in her place?

To all the poor (straight) guys out there who I've tormented with the Yaoi, you will be happy to find that it has served it's purpose and won't mentioned again…well, that much.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Last chapter was a record for reviews. Thirty! Oh, yeah! Hundredth reviewer gets…uh…I dunno, a cookie, a spoiler…? Just review and I'll be happy. And believe me you like me when I'm happy.


	8. Necessities of Life

Chapter Eight-

Ow. Okay, I need to buy a new blanket or something. I'm so sore from sleeping in my old box. There's only so much of my body that can curl into a ball. As I take the bus to school, I think about the whole Yamanaka situation. I definitely can't be 'friends' with her. That's just not an option. It's not about her, it's just that the chances of someone finding out about me are much higher if I have 'friends.' Maybe I'll just ignore her and she'll get the picture. I don't even know why I told her we could be friends in the first place. I'm such a moron. I sigh and lean back against the seat. I mentally remind myself that I havfe to take a later bus tonight because I have to meet that Sannin Jiraiya.

The first few periods go quickly, and it isn't until lunch that the real problem arises. As usual, I don't bring a lunch; I just sit in the library and start on my homework. I'm halfway through my Biology when Uzumaki walks up to me.

"Oi, Haruno, whatcha doing?"

I raise an eyebrow and wonder if he has memory loss as well as just being plain stupid.

"Studying," I say shortly, hoping he'll just leave me alone.

"But it's lunch time! The most important meal of the day!!"

I make a noncommittal noise in the back of my throat and flip another page of my worn textbook. Stupid blond, why won't he just go away?

"C'mon Haruno, you need to eat lunch."

"No, I don't," I say smoothly, "I need to finish this."

I don't even know why I bother arguing with him, I should just ignore him like I do with everyone else. Though I have to admit, ignoring Uzumaki is a skill I have yet to develop. I fact I don't think I know anyone who actually _can_.

Suddenly, I'm yanked to my feet and my books are shoved in my bag, which he throws over his shoulder.

"What the hell do you think you'r-" I splutter.

"Geez, you don't have to be so defensive Haruno," he says. I doubt he even knows what the word means, "You need to eat, no wonder you're so scrawny."

"I am _not _scrawny," I say hotly, and attempt to wriggle out of his grasp with little success, "Let me go you litt-"

He pays me no heed and drags me down to the cafeteria.

"Oi, Naruto, where were yo…huh?" Inuzuka greets Uzumaki.

"Sorry, Kiba, I just got a little-" I wrench my hand out of his grip, "-sidetracked."

"Is it just me, or is Haruno standing in the cafeteria? I thought she was allergic to this place!" he says in mock confusion.

"It's just you," Uzumaki says as he pushes me onto one of the benches and plops down next to me.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-"

"Oh, be quiet," yawns Nara, "Why does everyone have to be so loud? Geez…"

By this time I'm practically boiling with anger. I'm going to fucking KILL them all! I'll rip them apart with my-

"Ano…S-Sakura-san…you can h-have some of my rice balls."

-bare hands! I'll tear their faces off and gut them with my pocket knife! Then I'll take-

"S-Sa-Sakura-san?"

"_What_?" I snarl, angry that my plots of revenge have been interrupted.

"Er…well, I just…uh…" Her face is turning steadily redder and redder. Weird.

But before she can finish, the situation just gets worse. In other words, Yamanaka just walked up. She raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't comment. Suddenly, I feel very self-conscious as she sits down across from me. I unconsciously let my bags fall forward to cover my eyes and hunch over.

_I don't belong here._

There's no point in lying to myself about it. I really don't belong here. They've all been friends since they were first years. I don't even belong within a miles radius of this school. I'm a homeless bum, for God's sake! I just don't fit. But I'm confused; they should know that I don't belong here. Hell, whoever said I wanted their friendship anyway? Stupid Uzumaki. I should just leave. Why am I here anyway? This is so awkward. I've never been in a more awkward situation in my life. And believe me, I know awkward.

"Geez, Haruno, and I thought Sasuke was antisocial."

I glare up and him and get sprayed by spit as Akimichi scoffs down another bag of potato chips. A vein throbs in my forehead as Uzumaki and Inuzuka burst into laughter. Those bastards, I swear I'm going to-

"Er…Sakura, I think you're scaring Hinata," Yamanaka says from my right.

"Who cares?" I mutter leaning down lower so my bangs cover more of my face. This is really, really, awkward…

Uzumaki starts chattering to Uchiha about ramen and I smirk. Serves him right! I glance around the table for the first time and realize, to my relief, that at least all of them aren't here. Hyuuga, Rock, and Aburame are missing from the usually inseparable group. They probably have lunch a different period. Thank the gods Hyuuga isn't here.

"Oi, Haruno, I know this is a foreign concept, but we're in a lunchroom," Inuzuka says slowly, like he's taking to a little kid, "In lunchrooms, normal people usually eat."

I must say, I'm tempted to ask why he of all people is eating, but instead I scowl and glare at him. Though I must say that it probably didn't have the desired effect, because a moment later, Uzumaki moves and starts trying to feed Uchiha something. The operative word being _trying_. To my amusement, Uchiha is sitting next to the wall and therefore can't escape. Haha, loser. (1)

"S-Sakura-san? A-Ar-Aren't you going to eat…?"

I turn my gaze away from the opposite end of the table and feel myself flush.

"I don't have any lunch," I say quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear me.

"Y-You don't?"

"Haruno doesn't have what? A life?" asks Inuzuka.

"K-Kiba-kun…that's not very nice…" Hinata says quietly, "Sakura-san just sa-said that she doesn't ha-have a lunch."

"You don't?" says Uzumaki in surprise dropping a piece of food. Of course, now everyone's staring at me. Great. Just great.

"Why not?" asks Inuzuka accusatorily, as if I've committed some horrible crime.

I feel myself flush, "I forgot," I say defensively.

"Everyday?" Yamanaka asks coolly. What the hell? Has she been stalking me? I narrow my eyes and open my mouth. But before my temper takes over, something hits me in the face.

"What the-"

I grab it before it hits the floor…A sandwich? The kind that you can buy already assembled and cut in the freezers at convenience stores for a ridiculous amount of money. That's weird. Yamanaka's mom doesn't make her a bento like everyone else's does? Even _Uchiha _has one!

"You can have it," says Yamanaka turning away from me.

Part of me wants to throw it back in her arrogant face, but my hunger gets the better of me.

"…er…thanks," I mutter, feeling my face heat up again.

I hunch over again feeling even more out of place and slowly rip off the packaging as quietly as I can. Now I feel like some sort of charity case. I hate charity. It makes me feel like I'm sub-human or something. That's why I only go to soup kitchens when I really need to. I'd rather not eat for a day than ask anyone else for food. I suppose I'm stubborn like that.

It's weird sitting here with a bunch of people outside of class. I watch them for awhile. Uzumaki has resumed attempting to feed his…er…boyfriend, who looks like he wants to take a gun to his head. Either himself or Uzumaki, I can't tell. Kiba is teasing Hinata about something or other, and she's blushing (like that's anything new) like mad. Yamanaka is laughing at Uchiha who makes a rude hand signal at her. She just laughs harder. Weirdo. Nara and Akimichi are making fun of Kiba and Hinata behind their backs and I have to stifle a laugh at their antics. Finally the bell rings, and I grab my bag and disappear into the crowd before anyone can stop me.

I avoid _them_ for the rest of the day and then lean against a row of lockers doing homework until the bus comes. I feel kind of strange lugging my gigantic sidebag into a bar, but since it's only seven, there are only three people here. The same blond haired girl is sleeping at the bar, and she wordlessly points toward a room on the other side that says 'Employees Only.' I raise my eyebrows slightly and push the door open.

Sannin is sleeping on his laptop at a worn down table in the center of the room. I intentionally avoid looking at the screen. I probably don't want to know.

"Oi," I say, and poke him in the back, "Wake up."

He grumbles but doesn't move. Lovely.

"Oi, Sannin-san?" I shake him and he sits up abruptly.

"Who are you again?" he asks rubbing his eyes.

"…the new employee…"

"Ohhh…wait, what's your name?"

What a moron. He must be related to Uzumaki in some way. "Haruno Sakura."

"Right, I remember now." You idiot, I never told you my name. "Okay, Sakura-chan, I'll show you how to work the ropes."

He grabs something that's on one of the counters next to the coffee maker and writes something on it. He throws me it after he's done. It's one of the those nametags that you pin to your shirt. It says: Sakura-chan. Fuck.

"Hmm…we'll have to get you some new clothes though…" Oh, great. "Here, you can go with Temari now!"

Uh oh. I follow him out into the bar again.

"Oi, Temari, this is Sakura-chan, she'll be your new co-worker." The blonde haired girl just nods sleepily, "Take her out to get some new clothes." He throws her a wad of 2,000 yen bills. 'Temari' steps out from behind the bar and walks towards the door.

"Er…" I follow her, but then remember something, "Er…oji-san, what is my pay?"

"Oh, that! You start at ¥700 (2) an hour, but if you stay longer than a month, you'll get a raise to ¥800. (3)"

"Oh…er…thanks." I walk quickly to catch up with Temari.

"Be back by nine!" he shouts as we leave.

"Yeah, yeah," Temari says loudly. Hey, she can talk!

"So," she says once we are out the door, "Any preferences to what you wear?"

For the first time I look her over. She's actually pretty good-looking. She's wearing a really tight, not to mention short, black, miniskirt, a long purple jacket that goes down to her knees, and two tank tops, one top of the other in that weird new fashion. Never saw much point in it. I mean, what's wrong with one shirt? Why two? Anyway she's showing way too much skin for my taste.

"Er…" I say intelligently, "Well…"

"Never mind," she says, smirking slightly, "There's a couple stores around here. Just shout out if you see anything you like and don't worry about the price, Jiraiya's got it covered."

The first store we go into is…well, an interesting experience. I'm used to shopping for practicality and cheapness, not fashion. Temari picks out a bunch of clothes for me to try on, which are…not exactly my taste. I know, I'm going to have to wear stuff that's not my taste, but my goal is to be showing less skin than clothing. I manage to find one pair of skin-tight, red, pants that fit me and that I could live with. I show them to Temari, but she's reluctant to buy them.

"I dunno, Sakura, they're kind of boring."

Boring? They're bright red for god's sake! My surprise must have shown on my face because then she says, "Well, maybe not boring, but…I dunno, let's go to another store."

The next store is even weirder. It's one of those Gothic Lolita stores and half the stuff is even skimpier than the last store. Temari grabs a bunch of clothes and throws me into a dressing room with them. I completely refuse to try on half the stuff, but one shirt catches my eye. It's a really small, red (my favorite color), tank top and it has the words 'Don't mess with me' in black print in English on it. I try is on, but, but my sports bra shows through the sides. There's another pair of black jeans complete with chains that look okay, but they don't fit me. Temari gets me the same pair in a different size and notices the red shirt that I tried on.

"What's wrong with that one?" she asks.

"It doesn't fit," I tell her.

"Really," she says, "That's weird, I though we knew your shirt size. I'll get another one."

Crap. "Err…no, it's not that it doesn't fit…uh…it's that…"

"What? She asks me curiously.

I make a few uncoordinated motions, feeling my face heat up.

Temari looks unperturbed, "That's it? Hmmm…you must not have the right kind of bra.?"

"Er…"

She grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls it to the right all the way down to my shoulder.

"Wha-What the fuck are you d-doing?" I manage to stutter. She-she just-

"Oh, a sports bra. Well, that explains a lot, no wonder you're so small." Oh, thanks. "Well, we'll fix that. Wait a sec."

Wait, she's not doing what I think she's…

Temari bangs open the door and throws a bunch of frilly bras in my face. I gape at them for a second. Oh my god, who the hell wears these!!? She closes the door, leaving me to stare at them. I pick one out that doesn't have that only has two bows on it and attempt to put it on. Goddammit it's not working! Okay, breathe Haruno, it's only a piece of cloth. If you rip it into shreds you're going to have to pay for it. Finally I manage to put the…thing…on.

"Hey, Sakura, does it fit or it is too big?" Temari calls from the other side of the door.

"It's okay," I say, feeling my face heat up again. Well, at least I think it is. I pull on the shirt and I have to say I'm pleased that doesn't look bad. I try on the jeans again and then I stare at myself in the mirror. Woah. That's creepy. I look like a…a normal person!!!

I show Temari and she's very pleased.

"Amazing!" she says loudly, "You have boobs." Kill me. Now. "Now try this on." She thrusts and miniskirt and a pair of what looks like gymnastic pants at me.

"Wait, I need more?" I ask her, dreading the answer.

She looks at me like I'm crazy, "You can't wear the same thing everyday." I can't? "Hurry up, I've got to be back at nine."

Oh, fuck.

--

After another hour of shopping for the most expensive clothes I've ever worn in my life, Temari decides I have enough and I take the subway home. I start work tomorrow, so I need as much rest as I can get. I quickly look over an essay for Literature and then take the subway again to a different station where I can sleep without worrying about the cops. I stuff my new clothes inside my already bursting sidebag and throw out the bags.. No need to attract attention. It's ten by now and there aren't many people in the station. I sneak into the bathroom and lock the door. I use my bag as a pillow I stretch my legs out and fall asleep like I'd done for almost nine years.

The next day, I fold up my clothes and hide them under a stack of crates so they won't get wrinkled. I try to avoid certain people but it doesn't work very well.

"Hey Haruno! What's up?" I slam my locker door shut and turn around to find Inuzuka and Hyuuga grinning at me. Well, okay, Hyuuga wasn't grinning, but Inuzuka was enough for both of them. Why won't they just leave me alone? Bastards, the lot of them.

"What?" I say shortly.

"Geez, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed."

Yeah, right. What bed?

"What do you want?" I say, annoyed that he just _won't go away_.

"Uh…wait, what did we want?" You stupid son of a- "Oh yeah, Naruto says that if you don't come down to lunch today, he'll…uh…do something."

I raise an eyebrow, "Really," I say sarcastically, "Then I suppose I'll just _have_ to come, won't I?"

Hyuuga looks vaguely amused, however, Inuzuka narrows his eyes, "Look, you bitch. Naruto and Hinata may have warmed up to you, but I haven't so don't you dare think that-"

"I don't have time for this," I say, cutting him off. Well I don't! Class starts in five minutes!

"Fine," I hear him yell after me, "Just be at lunch, bitch!" I roll my eyes, what a loser.

I enter my homeroom a few minutes early and review the chapter that I read last night before I went to work. That sounds kind of weird, going to work. I suppose I'll have to get used to it. I'm interrupted, from my reading, however, when Uzumaki stumbles in, his shirt sopping wet and transparent. Oh, lovely, just what I needed to see. To my horror he spots me and wanders over to me.

"Hey, Haruno," he says loudly, causing me to wince, "Coming to lunch?"

"Maybe," I say, "Now do you mind-"

Apparently not. He flops down in the desk next to me, shaking his head, causing excess water to spray me in the face. Deep breaths, Haruno, deep breaths.

"You should come," he insists, "Otherwise Ino will have my head."

Ino, I mean, Yamanaka will do what?

"What about Yamanaka?" I say sharply.

"Oh, nothing," he says and then yawns, "Man, I didn't want to go to school today." He shakes his head again and I grab my paper out of the way before it can get sprayed.

"Why are you all wet anyway?" I ask crossly.

"It's all that bastard's fault," he replies, "He dumped it on my head."

"Really," I say, feigning disinterest, "Why, may I ask?"

When Uzumaki turns bright red I decide I don't want to know. The awkward silence is forgotten when Uchiha walks in with a smirk on his face.

"You bastard!" yells Uzumaki, "I'll get you, I swear!"

The inevitable fight is postponed, thank god, as the bell rings.

The next few classes go more quickly than I would have liked them to and I find myself spacing out. What did Uzumaki mean about Yamanaka having his head? Was it her idea to invite me to eat with them? Nah, she hates me. Well, maybe not anymore, but…Argghh, this is too confusing! When did life get so complicated? As I walk to my second period class I see the headmistress berating some 1st year. I look at her carefully. Hmm…she and Sannin, or Jiraiya or whatever I'm supposed to call him, don't really look alike. But, holy shit, she really does have big…dammit, Temari's rubbing off on me!

Suddenly, it's lunchtime, and I'm not at all prepared. What to do, what to do? Personally, I'd really rather not go and waste precious time when I could be studying. However, Uzumaki will probably just find me and drag me off again. I scowl as I remember that unpleasant experience. Besides I don't have a lunch, as usual, which means if I go it'll just be _more_ awkward. I find myself walking slowly to my locker and open and stare blankly at my shoes.

Okay.... I look through my planner to find, to my horror, that I have absolutely no homework to be done. But…but that's impossible! Didn't I have that Math thi…oh, I did it in class. Goddammit. I bite my lip and stare at the inside of my locker. What should I do? I crouch in front of my locker and sigh. What the hell am I doing anyway? I look in my wallet and frown. Sure, I have way more money than any than most high school students have in their teenage lives in this little thing, but I'd really rather not spend it. I always split half the stuff I get (coughstealcough) and use half of it to buy food/clothes/school books.. etc., and the other half goes into this wallet where my entire lifesavings is. I'll keep saving this stuff until I get a real job and earn enough to actually live inside somewhere.

I stand up and zip up my sidebag just how I like it. With both zippers in the middle so I can open it easily. I pull my bag that is considerably lighter than it was before onto my shoulders. I close my eyes and exhale deeply. It couldn't hurt that much to just bring a lunch next time so I don't feel do damn awkward, would it…No! What am I talking about? I've never spent any of this money, even when I was starving! If I start now, who'll be able to say that I can stop? If I get used to spending money frivolously there's no future for me.

This is all Yamanaka's fault! I don't know how, but it is! What should I do? What the hell should I do…okay, what the hell am I complaining about? Seriously, this is stupid I'll just go to the library and read a book or something. I'm such a moron; getting all worked up over nothing. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. I'm suddenly feeling very cheerful and everything seems very simple.

…Except for the fact that I seem to be right in front of the cafeteria. That's really creepy. I was thinking so deeply that I didn't realize where I was going. Actually, I'd be pretty cool if it wasn't for the fact that-

"So you actually came, Haruno? To tell the truth I was pretty sure you weren't going to show," I turn around to see Hyuuga and then scowl. Why is _he _here? He wasn't here yesterday. I instinctually cross my arms in front of my chest, but Hyuuga doesn't say anything else and just walks past me into the cafeteria. I shift from one foot to the other in sheer nervousness. What am I doing here again? This was so much easier when Uzumaki dragged me here because then I didn't have to want to be here, I just was.

"Oi, Haruno, are you coming or are you just going to stand there?" I look to my left in surprise to see Uchiha smirking at me. I glare at him. Oh well. I suppose I'll have to now.

(1) Yeah, Sakura doesn't like Sasuke very much.

(2) ~$6.50

(3) ~$7.40

**A/N: This was a bit of a filler chapter. I still really haven't decided whether I'm going to put Orochimaru or Itachi in. I'm also considering Konohamaru as well. Anyway, if this chapter seemed a little weird, that's because I've been in a really strange mood these past two weeks. **

**Regarding chapter 347 (or 348 I can't remember) of the Naruto manga for those who have read it; my only explanation is that Kishimoto must have stumbled upon the strange realm of Fanfiction. XD**.


	9. Just Another Day in Paradise

Chapter Nine-

I sort of get into this routine, I guess. I would go eat lunch in the cafeteria and then not eat dinner to make up for the money I spent. I still don't talk that much; my anti-social habits got the best of me; but it was nice, I guess, to have people I could sort of relate to. Hinata is still the person I talk to the most, though.

She's confided in me a lot more about her depression. I personally thought I wasn't doing much, but she keeps thanking me. She still comes to me sometimes with that horrible look on her face, which means I have to go get my first aid kit again, but she's slowly getting better, I think. I can't do much on the weekends because I don't have a phone, but sometimes I'd talk to her after school. She's the only one I told I had a job, but that's only because she wanted to do something that coincided with it. I haven't told her anything about where I live, though. I don't think I'll ever tell anyone. But if I were to tell someone, it'd probably be her.

School is almost out now and the teachers seem to have given up on trying to make us work. I'm beginning to feel slightly apprehensive, though. What if something went wrong? I had recently turned in my (fake) identification to what would be my new school next year, but what would happen if they saw through it? I'm not exactly an expert on these things and I sure as hell hadn't put the thing together myself, but more about that later.

My first day at work…was interesting, I suppose. Temari thought I was crazy when I came in without makeup on and proceeded to put all this weird stuff on my face and then _burned _my fucking hair with some metal contraption. I thought that was bad, but then she started _ripping out _my_ fucking eyebrows_. Yeah, seriously. I was wearing that red shirt that I bought and some really, really, tight jeans. I thought I looked okay, but apparently not, because Temari made me change. She wanted me to wear one of those stupid miniskirts that she forced on me but changed her mind when I put it on and said something like, "Winter's over, Sakura. You got to do something about your legs."

Then she started rambling on about how I was worse than her brother, Gaara something or other, who apparently wears eyeliner…whatever that is. I spent my first shift behind the bar trying to ignore the people who looked like they were having _sex_ in the middle of the dance floor and trying to figure out where the hell drunks learn to talk. After a few days, I sort of get used to it, though seeing two (or three) people doing…_that_ will never _not_ be scary.

A few weeks after I started work, I got a letter from my future university, saying that my identification information didn't match. They said it had been probably been written in wrong and that I needed to redo it. I completely freaked out to the point where even Jiraiya noticed. I eventually told him that I didn't have any real identification and he said he could figure it all out. I didn't really have much confidence in him, so I was really surprised when he came up with everything I needed the next day. He mentioned something about having connections in the government and made me wonder if his sister knows what kind of business he's into. Temari finally got fed up with my supposed inability to wear miniskirts, handed me a razor and what looked like men's shaving cream, and told me that if I didn't shave my legs, she'd make sure I'd get serving duty, instead of being (safe) behind the bar.

So now I'm standing in a bathhouse half and hour before closing time on a Saturday, with the 'tools' she gave me wondering what the fuck I'm doing.

…So, I have this razor and 'shaving cream.' Right. I've seen girl's shaving their legs before, but I never got the point of the 'cream.' Then again, maybe it protects you from cutting your legs open. I squeeze a bit of it out of the top. Hmm…doesn't look like anything special. Eww…and it's sticky too. Well, I'm assuming that Temari knows what she's doing, so I suppose I'll attempt to use it.

I mange to spread a bunch up my entire left leg. I wash away the extra shaving cream from my hand and stare at my leg. It looks really strange. I pick up the razor and then pause. What if I cut my leg open? That's bound to hurt. But then again, it can't be that dangerous. I mean, girls wouldn't shave their legs if they cut them open half the time…right? Oh what the hell, let's just get this over with! I bring the razor down my thigh and stop at my knee, because so much cream has accumulated at the edge of the razor. It really doesn't look that different, but when I touch it I realize there's no hair on it. Okay, what they hell? If you can't tell I have hair on my legs unless you touch them, why the fuck am I shaving them? It's not like anyone's going to be touching my legs and live to tell the story anyway. But then again, Temari could tell, couldn't she? I grumble under my breath and unwillingly finish what I started. As I leave the bathhouse, I wonder what the fuck I got myself into.

--

"Oh my God, Sakura, you look human!" Temari says.

"Shut it," I tell her and she smirks at me. I slide behind the bar and drop my bag on the floor. At first I felt uncomfortable wearing this skimpy stuff in here, but I got used to it. I take a quick look around and pull a book, a notebook, and a pen out of my bag. I pull up a chair and I am about to start translating a paragraph into English, but someone behind me clears their throat. I whirl around to see Temari with her eyebrows raised. I flush. Fuck, I am _so_ fired for this.

"You know I was actually expecting to find something like drugs, Sakura."

She saunters over and looks over my shoulder at my book.

"Oooh, English, huh?" she says, "You know you just could have asked me, I'm fluent."

I'm shocked out of silence, "In English?"

She rolls her eyes, "No, in Portuguese. Yeah, I lived in England for awhile. Well, actually my father is English."

She gets a strange a look on her face when she mentions her father. I can't exactly tell what it means, but I don't question her, just in case. I'm just glad that she doesn't care that I'm doing my homework on the job.

"Oh, by the way Sakura, you're forgetting something."

I look up too see her holding her makeup bag with a sadistic grin on her face. Crap. I was hoping she would forget about that.

Ten minutes later Temari leaves me glaring into the mirror. I look like one of those stupid girls from my school. Indeed, I'm not sure anyone from Konoha would even recognize me. I mean, to school I wear old, baggy, jeans, and long sleeved, plain colored shirts. I wear neither makeup nor jewelry. Now, my hair has been…er…straightened? Yeah, that's the word. Temari almost poked my eyes out with this thing that makes my eyelashes darker and then drew a line on my eyelid and then put weird colored stuff she called eye shadow on it. I have a chest, I'm wearing a shirt that doesn't go past my thighs, and a miniskirt, which I loathe. All in all, I look like a first class whore. Or at least I think so. No one else seems too. Which is good, I guess, 'cause then I'd have real problems. I walk out of the back room again and take my place behind the bar. We get the most customers from about ten to one-thirty, which is when "Gama Sennin" closes. I still have yet to figure out why anyone would name a club "The Toad Hermit." .

"Hey, you're pretty cute," a man says, looking at me in a way that I'm not exactly comfortable with. Wait…did he say cute?

"If you think I'm cute," I say, "You need glasses."

He looks confused for a second and I take this opportunity to take another order. Haha, loser.

I've come to the conclusion that anyone who comes to this club is stark, raving, mad. I mean, seriously, they're all insane! Half of them have their hair dyed some unnatural color (like I should be talking), and the other half have their eyebrows pierced, or something like that. All they do is get drunk and then trash the place. And then there are the girls who stand in the front in barely any clothing. Don't even get me started on them.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it's one-thirty and the club slowly clears out. I stuff my finished translation into my bag and then go change back into my regular clothes. It'll be two by the time I get back and then I get five hours of sleep. Joy. Getting 25 hours of sleep a school week isn't healthy, but I catch up on the weekends, so I'm okay. I don't particularly like my job, but hell, it's much better than stealing. I've been able to save up a lot more money and I have just enough to eat more than one meal a day and take baths more often.

I'm halfway to the bus stop when I hear footsteps behind me. It usually wouldn't be such a big deal, but it's two in the morning and it's only one person. Fuck. I swallow and clench my fists. I walk a little faster and the footsteps speed up. I put my hand on my chest to stop the panic welling up. Shit, shit, shit. This is _not_ good. I walk even faster and the person's footsteps behind speed up again. I turn the corner and swear softly. I'm at the bus stop, but it's empty. Before I have enough time to decide what to do, a short man comes around the corner. I automatically go sit down at the far end of the stop and look to the side, completely ignoring him. I hear the footsteps again and my hands clench; my palms beginning to sweat.

"Hey, babe, remember me?"

I turn my head to look at him forcing myself to keep calm. I can and will get out of this. I receive a slight shock as I see his face. It's the same guy from the club earlier.

"Do you want something?" I ask coolly, though every cell in my body is telling me to get away and now.

He smirks down at me and I'm suddenly aware that he has a ring in his lip. Eww. He plops down in the seat next to me and puts his hand on my thigh. I stand up suddenly and I wrench his hand away before I even realize what I'm doing.

"Don't touch me," I tell him, wiping my hand on my pants. He leans back in the seat and parts his legs lewdly. I stare at him in disgust.

"What the fuck do you want?" I say angrily, my temper getting the better of me.

"You know what I want," he says, smirking at me. Despite myself, I shiver and back away.

He stands up and I suddenly realize how much larger he is than me. I back up into the Plexiglas wall of the bus stop.

"Don't-" I start, but suddenly he's much too close.

"Shhh…" he says softly, reaching out his hand to touch my hair.

_"Tenten…"_

I feel a slimy hand at my waist and then I lose it. I push him off me and he collides into the transparent wall. My hand plunges into my pocket and I pull out my pocket knife and open it, fury making logical thought impossible. He pulls himself up, blood making it's way down the side of his face.

"You fucking bitch!" he yells, his voice echoing up and down the empty street, only illuminated by one old looking lamp, "I'm going to kil-" he stops as he sees my pocket knife, a sudden fear on his face.

Something is off. This isn't my pocket knife, it's much too large. I glance down and I'm shocked to see dried blood encrusting the blade. My eyes widen slightly, but then I catch myself and improvise.

"You-" the man says backing up, his eyes wide.

"That's right," I say, "Do you want me to kill you too?"

I smile at him and take a step forward.

"Hey, hey, w-wait…"

Five seconds later I am standing alone at the bus stop. I close Hinata's pocket knife, drop it into one of my large pockets, the smile sliding off my face. That was close. Too close. What if next time there's more than one? What if next time they have a knife? Or even worse, a gun? Tomorrow, I'll ask Temari about a safer route.

I take two buses and sleep in the subway station bathroom again. The pick pocketing problem has stopped, at least around here, so the police are gone. It's also nice and cool in the station. And that cardboard box got way too uncomfortable.

I slept very well that night. It was strange because I'd have thought I'd be more shaken. I'd have thought I would be terrified of going anywhere alone anymore. But, I'm not. Weird, huh? Just another day in paradise indeed.--

The first few periods of the next day go by quickly (as usual) and at lunch I once again find myself sitting at their table. Hinata's sitting next to me and keeps making attempts to have a conversation with me, but it isn't working. Haha, my antisocial-ness prevails!

"Oi, Sakura, are you doing anything this weekend?"

I look up from my statistics homework in surprise. Why would Yamanaka care what I'm doing on the weekend?

"No…" I say warily, but then I remember and am forced to remedy my statement, "Well, I do have work…"

"You have a job?" Yamanaka asks, looking more interested than I like the look of.

"Yeah…" Crap! Why'd I tell her that?

"Where do you work?"

I decide that I'd rather not tell her I work in a club (they'd all probably come and get drunk there), so I just tell her I work in a restaurant.

"What's it called?" she asks me, leaning forward slightly.

"Er…" Shit, this is not good!

"You work in a restaurant?" Uzumaki asks, saving me from answering Ino's question. Finally, he does something worth praise!

"Yes," I say shortly, not relishing being the center of attention.

"Hey, hey, do they have ramen there?"

I stare at him. Does he think of anything else besides ramen and his stupid boyfriend? Wait, bad question.

"No."

"Why not," he whines, "You should tell your boss to sell it."

"No thanks," I say and take another bite of cold chicken.

He glares at me for a second, "So you wanna come with us this weekend?"

I raise my eyebrows at him. What the hell is he talking about?

"What?"

He rolls his bright blue eyes at me. "We're going to see a movie," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "And you're coming."

I open my mouth to argue, but Yamanaka intervenes, "It's called 'Ran,'(1)"she tells me, "It's a samurai movie."

I stare at her. I dunno, this just may be me, but aren't samurai movies, well…old? And not to mention out-of-fashion. And if I think it's out-of-fashion, then it definitely is.

"Why?" I blurt out. I'm kind of curious now.

She grins and for a second there's a strange feeling in my chest, "They're hilarious. Really. We just go to make fun of them."

Well that's kind of weird. And not to mention pointless. It doesn't make any sense and I have enough money problems without squandering money on stupid samurai…

"We're seeing it at 2:15 on Saturday at the theater right next to the train station. Don't be late."

…Oh, well, I guess I won't be eating on Saturday then. (2)

European History is probably one of the easiest, most boring, and most pointless classes I have ever taken. For God's sake, I live in Japan! Europe is thousands of miles away! I really don't care what happened in France in 1548! Sure the European nations are powerful and important and how they became the way they are now can effect their decisions as a country, but I DON'T CARE! I just want high school to be over! Then I can get onto university and hopefully get a dorm room. And a shower! And a bed! Another bad thing about this class is that Hyuuga is in it. He sits behind me, (Curse my choice of last name) which is very irritating. He's such a bastard! I don't know what Tenten saw in him. I mean, he has longer hair than she did!

The bell rings and I head down to my locker. Haha, school is over! Everyday I bring my 'work clothes' to school and stuff them in my locker (3) and I pull out a pair of long purple shorts, a stretchy orange shirt with a heart on it. It says in English "Love is everywhere. Heart! (4)" These people really need to learn how to speak English. Even I know better than that. I also pull out some stupid looking white jacket that half the length of the shirt that makes it nearly impossible to lift my arms in the air. I stuff them in my bag and close my locker and lock it.

"Haruno," comes a calm voice from behind me.

I whirl around in shock, the words "Hey, babe," suddenly coming to mind.

However, it's not that man from the bus station, though I almost thought it was. Hyuuga is standing before me with a determined look on his face. Oh, fuck.

"What?" I say shortly, wishing I were anywhere but in this situation. Oh, crap, this is really bad. There's only one reason I can think of, of why he would want to talk to me alone.

"Shit," I think, "He knows."

"How did you know her?" he asks, and we both know whom he's talking about.

"None of your business," I snap at him, feeling trapped.

He raises an eyebrow. Bastard.

There is silence as we stare each other down. I don't know how long we stood there, but suddenly I began to feel very uncomfortable.

"Fuck off," I say and turn away from him, breaking eye contact.

I've got to get away from here. The situation is going from bad to worse.

"You don't really live in a house, do you." It's not a question.

I turn back to stare into his almost pupil-less eyes. My hands are shaking and suddenly my stomach feels cold.

"Wh-Where do you get that idea from?" I manage to cough out; my throat dry.

A slight furrow appears between his eyebrows, "Don't play dumb with me, Haruno."

I swallow, "What business is it of yours?" I say, but it doesn't sound as nearly as confident as I'd liked it to.

He takes a step closer and my heart nearly stops.

"What the fuck do you want?" I hiss, feeling even more trapped.

The furrow deepens and suddenly I realize that Hyuuga is angry.

"You know what I want," he says, though I detect rage in his voice.

_"Hey, babe, remember me?"_

_"Don't touch me."_

_"What the fuck do you want?"_

_"You know what I want."_

_"Shhh…" he says softly, reaching out his hand to touch my hair._

"What does it matter to you?" I say angrily, the horrible cold feeling getting worse, "Why the hell do you care?!"

I'm too angry to think rationally and I pivot and storm angrily past him. I feel an hand on my arm and suddenly I'm face to face with Hyuuga, who's looking furious.

_"Tenten…" I think desperately, "Is this what happened to you?"_

_I feel a slimy hand at my waist and then I lose it._

"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!!" I scream, wrenching away from him.

The fear and anger and disgust are all mixed up into one. And I run. Far, far, away from that semi-lit hallway and that dark bus station. I reach the nearest bathroom, which is thankfully empty, lock a stall and sit on the toilet seat, panting. I wrap my arms around myself and shake. That bastard. That fucking bastard. What if…what if…what if Hyuuga was the one who…to Tenten

It takes a while for me to remember that no, Hyuuga Neji would never do that, and no, I'm not out on the street, and Hyuuga just was curious about how I got Tenten's bag. But I'm still afraid. I don't want to leave the bathroom. I'm so fucking afraid. I hate being this way but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to leave here, but I do at the same time. I eventually unlock the bathroom stall and then I'm standing in front of the mirror again, just like I was after she died. I hug my shoulders and wish, that just this once, someone cared. Because I'm so lonely, even though I'd never admit it. And sometimes, sometimes, I just wish…I just wish that I had somebody. It's stupid, but…there it is.

I'm pacing around the small bathroom now. I want to leave, but I'm too much of a coward. I check my watch and realize that I've been in here twenty minutes. Hyuuga is probably gone. I take a deep breath and gently push open the worn door. I stick my head out and feel stupid when I realize that there's no one going to be here at this hour. I scowl and tentatively make my way back to my locker. There's no one in front of it and I realize that there was no point in going back there because I'm already wearing my outdoor shoes. I end up sitting down against my locker and doing my homework there. I'll have to leave for work eventually, but I'd rather put that off until later.

--

I end up subtly asking Temari a different, busier route to get home. If she guesses why, she never gives any indication of it. I avoid Hyuuga the next two days and I guess it wasn't until the incident at my locker that I actually understood what could have happened to me. I could have easily ended up like Tenten. I get slightly jumpy when walking to and from work, but after two days it was like it never happened. It's much easier that way. I still eat lunch at their table, but I avoid even looking in Hyuuga's direction. Hinata notices something , but I just tell her I'm tired. The ultimate excuse for strange behavior.

On Saturday I wake up and remember the movie. I'm not entirely sure I want to go. I mean, I said I did, but one, it sounds boring and two, Hyuuga will be there. I trudge back to the alley not really intent on what I'm doing. I sink down by the empty crates and my cardboard box and pull out the old worn picture of Tenten and I from my wallet. Will it ever stop hurting, I wonder.

My train of thought is cut short when I hear yelling. I stand up and grip my knife inside my pocket. I frown slightly, there's no way someone's drunk this early, right?

"You little fucker!"

"Let me go, you bastard!"

"This'll teach you to never try and steal my wallet again, you fucking son of a bitch!! "

It's a man's and a boy's voice. I creep closer to the noise and then flatten myself against the wall as an angry looking business man leaves. I peer around the corner to see a boy about 13 or 14 sitting against the wall. His jaw is bleeding profusely and from the look of his clothes, he's been wearing them for awhile. He sees me before I can get away and glares.

"What the fuck do you want?"

(1) It's a real movie that's based off Shakespeare's King Lear (I think). It's really boring and I don't really know why it's in here. It just is. Deal with it.

(2) You've probably been noticing that Sakura's being a bit of a push over lately and doing whatever Ino and co. tell her to. That's mostly because she's lonely since her only friend's dead and despite how antisocial she claims she is, she sort of likes them. Sorry, as always; the attraction to Ino will come later.

(3) Japanese lockers are about the size of American gym lockers and are generally used only for special school shoes but Sakura puts other stuff in there as well. Also, Japanese textbooks are pretty small, so it's plausible that Sakura would be able to put them in her locker.

(4) Ingrish!

****

A/N: Haha! Cliffhangers are my life. It's sad, but true. Anyway, sorry for the wait. I've been busy wasting my time elsewhere. Yes, Neji has guessed Sakura's secret…oh, the drama. Also, if you remember Sakura takes Hinata's pocket knife away and just sticks it in her pocket with her pocket knife. I know that Ino is supposed to be everyone's friend and she only seems to hang out with a certain group, but that's only during lunch time and I think I'll put in a little more about Ino next chapter. Which reminds me, next chapter is Konohamaru! Yeah! So review! Now!


	10. Disengaged Surrealism

Chapter Ten-

Not good. At all. But before I can get the fuck out of here, I notice that he's glaring at me like _I_ was the one who beat him up. So, of course, I have to glare back.

"Oi, are you deaf or something?" he asks, still glaring at me.

"Shut up, brat," I say and turn away. I need to get away. It's not good for me to talk to this kid.

"Hey, hey, where are you going, nee-san (1)?"

…Nee-san? What the fuck?

"None of your business," I say smoothly, but then he's standing right next to me.

I raise an eyebrow and look him up and down. He's nearly a head shorter than me and he has a weird grin on his face.

"What the hell do you want?" I say moving a few feet away from him.

Suddenly, I feel his hand on my outer thigh and I panic. I'm about to punch him in the face and then run, but then I realize his hand's in my pocket. I grab his wrist and yank him towards me.

"Let go of me, you bitch!" he yells struggling to get out of my grasp, "Let…go!"

"Do you really think that's going to work?" I ask amusedly, "That's _definitely_ not how to grab a wallet. No wonder you're in such bad shape."

"And you can do better?" he snaps at me, still trying to pull free.

Is that a challenge? "You bet," I say and start dragging him away.

"Let me go, you pervert!" he says, starting to sound scared.

Pervert? Like- I cut off that train of thought and roll my eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not into little boys."

He gapes and even stops struggling, "A-are you into _girls_ then?" he says sounding awed.

I raise an eyebrow, "Nope, not into girls."

"What about goats?"

I stop and stare at him, "Goats," I repeat, "Uh…no…"

"Horses?"

"No."

"_Rocks_?"

"Listen, you little brat-"

"Anything?"

I roll my eyes and pull him through an alley and into a cheap café. I order two sandwiches and shove him into a chair, throwing the sandwich in front of him. He grabs it and wolfs it down like he hasn't eaten in days. Which, I think, he probably hasn't. Some people are staring at his bloody jaw, but I ignore them. And ew…I thought _I_ had bad table manners.

"Mear bu tannea beeet dat?" he says through a mouthful of food.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you gonna eat that?" he says, pointing to my sandwich.

I shake my head and he grabs it and stuffs it into his mouth.

"You're going to get sick if you keep up that rate," I say unconcernedly.

Nothing.

"Oi, kid!"

"Huh?"

Geez, this kid reminds me of Uzumaki. And that's saying something.

"Slow down."

"But I'm hungry!"

"I don't care."

He narrows his eyes, "Bitch."

I ignore him and he finishes his sandwich .

"So…" he says, "Who are you?"

"That's my line," I reply, "You _did_ try to steal my wallet."

He shrugs and then narrows his eyes, "Why do you want to know my name?"

"Well, unless you want me to keep calling you 'kid'…"

To my surprise, he doesn't seem to concerned, "I don't care," he says shrugging his shoulders.

He winces and gingerly touches his jaw, "You're going to need to get that cleaned up," I say.

"And how would I do that?" he says angrily.

Oh what the hell? "C'mon," I say and grab for his wrist.

"Hey, I can walk you know!"

"I doubt it," I mutter.

"Listen you bitch-" he says loudly and then clamps his hands over his mouth. I smirk and he glares at me. Again.

We walk back to the alley, the voice in the back of my head is telling me that this is a really bad idea and I should just ditch this kid. But for some reason I can't.

"Hey, hey, where are we going?"

I don't answer him and he grabs the fabric of my shirt and pulls, "Oi, nee-san!"

"What are you, five?" I ask him.

"Shut up. I can't ask a simple question?"

I turn the corner and pull out my first aid kit out of my bag.

"C'mere brat."

"My name isn't 'brat,' you bitch!"

"Then why don't you tell me what it is?"

'Arghhh! You're so annoying!"

And you aren't? But he sits down anyway and mumbles incomprehensibly. I start to disinfect his cut and he yelps.

"Oww! That fucking hurts!"

"Get over it," I tell him, but for some reason that doesn't seem to help. I wonder why?

By the time, I eventually (somehow) manage to get the bandage on his face, I realize that it's 5:30. Shit. Yamanaka is going to skewer me.

"What's wrong with you?" the brat asks.

"Nothing. Go away."

"Hey, hey! _You're_ the one who dragged me here. I'm not leaving."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. I'm comfortable and if you want me to leave you're going to have to…uh… never mind."

"Fine," I say, "I'll let you stay if you tell me your name."

Huh?

"Hey that's not fair!"

"So is life."

He glares at me for a second and then mumbles something.

"What? Speak up, I can't hear you."

"I said, it's Konohamaru!"

I blink. Konohama…What?

"Don't you dare laugh," he says, his face bright red.

"Your real name, if you please."

He narrows his eyes, "That is my real name," he says, gritting his teeth.

"Riiiiight."

He's blushing and is gripping the fabric of his worn looking (not to mention dirty) shorts.

"So…Konoha as in the city…?"

"SHUT U…oh, yeah, the city."

"…As in…this city?"

"No, the _other_ Konoha!" he says sarcastically, "What are you stupid or something?"

"…_You're_ calling _me_ stupid?"

"Arghhh! You're so annoying!!!" he says for the second time.

I scoff and look away. Goddammit!!! How could I forget about that stupid movie thing? It's all this 'Konohamaru's' fault! Stupid kid with his stupid name…

"Hey, hey, nee-san do you live here?"

I blink and look around to find him messing with the stuff in my (emphasis on _my_) cardboard box.

"Oi, don't touch that!"

He drops my history book and holds his hands up defensively, "Fine be that way," he says and then in an undertone, "Bitch."

I roll my eyes and rearrange the books and other crap in my box.

"So, _do_ you live here?"

"No," I say shortly, trying to make him get that I don't want him here.

"Fine; do you sleep here?"

"No." Why the heck would I sleep here? The subway station is way better; and much safer.

"Then why is your stuff here?" he asks curiously.

"Will you just shut up?!" I say angrily, "Just do me a favor and go away!!"

"Keh, why should I do that?" he says, unfazed.

"Because I bought you food and put a bandage on the sorry thing you call a face."

"Hmmm…good point…HEY!!"

He starts swearing and I space out. What the fuck was I thinking when I decided to help this kid? I suppose he sorta reminded me of myself when I was his age… but that has nothing to do with it! I can't believe I practically _led_ him to where my stuff is! That's just asking for it to be stolen!

"…stupid asshole! And Goddammit, are you even listening to me?!"

"Uh…no?" I sat distractedly.

"Hey, hey, nee-san, how old are you?"

Oh my god, this kid is bipolar or something…

"Seventeen…"

"That's so cool!! I want to be seventeen! It sucks being fourteen! Hey, hey, when are you turning eighteen?"

"March 28th, and why do you care?"

"Jeez, I was just _asking_. God, you don't have to be so rude!"

I rub my temples. This kid really reminds me of Uzumaki…that blond bastard.

"Whatever. I'm going to get some dinner now and you're coming with me," I say

"Huh, why? I though you didn't like me."

"I don't. I'm just not leaving you alone with my stuff."

"Hey, I'm not going to steal your stupid books!"

Like I'm going to believe that…

_Forty-five minutes later_

"Fine!" I hiss, "Fine! I'll buy you some stupid food, now let go off my legs!!"

God, this is so embarrassing!! What possessed me to bring this brat along?!

Konohamaru (God, what a name) grins and gets up from his seated position. Also known as on my feet.

"Heh, heh, I knew you'd come around!"

Damn. At this rate I'm going to be late for work. I buy him the cheapest meal there is and sit fuming as he gobbles it up.

"Numnumnumnumnum…mmm, I love food!" he declares after finishing his miso udon.

I check my watch and scowl. I have to leave now. I just hope to god this brat doesn't remember the way back to where my box is/steal anything.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Work."

"You have a job? Then why are you homeless?"

I wheel around and glare at him hard, "Not so loud, you fucking idiot!"

"Sorry…God," he says, annoyed, though a bit quieter.

He follows me outside and then repeats the question.

"None of your business," I tell him.

"I'm coming with you."

It takes me a minute to comprehend what he said.

"No. Fucking. Way."

"Hey, hey, where do you work? What's it like there? What do you do? Is it fun? How are the other workers? Are there other workers?"

He's not listening to me, is he? Damn him.

--

Eventually, he pulls the whole 'grab Sakura's legs and yell obnoxiously (in a public area, of course) until she lets you do what you want' and I buy him a bus ticket. On the bus I explain to him that he has to stay in the backroom until I'm done, but I don't think he paid much attention. He was too busy looking out the window like he was five or something. We (it sounds so strange to say that) get off at our stop and I walk through the maze of rather…original stores. The first time I walked through here scarred me for life.

"Woah, nee-san! What kind of store is th-"

"Shut up," I say, blushing furiously. I start to walk faster, dragging Konohamaru with me.

"Holy shit, are those two girls??"

My head snaps up to see a sultry looking poster on a store window that sells what seems to be porn vids and sex toys. But I'm not focusing on the store. My eyes are glued to the poster. It's of two women, as Konohamaru pointed out. One woman has long brown (obviously dyed) hair and the other has short black hair. And they're completely naked. Which would have been bad in itself if it weren't for the other…thing. The women with the brown hair has the women with black hair pinned to what looks like a brick wall. Her hand is shoved between the other's spread legs and she's licking the black haired women's chest. The black haired women is arching into her touch, her face is bright red. She has her hands in the brown women's hair and she has this weak look on her face. Her eyes are half-closed and her mouth is hanging open with pleasure.

My mouth drops open. O-Oh my God! I suddenly feel hot all over and my mouth is like a desert. There's this strange feeling in my lower, lower, lower, abdomen that makes me want to-

"Hey, that's kind of hot," Konohamaru says.

What the hell? Can he read my mind?

I grab his arm and drag him away. What is wrong with me? A thought comes to mind, but I abandon it quickly. There's no way. There's just no way I was

_……turned on by that._

That was porn for God's sake! That stuff is sick! It's fucking gross. There's no way I…I liked it! Konohamaru is saying something, but I ignore him and just run faster. The faster I go, the more I'm able to calm down. I'm fine. Really. I was just shocked that they would put such a mind blowi- indecent picture in a store window. Isn't that illegal or something? I didn't like it. I didn't.

_But then, why……why do I feel like..._

No way! Shut up! Shut up! I don't feel this way. I'm just sick or something! Maybe I didn't eat enough, or didn't get enough sleep? Maybe it's because that brat…

_But why am I imagining a slender hand between my legs, breasts against my own, hands in my hair, fingertips stroking my cheeks, soft lips against mine? Why am I thinking about a tongue in my mouth, long blonde hair grazing my forearms, willowy fingers or even a tongue playing with my nipples, perfect hands caressing my thighs? Why am I picturing a warm body, a female body, against my own. Why do I want this? What's-_

"Nee-san! Stop it! Goddammit! Slow down!"

"Wh-What?" I say, my voice shaking.

"Do you even know where you're going?" he says, out of breath.

He frees himself from my grasp and inspects his arm.

"Oh, man…" he says to himself, "This is gonna bruise…"

I scowl, getting a hold of myself, "Of course I know where I'm going!" I say harshly, more harshly that I expected.

He frowns at me and furrows his eyebrows, "…are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I say.

_What's…_

I look around and realize I'm only a few blocks away. We walk silently through the street and I don't look left or right until I get to the club.

"Gama Sennin?" Konohamaru says, incredulously, "What kind of name is that?"

I shrug, still feeling strange. Like this isn't me. Not that that makes sense… I walk around the back and wrench the door open. Konohamaru lags behind and I look over my shoulder at him.

"Are you coming or what?"

He scowls, "Oh course I'm coming! Hmph!" There is a pause, "Are you sure this is safe?"

I give him a look, "Jeez, I was just asking! No need to get so defensive!"

We enter the club and I walk through the kitchen and enter the backroom. I see a flash of blonde and black and suddenly there's a pressure on my shoulders.

"Sakura!! Thank god you're here! I thought you weren't going to show! Why are you so late anyway?" she babbles, shaking me by the shoulders.

I open my mouth to apologize to Temari for being late when Konohamaru speaks.

"Your name's Sakura? Heh, I guess it goes with the hair."

Temari blinks at Konohamaru, "Who is this?" she asks.

I shrug, "Just something I picked up of the streets."

"Hey," he protests, "You make it sound like I'm a dog."

"Wasn't I into dogs?" I ask him, yawning.

Crap, what did I just say?

"No, goats, nee-san, goats."

I roll my eyes, still feeling distant, "Oops, I forgot."

I look towards Temari who's staring at me. Shit.

She sighs, "I don't want to know, do I?"

"Err…no, you probably don't…

_"What's w…_

Then she grins, stretches her arms and yawns, "Well you're here, that's all that matters, so now we can…Sakura?"

When she raised her arms I noticed it. Black leather. She's wearing black leather. And is that a whip?!?

"Te-Temari? What are you wearing?!?"

She blinks and looks down. She tugs on the leather shirt…corset…thing, exposing even more of her chest. My mouth feels dry again and I feel a flush creeping up my face.

"Oh this?" Temari says, not noticing my dilemma, "It's just…why are you looking at me like that?"

I feel hot. Really, really, hot.

"W-What's with the whip?!" I manage to stutter out.

She smirks, "It's a turn on."

"Excuse me?"

"Aaa, never mind. It'd take too long to explain to a person like you."

What?

"Now, shoo, go get changed."

By now I know it's useless to argue with her and tear my eyes off that very, very, tight leather outfit. Is it just me or is the room hotter than before? I grab my clothes and head for the bathroom.

_What's wrong with me?_

When I'm done changing I enter the backroom to hear Temari and Konohamaru arguing.

"But I don't wanna stay here all night? Why can't I just sit out in the club?"

"Because you're not even eighteen, kid. You couldn't even pass for twenty if you wanted too."

"So? Who cares? It's not like the cops are gonna burst in here anytime."

"Just stay here, brat," I tell him.

He scowls, "Oh, not you too!"

"Stay here or I'll tell Temari your name."

He gapes at me, "That's playing dirty, you bitch!"

"I am dirty," I tell him, ignoring how strange it sounds.

_There's something wrong with me._

--

The night goes very long for me. Mostly because Temari has all the business in that leather suit or whatever it is of hers. Some time past twelve I realize I forgot my 'Sakura-chan' nametag and go back into the backroom to get it. I find it on the table and I'm about to leave when I realize something. Konohamaru's not here.

I turn around scanning the room again. Shit, where the hell could he have gone? I go to the bathroom, but there's no one in there. I head for the door to the club when I hear a yell from outside. Fuck!

I bang open the door and jump out. I hiss in anger at the scene before me.

"Let me go! You fucking perverts!"

There's a three drunk guys around him. Konohamaru has this horrible scared look on his faces and his jacket has been pulled off.

Oh God, they're not…!

"Hold still, you brat!" one says, grabbing Konohamaru and forcing him against the wall.

"Let him go," I yell, fumbling in the pocket of my mini-shirt for my pocket knife. I pull it out and open it, "Get out of here!"

Their heads all turn and I feel myself shiver.

"Heh, you don't scare us bitch!" the tallest of the three says.

"Hey, she's not bad-looking. Why don't we take her instead?" says another.

My stomach feels cold and I grip the knife harder, "Get out of here," I say, "Leave him alone."

They let go of Konohamaru and he slides down the wall, still in shock. They advance towards me, but I hold my ground.

"D-Don't come any closer," I say, cursing myself for stuttering, "I swear to God I'll stab you."

It wasn't like this before. Why were there suddenly so many perverts, so many rapists? How did I not know before? I don't understand…

One of them grabs my wrist and twists my arm. I struggle, but to no avail. I hear a high-pitched scream and it take seconds to realize that it was me.

"Let me go!" I yell, "You assholes! Fucking-"

"Shut up," I hear a voice say and then there's a hand over my mouth, "Just be quiet or we'll have to get rough."

I feel a hand on my leg and I bite the hand and sink my nails into the other one. I hear a yell and force the man off me. I see Konohamaru fighting another one and I take the man's head in one hand and tighten my grip on my pocket knife. This might be the bastard who killed Tenten. I'm about to strike when I hear a gunshot.

"What the fuck is going on here?

I turn around to see Jiraiya behind me. He's holding a small pistol and is pointing it toward us. Temari stands behind him, face pale, but determined.

"Get out of here," Jiraiya says. It's the first time I've seen him so serious, "We don't want your kind here."

The three men scramble out of the alley. I suddenly feel the weight of what I was about to do sink in. Thank god Jiraiya came when he did. Because I knew I would have killed them all.

I stand up and walk over to where Konohamaru is sitting.

"Hey," I say softly, "Are you okay?"

"Nee-san!"

In a flash he is up and grabs me around the middle. He crushes his head against me and shakes. I can't tell if he's is crying or not, but I awkwardly wrap my arms around him anyway.

We stand there for a while. I'm not sure how long. But it's nice, I guess, to be hugged. When you need it at least.

"You know, it's okay to cry sometimes, " I say to him, repeating the words Yamanaka said to me after my best and only friend in the world died, "It's okay."

Konohamaru doesn't move and I end up sort of dragging him along with me. Was it only hours ago that I didn't know he existed? It seems like much more than that.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask him as we get off the bus. He hasn't spoken for an hour.

He looks at me thoughtfully, "You need to get padded bras," he tells me.

My mouth drops open. And here I was expecting something deep and profound.

"You little…"

"No really, your boobs are really, really, small."

I rub my forehead. God, I'm too tired for this…

"Even a goat wouldn't want boobs that small," he says, "Hey, hey, I know a store where- OWWW!!"

"You were saying?"

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!!"

(1) Literally Ms. Older Sister (informal). In Japan, it isn't unusual to call someone who isn't your family a sister or brother, if you're close to them or being informal. Because Konohamaru is really familiar with people (another way of saying rude…) I thought it would work well.

****

A/N: Wow, this is my longest chapter yet. A lot of people said the whole Neji thing was scary and I suppose that was the point. It would be weird if the whole thing at the bus station had no effect on Sakura and I needed to tie in Neji somewhere. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Sorry, Ino wasn't in this one, but instead you got graphic descriptions of a lesbian porn poster…? And then there was the whole Sakura fantasying thing. That was hard to write. For some reason I really, liked this chapter. I had a lot of fun with the Konohamaru Sakura dialogue. Next chapter will take a while because I'm going to be out of the country for two weeks. Sorry. Please don't hurt me. And please review! I really enjoy hearing your comments! And see, see, not a cliffhanger! Yay!


	11. Last Week

Chapter Eleven-

When I wake up the next morning, I immediately notice that something extremely heavy is lying on my chest. Crap. I hate déjà vu. Alright, if it's Yamanaka I'm going to…Oh, never mind. It's just Konohamaru. Wait…fuck! He's drooling on my shirt. I like this shirt!

"Stupid brat," I mutter and push his head off me. He mumbles something that suspiciously sounds like, 'Five more minutes, okaa-san."

This gets me thinking. I never did ask him why he was running around trying to steal people's money. He apparently has a mother. Or had one. Whatever, I'll ask him when he wakes up. Since it's a Sunday, there's no cause for hurry and I stretch out leisurely and stare at the ceiling of the subway bathroom. This is my favorite place to sleep. It's big, the cleanest, has a lock on the outside door, and no one ever bangs on the door trying to get in during the night. I look at my watch. It's 12:00pm. My eyes widen. Shit! That's way too late to be in here! Even on a Sunday.

"Brat," I hiss, gathering my stuff up, "Get up!"

He mumbles something unintelligible. I stand up and kick him lightly on the leg.

"Owww," he hisses, now completely awake, "That hurt you bi-"

"Shut it," I whisper, "We've got to get out of here. Now."

"Whyyyyy," he whines, and then yawns "It's too early…"

"It's twelve o'clock, you idiot," I whisper, "Do you know how many people will be here now? It's a miracle that no one's called Maintenance to open up that door." I point to the door that leads to the subway station.

He groans and sits up, swearing softly.

"And to make it worse," I continue, "We're in a fucking _girl's_ bathroom."

"Oh, shit," he groans, "Why couldn't we have slept in the men's bathroom? You could pass for a guy."

"It stinks in there," I tell him.

"How would you know?" he says mischievously.

I roll my eyes and drag him unwillingly to his feet. I carefully unlock the door and open it slightly. The station is surprisingly empty, especially since it's lunch hour, which is a good or bad thing, depending on how you look at it. The good part is that there's less people to see us. The bad part is that the mother with three children and the older man are _bound_ to see us. Unless we go so fast they don't get a chance. I pull the door shut as silently as I can.

"Okay," I turn around to speak to Konohamaru, "We gotta go now. You go first, head down."

"Why does it matter if they see us or not?" he asks.

"Because then they'll remember us," I tell him, "And that's not a good thing."

He groans and mutters something about me being paranoid, but complies. One of the little kids sees us and yells something out, but we're around the corner and down the stairs way before the mother can see us.

"Happy now?" Konohamaru asks, panting, "Man, I hate running."

I ignore him as we walk through another hallway and then take the next subway back to the station closest to where my stuff is. When we get to my crate of things, Konohamaru slides down the wall in sheer exhaustion.

"Out of shape much?" I ask him, though I should hardly be talking.

He doesn't take the bait, for once, and merely waves his hand tiredly at me, "Shut up…"

I dig through my stuff, checking if everything is there. When I find nothing missing, I pull out some Statistics homework and we spend the next hour and a half in silence.

"I'm hungry," he says at about 2:00.

"We'll get something in a minute," I say, "Just let me finish this."

"What's that for, anyway?" he asks me.

"School."

"School? You go to school?" he says incredulously.

"Uh huh."

"How??"

"I got bored just sitting around and hacked into the school system and entered myself in." Why am I telling him this?

"…really?"

"Yep."

A pause.

"That's so coooool!" he says, "So you can hack into computers and stuff? That's awesome."

I shrug awkwardly, "Not really. I just decided I wanted to do something with my life, rather than be a bum."

"Ooh! What's your uniform look like?"

"I don't have a uniform."

"Really?" he says aghast, "Lucky!"

"I had to wear a uniform in Junior High, though," I tell him, scowling at those memories, "But now I don't." I yawn and then turn my eyes on him, "So what's you're story?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you here?"

He looks uncertain, like he's trying to figure out if he can trust me.

"My mom got arrested," he says finally, "She was gone for a week and then the landlord finally got tired of us being late with the rent. He kicked me out and took all our stuff."

I nod, "Father not in the picture?"

"Nope," he says, "My mom was never even married."

"What'd your mother get arrested for?" I ask curiously.

"Nothing!" he says vehemently, "Some cop started asking her all these questions and she refused to answer him and he took her away!"

"And they just left you all by yourself for a week?" I ask, frowning.

"Yep."

"What kind of questions did he ask her? Was it about something that happened in your neighborhood?" That's the only reason I can think of why the cop would take her to the police station.

"No," he says, looking upset, "Nothing like that. Just what her name was and…why we lived in such a crappy apartment."

"Why didn't she just answer them?" I ask, "I mean, sure they were nosy and rude, but they seem like harmless questions, right?"

Konohamaru looks uncomfortable, "Well…" he says, "My mom's kinda…"

I look at him expectantly.

"…she's kinda sick," he finishes.

"What's she have?" I ask curiously, "A.I.D.s?"

"No…not that kinda sick…like…she's…" he stumbles over his words, "Like sick in the head sick."

"Oh," I say, not knowing what else to tell him.

"Yeah," he says uncomfortably, "And she really doesn't like to be told what to do, so…" he trails off.

I should get off this subject. Konohamaru looks kind of upset.

"No relatives?" I ask.

"Well, if I have any, my mom doesn't talk to them," he says, "Or of them." He shrugs uncomfortably and then looks me in the eye almost pleadingly, "What about your parents?"

"Never knew 'em," I say, realizing that he doesn't want to talk about his mother anymore, "I think they're dead. Or that's what they told me where I used to live."

"How did you end up here?" he asks.

"Ran away from a foster home," I tell him, with surprising ease, "I got sick of being shuffled around and finally just left. I sat around here for a while and then realized I wasn't getting anywhere and decided to go to school to get out of this dump." I don't tell him about Tenten. I don't really want to talk about her.

I finish the last problem on my homework and look at my watch to figure out the date. I stare.

"What's wrong?" he asks me.

"I-" I start, but don't finish, I'm not really sure what to think, much less say. I swallow, "Today's March 4th."

"What about it?"

"I graduate the 9th."

"Oh, good," I hear him say, "I was worried I'd have to sit here and wait for you…Are you okay, nee-san?"

To tell the truth, I'm not really sure. It never really occurred to me that in a little more than a month I'd be in university(1). It seems like I've been in high school forever now. But now, I'm moving on. I suddenly realize what I've done. Holy crap, I've graduated junior high, and I'm now almost finished with high school. I'm going to university with a four year scholarship and I have a steady job.

Also, the 9th would have been Tenten's 19th birthday. It's something I've tried not to think about.

"Nee-san?"

"What?" I say thickly, furiously rubbing at my eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," I say, closing my eyes and leaning up against the wall. I grin up at the gray sky, "More than fine, really."

I turn to see Konohamaru raising his eyebrows at me, "Right," he says, looking unconvinced, "Can we eat now?"

I roll my eyes, tempted to ask why I should buy him a single crumb. But I don't because then he'll whine and be even more annoying than usual. Besides, I have the money, so why shouldn't I? Yeah, I know, I'm such a pushover.

--

We're sitting at a park, eating cheap food, I suddenly remember that yesterday I was supposed to go see a movie with 'them.' Thinking of that reminds me of a much more urgent problem. Hyuuga. I still have no idea what the hell I'm going to do about him. Sure, there's only five more days left of school, but I can seriously imagine him 'accidentally' telling on me to the Administration and getting me kicked out of school if I don't tell him what he wants to know. That asshole. Hmmm…what to do? I suppose I could confirm his suspicions and tell him that yes, I'm homeless, and I was Tenten's best friend. More like only friend, but saying best friend makes me feel better.

Goddammit, Tenten, I think. Why the fuck did you have to tell him? Would've made my life a whole lot easier if you hadn't. Then again, _I _was the one who gave him her bag…

"You've got that weird look on your face again," Konohamaru observes.

I blink. What weird look? He sniggers and I glare at him.

"Stupid brat," I mutter for the second time today.

He sticks out his tongue at me and I scoff.

"So," he says, "What's the problem?"

"Huh?" I look at him, surprised.

"You have that look on your face that means you're in a quandary," he tells me.

"Do you even know what that means…?"

"Yes!" he says hotly, and then grins, "You see, once I was really bored and I found a dictionary and-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," I say, raising my hands in surrender. I sigh, "It's nothing really. I mean it's just-"

Konohamaru clears his throat and gives me a look clearly saying, "Get on with it."

I scowl. Arrogant bastard.

"Well, one of the people in my school basically knows that I'm homeless," I tell him, "And I'm worried that he's going to mess up my chances by telling the school."

"Hey, hey, how does he know you're homeless?" he asks.

I shrug and mutter something about him being really perceptive, which is true, after all.

"Hmm…" Konohamaru says, scratching his head, "Well does he have a grudge against you or something?"

I shake my head. I really can't imagine Hyuuga Neji having a grudge against anyone. Well, maybe Tenten's killer, but- I cut that thought off. Don't think about that, I tell myself. It'll just make you feel worse.

"But you're not friends with him or anything, right?"

I snort. Yeah, right. The day I become friends with Hyuuga is the day hell freezes over, pigs fly, and Uzumaki says something intelligent.

"Okay…I'll take that as a no."

"No duh," I say.

Honestly. Me and Hyuuga?

"Well… you could just do it the old-fashioned way."

"Excuse me?"

"Break his nose. Or even better, his jaw. Then he can't talk."

I stare at him, "You're suggesting I break Hyuuga Hiashi's nephew's jaw?"

"Who the fuck is Hyuuga…you're kidding me," he says, eyes widening, "The nephew of the owner of one of the biggest car companies in the country goes to your school? A public school?"

I frown. I never really thought about it before, but why do Hinata and Hyuuga go to Konoha High School? Their family's fucking rich! And they're not stupid or anything, like Uzumaki and Inuzuka. Hmmm…I'll have to ask Hinata next tomorrow. After, of course, I come up with a good reason as to why I didn't go to that stupid movie. Ugh.

"Besides," I say, "What makes you think I could break his jaw in the first place?"

Konohamaru raises his eyebrows at me, "Nee-san, you hit really hard. Believe me," he says gesturing to his head, "I know."

I roll my eyes, feeling heat rise up in my cheeks. Well, I'm not about to argue with that.

"Back to the issue at hand…" I say, not wanting Konohamaru to go off on some stupid tangent.

"Well, you could tell him the truth and hope he won't tell anyone. But I don't really recommend that."

"Oh, thanks," I say sarcastically, "You're a big help."

"It's a pleasure to be of service," Konohamaru says, grinning impudently at me.

Later that day I go to work and unwillingly drag Konohamaru with me. Only because I'm worried what damage he'll inflict on the rest of the city if I leave him to his own devices, of course. Temari lectures me on how this district isn't like the rest of the city and I have to be extra careful around here. (Yeah, I kinda figured that out last night. Thanks for telling me in advance.) This time Konohamaru really does stay in the back room and thankfully the night remains uneventful. Well, as uneventful as a night can be at the Gama Sennin. I don't ask Jiraiya or Temari how they got that gun and they don't mention it. All I know is that it definitely wasn't a hunting gun (2). As we take the bus home, I tell Konohamaru that I'll being leaving at 6:30 tomorrow morning and that I'm waking him up as well. He whines about it for a while, but I know it's for the best otherwise he'd probably sleep there until noon again. I tell him I'll be back around 4:00 and then at 7:00 I have to go to work. I give him some money for lunch the next morning

When I get to school the next morning there's suddenly all these flyers around telling all the students the 3rd years are graduating on Friday and what to wear and the like. I scowl and pull one of the flyers from the inside of my locker and inspect it closely. Crap. It says that the third years are allowed to wear their own clothes but they have to be nice. I don't think my one pair of black pants that I bought to wear at the two past graduation ceremonies is going to count as nice (3). They'll probably want me to wear a dress or at least a skirt. And my work clothes are definitely not fancy enough. Hey, maybe I can ask Hinata if she has something I can wear! Never mind the fact that she's half a head shorter than me…

When they ask me why I didn't come on Saturday I tell them that I was planning on going, but my mother didn't like the idea of me going somewhere with people she didn't know. Apparently, my mother's very over-protective. I would've called someone (of course), but I lost the school directory. Everyone accepts the idea, except Hyuuga of course and I decide that I'll have to corner him after school and do exactly what Konohamaru didn't recommend.

Of course, right after I make that decision, school flies by and before I know it it's the end of the day.

By chance, as I'm walking up after going to my locker, I see Hinata.

"Hey Hinata!" I call and she turns around

"Hi, Sakura-san," she says politely. Without stuttering too. Amazing!

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you alone earlier," I say maneuvering to one side of the hallway, "But how have you been?" I ask, looking pointedly at her arms. Wow, I never noticed this before, but Hinata has really big boo…never mind.

"I'm fine," she says smiling slightly, "Really," she says more firmly after I raise an eyebrow.

"Ready for graduation?" I ask her.

She shrugs and I get that feeling that she's uncomfortable.

"It's not that I don't want to graduate it's just that…I d-don't know what to do afterwards."

"Well, are you going to university?"

She shakes her head.

"Specialty school then? You don't know what kind of job you want?"

What the hell?! Is she crying?

"Hinata?" I say, frowning.

I grab her arm and pull her into a more secluded hallway.

"I-I'm sorry," she stutters, "I did-didn't mean to start c-crying all over you, but…"

"But what?" I ask, "What's wrong?"

She dries her eyes and takes a few deep breaths, keeping her head down. I really want to know why she's so upset, but I don't want to scare her off so I wait.

"It's just that," she says to the floor, "M-My father wants to keep the company in the fam-f-family, right? And since apparently," her voice suddenly takes on an ugly tone, "my younger sister and I aren't _good_ enough, he wants…he wants…"

"What?" I say, impatiently, "What does he want?"

Hinata raises her head and looks me straight in the eyes, "Sakura-san," she says, a terrified look on her face, "He wants me to get married."

I stare at her, "M-married?"

"I t-told him a million times th-that I'm not interested and I-I'm dating Ki-Kiba-kun already, b-but he doesn't like Kiba-kun. N-not that I want to m-m-marry Kiba-kun, I mean I like him, but…I'm not ready to get married!" she says, shakily her eyes glued to the ground again, "H-he keeps bringing in all these 'prospective husbands' who are apparently fit enough for him to hand over the company to. And some of them are tw-twenty years older than me or something. He doesn't even c-care about my happiness! A-all he thinks about is his s-stupid company."

"M-married?" I stutter again, stupidly, "Is he crazy?! You're eighteen!"

She lets out a sob and shakes her head back and forth. I stare at her helplessly, unable to do anything.

"Hinata," I say weakly, "What will he do if you say no?"

"I-I d-don't know," she says, in-between sobs, "And I'm not s-s-sure if I want to find o-out."

"The only advice I can give you," I say sadly, "Is that you can't let him do this to you," I grab her shoulders and lean in close, "If push comes to shove, just move out. I'd let you move in with me, but…I don't really have enough room."

To tell the truth, I have exactly the opposite, way too much room. It's called: _outside._

"I j-just want to make him happy," she says, her sobs slowing down, "To m-make him proud of…of me for once. But I don't…I _can't_…"

"Don't," I tell her, " It's not worth you being miserable for the rest of your life."

"It's not?" she says softly.

My eyes widen, "Hinata!"

She shakes her head, "I didn't mean that," she sighs, "You're right. I won't let him push me around."

"If he doesn't stop bring men in, just leave. You could probably move in with Inuzuka, right?" I ask.

She nods, and rubs the remaining tears of her face, "Okay," she whispers, "Thank you."

I swallow, "No problem."

Thank God, she's stopped crying.

"Also," I say awkwardly, remembering the _real_ reason I asked to talk to her, "Well, uh, I sorta wanted…"

"What?" she asks curiously.

Okay, I feel like a bitch. Hinata's father is trying to marry her off and now I'm asking her if I can borrow a dress. Real nice, Haruno.

"Uh, you know graduation, right…" No, really? I don't think she does. Maybe you should tell her about it, "Well, it says-er- the flyer thing said you need to wear fancy clothes and I don't really…uh…"

"You don't have anything nice enough?" she says.

"Yeah."

God, she's being way too nice about this.

"Hmm…I don't have anything that would fit you…"

Oh, great.

"…but Ino-san might."

FUCK!

"Er…well, I don't really know her that well. I don't know if she'd let me…" I say desperately.

"Oh, don't worry," she says, a strange look on her face. Is that a smirk? "She'll _definitely_ let you borrow one. Since you don't have her number, I'll call her up tonight and ask her."

Okay, I'm officially not liking the tone of voice she used to say that. Not at all.

"Thanks," I say, cursing inwardly, "You're a lifesaver."

Hinata looks at her watch and cringes, "Oh no, N-Neji-ni-san is probably waiting for me!"

"Here, why don't you wash your face," I say, "I'll go tell him you got delayed, but you're coming soon."

"Th-Thanks," she says, smiling slightly, "He's by the main entrance."

Haha! I am a genius. Or incredibly stupid, based on what I'm about to do.

--

I walk through the empty hallways until I get to the main entrance. Hyuuga's standing there with his book bag, looking incredibly bored. I wonder if he knows about Hinata's father trying to marry her off. Now that I think of it, why doesn't the old man just give it to his nephew? Hyuuga seems like the business man type.

As I get closer I, he looks up and stares at me.

"Haruno," he says, raising and eyebrow questioningly.

"Hinata'll come in a while," I tell him, looking him straight in the eye, "She's says she's sorry to make you wait."

Hyuuga doesn't say anything and I stare him down.

__

I'm not afraid of you.

"Look Hyuuga," I say finally, "I know you want to, so just say it."

Hyuuga looks faintly surprised, "How did you come to be in possession of her bag?" he asks lightly, though I know he's very interested in the answer.

"Tenten was a friend of mine, if that's what you're asking," I say bluntly, "We lived around the same area."

His eyes widen in surprise at my admission. That's right, Hyuuga, think this over very carefully and if you dare tell anyone, I'll take Konohamaru's advice and break your jaw, I think.

"You _do_ know that I could get you into a lot of trouble?" he asks.

"Don't insult me, Hyuuga," I say, narrowing my eyes, "I'm not stupid."

He raises an eyebrow.

A random thought: Tenten said she met Hyuuga at the Gama Sennin, right? What the hell was he doing there?!

I wait a minute, but he doesn't speak.

"Well?" I ask impatiently, "Are you going to rat me out?"

"No," he says simply.

"Good. Don't you dare tell anyone," I say, gesturing towards to my right where I can see Hinata's form at the end other end of the long hallway.

"Fair enough," he says.

I grunt. He's being too passive.

"Don't trust me, Haruno?"

"Hell no."

"Well, then we have something in common."

I raise an eyebrow and then smirk at him.

"Hey, Hinata!" I call, "Hurry up!"

"Oh, and Haruno," Hyuuga says, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

I turn around and stare at his emotionless face and then grin.

"Thanks, but no thanks, Hyuuga," I say, "I'm doing fine on my own at the moment. Maybe later."

Hyuuga simply shrugs.

"I'm so sorry, Neji-ni-san!" Hinata says.

"It's fine, Hinata-san," Hyuuga says and stands up and picks up his bag.

Geez, the whole politeness thing is a bit weird if you ask me.

"Well," I say, suddenly feeling so happy I think my chest is going to explode, "I got to go, see you tomorrow!"

I whistle all the way to the subway station.

(1) In Japan, the school year ends in late March (though high school 3rd years get out a few weeks earlier) and then after about a week break, the school year starts again in April.

(2) Civilians aren't allowed guns in Japan and while hunting guns are allowed (with a permit), the rules for them are very strict.

(3) Japanese graduation is during the day and the entire school has to attend. Black is considered a 'formal' color which is why Sakura had to buy a pair of black pants just so she wouldn't stand out when she attended the graduation ceremonies before her own.

****

A/N: Geez, and I thought the last chapter was long. I really wanted to have graduation in this one, but there wasn't enough time. But it'll definitely be next chapter. Ino wasn't in this chapter either, was she? Oh, well, she'll be in next chapter and I can tell you already, I'm going to have a lot of fun with that. Also, Neji offers to help Sakura out because she's his last link to Tenten, not because he likes her. At all. Sakura refuses 'cause she has too much pride. I made Neji call Hinata, Hinata-san, because nobody in this day and age would call their younger cousin –sama. One more thing that I guarantee you're not going to like. I'…please don't kill me?

Anyway, please review, reviewers are awesome, my beta is awesome…etcetera, etcetera.


	12. End of an Era

Chapter Twelve-

I'm not looking forward to today. No, really, I'm not. Goddammit, why couldn't I just tell Hinata that I didn't need a dress that badly. I mean, asking Yamanaka is a bit extreme. Now that I think about it, I could've just asked Temari. She probably would've had something. But, nooooo, I had to be stupid! Arggh. Stupid, fucking, Yamanaka…

I told Konohamaru that I probably wouldn't be back from school as early as I usually do, because I doubt that Yamanaka will bring stuff to school, meaning I'll probably have to go to her house. Someone stab me, please. Maybe I'm overreacting a little. Maybe. Okay, Yamanaka's not that bad, but she's just really, really…_touchy_…Like literally…_touchy_.

Okay, steering away from those wonderful flashbacks…

--

The first few classes are…enlightening. In each one they keep going over our options after graduation and if we're going to university or a specialty school. It's makes me kind of nervous to hear that, and I feel kind of paranoid that someone will find out about me and ruin my chances of ever getting a job. Right before lunch, Sannin makes an announcement over the P.A. telling the students that rehearsal for graduation is on Thursday and if we're not there she'll make our lives hell. Such a kind and understanding principal…

During lunch, I try not to look at Yamanaka and desperately hope that either Hinata didn't ask her or that Yamanaka forgot, but to no avail. Damn my bad luck.

"Hey, Sakura, Hinata told me that you need a dress for graduation."

I look up and then suddenly look away again, feeling embarrassed, "Yeah," I mutter.

Yamanaka doesn't seem to notice.

"Gods, Haruno are you really that cheap?" Inuzuka asks me.

I feel myself flush, "Yeah," I say trying to laugh it off, "I guess so."

Part of me wanted to yell at him and say that, yes, I'm poor and that there's nothing I can do about it, but that would've been extremely stupid and I would have probably gotten in trouble.

Inuzuka, surprisingly, doesn't say anything.

"Well," says Yamanaka, apparently not noticing the tension between me and Inuzuka, "Since graduation's really close, you should probably get it as soon as you can. Wanna come over today after school?"

I knew it, "Uh…sure," I say. Then feeling a little ungrateful, "Thanks."

She flashes me a brief smile. I stare.

It's not like I've never seen her smile before, it's just sorta that… I dunno. It's hard to describe. Just for a second, the way she looked. It, well…it gave me _shivers_. I'm suddenly reminded back when we were on that school trip. When she was helping me out with that whole harness thing and said my name. Except she said it in this really weird _husky _way. It's the kind of soft sound that makes your ears tingle and feel weird, but a good weird. It must be some sort of odd frequency that your body reacts to, I think intelligently.

It takes me a moment to realize I'm my hands are fists and they're sweating and I'm still blushing. I immediately sit up straight and look anywhere but Yamanaka. I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and continue eating.

--

The rest of the day is filled with more lectures about what will happen after graduation. Sometimes I think they do it on purpose, just to freak us out. Whether it's purposeful or not, it sure is scaring the 3rd years. Already a boy in my class had a complete mental breakdown and had to be sent home and a girl started sobbing hysterically in my Biology class when the teacher mentioned our last test of the year.

Finally, the day is over and I'm not exactly sure where to meet Yamanaka. I wonder how we'll be getting to her house. Hardly any high school students have cars so we'll probably take the train or maybe her mother will pick us up. I end up waiting in the main entrance where less than 24 hours ago I was talking to Hyuuga about Tenten. I feel a pang when I think her name and immediately try to think of something else. I doubt the fact that she's dead will never stop hurting. It's depressing to think of it like that, but it's most likely true. I'm stopped from getting even more depressed by Yamanaka's voice. "Oh, you're here! I thought you would be by your locker is," she says cheerfully.

She appears to be out of breath.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize," she says, waving her hand like she's trying to block the apology from getting to her.

"How are we getting to your house?" I ask, wincing inwardly at my bluntness.

"My mom's gonna pick us up," she says, "I usually take the bus, but I told her I might have someone over so…"

An awkward silence. I stare out the window looking for a car pulling up.

"So," Yamanaka says, drawing my attention back to her, "What kind of dress are you looking for?"

I blink, "Anything's fine," I say, "I really don't have many options at the moment."

She looks at me scrutinizing. I bite my lip and feel awkward.

"Hmm," she says finally, walking up closer to me, "I think I might have one that would look good on you, but you'll definitely have to try some on. And then there's makeup and hair and nails…"

"Wait…er…I don't need like makeup and stuff," I say.

"If your going to wear a dress you might as well finish the job," she says, slightly absentmindedly, "Besides I think you'd look good in makeup. You do have a very pretty face and with mascara I can bring out your eyes."

She says it in that voice again. That soft, husky voice with something else in it that I can't quite identify.

Holy crap, did Yamanaka just call me pretty? I feel my face burn and I can almost _see_ how red I am right now. I become acutely aware that she's wearing a very tight tank top, a slightly puffy skirt that goes down to her knees and those weird things under it that Temari calls 'leggings.' She's also wearing a pair of very delicate and detailed looking sandals and I'm wearing baggy, old, and very plain clothing complete with worn, duct taped basketball shoes.

Pretty, I think scathingly, yeah, right.

She interrupts my thoughts again (she has a habit of doing that, doesn't she), by grabbing my hand and inspecting it closely.

"Wow," she exclaims, "You have really nice fingers. I wish you had longer nails, though. More to paint."

I look at my bitten down nails and wince. She grabs my wrist now, so she can look at the rest of my hand and her fingertips brush again the underside of my wrist. It's a weird feeling, mostly because that part of the body is extremely sensitive. For a second, I wonder what it would feel like if she put her mouth there. I flush again and distract my mind from thinking even stranger thoughts by wondering what the hell is so interesting about my hand that makes her hold on to it for so long. But before I can say anything, I hear the noise of a car behind me.

"Oh, that would be my mom. C'mon."

She drops my hand, which feels strange, and we exit the building and walk up to Yamanaka's mother's car.

Yamanaka's mother is surprisingly young. She gets out of the car and says hello to Yamanaka. She's extremely soft-spoken and petit and I'd have to guess that Yamanaka takes more after her father.

"So this is your friend," she says softly, smiling at me, "Pleased to meet you."

I bow my head in politeness, "Pleased to meet you," I echo.

I'm not really sure why, but I'm kind of shy. Most likely, because Yamanaka's mother has a nice car and nice clothes, just like her daughter, and I feel very, very, inadequate.

"Let's go, Okaa-san," Yamanaka says.

"Alright, alright, Ino," her mother says, "Be patient."

For a second Yamanaka looks angry. More than the usual person would be if someone told them to be patient, but then the look disappears and we all climb into the car.

On the way to Yamanaka's house her mother asks me a sorts of questions. Like where I live, what my parents do, what classes I'm taking, what I am planning to do after high school; all these things that don't really concern her. I try and answer as politely and ambiguously as I can but after a while I just want her to can it.

Yamanaka saves me by starting to talk to her mother about some person from school that I don't even know, leaving me sitting awkwardly staring out the window. After a while I start to notice that the houses are getting bigger and bigger. Oh, crap.

"Here we are," Yamanaka's mother says, pulling into the driveway of a gigantic house with a beautiful garden in front.

I stare in horror for a second and then decide it's probably a good idea to close my mouth. Oh, _fuck_. This is not fair. I mean, c'mon. Of all the houses Yamanaka could have lived in it had to be a fucking mansion! We get out of Yamanaka's mother's car and I'm suddenly feeling extremely poor.

"Alright, girls," Yamanaka's mother says softly, smiling at us , "Dinner will be ready at 6:00, so have fun."

I start to protest, saying I don't really need dinner, but Yamanaka's mother insists. I step into the house and feel my stomach turn. This is not going to be fun. Yamanaka's house looks like it's mostly styled after the West, though to my left there's a room that has tatami and a Buddhist scroll in it. There is a wooden staircase with a fancy railing with leads up to what appears to be bedrooms. I take off my shoes and put on the slippers that Yamanaka hands me, thanking any deity I can think of that the socks I'm wearing don't have holes in them.

"Sorry, about that," Yamanaka mutters to me after her mother disappears into the kitchen leaving me staring at the lavishly decorated hallway, "She's really nosy sometimes."

At first, I don't know what she's talking about but then I remember the car ride here. I'm not really sure what to say without sounding rude, so I don't say anything at all.

"C'mon, my room's up here."

I follow her up the stairs and we walk down a narrow hallway with a single picture hanging on the wall. I look at the picture on the wall as I pass. Yamanaka's younger self smiles back out at me. She's looks like she's about twelve. She, her mother, and a man I suppose must be her father are all sitting on a cliff holding up their rock climbing gear. I briefly remember someone saying that Yamanaka did a lot of rock climbing, but before I can think more on it, I realize that Yamanaka's gone into the room at the end of hallway. I follow her into what I suppose is her room. At first I'm confused, but then I realize that Yamanaka's walls are covered, literally covered, in pictures. I see Uzumaki's bright hair shining out at me and see a picture of him and Inuzuka sticking out their tongues and making rude gestures with their hands. I wrinkle my nose. Lovely. I turn away and examine the rest of Yamanaka's room.

She has a twin sized bed with a light purple comforter and a tall, dark, wooden dresser. Yamanaka grabs a few magazines and a bottle of nail polish off the wooden floor and stuffs them in one of the drawers of a small desk covered in more magazines, paper, and books squeezed in a corner.

"Sorry about the mess," Yamanaka says rubbing her hand on the back of her neck.

"It's fine," I mumble.

"So," she says, apparently not noticing my embarrassment. She walks to the other side of the room and opens a closet that I didn't see at first. I crane my head, too shy to do anything else and see what looks like a bunch of dresses and other fancy clothes.

"Here," she says rummaging through the closet, "How about this one?"

I look closer and see that she's holding a sleek black dress with a set of shiny things around the waist. It has no sleeves or straps of any kind. Oh no, it's one of those tube top dress…things.

"Er…it's nice…" I say uncertainly.

"Let's see," she says and holds it up against me. I feel a blush flair up in my cheeks as her curled fingers make contact with the cloth of my shirt just below my neck.

"Hmm, I don't know," she says, pulling the clothe of the skirt right up against my outer thigh, "I think you'll have to try it on."

"Right!" I mange to blurt out looking at her eyebrow rather than looking her in her eyes.

"The bathroom's down the hall on the left," Yamanaka tells me, pointing out her door.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak and hold the dress tightly to my chest. I turn and make my way out of her room and down the hall. I see a room, but when I reach it it's an empty bedroom. There's nothing in it but a bed and dresser so I'm guessing it's just a guestroom. I turn away and the next room turns out to be the bathroom. It's a really strange bathroom. The walls are a light blue and there's a counter with a sink covered in toothpaste tubes, all kinds of makeup, face wash, candles, and what I can only assume is a bunch of lotions. There's a half open cabinet that looks like it has towels in it, but there's no shower in sight. I see a translucent door next to the high-tech toilet (1). I open it and almost trip over the step that leads up to…a shower.

Holy crap, that's not just a shower, it's a shower _room_. I stare at the expansive white-tiled floors, walls, and then to the Jacuzzi in the right-hand corner. I close the door, remembering the reason I'm here in the first place. I pull off my shirt and pull the black dress over my head. I push down the straps of my off-white sports bra into the folds of the dress and slip off my baggy pants. I look critically at my reflection in the mirror. It's too big and the front is way too low for my liking. It makes my torso look a lot longer than it is which doesn't look very attractive. I frown wanting to take it off and put on my old clothes. I'm still deciding what to do when I hear a knock on the door.

"Oi, Sakura, are you done yet?" comes Yamanaka's voice.

"Yeah," I say without thinking.

I open the door and hold back the reflex to wrap my hands around my shoulders defensively.

Yamanaka frowns, "I don't know it looks kind of…bare."

Tell me about it, I think.

"Maybe with a necklace…" she trails off and thinks for a few seconds, "No…I don't think so. Here try on this one."

She holds out a hanger and I see that it's another black dress, however, instead of a tube-top it's a V-neck. It's down to my mid-thigh and has slits almost all the way up. It looks really small. I gulp.

"Err…I think it's a little much for graduation…" I say nervously, not looking into her eyes.

Yamanaka laughs.

"This too much?! You've got to be kidding!"

"Huh?"

She grins at me, "You should see what _I'm _wearing."

Oh, I don't even want to know, do I?

She hangs the hanger on my finger, "Just try it on," she says as she closes the door, leaning down lightly, "Believe me, this one will look good."

I stare, slightly red in the face as the door shuts, blocking her from view. I really did not need to see that much of Yamanaka's chest. Or the color of her bra. That too.

Eventually, I get over that…er…_interesting _moment and clumsily attempt to put the dress on. Wait…it's not fitting over my head. Maybe it's too small! Haha! Maybe now I can actually wear something that doesn't show more skin th…Oh, wait, there's a zipper, never mind.

I eventually pull the thing over my head and sip up the zipper. I look in the mirror and unconsciously try to flatten my ruffled hair. Wow, it actually doesn't look that bad! I'll have to wear that _other_ bra that Temari made my buy, but otherwise…I turn and scowl at the length. If only it was a bit longer…oh well, I shouldn't really complain. It's better than anything else I could get.

I nervously unlock the door and open it to see Yamanaka leaning against the wall next to the bathroom. I expect her to say something, but she just stares.

I fidget uncomfortably for a few seconds waiting for her to say something.

"Yamanaka?" I say uncertainly, wanting to shrink into the floor.

She doesn't say anything. Why-

_Why is she staring at me like that?_

"T-that bad, huh?" I say nervously, trying to break the silence.

"O-Oh, sorry! No, no it's really good!" she says, grinning sheepishly and blushing slightly, "Sorry, I spaced out for a second there."  
"Right," I say, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

"It does look good though," she says, winking at me.

I feel my face go red. I've never been really sure how to take compliments. Even with things that I'm good at like school and stuff. I always end up sort of ducking down and muttering a quick 'thank you.' Not to mention nobody's ever complemented me on my looks before. Well, not like she just did.

"You'll have to wear a different bra though," Yamanaka says, staring at my chest.

She reached out and for one wild second I think that she's going to touch me there, but she just adjusts one of the two straps that are tied together on the back of my neck. The scary part, was, that just then, just for a second, I don't think I would have minded. I shiver suddenly, and draw my arms closer to myself. What's wrong with me? I've been feeling strangely lately. I don't like it. Thinking things I shouldn't be thinking, feeling weird, twisted feelings that I don't want and I don't lik-

"Sakura…? Earth to Sakura!"

"W-What?"

"You spaced out for a second there," she says and then looks down at my arms, "You're not cold, are you?"

"N-no."

"Right," Yamanaka says not looking convinced, "Now about your makeup an stuff…"

"Wait," I blurt out, "I really don't need…I mean, I don't want to waste your time…"

"Waste my time?" she laughs, "Believe me, it's not a waste of time, you'll look gorgeous! All I need is some mascara and eye shadow…maybe some eyeliner too…hmm, maybe lipstick, because it is graduation after all…and I'll have to do something with your hair…"

I sigh and resign myself to my hour and a half later

Whoa. Seriously, whoa. I stare in the mirror.

"Like it?" Yamanaka asks me.

I nod, not really sure what else to do. I look…like someone else. There's gel and hairspray in my hair, I'm wearing dark red lipstick, tons of eye makeup, and something Yamanaka calls foundation all over my face. I look like one of those people in those stupid fashion magazines, especially since I'm still wearing that dress of hers. I tense as Yamanaka puts her chin on my shoulder and looks at my reflection in the mirror.

"I told you you'd look hot."

I feel my faces reddening for what seems like the thousandth time today. I avoid her eyes, even their reflection in the mirror

It's strange I never thought of makeup as something you could really be creative with. I mean, sure you can wear tons or none, but that (at least I thought) was it. But the way Yamanaka did it made it look like an art or something. I briefly wonder how long she's been wearing this stuff.

Yamanaka wraps her arms around my waist and all coherent thought leaves my head.

"Y-Yamanaka!"

"Oh, don't be such a prude," she says softly into my ear, "And call me Ino, alright?"

I shiver. God, she's really warm. There's a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me want to turn around, look her right in the eye, put my hands on her shoulders, and press my lip-

"Oh, I have to take a picture of this!" she says, and I can see her reflection in the mirror grin again.

She unwraps her arms from around my waist, lifts her chin from my shoulder and digs in one of the pockets of her skirt, probably for a cell phone. My eyes follow the movement and I stare at her perfect, slender legs and turn away looking distractedly at my reflection in the mirror.

_What's happening to me?_

--

I don't sleep well that night. At work, Temari and hell, even Jiraiya asks what's wrong with me, but I don't tell them anything, 'cause to tell the truth I'm not even sure myself. It partly has to do with Yamanaka…or Ino…or whatever, but the other, bigger part has to do with me. I don't know what to think really it's just I've been feeling…strange lately. I've been thinking about things that I wouldn't have a year ago, things that are just weird (2).

I really wanted to take off the makeup that Ino put on me, because I didn't want to answer questions about it, but I felt it would be rude. The lipstick kind of rubbed off after we ate dinner (Yamanaka's mother made me stay) which I was glad of, but I knew I couldn't get rid of the other stuff with out smearing it all over my face, so I didn't even bother. Temari and Konohamaru both asked who did it and I told them truthfully that a friend did. Temari said something interesting though. She said that whoever did it was really talented and she wanted to know more about them. I distracted her by tentatively asking if I could have Saturday night off, nervously fingering the envelope in my pocket. I ended up not having to tell her anything, but it made me remember my first impression about Yamanaka's crazy makeup skills. Who knows, maybe she wants to be a makeup artist (is there such a thing, anyway?)

The dress is folded lightly and is laying on top of my books in my bag. There's no way I could have left it in the alley and I didn't want to ask Ino if she could bring it in for me like she's bringing half the other stuff, makeup, hair crap etcetera. Hey, I didn't ask her for it!

The next few two days go quicker than I want them too and suddenly it's Friday morning. It's a dreary, foggy day and Konohamaru and I wake up early and take the subway back to the alley where all my stuff is. I stare sadly at the mostly empty crate. I sold all my school books to a used bookstore last night like I usually do but this time I know that this crate will never be full again. After all, I'll be leaving in a few weeks (3). My backpack is empty except for the dress and my work clothes.

"Hey, hey," Konohamaru says sleepily, "Aren't you going to be late if you stay here longer?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

Then, in what seems like less than a minute, I'm sitting in homeroom listening to Umino give a heartbreaking last-day-of the year speech and hearing Uzumaki wailing in the background. For god's sake he lives with him, doesn't he? Ibiki spends the entire class telling us how hard university or our new jobs are going to be and we are not to come complaining to him. How typical. Right as I'm going to the cafeteria I hear my name being called.

"Oi, Sakura!"

I turn around to see Ino.

"Hey, c'mon we got to get ready!"

I blink, "Doesn't it start in two hours?" I ask her.

The sheet we received made it clear that we'd have enough time to change for graduation after lunch today.

"Yeah, but I'll need that much time to do both our makeup."

Two hours? I think skeptically. I mean, on Tuesday it only took long to do because Yamanaka was experimenting with all sorts of different things…oh well, I guess I can eat in the bathroom.

To my surprise, we're not the only one's in the bathroom. There's a whole gaggle of crazy girls in their and we have to wait in line to get in. Ino chats with a bunch of her friends who stare at me as if to say: why the fuck are you here? I ignore them.

By the time we get into the bathroom there's hardly anyone there. I change quickly into my dress in one of the bathroom stalls, too embarrassed to change outside like everyone else. The few girls left in the room stare at me when I walk out of the stall and I'm infinitely glad that I shaved my legs and under my arms yesterday. Yamanaka's already done changing and I raise an eyebrow at what she's wearing. It's…pink. Well, more like magenta, but still…

"A-Are you even allowed to wear that?" I ask.

"I'll guess we'll find out," she says with a carefree smile.

She straightens her dress (which I might add, there isn't a lot of) and looks down at my feet.

"Oooh, I like your shoes!"

I follow her gaze and look down at one of the pair of shoes Temari bought me for work. They're sparkly and the heels are extremely high.

"They're my mom's," I say without thinking, trying to come up a good excuse for why a person like me would own them.

She stares at me.

"Oh, no" I say realizing my mistake, "I meant my mom bought them for me."

"Oh," Ino says starting to grin, "I was wondering…"

"No," I say, smiling a little at the image of someone Yamanaka's mother's age wearing these.

Yamanaka starts to snicker and I grin despite myself.

"Okay," she says after a while, wiping her eyes, "I'm okay."

But then she burst into laughter, holding onto the sink. By now the bathroom's empty except for us and I can't help wondering what her other proper friends would think of her if they saw her like this.

It take Ino a while to calm down, but eventually she does and she puts on my makeup and her own. The nail polish she put on me on Tuesday has chipped a bit and she touches it up quickly. She puts gel and hairspray in my hair and then brushed hers back in a messy bun that somehow looks attractive.

"Right," Yamanaka says looking over her and my reflections in the mirror, "I think we're good."

We leave and as I look at my watch before stuffing it in my bag (Ino made me take it off) I'm shocked to realize that we have ten minutes before the ceremony starts. We quickly get in the east door of the gym and Mitarashi glares at us angrily and mutters something about 'teens these days.' Though considering what she wears to work, she should hardly complain. I see Hinata a few people behind me, and she smiles at me. She's wearing a dark, dark, blue dress with a intricate hair piece in her hair. Hyuuga nods at me looking extremely formal in his suit. In the back of the line Yamanaka waves and I hold back a smile. Sannin stands up in front of the parent's (mostly mothers) and says a few 'welcoming words' as she calls it.

The band begins to play some classical music and we all march up to the front of the gym. There are green drapes on the wall and on the doors, and out of the corner of my eye, I see the 1st and 2nd years looking bored. Sucks for them. We all sit down (in alphabetical order) in front and Sannin gets up again and explains the history of out wonderful school, then says a bunch of stuff about the past year and all that fun stuff. Then Sannin and a few other teachers take turns calling out all out names and we all have to stand up and say "Hai!" very loudly and stand there until all they names are called out. This takes about twenty minutes. Then we sing the school song and national anthem which I am annoyed to find out I actually know all the words to. Those brainwashing teachers.

And now I have to get up. I gulp and stand up and walk all the way in front. At first I lean to close to the microphone and sound blares though the gymnasium. A few of the 1st and 2nd years laugh. I ignore the urge to glare at them and continue to read the address that technically I was supposed to write but Sannin doesn't trust students (even the head of student council) so she wrote it herself.

After I'm down talking about how great my experiences were at Konoha High School and that hard work and patience got me through all my years here, I step down and go back to my seat while Sannin gives another big speech about the same thing. God, how did I survive this last year? Oh, yeah, I forgot, I slept thorough it. After Sannin done bullshitting about how great this high school is, she starts reading out all the 3rd year's ID numbers and names and then one by one the graduates all walk up and receive their diploma.

"Haruno Sakura!"

I get up, careful not to trip, and walk quickly up to the podium. Sannin looks tired and irate as she hands me my diploma, but I don't care. There's a feeling in my chest that words can't describe and it only intensifies as I reach out with both hands and grasp my ticket out of hell. I raise the thick paper up into the air slightly, bow respectively to Sannin and march back to my seat, holding back the urge to yell in sheer happiness.

Now I want to get out of here. It's been three long years and I'm finally done and I want to leave. The rest of the people seem to be walking incredibly slowly to reach their diploma. I want to yell out to them to hurry up. But I don't, of course. After all the 3rd years have finally gotten their diplomas there's a bit of confusion and after about two minutes a teacher who's name I don't know tells us that there was supposed to be a representative from the city government speaking, but there has been some mix up and they won't be coming. I roll my eyes, how typical. Well, I'm not complaining. Classical music starts almost immediately and we all stand up and are dismissed for the final time by Sannin. YES! Now to get out of here!

I weave though a bunch of parents and students who have all started to talk to one another.

"Sa-Sakura-san!"

I look around and see Hinata smiling shyly her diploma clutched tightly in her hand.

"Hey, Hinata," I say smiling at her.

"It's s-strange, isn't it," she says softly, looking around the gymnasium, "To think I won't be coming b-back here next year."

"Yeah," I say softly, "Weird."

"Is your mother h-here?" Hinata asks, changing the subject suddenly.

"No," I say, "Both my parents have to work."

I don't even bother asking if her father's here because I know the answer.

"He stopped you know," Hinata says.

"Huh?"

"Stopped trying to get me married. I told him so, and he did."

"You did? Wait, he listened?"

She blushed, "Well, I did tell him r-rather loudly…"

I laugh, "Wow, nice job!"

I'm happy for her. I really am.

"T-Thank you," she says softly, "You really did he-help a lot, Sakura-san, and I n-never really-"

"It's fine," I say, "Really."

"We'll keep in t-touch, right?"

I hesitate for a second, "Well," I say, "I don't really have a cell phone or an email address…"

She frowns slightly, "You don't?"

"No, I'm computer retarded," I say.

Yeah, right, far from it!

"Oh," she says, looking disappointed.

"But I'm going to get one," I say quickly, "For university, you know?"

She smiles and gives me her address and tells me to email her when I make mine.

"I'll see you on Saturday at Ino-san's, right?" she asks softly.

I smile, "Yeah, sure, see you."

She walks off and I smile sadly staring at her back. Poor Hinata. She doesn't deserve to live in a world so cruel.

I make my way quietly through the throngs of people still in the gym. I pass by a distraught looking Umino, Uzumaki, and a man that going by the rumor mill must be Uchiha's uncle. Uchiha himself who looks like he wants nothing better than to throw himself off a cliff. It's one of his more rare looks. Not. As I walk I crane my head in their direction, unconsciously loving the annoyed expression on Uchiha's arrogant face and predictably bump into someone. Hard.

I raise my hand from my stinging head to see Inuzuka.

"Oww, what the hell? That hurt…Haruno?"

"Obviously," I say glaring at him, "Will you watch where you're going?!"

It really was a stupid thing to say because, after all, I was the one that wasn't looking where I was going. But Inuzuka doesn't call me on it.

"Oh," he says, a strange look on his face, "Sorry."

With that he walks away, leaving me staring after him. Okay then, that was…weird.

I shake my head and leave the gym quickly and walk down the stairs to my locker. There's no one down here and it's really quiet. I can't even hear all the yelling that's going on in the gym. I open my locker and change my shoes. I unlock the lock, but leave it on the locker. I stare at my empty locker for a few seconds and then close it.

I'm done with high school now. I'm moving on. Just like you would've wanted me to do, I think, Tenten.

--

I change out of my dress, fold it carefully, and put it on my bag. I walk the halls for the very last time and slip out one the doors farthest from the gym. I only get so far before I hear a voice calling my name. Well, not really my name, but…

"Nee-san! Hey, wait up, nee-san!"

I turn around angrily, "What are you doing here? How did you know where my school was?"

"I looked through your stuff," Konohamaru says unabashedly, "It wasn't that hard."

I'm too tired, suddenly, to get mad at him and so I only roll my eyes.

"Are you done now?" he asks, "I've been waiting here forever."

I smile and act on impulse, combined with a sudden affection for this ragtag boy that has become my friend. I reach out a rumple his hair, laughing as he scowls.

"Yeah, let's go."

(1) Japanese toilets are scary. They're either a hole in the ground (a high tech hole, but a hole none the less) or they're Western style with all these crazy buttons on them (public ones don't have that much but the ones in houses usually have tons.)

(2) Okay, you've probably guessed what Sakura's been thinking about and I just want to say something to make it clear. Sakura isn't homophobic. She just thinks it's weird for her to be thinking things about other girls. She doesn't hate or fear gays, she just thinks it's strange for_ herself_. Welcome to Sakura in denial. Please read A/N 'cause there's going to be a bit more about this.

(3) Just in case you forgot, Sakura's going to college in a few weeks. The Japanese school year starts in April.

****

A/N: Grr…it's midnight. And I'm tired….I really wanted to get graduation in so that's why this one is so long. Not that that's really a bad thing, but I have to babble about something here, so why not?

Before anyone asks about Kiba, I'll just tell you what's up with him. Basically, he feels like an asshole after he asks Sakura (bluntly) if she's poor and she tells him yes. I would too. It's also saying that while Kiba's a bit…insensitive, he's not really that bad of a guy.

VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ: Right, you've probably noticed that in the last few chapters Sakura's beginning to notice things about herself that she didn't know before, mainly that she finds other women attractive and not in the 'oh, her dress is cute' attractive. We are entering the part of this fic called "Sakura in Denial." Welcome. Anyway, I'm only going to say this once so listen (read?) up. I'm not gay. I've never had to go through the whole sexuality identity crisis. I have gay friends, but, I'm not about to go up to one of them and ask, "So, how exactly did you figure out you were gay?" Sorry, I'm blunt, but not that blunt. So, please don't yell at me 'cause I'm pulling this stuff out of my ass. Also, while there will be no lemons in this fic (first person lemon would be awkward to write…) the fic is going to get very sexual, especially in the next few chapters. Mostly fantasies, nothing real. If you don't want to read graphic stuff I will put up warnings, so don't worry.

Anyway, (what you've all been waiting for) I'm really, really, really, sorry about the wait, but I've had tons of work to do. The next chapter might be a while (not as long as this one, I assure you) but a while. Thanks for everyone being patient (or not) with me and please review!

p.s. (yes, this is definitely letter) the alternating between Sakura calling Ino, 'Ino' and 'Yamanaka' is intentional.

p.p.s. Please excuse my sarcasm. It's late and I'm an early bird.


	13. Just Moving Along

Chapter Thirteen-

Konohamaru and I go out to that ramen place that Tenten showed me to celebrate. He seems to be happy that I won't be going anywhere for a while, because apparently, he gets bored. Which brings me to another problem. What the hell am I going to do with him when I go to university? I'm not staying in a dorm room on campus, but my school is still in Tokyo. It's really only an hour by Shinkansen (1), but it's expensive. I do have enough money to pay for two people both ways, but I'd rather not have him wander around one of the biggest cities in the world while I'm in classes. I doubt Temari would want to look after him the entire day and he might let something slip that I'd rather her not know.

"Nee-san…hello, anybody there?"

I look up from my ramen, "What?"

"You're spacing out again."

I frown slightly. Am I really that transparent?

"It's just…well, I'm going to university soon and-"

"WHAT?!?!" he yells, causing everyone in the shop to stare at him.

"Not so loud!" I hiss.

"You didn't tell me you were going to university?" he says, looking a little betrayed, "And besides, how do you even pay for that? How did you even get in? Where is it? When are you goin-"

I silence him with a wave of my hand…in the direction of his face.

"I didn't tell you?" I say frowning. I was sure that he knew.

"No!" he says hotly.

"Well it's in Tokyo," I say, "I'm still going to sleep here, because I know Konoha better and it's probably safer, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with you…" I trail off.

"Oh, that's just great!" he says angrily, "And now, I'd thought that you wouldn't leave all the time…"

He looks kind of sad, and my stomach feels a bit queasy. Am I doing the right thing? Am I just being selfish and not taking care of the people important to me like Tenten? I _could_ get a fairly good job without going to university…Oh, why am I even thinking about this? I have a four-year scholarship, for god's sake! Everything is set and…wait…

"You could, you know," I say casually, "go to school…"

He laughs, "Nee-san, I missed at least a month and I never took my exams. I'd have to do 2nd year (2) all over again."

"You could ask the principal to let you take them during break," I say, "I've done that. Anyway, since you never officially transferred out, you're still in the system. You could just tell them that you got kicked out of your apartment and not tell them about you're mother getting arrested. They'd check your former residence, but not the police records. And I have a P.O. box that you could give them as your address."

He looks at me strangely, "You've given this a lot of thought," he says slowly.

I laugh, "Not really, I just did this myself a few years ago."

"Why did you skip your exams?" he asks.

"Huh?"

"You said that you'd asked the principal of you're school if you could take your exams during break. You don't seem like the type of person that would forget about them."

I hesitate.

"I-I got into a fight," I say finally.

"A fight?" Konohamaru says surprised, "Did you get hurt?"

Not me, I think.

"Yeah," I lie.

He doesn't say anything for a while and finishes slurping up his ramen.

"I'll think about it," he says finally.

I nod, ignoring the urge to give him all the reasons he should go back to school. After all, he won't need to support himself. I'll always be here…right?

--

The next afternoon comes quickly and I stare at my reflection in the mirror and scowl. I'm standing in the backroom of the Gama Sennin even though it's only 2:45pm.

"Look okay?" Temari asks me.

"Yeah, it looks really nice…but…"

"But what?" She yawns and runs her hand thorough her long blonde hair, "I think you look cute."

"Yeah, but…" I lower my voice in embarrassment, "I'm not… used to wearing stuff like… this…in front of people I know…"

I fiddle nervously with the hem of my tight green tank top complete with some strange silver pattern and a few nonsensical words in English and stare at my bare legs. I hate miniskirts. Evil, evil, things.

In the corner of my eye I see Konohamaru laughing, and I turn around and glare at him. Stupid brat.

"What's so funny?" I ask him when he won't stop laughing.

"You-You're so…self-conscious! I dunno, it's just funny."

I roll my eyes and look back into the mirror at my heavily mascara-ed eyelashes.

"Here, I gotta good idea!" Temari says.

She throws me the pair of old baggy jeans that I was wearing before.

"Change into that, but leave the shirt."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Aren't these a bit contradictory?" I ask, looking from the nice green shirt, to my old dirty-looking pants.

"It's punk," Temari tells me.

When I look blankly at her, she says, "It's a style, Sakura. My God, you're so out of it… You're even worse than my boyfriend…"

I scowl. Who needs to know about style anyway? But I go and change into the pants and I'm surprised at the change. I no longer look like a complete slut! Hooray! It's actually kind of nice-looking…

"I told you, you'd look good," Temari tells me when she sees my face, "Now go knock 'em dead!"

I smile slightly and turn to Konohamaru.

"Stay here," I tell him, "and help Temari clean up."

I gesture to the bar. Usually Temari comes early to clean (she gets paid extra) but today since I have to leave Konohamaru here he's going to help.

He scowls, "Whhhhy? I don't wanna!"

"You get paid," Temari says.

I look at her, surprised.

"I do?" Konohamaru asks excitedly, "Cool!"

Temari winks at me and I smile back. Well at least, I don't have to worry about him.

"Hurry up, now," she tells me, "You're going to miss your bus. Don't worry you look great! All the boys will want you!"

I bite the inside of my mouth and hope she doesn't notice my discomfort. I pull on a light maroon jacket that Temari says 'matches' my outfit.

"Thanks," I say and walk quickly to the bus station, looking at the ground as I pass that _certain_ poster.

--

It takes me shorter than expected to get to Ino's. I took an earlier bus, just in cause I got lost, but I easily remembered where she lived. Her party starts at 5:00 and it's 4:00. Great. I don't dare walk in an hour early so I walk around the block a few times. The houses are big with nice gardens and it seems like this is a nice neighborhood. I stumble across a small park and I sit down on a bench.

It's a nice day out, not too hot, not too cold. I take off my jacket and close my eyes, resting the back of my neck against the bench, letting the sunlight shine across my face. I lay there for a while, not really thinking of anything until I'm interrupted.

"Sakura?"

I look up in surprise to see Yamanaka carrying a bunch of grocery bags.

"Oh, hey," I say awkwardly, "Sorry, I got here early."

She frowns slightly, "Don't apologize. Do you wanna help me set up?"

"Yeah, sure."

I stand up and stretch.

"I just got back from the store," she explains, as I pull on my jacket, "getting food for tonight. There's still a half an hour before everyone comes, so you can help me get the food ready if you like."

I nod and lean down without thinking about it, "Here let me help you with those," I offer politely, reaching for the bags.

Ino looks faintly surprised, but hands me two of them. They're heavy and I peek in them and I see that they're full of soda cans. Or they better be soda cans.

"Thanks," she says. Then she looks me up and down, "You look cute."

I feel myself turn red. Huh? That's strange. Only two hours ago Temari said the exact same thing…why does it feel different when Yamanaka says it?

"Er…yeah, you look nice too…" I say awkwardly, "So what kind of food did you get?" I ask her, changing the topic.

"Oh, well, later I was thinking of ordering a pizza, so I just got snacks and dessert. I got a bunch of different kinds of chips and drinks…"

We walk together all the way back to her house. Ino sets a bunch of bags down and unlocks the door. We take off our shoes and pull on slippers and start to put away the groceries. In one of the bags I find a pack of condoms. What the hell? Wasn't she supposed to be a lesbian? Or maybe she's bi…I pull it out and hold it up.

"Uhh…Ino…?"

She turns around and instead of blushing and looking awkward, she laughs.

"Oh, those! I bought them for Naruto and Sasuke. I thought it'd be a laugh. You think I should wrap them?"

I grin, imaging Uchiha's face, "Definitely," I tell her.

It reminds me of something else though. Who exactly is she inviting to this party? I mean, I'd be okay with most of the people I sat at lunch with, but if she's going to invite her other friends…

Oh well, it's her party; I'll just have to deal with it. I look around the empty kitchen as we unpack the drinks.

"Hey, Ino, where's your mother anyway?"

"Oh, she's in Yokohama visiting a few friends," she answers. Is it just my imagination, or does she sound a little tense. She looks up and smiles at me, "That's why it's the perfect night for a party. She won't be back for four days."

"What about your father?" I ask, remembering the blond man in the picture on her wall.

She pauses in unwrapping a bag of chips and I begin to wonder if I said something wrong.

"He's dead," she says softly.

"I'm sorry," I say.

She shrugs, "Not your fault."

The doorbell rings, preventing me from saying anything else.

"Ooh, that must be the first person," Ino says happily, "C'mon!"

We make our way to the door and I'm glad to see that Hyuuga and Hinata are here. I glance at my watch as we greet them. 5:00pm. Exactly. I smirk at Hyuuga's perfectionism. Hinata smiles at me and they help us finish getting all the food ready.

People trickle in slowly and I'm slightly annoyed that she's invited some of her other friends. A few people look at me strangely, but no one says anything.

Soon there are people everywhere. Half of them are having drinking contests (someone brought alcohol) and the other half are either lounging around watching a movie or playing video games. Uzumaki, Rock, and Inuzuka are having an all out DDR war and Uchiha's reading a book. I laughed when I saw that one. Even _I'm_ not that bad. I mostly talk to Hinata and a little bit to Ino, when she's not being the perfect hostess. I suppose you could say Inuzuka and I talked but we really just insulted each other, so I didn't count it. At about seven, Ino orders a bunch of pizzas and we watch some crazy yakuza movie, which results in Inuzuka talking in a mock Kansai accent for the rest of the night. I really want to punch him. At about eleven, a few of us take refuge in Ino's bedroom to escape the loud rock music that's being blasted in her living room. Hinata and I bet on when the neighbors will call the police and I teach her how to play poker. Rock (who's half-drunk), Hyuuga, Aburame, Chouji (complete with chips), and a few other people whose names I don't know soon join us and we play a few games. I win most of them, which only makes me wish we bet money. Hyuuga has to take Rock home and Hinata goes with them at three. I venture downstairs after they leave and I'm glad to find that most people have left…or are passed out drunk on the floor. Oh, well, at least they're not making noise…

"Ino?" I call, seeing someone blond at one end of the room. Never mind, that's Uzumaki…and Uchiha…and I'll just stop right there…

I turn around quickly and go into the kitchen which is a complete mess. Ino's asleep on the table with a can of something that's definitely alcohol next to her. Great…

I sigh and sit next to her and shake her shoulder carefully.

"Hey, Ino. Ino…Ino!"

She lets out a soft moan, but doesn't wake up. I give up for the moment and look at her sleeping face. Her long hair is out of its usual high ponytail and flows down her back and onto the table. Her lips are parted slightly, making her look very innocent. She's extremely pretty, I notice, sleeping like this. I suddenly feel like I shouldn't leave her alone here, asleep in a house full of drunk teenagers. I lay down on the table, still facing her. I'm close now, very close. If I wanted to, I could lean right in and-

I jerk away, my cheeks hot. I stand up and walk to the other side of the kitchen breathing heavily. It must be the alcohol, I think, regardless of the fact that I didn't drink any. It has to be. I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling really cold. What's wrong with me? I was so close to kis…doing that! Why? I close my eyes. Don't think about it, Sakura, I tell myself. Just don't think about it and it will all go away…

I turn around and look at the digital clock on the microwave. 3:45am. Wow, I've been here a long time. I should probably leave, but I can't just leave her lying on the kitchen table…I walk around the dark house and kick a few people out. If they get arrested for being loud, that's their problem, they shouldn't be drinking anyway. After I'm satisfied that everyone is gone (Uzumaki and Uchiha disappeared before I had the chance to kick them out, thank gods…) I throw water in Ino's face. She wakes with a groan and look blearily up at me.

"Sa-Sakura?" she says, slurring her syllables slightly, "W-w-what?

I grab her arm and pull her out of her seat, "C'mon," I say, "Everyone's gone, time for you to go to bed."

I wrap and arm around her waist and she holds onto me like a leech. I'm forced to half-carry her up the stairs and into her room. I rummage around in her drawers and find a pair of sleeping clothes and toss them to her. She sways slightly on her feet and I an smell the familiar smell of alcohol on her breath.

"Can you put those on?" I ask her.

"Yessss…" she says.

She wraps her arms around my hips and leans her head against my shoulder, "You're warm," she giggles.

I swallow awkwardly and pry her off me, remembering all too well what happened last time she was drunk.

To my horror, she pulls her shirt off and starts messing with the zipper of her skirt without any warning. She's wearing a white frilly bra.

"Yamanaka!" I yelp, spinning away, my cheeks burning for the second time tonight.

"Whattt?" she slurs.

"No-Nothing," I gasp, staring at her wall, clutching my shoulders protectively, "Just tell me next time before you…"

I trail off, realizing that she's probably not listening to me anyway. A few minutes pass in silence.

"Are you done?" I ask.

She doesn't say anything. I glance over my shoulder and see that she's asleep on her bed. I pull the blankets over her and put her clothes back in her drawers.

I grab a piece of paper and a pen from on her desk and write her a note. I take one last look at her sleeping form and then leave.

I don't think about what happened while I take the bus home. Or at least I try not to. By the time I get to the Red Light District it's 5:30. I go around to the back door of the Gama Sennin and knock loudly several times before I hear Konohamaru's sleepy voice yelling in reply.

"Who is it?"

"Me," I grumble, "Who else?"

He opens the door and glares at me, "Why are you so late? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Spare me," I mutter, pushing past him into the room.

"Aren't we leaving?" he asks, "Temari left ages ago. I was worried that you got into trouble."

I shake my head, too tired to talk. I pull a spare mattress out of a cabinet in the wall and grab on of the pillows off the couch I lay down on the mattress and close my eyes without even taking the nice shirt off.

"We're staying here tonight," I tell him, "It's too dangerous to go out now. We'll just stay here and leave before Temari comes in the afternoon."

I fall asleep before he's even done arguing with me.

--

"…-san… Nee-san! NEE-SAN!"

I grab my pillow and pull it over my head. It's so loud…

"Goddammit, wake up!"

The pillow is ripped from me and I press my face into the mattress. So soft…

"Nee-san, I'm hungry! Can we just go? It's 1:30 already!"

"What?" I groan into the mattress, "Just give me five more minutes…"

"Yeah, right, then you'll fall asleep again!"

"Fine," I mumble and roll over onto my back.

I instantly shield my eyes from the bright sunlight that's streaming through the windows.

"Fuck," I say to no one in particular, "_Fuck_."

"Nee-san! Hurry up!"

I roll off the mattress and onto the floor. I go over to the bathroom and wash all the smeared makeup off my face.

Once we leave, Konohamaru and I go and get brunch and then he drags me off to one of his favorite malls. We window shop for a few hours, get dinner, and then before I know it, it's already seven and we have to start getting back, because for some reason Temari told Konohamaru that I had to be at work an hour early.

Temari's pretty annoyed with me when I get to work. She tells me that I should've come back earlier and taken Konohamaru home. She said she would've stayed later, but she had to get home to her younger brother. I tell her about Ino and she's slightly mollified, but I think she was more worried about me than anything. I know I shouldn't have stayed out so late or early depending on how you look at it, but what was I supposed to do? Just leave Ino to lay drunk on her table with all those other people in the house? Not likely.

After I change into my work clothes, Temari comes up to me again and I wonder if she's going to start berating me about being responsible again. However, I'm in luck.

"Oh, by the way, Sakura, the karaoke machine broke down. That's why I wanted you here early."

I blink, "You want me to fix it?" I ask her dubiously.

While I'm good with computers, I don't think I have enough knowledge to fix something as complicated as a karaoke machine.

"Well, everything Jiraiya tries to fix just kind of turns into dust and I've already tried," she grins, "And I think you can see why we'd be reluctant to call a service."

I grin, yeah, with all the illegal activity, I think Temari's right to be cautious.

"I guess I can take a look at it," I say, "But don't expect any results. The closest thing to a karaoke machine I've fixed would be my watch."

I walk over to the far side of the room where there are a bunch of booths and low tables. I'm not exactly sure about the virginity of the booths so I choose to squat on the floor and survey the machine from there.

"Do you know how it broke?" I call to Temari.

"Nobody smashed it, if that's what you're asking," she says, "The screen just blanked out in the middle of the night. A lot of customers were really pissed."

I check the back and find that it's plugged in. Well, that's a good sign. I give it a little push and nothing happens. I see a few screws holding in a large panel just below the screen.

"Do you have a screwdriver?" I ask her, "The kind for the screws with the x's on them?"

"Yeah, sure, just wait a second."

She goes into the backroom and I hear her rummaging around. Temari comes out and hands it to me and I unscrew the panel.

Inside is a bunch of complicated looking wires and a few ominous looking boxes. I look at all the wires and try to see if they're broken in any way, but they all look okay. I'm worried if I try and take something out I'll break it even more.

"I dunno, Temari," I say, standing up, rubbing my sore back, "I can't see anything physically wrong with any of the parts, but I'm not exactly qualified for this, so…"

"Hmm…" she sits down on one of the booth and scratches her head, "Oh, my, God! Why didn't I think of it before?!"

She fishes her cell phone out of her pocket and then dials a number and sets it on the table.

"Who are you calling?" I ask.

Didn't she not want to call a service?

"My boyfriend," she answers, "He's a genius."

She leaves her cell phone on the table instead of holding it to her ear and I raise my eyebrows.

"Why-"

"Oh, he never answers the phone unless the same person calls a few times in a row," she says grinning. The phone goes into voice mail and she calls him again.

I wonder what kind of person she's dating. For some reason I can imagine her dating some huge biker guy with tattoos. I snort with laughter, but quickly change it into a cough when she looks at me oddly. After Temari calls him six times, he finally picks up and she's not pleased.

"Six times! Six times!" she says angrily and then pauses, "I don't care how late you were up last night, you could at least have the decency to answer the phone…"

Suddenly the angry demeanor goes away and she laughs out loud.

"Yeah, yeah, you got me on that one. Now, I have a favor to ask you," she pauses again, "Don't groan at me, I need you to come over here and fix something."

Her voice is rough and unkind, but the look on her face completely contradicts it. She's smiling, more gently than I've ever seen her smile and she has a softness in her eyes that I'm pretty sure must have to do with the guy she's talking on the phone to. I'm suddenly even more curious to see what kind of guy he is.

"Yes, to my work, darling. Oh, don't sound so irritated, there's no one here except me, my coworker, and one of her friends," she smirks, "No, I won't let the nasty prostitutes molest you. Now get over here, or I'll come over there and drag you here myself."

I had to stare at her on that one. Dominatrix much? I'm starting to feel quite sorry for the poor guy she's dating.

She hangs up grinning, "He'll be here soon," she says, "Or else."

I help her clean up the place a bit while we're waiting and I'm in the backroom when her boyfriend arrives.

"Geez, you sure do take your time," I hear Temari say.

I realize that we're out of dishwasher soap and grab the empty box.

"Hey, Temari," I say waking out of the backroom, holding up the empty box, "We're out of dish…soap…"

I stare. Oh, no way. Not fair. Why the hell does this always happen to me?

"Nara?"

(1) Bullet train.

(2) Konohamaru would be (if he finished school) just done with 2nd year in junior high (aka 8th grade)

****

A/N: Yes, you all knew it was Shikamaru. Uggh, this chapter wasn't really fun to write. It was more of a filler chapter and I'm sorry about that. Next chapter will be real dynamic though. A bunch about Shikamaru and Temari and Konohamaru. Maybe a little Hinata, I'm not sure. So, please review and I'll be happy, yada, yada, yada.


	14. Terminus Ambiguous

Chapter Fourteen-

Temari looks at me and then Nara and then at me again.

"You two know each other?" she asks, looking surprised.

I barely hear her question; I'm too busy concentration on the alarm bells going off in my head.

"You work_ here_?" Nara asks me.

Well nobody ever said he couldn't put two and two together.

I scowl, my mind racing. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Not that Nara seems like to type to go off telling everyone that I work in the Red Light District, but I'd really rather Hinata not find out. And Yamanaka, I guess. Hyuuga might do something stupid too.

"Obviously," I say gesturing down to my…interesting attire.

Nara continues to stare at me and I feel my cheeks burn. Asshole.

"Oh yeah, Temari," I say remembering what I came to ask her for. "We're out of soap for the dishwasher."

"I think there's another package in one of the cabinets, I think," she says distractedly, "So how do you two know each other again?"

"School," I grunt out, before leaving to fill the dishwasher.

Why do I have such bad karma? Seriously, you'd think life would be fair after approximately 10 billion years of it on earth.

I put a bunch of glasses in the dishwasher and start it up. I stretch and start putting out knew shipment of alcohol in the fridge when Konohamaru comes in.

"Hey, hey, whose that guy that Temari-san's talking to?" he asks and pours a bucket of dirty water in the sink.

"Boyfriend," I say, still disgruntled by 'the boyfriend's' appearance, "Are you done mopping the floor yet?"

"Her _boyfriend_?" he says, like he's never heard the word before, "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"She has a _boyfriend_? That's hilarious!" he says laughing.

I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, don't look at me like that!"

"It's very hard not to."

"Huh? What's that supposed to me- HEY!"

I scowl, "Be quiet."

I grab his bucket and start filling it up with clean water, "Now finish mopping."

He frowns angrily and crosses his arms, "Putting away bottles is easier than mopping."

"Fine," I say, "_I'll_ mop."

I leave the room and am about to enter the main room when I remember something. I retrace my steps and stick my head through the door.

"One more thing," I tell Konohamaru, "If you even _think_ of trying any of that," I motion towards the glass bottles, "I shall know."

"Awww…that's no fun," he whines, but eventually relents.

It's only when I actually start mopping in the main room do I realize that mopping here gives me and clear view of Nara…and him a clear view of me. Great. Just what I need.

I glance over and seem him messing around with the side of the Karaoke machine. Temari is crouching down next to him in a way that if I'm not mistaken gives him a clear view of her underwear. Could it be possible that she doesn't know that he can see her und-No, wait a second, this is Temari I'm talking about. In fact, she probably is doing it on purpose. Well, they are dating I suppose, so maybe…wait, why am I thinking about this? I really don't want to scar myself even more.

I'm just about to change the water again, when I hear a loud exclamation of "Fuck!" from the backroom accompanied why the sound of breaking glass. I set the bucket down and hurry through the door to find a particularly large bottle of vodka on broken on the floor. Konohamaru's hand is bleeding and blood it dripping on to the tile.

"You idiot," I hiss, grabbing his wrist and pull him closer to inspect the cut on his hand, "What did you do?"

"It's not my fault!" he says vehemently, "It must had been already cracked and I picked it up it shatt-"

"What happened?" Temari says, coming into the room closely followed by Nara. He mutters something that sounds suspiciously like 'troublesome."

"Brat, broke a bottle," I say, grabbing a paper towel and getting it wet to clean off the cut.

"It's not my fault!" he says for the second time, "I told you, it had a crack in it already and when I picked it up it broke!"

"That's bull," I say as I clean off his hand.

"Actually, it's not that unlikely, Sakura," Temari says frowning, "This isn't the first time we've gotten damaged goods from that shipping company. I'm going have to call them again…"

"Do you have any bandages?" I ask, ignoring Konohamaru's complaints about me being to rough on his hand.

Temari opens up one of the many cupboards and hands me a First Aid Kit. I take the lid off and shift through it's contents looking for a bandage of the right size. I pull out a package of disinfectant and bandage his hand.

"Be careful next time," I tell him and leave the room to finish mopping. As I'm leaving I hear him say, "Geez, that time of the month, huh?"

I turn back and stick my head through the door again, not because it is that time of them month, but because he's being annoying.

"What did you say?"

"No-Nothing," he replies, looking startled that I heard him.

"Good."

Temari, Nara, and I all return to the main part of the club and after I finish mopping and Konohamaru's done putting away the bottles, we sit near Temari waiting until Nara's done. Finally he emerges from the bottom of the Karaoke machine at about 8:30. Temari switches it on and is pleased to see that it seems to work properly. She goes into the back room a gets a few beers to celebrate. I absolutely refuse to let Konohamaru have one, which gets us into an argument for the better part of fifteen minutes. I eventually win and, lean back on the back of my chair gloating silently.

"So," I say awkwardly after Temari stops teasing Nara about something or other, "How did you two meet?"

Nara looked horrified, but Temari answers with obvious pleasure, "On a subway."

I blink, Not exactly what I was suspecting…but Temari isn't done yet.

"I seduced him."

Nara chokes on his beer and Temari has to whack him on the back a few times.

"Y-You _what_?" he says, once he has regained the use of his vocal cords, "You did _not_ seduce me!"

His face has gone beet red and for some reason I'd have to say that Temari seducing him doesn't seem all that unlikely.

"You have beer on your face, by the way," Temari says looking pleased with herself, "I'd lick it off, but I'd hate to ruin Konohamaru-kun's virgin eyes."

Konohamaru gags in the background and Nara goes even redder than I thought possible and makes a strangled, incoherent noise with the back of his throat.

"Don't look so scandalized," she says to me at the look on my face.

I look away, embarrassed.

"I'll try," I mutter under my breath, but Temari hears me and laughs.

When people start coming in at nine, Nara makes his escape. After that the night goes as usual. There where three brawls which Jiraiya had to break up, a particularly amazing feat at his age. Surprisingly there was only one…er…_indecent_ incident which no one broke up because I wasn't going near, Temari was busy, and Jiraiya had his video camera out. I think that's illegal, but he's my employer so _I'm _not going to say anything.

We walk back to the subway station without event, unless you count getting yelled at by hammered people an event. We take the subway to the station we usually sleep at and Konohamaru passes out almost immediately. I use my old bag as a pillow, but I can't seem to get to sleep. After about two hours of tossing and turning I finally close my eyes. I thought that if I finally got to sleep that would be the end of my apparent inability to relax. What I didn't count on was the creepy dreams.

_I'm standing in the Gama Sennin. It's funny, because it doesn't look at all like it, but nonetheless I know it is. There's music blaring and colorful lights moving across the ceiling and walls. I'm wearing clothes I've never seen before, but this doesn't bother me. I feel strange and lightheaded and for some reason it's easier to move across the dance floor. There are a lot of people dancing tonight, I think, more than usual, but nobody seems to bump into me. Nor do they move out of the way. It's almost like I move through them. I don't know why I'm walking across the floor nor do I question my actions. Suddenly there is a pair of arms around my waist and I look around to see a women. I think I must have something in my eyes because I can't see anything clearly, not even her face or any distinguishing features. _

"_Sakura…" she says and I shiver._

_The music and the people are gone now and suddenly the woman and I are standing alone in a field. In the back of my mind I recognize it as one of the places where I went on a class field trip when I was six or seven when I still lived in a foster home. There are lots of flowers everywhere; just like there was the last time I saw it. _

"_Do you wear contacts?" she ask me suddenly. _

_We are sitting down now, and her hand is on my cheek, her fingers have found purchase in my hair which is longer than it is in real life for some reason. I welcome the warmth of her hand. It's nice and soft. _

_I tell her I don't wear contacts._

"_Your eyes are so green," she says and then laughs, moving closer to me, "I'm jealous!"_

_I feel slightly confused, but the confusion goes away as she clasps both my hands in hers and presses out hands into my lap. For some reason this doesn't bother me, because I feel like I know this women, even though I don't know her name. _

"_You like me, don't you Sakura?" she asks._

_I tell her I do._

"_Really?" she says, laughing again._

"_Of course!" I say, confused._

_She smiles at me; though it's strange, because I can't see her mouth, but even so, I know she's smiling. _

_She moves closer and I feel a strange sense of excitement and exhilaration. She cocks her head to one side and places her hand on my shoulder, which for some reason is bare. She slides her hand down my shoulder to my forearm and I shiver again. I'm not cold though. The woman presses her upper body against me and leans her head on my shoulder. She wraps her arms around my waist and this tiny movement causes a strange pulse of delight that runs through my body._

"_It's okay to cry you know," she whispers in my ear._

_I don't ask her what she's talking about, but grip her arms almost convulsively._

"_You're cute," she says in my ear again. _

_And suddenly her lips are on mine and I'm lying down. Not on a field though, on something dark, like everything else around me. I can feel her hands on me and lips. There a pressure everywhere of her, her lips, hands, legs and her entire being against me. We're kissing again, not just her, but me as well and her hands are in my hair again and it feels so _good_. Her hands are on my stomach and are moving downward and I realize that I want her to touch me more and I want nothing and everything more of her, anything to make this aching go away. I push up against her and-_

I sit up so fast the entire room's blurry for a few second. My heart is beating so fast inside my chest, and I clutch the left side of my chest hard.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the hell was that? What sick twisted fucked up dream...? I grab my own shoulders and stare at the ground for a few seconds, not really seeing anything, but just reliving the dream over and over in my head again.

This isn't fair, why the hell is this happening. I just got to sleep to and now some crazy, warped dream has to ruin everything…

I shake suddenly feeling cold, but hot at the same time. I absently rub at my inner thigh and then frown. What the hell? Did I piss my pant…

Oh.

Oh.

_Oh._

Never mind. It's even worse than that.

Fuck. No way in _hell_ am I…

I grit my teeth, but there's no deny that annoying feeling…shit, shit, shit. I definitely was _not_ turned on by that. No way, it's just some sick…

I groan miserably and on the other side of the room Konohamaru shifts noisily in his sleep.

I resist the urge to through something at the wall. Goddammit, not only do I have to deal with…this, but I can't even do anything about it!!

Well…

NO! Absolutely not! Not with the brat in the room.

I get up and pace around the room, until I finally get over my…brief bout of insanity and go back to sleep.

The next day Konohamaru and I go to the library and while he complains about it being too cold, I manage to secure a library card with fake info attached to the account (courtesy of Jiraiya) and us one of the computers and set up an email address. I'm not exactly sure what username I'm supposed to have so I just put my family name and the first initial of my personal one. I dig out the scrap of paper that Hinata gave me with her email and cell phone number one it. I type an extremely awkward, not to mention short (Konohamaru's whining was getting on my nerves,) email to her. I ask her how she and Inuzuka are doing, what's going on between her and her father, and then what she plans to do. I, of course, recommend university, because it isn't like she hasn't got the brains or money, if she can convince her father.

After Konohamaru successfully drags me away from the library we got out and eat lunch. Since I have nothing of major importance to do until nine, I indulge the brat in his love for the commercial center of Konoha and we go out and look in stores for a few hours. I buy myself a knew pair of jean that were on sale and a light jacket for Konohamaru because his current one is filthy.

It's 1:30 and we start to walk back to the subway station because I've decided that we both need a bath, when a exceedingly loud group of teenagers Konohamaru's age pass by us. That makes me think of something that I should have asked the brat before.

"Hey, didn't you have any friends who could let you stay with them after you got evicted?" I ask as we buy our subway tickets from a machine. I made sure this time not to press the English option (1) like I sometimes do to test if I can read it, because it annoys him.

He immediately scowls, "Nah, we were always moving around, so I never made any really good friends that I could stay with."

I nod sympathetically and say nothing more on the subject. We ride the subway in silence and out of sheer boredom my mind begins to wander back to what will happen to Konohamaru after I go to university. If worst comes to worst, I suppose I'll have to bring him with me and he'll have to wait on campus for me to get out of classes. I sigh and look out the window at the dark span of tunnel flashing by. I could try to have him transferred to a junior high in Tokyo, with the help of Jiraiya of course, but that could go wrong in so many ways. I'm still amazed that even in Konoha I never got caught and Tokyo's going to be a lot stricter about that sort of thing. I close my eyes and press my forehead against the cool glass.

I take my mind off the matter when we part our ways at the baths and I undress, wash, and sink myself into the hot water, blowing bubbles like a kid. There's hardly anyone here to stare at me, which I'm exceedingly glad of. I eventually desist from polluting the bathwater with my saliva and I turn around and am just about to get out when three girls my ages get into another tub near me and start splashing each other with water. I stare at them, feeling heat rise in my cheeks. One of them, a pretty girl with long black hair stretches, arching her body and I unconsciously follow the movement of both of her-

I jerk my head away, horrified and disgusted at the same time. I scowl down at my own chest (or lack there of.) What the hell is so interesting about boobs anyway? Nothing. Really.

I cross my forearms over my chest, sticking my hands under my upper arms and grab my own sides. I glare down at the water, trying not to replay the image of the girl's chest in my mind. Idiot, I think angrily, be a little more self conscious, why don't you? Anybody could be watching, really.

I ignore the fact that the only person who was looking at her like _that_ was me.

What the hell, I think. I'm getting out of here.

I grab the towel next to me and wrap it securely around my body, shaking the water out of my hair. I get dressed quickly, trying to ignore the annoying playful screams of the girls still in the bath and the images they bring to mind.

I wait outside in the lobby for Konohamaru who takes almost half an hour longer than I do. Heh, and I thought girls were always supposed to take longer in the bathroom.

"What took you so long?" I ask sharply after he comes out.

"The water was so nice," he says, "And I was too warm to get out."

I roll my eyes.

"But seriously," he says as we walk out, "I mean the water was nice, but I'd rather just take a shower. It's so fucking faggoty talking a bath with a bunch of naked guys."

"Don't say that word," I say much more harshly than I meant to.

I don't really know why, but suddenly I'm furious. I want to tell him, somehow, how vile and disgusting of a term it is and how he doesn't know how insulting it is to people…people like…Uzumaki, Uchiha and maybe it could refer Yamanaka, I guess.

He blinks at me, confused, "What? Fuck?"

"No. The other one."

"You mean fagg-"

I turn and look at him, "I said don't!"

He stares, "Ummm, nee-san? Are you feeling okay?"

I let all the tension in my shoulders, feeling tired all of the sudden, "I'm fine. I just _hate_ when…" I take a deep breath, "I'd just prefer if you didn't say that…word, please."

He nods looking shocked, "Okay…"

We walk the rest of the way in silence. I keep my head straight ahead, but I can see out of the corner of my eye that he's staring at me. I stop to get a snack at a convenience store and a new change of bandages for the cut on Konohamaru's hand. I don't have any the right size, in my kit and they're not that expensive.

We eat in silence and I don't look at him, feeling almost ashamed of myself, a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. For some reason I want to apologize, but my pride holds me back. I really shouldn't have yelled at him, though. It's not his fault that he's grown up in a bigoted culture.

"We better start making are way back to the club," I say, picking up my jacket and bag from the park bench we're sitting on.

"Yeah," he says.

I open my mouth to say something, but then close it.

We don't talk as we walk to another subway station even though there's a lot of people around us and no one would be listening to our conversation. A tall man bumps into Konohamaru when we're walking down a flight of stairs and he falls with a cry.

"Watch where you're going!" I yell angrily, but he doesn't even turn around. Konohamaru is still crouched on the stair when I reach him and I pull him out of the way of all the other people.

I put my hand on his back, "Are you okay?" I say

He's gritting his teeth again and there are tears of pain in his eyes. I stare at him and then gasp as I see the bandage on his hand is soaked with blood. Fuck, he must have fallen on it.

"Shit," I whisper, helplessly, "_Shit._ He-Here let me look at it!"

I pull his hand towards me, my own hands shaking horribly.

I'm just about to unravel the bandage when a polite voice interrupts me.

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

I turn around, preparing to tell the person to get lost when I see and short elderly man with a cane looking worriedly at Konohamaru's hand.

"What happened?" he asks, moving closer.

"I- He fell," I say, panicking and not thinking about what I am saying.

The man looks genuinely worried, so I don't question him when he suggests that we move Konohamaru somewhere else. We both lead Konohamaru out of the stairwell and into a more secluded area of the station. Konohamaru keeps him head down and doesn't say anything as I rummage in my First Aid Kit.

"Are you sure he doesn't need to go to the hospital?" the man asks, frowning slightly.

"No," I say, my voice sounding strangely high-pitched, "Really. It's not that bad, I just need…" I trail off, not knowing exactly what I need.

I grab a small pair of scissors from my kit and attempts to cut the blood-soaked bandages away from his hand, but her jerks it away.

"Don't!" he says, and I detect a sob in his voice.

"I'm just going to get rid of the bandage," I say hurriedly and I cut it off, pretending not to see the tearstains on his cheeks.

After I wash off the rest of the blood of his hand, I'm glad to say that I doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. I put some disinfectant on the cut, this time gripping his shoulder when he hisses instead of scoffing at him.

Eventually the crisis passes and Konohamaru wipes off his face with the sleeve of his new jacket that I bought him earlier today.

"Thanks for your help," I say politely, bowing to the elderly man.

He doesn't say anything and when I look up I see him starring, shocked, at Konohamaru who has just raised his head. I shift uncomfortably and I give a fake cough.

"Umm…" I say awkwardly when he doesn't even look my way.

Konohamaru looks slightly apprehensive and seems to shrink into himself.

"Are you…" the man says, still looking shell-shocked, "Konohamaru?"

My eyes widen and I stare at him speechless. What did he just say…?

"How do you know my-" the brat starts, but the gray-haired man cuts him off.

"I-I've been looking everywhere for you! Yoshiko and I thought we'd never see you again!"

I look from him to Konohamaru to the elderly man, utterly bewildered.

"Y-You know my mother?" Konohamaru says, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"Yes!" the man says, literally shaking in excitement, "I hadn't heard from her in years and I heard from a friend of mine that a Sarutobi Yoshiko was being held in jail and he wanted to know if we were related. I managed to get her out of jail, though her mental condition certainly helped. I've been talking care of her for almost a month! I went to your old apartment to see you were still there but your landlord said you'd gone! Yoshiko thought you were dead!"

My throat is suddenly dry and Konohamaru looks at me with wide eyes, as if asking me to say something, but I can't think of anyth…

"Y-You're my…" Konohamaru says, stuttering slightly.

"Grandfather, yes! Look," this 'Sarutobi' says, taking out his wallet.

He pulls out a picture and gives it to Konohamaru.

The brat stares at it for a few seconds, as if he can't believe what he's seeing.

"I've never met you, of course," Sarutobi says excitedly, "But Yoshiko had that photo on her and she gave it to me in case I ever saw you!"

"W-Where's my mother?" the brat says shakily and suddenly he seems years younger than he really is.

"You must come with me!" Sarutobi says, "Yoshiko will be delighted to see you! She's been so worried!"

"I-" Konohamaru says, for the first time looking reluctant and turns toward me.

I hesitate, should we trust this man? He could be a just some stranger…but how could he know Konohamaru's name? Or his mother's name? And he did have a picture of him in his wallet…it seems very unlikely that that's all a coincidence…

And even if he is some creep, I think, looking him over more carefully, he's barely taller than Konohamaru and he's very lean. I'm pretty sure I could break him in half if I wanted to. Besides, for some reason, the name Sarutobi does sound familiar…

"C'mon," Konohamaru says, grabbing my hand. I nod shakily, feeling to strange to say anything.

Sarutobi tells Konohamaru all about how his mother worried and how happy she would be to see him and how she's been doing well with her new medication. I feel cold and like a stranger to them, even though I've basically lived with the brat for a week and a half.

We get off at a much nicer part of Konoha and we enter an extremely fancy apartment building that makes me feel even more self-conscious than I already am. We take a shiny elevator up to the 20th floor of the building and Konohamaru doesn't even look like he's listening to Sarutobi talk. He's shaking and staring at the elevator door, not really seeing it, I'm sure.

We exit the elevator onto a nice landing with dim, pleasant, lights. Sarutobi walks confidently to the far end of the hallway, followed by a Konohamaru who's more determined than I've ever seen him. I lag behind the two of them, uncertain and cautious. Sarutobi open a door close to the end on the hallway and the lights are on inside. He enters, Konohamaru following, and I have to repress the urge to pull him back, to tell him to be careful and _think_ very carefully about what he's doing.

I barely see a nice-looking room with cream colored carpet and leather furniture, when a young woman with short black hair wearing a floral patterned pink skirt and a green cardigan appears looking anxious.

"Otou-san," she says softly, "You're late, I was worried that something bad had happ…"

she trails off as she sees the brat.

Her eyes widen, "Konohama-"

But she's cut off by Konohamaru, who screams, "OKAA-SAN!" and throws himself into her arms. He's sobbing and hugging her so tightly it looks painful. She's suddenly crying and clutching him back and I hear a sniff to my side and I see that Sarutobi has taken out a white, old-fashioned handkerchief. He wipes his eyes and for some reason that's when it hits me and I feel cold and empty. It's almost as bad as when Tenten died and I don't understand it. I should feel happy for him, but I can't. All I feel is this horrible numbness and I slide down the wall to the floor.

(1) These things saved my life in Japan.

**A/N: Okay, I really have no excuse as to why this chapter is so late. I was just being lazy (as usual) and I had a bit of Writer's Block. **

**Umm…Why Sakura is so depressed in the end is because she thinks that Konohamaru's going to leave and she'll be alone again. **

**I'm also sorry if I freaked anyone out with the whole dream thing…I kind of freaked myself out (writing fantasies in 1st person is…and interesting experience and just a bit creepy…just a bit.) **

**So anyway, please don't kill me for being late and please review, because reviewing is nice and friendly and happy…and it's late; don't look at me like that… **


	15. Permanence

Chapter Fifteen-

I have _never_ been in a more awkward situation. Never. This is even worse than when I sat with the people who later became my friends for the first time at lunch.

Sarutobi has ushered us all into the living room and he's serving green tea and chatting animatedly. I'm sitting and fidgeting on the nice leather couch and wondering what the hell I'm doing here. Konohamaru is still latched onto his mother and she's stroking his hair so intimately that I can't even look at them. Sarutobi is smiling and talking about how great things are going to be now and sentimental crap like that. I just sort of sip my tea and stare at the floor.

"-of course, we'll have to enroll you in a new school!" he says energetically, "And we'll have to get you new clothes!"

I scowl involuntarily; so what, the clothes I bought him aren't good enough? I mean, sure they're dirty, but that's only because I'm cheap and I don't like going to the Laundromat every day. Then again, he probably was just talking about the fact that Konohamaru has only one pair of shorts, two t-shirts, and a jacket. My scowl deepens; why the hell am I getting so defensive?

I finish my tea quickly and eye the door. I'm sure none of them would mind if I just ran out. In fact, that would be much easier then leaving the polite way and saying goodbye to Konohamaru… Dammit, this isn't fair! Why do I always have to be alone?! And just when I'd gotten over Tenten's death…

…I really, _really_, want to get out of here.

Sarutobi brings out a plate of refreshments and Konohamaru grabs at some and eats them ravenously. I eye the plate of crackers hungrily, but don't take any. It's almost eight, I think. I'm going to be late for work. For some reason, however, I can't bring myself to care. I sigh lightly and scoot back. I shouldn't be here. It's not that I don't like Konohamaru, as much as I mess around with him, but I really don't fit in this happy family reunion. I don't have a family. The closest people I had were Konohamaru and Tenten, but Tenten's dead and after this Konohamaru…well, I won't see him again, I guess.

Dammit, why am I still here?

There is a lull in the conversation a few minutes later and I make my move.

"Well," they all turn to me, startled at my intrusion, "I guess I'll just…umm…leave…" I say, smiling weakly.

I stand up and wave feebly, "Umm…bye then," I say to Konohamaru.

I give a silent nod to his grandfather and mother and begin to walk towards the door.

"Wait!"

I turn around, slightly confused.

"Where are you going?" he asks, standing up.

"Well, I gotta go to work," I say, giving him a pathetic grin "And, well since you found your…" I cannot say the word 'family' and trail off.

'But…but," he looks perplexed and slightly irritated, "You're just going to _leave_?"

I feel stupid and sad at the same time. I don't want to have to explain to him that we won't see each other anymore in front of his mother and grandfather.

"Konohamaru," I say softly, "I'm sorry, but maybe we'll…well, I'll see you again sometime…?"

_Liar._

"Don't!" he says angrily, "You have to stay here!"

I blink and my chest feels really cold and my eyes burn. Why does this have to be so hard?

"Kono-" I start, but he cuts me off immediately.

"I mean, you can live here, with us," he says, glaring at me, "Right?" he says turning towards his mother and Sarutobi.

'Dammit, you idiot don't bring them into this!' I internally scream, but in real life I'm unable to say anything.

"Konohamaru…" Sarutobi says gently, "We-"

"She saved my life!" the brat, says stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest, "And she's been on the streets for years!" like this is a justification.

Sarutobi looks torn and the brat's mother looks confused, and I know I have to say something.

"Look," I say pleadingly, holding up my hands, "Konohamaru, I can't just, barge into your family, I mean, they don't even know me and-"

"I'm barging in," he shoots back, boldly, "And _he_ doesn't know me," he points to Sarutobi.

I bite the inside of my cheek hard. I am not going to cry. This is nothing. I am not going to cry. I not goi…

"Nee-san?" he says hesitantly, "Are you cryi-"

"Sorry!" I choke out, wiping my eyes furiously, "I have to go. Sorry."

I turn around for the second time and walk out of the apartment. As soon as I'm out of their view, I break into a run, forgo the elevator and take the stairs. And walk down twenty flights. My legs hurt, but I just keep going. Down, down, down.

_How low can you get, Haruno?_

I keep my head down as I exit the stairwell and the fancy building. I walk around the big building and into an alley next to it. I lean against the wall, slide down it, and break into sobs.

I'm not really sure how long I sit there and I don't really care. It's strange, because even while I'm crying I'm still able to think rationally and calmly, even if I'm not acting like it. I wonder if this is my fate, to always end up lonely, to always lose the people closest to me. I am not juvenile enough to think that this is not fair, because I thinking those thoughts would just fill me up with a sense of indignation and that would not help me in this situation. I think that I will just cry here until all the tears are gone and then move on. As always. Just keep moving and everything will be okay. Not great, not perfect, just okay. And that should be good enough. Should.

"_You know it's okay to cry sometimes."_

_I'll take your word for it, Yamanaka._

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you cry before," a voice says.

I look up and Konohamaru is crouching next to me.

"S-Shut up," I say weakly, not meeting his eyes.

As usual he ignores me.

"No really, it's kinda weird."

"What are you doing here?" I mumble into my knees.

"You're being really stubborn, you know," he tells me, ignoring my question.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you don't have to do _everything _by yourself all the time," he says in a sensible tone, "I mean, it's not good if you can't do _anything_ by yourself, but everyone needs help to a certain extent, you know."

I don't say anything.

He sighs, "C'mon nee-san, seriously, how long have you been homeless? Five years or so?"

"Almost nine," I mutter.

"See!" he says angrily, "That's half your entire life!"

"That doesn't matter," I say, "It's not just like I can move in with your family…or something!"

"Why not?" he asks, "They don't mind."

I stare at him, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said," he answers, smiling slightly, "C'mon nee-san, you can live with us! It'll be awesome, you know? I mean, when you go off to university you won't be able to work, right? And then you'd have to go back to stealing. And that would suck. So if you live with us you don't have to worry about food! And," he says happily, "the best part is you can have a bed!"

"But," I say weakly, protesting when I don't even know why, "I can't just-push myself in, I mean they're your family, so it's okay for you…" I say anticipating his next argument.

"Well, we can be your family," he says and anger flares up inside of me.

"I don't have a family!!" I snarl out.

"Exactly!" he says, grabbing my shoulders, "Which is why you need us!"

I stare at him for a second and then look down at the ground.

"But I- I don't even know, I mean, what if I-how do you know that they won't-"

He wraps his arms around my neck and presses my face into his shoulder.

"Just shut up," he says.

My face contorts and I wrap my arms around his middle, "Fuck you," I mutter.

"…ewww…"

"You're so immature…"

"Sorry, it's gross! You're like my sister!"

"You don't have a sister."

"I do now."

My eyes widen and for a second I want to lift my head and stare at him, but I don't.

"Brat…"

"Fuck you."

I snigger.

"Now who's immature?"

"Your fault."

"Hey, don't blame me!"

"Too late," I say yawning.

"…you wanna leave now?"

"No," I say sarcastically, "Let's stay here forever."

"Let's go," he says.

"Right…"

I end up calling Temari from Sarutobi's phone and telling her that I won't be able to work today. She's a little annoyed, but says something about a new employee, so she at least won't be working all alone. When she asks why I can't make it, the words 'family issues' escape my mouth before I can stop them. She seems to accept this and I tell her that I'll come early tomorrow.

After getting over the shock of being convinced (though I suspect coercion on Konohamaru's part) into letting his grandson's friend from the streets live with him, Sarutobi became very pleasant and welcoming again. I have decided that Konohamaru's random mood changes come from him.

I tell him a little about my situation (skipping over the pick pocketing, hacking and working in the Red Light District part) and he seems only too happy to let some stranger reside in his apartment. Konohamaru's mother is extremely shy, but after Konohamaru tells over exaggerated stories of the 'lifesaving' variety that have even me rolling my eyes, she smiles at me and asks me if I would like some more tea. I apologize profusely at first and, just to be polite, tell them that they don't have to take me in. Until, at least, Konohamaru says that I am going to live with them and neither of us (his grandfather or me) have a choice. Any normal person would've smacked Konohamaru in face, but Sarutobi smiles and suggests we all go out to a late dinner. I'm extremely wary of this suggestion, considering how well Sarutobi lives and his apparent obliviousness of how badly Konohamaru and I are dressed. Konohamaru convinces the old man to eat somewhere near where my stuff is and we get into Sarutobi's _extremely _expensive car and go to a cheap sit down restaurant. It's surprisingly easy to talk to Sarutobi now, though I do have to remember not to swear. His mother, now that I look at her is extremely young. She can't be more than thirty and considering that Konohamaru's fourteen…Whatever, it's none of my business. Her shyness becomes even more pronounced when we go out in public and the only person she seems to have eyes for is Konohamaru. Not that's that not normal considering she hasn't seen him in a month. Halfway through my conversation with Sarutobi, I realize where I'd heard the name 'Sarutobi' before. Fuck. And it's not likely that I'm mixing him up with somebody else because 'Sarutobi' isn't exactly a common last name.

"Ummm…could you possibly be," I ask him awkwardly, "I mean, weren't you the mayor of Konoha a few years ago…?"

Sarutobi gives me a bittersweet smile, "I'm surprised you remember, that was quite awhile ago for someone of your age. Yes, I used to be Konoha's mayor, however, I was forced to resign a few years ago."

He shrugs and says nothing more on the topic, and by the look on his face I know better than to ask.

After we finish eating, Sarutobi drops Konohamaru and I off at a street close to the alley where my box is. I stand in the alley for a few minutes and stare at the box with almost everything I own inside it.

"Nee-san?" Konohamaru says hesitantly.

This place holds so many memories for me. Sitting here with Tenten doing homework, laughing about stupid things, opening my scholarship letter, sleeping in my cardboard box, meeting Konohamaru…

"Nee-san?"

I blink, confusedly, "Sorry," I say.

I lean down and jam the tabs of the box closed. I pick it up with both arms; it's light because there's really only clothes in there. We exit the alleyway and in the process, I almost get hit by a bicycle. At the last second I look back, realizing that this is probably the last time.

"_Goodbye, Tenten." _

"Hey, hey, nee-san, hurry up!"

"_I'm sorry."_

"Coming!"

It's late by the time we get back to Sarutobi's apartment and it feels like it's been weeks, not hours, since we bumped into the old man at the subway station. I put my old box in the living room and Sarutobi retires for the night. Konohamaru and I, who are used to staying up late every night, sit in the living room with his mother and drink more tea, which isn't a really smart idea considering how much caffeine is in that stuff, but I don't give a damn.

When the clock strikes twelve, Konohamaru's mother pulls out two spare futons, sets one up for me in the living room and another for Konohamaru in her room. She shyly gives me a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to wear to bed since I don't have any sleeping clothes. I change in their bathroom, that has both a shower and a Jacuzzi and an assortment of pricey shampoos and soaps. When I emerge, Konohamaru and his mother and in their room and I can hear them talking in low voices. I turn out the lights and stand in the semi-darkness, the only light coming from the strip of light between the floor and the door of Konohamaru's mother's room and the street lamps twenty stories below. I go to the window, pull back the curtains, and stare down at the street and the odd car below. I lean against the cool glass and close my eyes.

I'm sorta scared, you know. I haven't really lived in any one place, ever. I was always moving around, even before I was homeless. It seems strange that suddenly, I'm just not anymore. Just like that. In a matter of hours.

…I need to go to bed. I think the green tea's gone to my head. I was never really cut out to be a philosopher.

I slid under the neatly patterned coverlet, glad that I took a bath a while ago. I stare at the ceiling for a while and then slowly fall asleep.

"…ra-kun…kura-kun…Sakura-kun…wake up, Sakura-kun."

I groan, turn onto my side, and then push myself into a seated position. Sarutobi is standing next to me, fully dressed with his cane.

"Good morning, Sakura-kun!" he says brightly.

"Urggh…" I rub the sleep out of my eyes, "'Morning…What time is it?"

"About eleven, you've been sleeping for ages," Konohamaru complains, but he is still in his pajamas. I manage to glare at him.

"We've decided that we're going to go shopping and get some new clothes for you," Sarutobi says cheerfully, "You and Konohamaru. Besides, a girl your age needs something pretty to wear," he says winking at me.

I would have said that I didn't really think so, but I figured it'd be rude so I don't say anything and nod politely.

I roll off the futon and make several pitiful attempts to fold it up properly before Konohamaru's mother takes pity on me and does it for me. I open up my box that is in the corner of the room and start sorting through my normal and work clothes.

I grab the new pair of jeans I bought the day before and my usual plain white shirt. I start to head to the bathroom when Sarutobi sees my work clothes in the box.

"Why don't you wear those?" he asks pointing to the mini-skirt and tank top hanging off the sides of the box.

"Oh, those are just for my work," I say unreservedly, "They're not really comfortable, so I don't wear them wh…" I trail off at the look on his face.

My first thought, is wondering why the hell he's looking at me like that. My second is, 'oh, hell.'

"Oh, no," I say, flushing horribly, "I work at a bar. We don't have a uniform, because my boss likes us to be original and so I had get…er, nicer clothes than I usually wear…"

"Oh," he says looking relieved, "I'm sorry, I-"

"N-No, it's okay, really…" I say, "Umm…I'll just get dressed…" I say awkwardly.

I close the door and groan. Well, that could have gone better.

There is still an awkward silence between us when we get into Sarutobi's care, but thankfully we get distracted enough when we look through a bunch of stores. Sarutobi is completely bewildered by the fact that I refuse to wear archetypal women's clothes, but instead pick out baggy jeans and loose button up tops or t-shirts. Now he probably thinks I'm some crazy transvestite prostitute, but I can live with that. It's strange shopping without a budget and Sarutobi follows Konohamaru and I like a hawk to make sure that we don't put something down because we think it's too expensive. I always knew that I looked at the prices too closely, but I didn't expect Konohamaru to do it too. I guess, being homeless for a month had a bigger effect on him than I thought. That makes me kind of sad for some reason.

When we get back to Sarutobi's apartment, Konohamaru's mother greets us and makes us lunch. She is a very good cook, and blushes slightly reminiscent of Hinata when I tell her this. I end up throwing most of my old clothes, except for the newest things.

It takes me an hour to explain to Sarutobi about my job and that I still wanted to work and maybe even help with the rent. He absolutely refused to let me help with the monthly payments but eventually relented on the issue of work, something I don't really think would have happened if I had been entirely truthful with him and told his what district I worked in and that it was more of a club than a bar. Konohamaru wanted to come with as usual, but I forbade him from coming before he could even ask his grandfather.

Sarutobi looks slightly suspicious when I tell him that the 'bar' doesn't open until nine, and when I tell him I change into my work clothes when I get there, but he doesn't say anything.

"What are you so happy about?" Temari asks me, looking a bit annoyed, when I walk in at nine.

I blink, "What do you mean?"

"You look different, I dunno, like you're happier or something. Anyway," she says, "We got a new employee. He'll take the strain off both of us."

I nod.

"SAIIII!" she yells at the top of her lungs, causing me to wince, "GET OUT HERE!"

A boy slightly reminiscent of Uchiha and about my age walks out of the back room. He smiles at me.

"I'm Sai," he says, "Pleased to meet you."

"Haruno Sakura," I say, bowing slightly.

"So yeah," Temari says, "This is Sai, a bit dick-obsessed, but he's alright."

I raise my eyebrows and she gives me the 'don't ask' look.

"Right," I say.

"So Sakura, you'll be out helping me serve around the tables now."

Fuck.

By the time I get back to Sarutobi's place, I'm tired, annoyed, and am in the process of cursing every male that ever existed. The security guard doesn't believe me when I tell him that I live with Sarutobi on the twentieth floor and Konohamaru who is surprisingly still up ends up having to come down and give him the okay. When we get back upstairs there is a new cell phone on my bed and Konohamaru tells me before retiring that Sarutobi wanted me to have it for safety reasons and that there is no point in arguing with him. I don't listen to him and fully intend on giving it back the next morning. Too bad Sarutobi distracts me from my quest during breakfast when he announces that the apartment is far too small for four people and that he's thinking of buying a house.

**A/N: Yeah, yeah, out of the seven deadly sins, I'm definitely sloth, I get it. Though, interestingly enough, the longer I wait, the more new people I get to review…Hahaha! Don't worry, I'll always try to update as soon as possible. It's just that I've been busy (as usual) especially with Exams almost upon me, so I beg your forgiveness and in turn I expect you to review. Or else. **

…**Oh, yeah, and my beta's cool. And it's her fault this is so late…really…**


	16. Out Of The Frying Pan

Chapter Sixteen-

My first thought is that Sarutobi is crazy. Fucking crazy. Or he's joking. But then I remember that this is the man who invited an almost eighteen year-old homeless girl to stay in his home without even knowing her _name_.

"What?!" I ask, mentally bringing up the possibility that I heard him wrong.

"This apartment is much too small," Sarutobi says, taking another sip of his miso soup, "So I've been looking at a few different houses, and I think I might have found one. I think we should all go and take a look around."

I gape at him, the unopened cell phone package in still my hand. My God, he _is _crazy!

"Er…but, I mean, how did you…huh?"

"You should see your face right now," Konohamaru interjects, snickering, "Hilarious."

I look distractedly from Sarutobi to Konohamaru and then back again.

"Umm, you know, if I'm in your way here I can leav-"

"No you can't," Konohamaru says irately, slurping his miso obnoxiously.

I frown and then turn to Sarutobi, "Really, I don't want you to have to move because of m-"

"No, no, no," Sarutobi says, waving me off, "Even if it were only the three of us, I'd still want Konohamaru to live in a proper house. This apartment was only temporary anyway."

I refrain from staring at him in disbelief. _Temporary_? Rich bastard.

"Sakura-san," Konohamaru's mother says, smiling at me, "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Umm, sure," I say, still dumbfounded, "Thanks."

After breakfast, all four of us drive to the far west side of the city (the rich part) and look at the house Sarutobi wants to buy.

…It's huge. Definitely not as big as Yamanaka's, but _still_. It has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a huge kitchen, a study, a living room, a dining room, and a huge garden in the backyard. (1)

"What do you think?" Sarutobi asks us after we bow to the family currently living there, and get into the car.

"It's awesome!" Konohamaru says enthusiastically, "I want the big bedroom!"

Sarutobi smiles, "Now, now," he says, "That room should go to your mother."

"Otou-san…" Konohamaru's mother says, embarrassed.

"What'd you think, Sakura-kun?" he asks me.

"…it's really big," I say, mostly because I can't think of anything else to say.

"I know!" Konohamaru says, excitedly, "That's why it's so awesome! I've always wanted to live in a mansion!"

"…it's really big…" I say again. Gods, how much is it going to cost!?

Konohamaru narrows his eyes, "You're not going to start that 'I'm in your way so I'm going to leave' shit are you?"

"Konohamaru," his mother says, more firm than I've ever heard her speak, "Don't swear."

"Er…yeah, sorry…," he says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "But still!"

"Well," Sarutobi says, "What's the verdict?"

"What's 'verdict?'" Konohamaru asks.

"Conclusion," I say, "Do you want to buy the house or not?"

"Definitely!" he says, happily.

"Yoshiko?"

She smiles and nods, "It's very nice."

"Sakura-kun?"

I swallow, "Well, I like it, but you don't have t-"

"That means yes," Konohamaru tells his grandfather in a mock whisper.

Sarutobi laughs and I glare at Konohamaru.

"What?" he says innocently, "It's true!"

…Well, I can't really argue with that.

The deal is closed that night and we're set to move out of the apartment in two weeks. I discuss my university plans with Sarutobi and he offers to drive me to and from the Shinkansen station everyday. He is surprised that I was in high school and plan to go to university, but he doesn't ask about how I obtained the scholarship and I'm glad. We start packing and looking for furniture for the new house the next day. I think I'm still in shock.

A few nights later I go to work and find that the electricity is down and we can't open. Temari drags Nara out of bed to help fix it, and Sai (who is wearing the most flamboyant outfit I have ever seen in my life) and I get to go home early. I pick up my mail and find out that in five days I have to go to Tokyo for 1st year orientation before the actual school year starts. I think it's pretty pointless, considering all I need to do is sign up for classes since I'm not living on campus anyway, but oh well; it'll give me something to do in the day besides trying to help Konohamaru's mother clean the apartment. Trying is the operative word. I really suck at housekeeping.

The next day Yoshiko, Konohamaru, and I go out grocery shopping, and after we get back to the apartment Sarutobi lets me check my email on his work laptop. (Apparently he's a financial consultant for some big company; no wonder he's rich…)

There are two emails from Hinata. The first one was sent less than a day after I sent her a message and it's mostly about how Inuzuka's older sister broke her leg and she and Inuzuka went to see her in the hospital. The next email was sent only yesterday and is about how Uzumaki wants to have a party at his house on Sunday. Hinata says she really wants me to come and that Uzumaki invited me to, so I guess I'm going… though I tell her I probably have to leave before eight-thirty at least. Hinata responds almost immediately, while I'm looking at the university website, and gives me directions to 'Naruto-kun's' house. I check the bus schedule and find a bus stop quite close to it, so I don't have to ask Sarutobi for a ride. Konohamaru looks quite put out when I tell him before I leave for work on Saturday night that I'll probably be gone most of the day on Sunday, but it's probably good for him to be alone with his mother for a while after not seeing her for a month.

When I greet Temari that on Saturday night, I wonder if Nara's going to be at Uzumaki's tomorrow. I hope not. Though I doubt he'll say anything. He's too lazy.

Since it's a Saturday night, it's really busy, and at about eleven-thirty my patience has worn thin. Especially since Temari decided to work at the bar today and therefore can't save me from all the sons of bitches that come here.

"Would you like anything, sirs?" I ask a group of men a few years older than me loudly over the rock music. They're the kind who are lounging around on one of the booth tables and do drugs. Tonight only a few of them look a bit high.

"Oi, hot stuff!" one yells out, "When d'ye get off work?"

Very high then.

"That's really none of your business."

"Ooh, tough luck, man!" another one of them hoots and slaps the first guy on the back.

I take their orders down on a pad of paper and turn to leave, when someone grabs my arm and holds me back. I look back and see the first guy.

"Hey, don't go 'way," he says winking at me, "Why don't ye stay a bit?"

"Do you want your drinks or not?"

A few of the others laugh.

"Jeez, goin' a bit fast, aren't we?"

"Yeah, man, what 'bout yer girlfriend?"

"Dude, she'll fucking _ice_ you if she 'ears about this!"

"Oh, fuck off," he says.

"You mind letting go?" I ask, annoyed, trying to get out of his iron grip.

Instead he pulls me done into his lap wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I don' think so," he says, spreading his legs under me, "C'mon, I'll be gentle, I promise."

"Let go of me. Now," I snarl.

"Ooh, feisty," his friend smirks, winking at me.

"'mon, hun, you'll thank me in a sec."

"I'm about to break you nose in a 'sec'. Let go of me."

"Sakura-san?"

I look up to see Sai in all his flamboyant glory blinking at me.

"What?" I snarl out.

"Temari-san wants you."

"Alright," I growl at the guy whose lap I'm currently sitting on, "Now, let me go."

"Aww, c'mon…Why don't you just fuck off, fag," he says to Sai.

"I would let her go," Sai says, smiling that stupid fake smile at him, "Or I'll cut off your dick."

I stare. And so does the entire table. Sai is still smiling. Fuck, he's creepy…Once I come to my senses, I wrench my arm out of the stupid asshole's grip and walk back to the bar.

"Thanks," I mutter to him, when we both end up in the back room packing up to leave at one.

He blinks at me, a blank, confused look on his face.

"What for?" he asks me.

I give him a quick smile, "For saving my ass."

He furrows his eyebrows for a second, and then his face goes back to normal, "Alright," he says and walks out the door.

"Hey," Temari says, looking confused, "What was that all about?"

"Some asshole tried to feel me up and Sai scared the shit out of him."

"Oooh! What'd he do?"

"…he told him if he didn't let go of me he'd cut off his dick."

Temari throws her head back and laughs, drawing my attention to her low cut shirt. If I leaned just a bit forward-

"Poor Sai," she says, "He must've been disappointed."

"Huh?" I say, jerking back, suddenly aware that I was checking her out.

"I mean, he was probably looking forward to castrating the guy."

I give her a look.

"Oh, c'mon now, you have to know he has his own secret collection of penises. You know, in jars and shit."

"…really?"

"Ugh, Sakura, you're completely hopeless…"

As I ride the bus back to Sarutobi's apartment, I have an internal argument with myself.

"_I can't believe I just thought that about her. Temari's my friend; what a sick pervert…"_

"**Shut up, I'm allowed to look, aren't I? It's not like I felt her up or something. And anyway, I've never really had any crushes on guys…"**

"_Shut up! Just shut up! Just 'cause I'm fucking celibate doesn't mean I should look down my friends' shirts! Besides, I don't like Temari like that anyways, which makes it even worse."_

"**Don't be stupid, Haruno Sakura, I've been in denial for a long time and now it's time to own up. Deep inside I know that-"**

"_You don't know a fucking thing! I'm not a…not a…I don't like Temari!"_

"**Idiot, of course I don't! This has nothing to do with Temari or anyone else. Just me!"**

"_I'm not! This is just weird hormones! This isn't the way I am! I'm above all this!"_

"**Above all what? Human sexuality? Don't be a retard. I might act all high and mighty, but I'm human and humans, if I haven't noticed, are sexual being. Remember biology?"**

"_I don't…But I don't want to be a…"_

"**I'd better face it, 'cause I haven't got a choice. That's the way it is."**

"_This is ridiculous. I don't want to be discriminated against! I'm already looked down upon because I'm a woman, and because I was homeless. I don't need another reason to be hated!"_

"**Fool! Don't think this changes anything! I may like woman, but that doesn't mean I want to have a relationship! That doesn't mean I will have to go out to those lesbian cafes and find a girlfriend! I'm still me! I'm still antisocial and I still will never get involved with someone else. I may be sexually attracted to women, but that doesn't change who am I!" **

"_It's not that easy! I can't just suddenly accept something like this! Besides, for all I know it _is _just really weird hormones. It's not like I've ever had a crush on a girl either!"_

"**Deny it all you like Haruno, but someday I'll have to accept this part of me and the sooner the better…"**

"_Dammit, this isn't fair! I don't want to be like this!"_

"**How many times do I have to say this? I. Haven't. Got. A. Choice. Now deal with it or-"**

My train of thought is distracted by a woman, a few years older than me, who gets on the bus a stop before mine. She has long black hair that goes down to her mid-back and is wearing some of the tightest jeans I've ever seen in my life. Which is saying something considering where I work. A man sitting in the back of the bus lets out a low whistle. She looks irritated and sits right next to me, probably because I'm all the way in the front. I ignore the urge to stare at her thighs and looks out the window. I can feel my face heating up as I remember what I had been thinking about a mere minute ago.

The bus gives a lurch and she slips and falls against my shoulder. Shit, I can feel her b-

"Oh, sorry," she says offhandedly and then sits back up, fixing her hair.

I don't say anything…outwardly.

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck."_

"**Heh. Told me so."**

I don't sleep much that night. I spend most of it staring at the luminescent letters of the digital clock shining from the oven in the kitchen. Finally, I get so hot and bothered that I just get it over with. Screw self-control.

I sit up, gasping, and wrap my arms around my knees. I feel sick, because all I could think of was women-

_-breasts, hips, smooth skin, nipples, soft thighs, and then between-_

"Fuck," I whisper, "Fuck!"

I bury my head in my hands and sit there for a while, trying to figure out exactly what is wrong with me. I'm not exactly sure how much time passes, but, finally I raise my head and look at the neon green letters of the clock. It's 4:38.

"_Shit. I think I'm a lesbian."_

"Nee-san!" Konohamaru whines, "Why do you have to leaaave?"

"I told you," I say scowling, "I'm going to meet some friends, so-"

"You have friends?" Konohamaru says, "Really?"

I ignore the urge to hit him and roll my eyes. Suddenly a thought comes to mind.

"Wait, a second, you knew that! Remember when I took the night of from work, right after graduation? I was at a party."

He blinks, a look of dawning comprehension on his face, "Oh yeah…"

"So I won't be back until after work, okay? I told Sarutobi-san, but just in case he forgets…" I sigh, ignoring the urge to fall asleep on the couch and forget this stupid party. I did not get a lot of sleep last night.

"Nee-san?" Konohamaru asks tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"Do your friends know about…you know?"

I frown, "No, I don't know."

Konohamaru looks embarrassed and avoids my eyes. Shit! He can't be talking about-

"You know, that you ar-were homeless? 'Cause you said that that one guy knew so…"

"Oh," I almost laugh in relief, "No, no they don't. Well, except that one guy, Hyuuga, but he isn't going to tell anyone."

Fuck, I'm paranoid.

"Do you think you should tell them?" Konohamaru asks, still hesitant.

I shrug my shoulder, "I dunno," I say truthfully, "I guess I don't think it really matters that much."

But even as I say this I start to wonder. Well, Uzumaki, Uchiha, Nara, and them can all go screw themselves for all that I care, but what about Hinata? I mean, she trusted-still trusts- me with her secret, but still I won't tell her the truth about me? I scowl, but it's totally different! She was killing herself with that! I did fine on my own! I didn't need help!

But still…

"Anyway," I say, "I got to go. See you tomorrow, brat!"

"Hey!"

And anyway, I think as I take the bus to the southern side of the city, how am I supposed to tell her anyway? Oh, hey, Hinata, up until about a week ago I was a bum, just in case you wanted to know.

It even sounds stupid in my _head._

I meet Hinata at the bus station closest to Uzumaki's house and we walk the rest of the distance together. She apparently applied to a few specialty schools and just got in her first choice, a school in Funabashi (2) and will start there around the same time I start university.

"Wow!" I say, smiling, "Congratulations!"

She gives me a shy smile.

"So, this school," I ask her, "What kind-"

"Psychology," she says softly, "I mean, you ob-obviously can't get a PhD there, but I don't ne-need one for what I want to do…"

I blink, "What do you want to do?"

"I-, I mean, I'd like to be a social worker or something like that, but…" she looks embarrassed and almost ashamed when she says this.

"I think you'd be really good at that!" I say, smiling, "So are you going to be living over here or commuting?"

"Living over there," she says firmly and then falters, "Actually, I, well, Kiba-kun and I are moving in together…"

I stop walking and stare at her. Moving in together. Like…? I feel my face heat up. I can't even imagine Hinata-

"Are you, um, sure that that's…" I say weakly.

She turns red, "Well, it's not li-like we've never…" Oh, gods, I didn't need to know that! "And anyway, I need to get away from my father and Kiba-kun is going to be going to school in Chiba (3) so we'll be close regardless…Do-do you think it's a bad idea?" she whispers.

"I didn't say that! I just meant- well, as long as you don't think you're rushing into things, or anything," I say awkwardly.

I'm still in shock that Hinata managed to get laid.

Hinata smiles gently.

"So," I say, wanting get off this topic, "What's Inuzuka studying?"

"Well, he doesn't know exactly what he wants to be, but he wants to work with animals, so…"

We talk about Hinata's and Inuzuka's plans until we reach Uzumaki's house. It's a lot smaller than Ino's and the one that Sarutobi's about to buy, but it's a lot cleaner than some of the houses I've been in.

"Hey, Sakura, Hinata! Come on in!" Uzumaki says cheerfully, swinging the door open the second we ring the doorbell.

We take off our shoes at the door and look for house slippers, but there aren't any. Hyuuga, Inuzuka, Uchiha, and Akimichi are already there, sitting on an old moldering couch watching TV and eating chips.

"Hi!" Hinata says smiling at everyone. I just sorta nod and avoid looking at Inuzuka. I really didn't need to know that he and Hinata…did that! I would have been so much happier thinking that they were…Ugh…gross…

"Jeez, Haruno," Inuzuka yells out, apparently back to his annoying self, "Are you actually wearing new clothes? Isn't that against your religion or something like that?"

I blink and looks down at my checkered, button down shirt and new jeans. Oh yeah, I forgot about that…

"What, are you stalking me, Inuzuka?" I ask, putting my bag full of my work clothes down on the wooden floor. Hyuuga is looking curiously at me.

Uzumaki snickers, and Inuzuka opens his mouth to retort, but is cut off by the doorbell ringing again. This time it's Nara, looking bored with his hands shoved in his pockets. A few minutes later Rock and Aburame arrive, and then finally Ino, looking annoyed.

"Sorry," she says, brushing back her hair, "My mom was being a bitch, as usual…"

I frown slightly, Ino doesn't get along with her mother?

"So," Ino says, flopping down on the couch arm next to me, "What are we doing today?"

Shit…why the hell does she have to wearing a miniskirt and sitting right next to my face?

"Well, we got food, and me and Sasuke rented a few movies," Uzumaki rambles, "And we could always walk to the strip mall near here…"

"Where's Umino-sensei?" Hyuuga asks, speaking for the first time.

Naruto grimaces, "He's on a date," he explains, "with that school nurse, if you can believe that. Which means he won't be back for a while."

Inuzuka gives a short bark of a laugh and Uchiha looks disturbed.

We spend the next few hours alternating between watching movies and wandering around the rundown shops near Uzumaki's house. It seems strange that both Ino and Uzumaki live in the same city, belong in the same school district, and live in such different areas.

While we're all watching another of their stupid samurai movies my lack of sleep finally takes it's toll. The last thing I remember is the main character finding out that his wife is cheating on him and then everything kind of blurs.

"…Oi…ra…kura…wa…up!"

I grumble, turning my head, trying to get more comfortable. Damn, I'm still sitting up, no wonder I'm uncomfortable. I move my head to the left a little and then fall onto something soft. Good, now I can sleep.

"Er…Saku…Sakura!"

I blearily open my eyes and immediately see something blue. Wait a second, Uzumaki's couch isn't blue. My eyes widen as I realize that I'm not laying on the couch or even a pillow. Try Ino's lap.

"Umm…Sakura…didn't Hinata say that you had to leave at 8:30…?"

I sit bolt up right, blushing furiously.

"Sorry…" I mutter trying to get rid of the ridiculous warmth in my cheeks.

She smiles lightly at me, "Nah, it's okay. Did you not get enough sleep last night or something?"

Oh, definitely, I was too busy getting off on thoughts of naked women, I think derisively.

"Err, yeah, I couldn't sleep very well," I say, horrifying myself with the truth of it all.

"Wow, you're a heavy sleeper!" Uzumaki says, "And I thought I was bad!"

"You are bad," Uchiha tells him, tonelessly, "You've just never had to deal with it."

And my perverted mind, of course, goes on to wonder how exactly Uchiha knew that Uzumaki's a heavy sleeper. Bad mental images!

I look at the time, "Shit, I gotta go!" I stand up with some difficulty and rub the sleep out of my eyes.

"Where do you have to go?" Hyuuga asks perceptively.

"Work," I grunt, picking up my bag.

At this moment Nara's cell phone rings and he lets it until Uchiha threatens certain bodily organs.

"What?" he says annoyed, answering it, "I'm busy tonight. After? That's too late; my mom'll kill me. Yes, that should bother you considering…don't you dare talk about Rigor Mortis! Alright, alright, at one thirty. Bye."

When he looks up everyone is staring at him.

"Dude," Inuzuka says, "Your girlfriend's a fucking psycho." "Well," I say awkwardly, addressing Uzumaki, "Thank for having me over. See you."

"Yeah, sure," Uzumaki says still goggling at Nara.

I wave at Hinata, tug on my shoes, and walk out the door.

My gods, I think as I make my way to the Red Light District, is _everyone_ having sex?

(1) I know this might not seem that big, especially if you live in America, but it's pretty big for Japan.

(2) A city on the east outskirts of Tokyo by the Philippine Sea.

(3) City east of Tokyo also by the Sea. Funabashi is between Tokyo and Chiba.

**A/N: Heheheh, I love the last line. Anyway, next chapter will mostly be about Sakura's new school, her birthday, and maybe a little Ino and Hinata. Which means I'll be doing tons of research (something which I've been slacking off on lately…)**

**Randomly, can anyone recommend me some good Ino/Saku fanart?**

**Also, last chapter was a record for reviews! Keep it up! **


	17. And Into The Fire

Chapter Seventeen-

The Hongou Campus (1) is big. Really, really, big. I mean, I've been here a few times before for registration stuff, but it surprises me every time.

I walk through the large red gate at the main entrance following all the immaculately placed signs pointing to the welcoming presentation, signup for classes, and dorm assignment. In that order and with explicit instructions not to miss any of the above. Or else.

The first presentation starts at ten-thirty, so I have about fifteen minutes to look around the campus, walk around the booths advertising the clubs, or check out the famous Todai (2) cafeteria. I opt for the cafeteria.

I walk past a few parks and 2nd, 3rd, and 4th years helping show people around and enter the cafeteria. There are mostly well-dressed 1st years making introductions at the long tables, but there are also a bunch of mothers and their children that have stopped by for a snack. I stare at this. I mean, I'd heard that the University of Tokyo was a really open campus, but you'd think on 1st year orientation day they'd close it off. Oh well. Really none of my business.

I end up buying some green tea and a sandwich at the large white counters in the front and make my way to a more secluded corner when someone knocks into me from behind, causing me to drop my tray and my tea to spill all over my hand, dress shirt and jacket.

"Fuck!"

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Gods, that hurts!

"Oh, shit, I'm _so_ sorry!" the woman who bumped into me says.

I look up and see woman with glasses and hair an even brighter pink than mine (though her black eyebrows show that it's just a good dye job).

"Here, lemme…" she says, and futilely tries to wipe off my stained shirt with a napkin.

"It's fine," I grumble, grabbing the napkin away from her in hopes that she'll go away.

"No, it's not fine!" she says almost angrily, adjusting her glasses, "I mean, I bumped into to you, so I should clean it up and-"

A few men at the nearest table (in full out tuxes) let out derisive laughs.

I scowl in their direction and bend down to pick up my tray, ignoring the slow burning in my right hand.

"Oh, shut up, assholes!" the woman says loudly, to my horror, "Go screw yourselves!" And with that she picks up my tray for me and drags me off to another table. I'm too shocked (along with the rest of the room) to protest.

"So," she says, still trying to dry off my blouse a few minutes later when we're seated outside Sanshiro pond, "What's your name again?"

"Er…Haruno Sakura…"

"That's a nice name," she says, oblivious the awkwardness of the situation, "My name's Karin. Pleased to meet you."

"Pleased to meet you," I echo, still slightly dazed at this turn of events.

"So, you a 1st year too?"

"Yeah," I say hurriedly, "Look about the shirt…I don't think it's going to come out, so…"

"Yeah, you're probably right," she says looking put out, "I'm really sorry about all this…"

"It's fine," I say, not wanting to be late for the first presentation.

"No, I told you it's not," she says again to my surprise, "Gods, this must be, like, the third time I've done this. Last week I knocked over this old guy, and then I accidentally gave my boyfriend a black eye when we were bowling! I'm constantly hurting people," she pauses, "Well, maybe some of them deserve it, but _still_."

My only thought at this point is "Why do I always run into the _crazy _people?"

"Hey, Sakura," she says, not bothering at all with formalities, "Do you dye your eyebrows?"

I stare at her, "No…"

She looks confused, "Then how do you get them the same color as your hair?"

"This is my natural hair color…"

She gasps, "That's so _cool_! Oh, I would love to have _real_ pink hair! I'm so jealous!"

…that's nice?

"Err, it's okay," I say, and then for lack of anything else to talk about, "Except in grade school, teachers kept thinking I dyed it and I had to prove that it was real about five times. (3)"

She lets out a snort, "Yeah, I had that problem too, except I actually did dye it! I love dyeing my hair, I've dyed it since I was, like, seven. My hair feels like plastic!"

Gods, please tell me she's on medication.

"Hey, I've got a good idea!" she says suddenly, leaning forward, "I saw a Laundromat across the street, we can wash your stuff there and you can wear my sweatshirt, while we're waiting!"

"Doesn't the presentation thing start in ten minutes, though? They'll never be enough time for us to even get there and back, much less wait the half an hour it takes until it's clean," I say, frowning.

She waves her hand carelessly, "We can let it wash while you can go to the presentation in my shirt. And sure, we can get there and back in time," she smiles wolfishly, sending shivers down my spine, "if we run fast enough."

"Well," Karin says, gasping for breath, "that…was…fun…"

"I…am…_never_…doing…that again!" I pant, leaning, my against the wall of the packed auditorium, ignoring the annoyed looks of the ushers.

"Hey, we made it…in time, didn't we?" she says, titling her head back and closing her eyes.

I'm too tired to respond and put my hand on the part her bright pink sweatshirt over my heaving chest.

"Excuse me, ladies," an old usher says disapprovingly, "The presentation is about to start. There are two seats over there."

"Thanks," I say and he walks away.

"Wow, someone's got a stick shoved up his ass," Karin mutters as we make our way to a few empty seats.

I snicker and she smiles at me.

"So, what classes are you gonna take…"

The presentation turns out to be completely uninformative; just a bunch of crap about the school's goals and principles and a ton of sentences starting with, "Throughout the next four years, you will…" Karin and I end up signing up for our classes together, I go with her to get her dorm assignment, and afterwards we got out to lunch and talk about from everything to our high schools friends and what we plan on majoring in.

"I wanna go into biology," she says leaning back in the booth we're in at a Korean barbeque place, "I dunno why, but I had a lot of fun with it in high school. Dissection was the best! Good times, good times. You?"

"Cryptology," I say, taking a sip of my pop, careful not to spill it on my newly cleaned shirt.

"Crypto-what?"

"It's like logic puzzles and mathematical sequences. Stuff like that."

"Wait, you can make money off of Sudoku or something?"

I scowl, feeling slightly insulted, "No, it deals with codes and ciphers. Like," I say, trying to explain, "computers run on all these codes, binary is one of them, and for new technology they need people to understand them and make new ones. Or for protection against hackers, who break codes and then change them."

"Wow," she says, "That's intense."

I smile, feeling embarrassed.

"So what kind of classes are you gonna take 3rd year (4). I mean, they don't have a crytolo-whatever major, do they?"

"I'll be taking mostly math classes," I say, "Most of the codes are mathematically based so…" I trail off, realizing she probably doesn't want to hear all about it.

"Gahh, I hate math," she says, "Nearly failed Algebra in middle school, to tell the truth. Hey, where are you from anyway?"

"Konoha," I say, "My high school was Konoha High."

"How original," she says smirking.

I laugh, "I know, we used to make all these jokes about it to…"

"Like what?" she asks, smoothing down her skirt and adjusting her glasses.

"Well one of the other major high schools in the area was called Suna. They were our major rivals for everything, from sports to who had the cleanest school. They hated us, I think initially because we didn't have to wear uniforms and they did,"

"Lucky!" Karin interjects.

"And we used to joke that they hated us so much because our school got to be named after the town, and they got some lame name like 'Suna.'"

She laughs, and adjusts her glasses, which I've noticed is somewhat of a habit, "So…were there a lot of hot guys at your leafy high school?"

I snort at the leafy part, and then realize what she just asked.

"Er…" Fuck, how do I answer that? "Well, a few…" I say lamely.

"Not boyfriend material?" she asks knowingly.

"Well, a few of them were," I say, remembering a conversation between a few girls at Konoha I overheard, "But they were all gay or taken."

"I hate when that happens," she says, stretching and puffing out her chest, unknowingly under my appreciative eyes, "Yeah, my current boyfriend's an asshole."

I blink. That was random.

"But who know? Maybe we'll end up married or something."

Right…

We talk a bit more, spilt the bill, and then go our separate ways; though not before we exchange email addresses and cell phone numbers and promise to send each other our schedule's when we receive them a week and a half from now. As I board the Shinkansen and settle myself into my seat, I can't help feel glad that I've managed to make one friend.

After work that night, I come home to Sarutobi's apartment to the sounds of Konohamaru's mother and Sarutobi screaming at each other. Or, really, Konohamaru's mother screaming as Sarutobi.

My first sign that something is wrong is when I exit the elevator on our floor. A man in a yukata with his hair all mussed up and reading glasses, who I assume is a neighbor, is standing outside his door wearing a bad tempered scowl. I look at him quizzically, before I take in the noise in the background and realize what it is. I dig into my pockets and grab my key, starting to shake.

"Tell them to keep it down," the man says angrily, "Or I'm going to call security."

I ignore him and disregard the urge to slam the door in his face. I grope around in the darkness, careful not to trip all over the moving boxes full of books and dishes that are littered around the apartment. Once I get further inside I'm able to hear what she's saying from inside her room, though I wish I didn't.

"…YOU DARE LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! POOR, CRAZY YOSHIKO! ALREADY WITH A TEENAGE BOY AND STILL NOT MARRIED! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! I'M NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE! I KNOW YOU THINK I'M CRAZY, BUT I'M TELLING THE TRUTH, DAMN YOU! THEY WON'T LET ME LIVE IN A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE THAT! THEY'LL STOP ME AND TAKE ME AWAY! DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT ME BEING PARANOID! AM I THE ONLY WHO UNDERSTAND THIS! THE GOVERNMENT IS BEHIND THIS, AND THEY WON'T LET US-"

"Yoshiko, stop it this instant! Now take your medicine and it'll be alright, I swear…" Sarutobi is pleading with her now and from the corner of the living room I hear a stifled sob.

"FUCK YOU! JUST FUCK YOU! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ANYWAY, HUH? YOU NEVER HAD ENOUGH TIME FOR US, ASUMA AND I! AFTER OKAA-SAN DIED YOU JUST KEPT GOING ON WORKING AS IF NOTHING HAD CHANGED AND LEFT US ALONE! WELL ASUMA TURNED OUT OKAY, DIDN'T HE? MARRYING A FUCKING WHORE! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"

"Konohamaru?" I whisper into the darkness.

"Over here," he whispers miserably.

I stumble over a few boxes and stub my toe twice trying to maneuver over to the armchair which he's crouched behind, trying to ignore the yelling.

"Are you okay?" I whisper, coming to sit down next to him and place my hand on his pajama covered shoulder.

"-BE A FOOL! I KNOW YOU'VE RESENTED ME, EVER SINCE I DECIDED NOT TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL (5)! AND YOU STILL WONDER WHY I AVOIDED YOU ALL THOSE YEARS AFTER KONOHAMARU WAS BOR-"

"I hate it when she's like this," he says into his knees, "Used happen all the time too…Our landlord was always furious…"

I swallow, "What's…wrong with her?" I ask gently.

"I dunno," he mutters, "Ojii-san said something about bipolarness or something. But she was taking medicine! She should be better!" There is an element of a sob in his voice.

"Maybe she just forgot to take it today," I say soothingly, rubbing his back.

"-CAN'T DO THIS! I CAN'T! MAYBE IT'D BE BETTER IF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! IT'S ALL THEIR GODDAMN FAULT! THEY'VE RUINED ME!"

"I hate this," he says, "I hate it!"

"It's okay," I whisper, "It's okay, it's okay."

I repeat it over and over again, but I don't think he hears me.

After awhile, the yelling turns to sobbing, and then the sobbing dies down leaving the eerie noise of cars and trucks passing hundreds of meters below.

At about three o'clock Sarutobi emerges from Yoshiko's room, looking exhausted. I carefully remove Konohamaru's sleeping head from my shoulder and clear my throat. He looks around in surprise, dropping his cane.

"Oh, Sakura-kun, you surprised me!" he says, holding the place over his heart.

"Sorry," I say, "Is she…?"

"Asleep," he says wearily.

He pauses.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"It's fine," I say, trying to shake Konohamaru awake, "I've heard worse."

He looks at me strangely for a few seconds and I regret speaking at all.

"How," he says in careful curiosity, "W-What was it like? I feel like I should I should understand what Konohamaru and you went through."

I feel myself redden, "He wasn't really out there that long," I say gesturing to Konohamaru's sleeping form, trying to avoid the question.

"You didn't answer the question," he says gently.

I swallow and I look away from him, fully aware that I don't want to talk about it.

"Cold," I say after awhile, "You don't really notice how hot it is in the summer, but in the winter…" I suddenly feel an overwhelming need to talk about Tenten. I guess this is how Hinata felt when she told me about her problems.

Sarutobi picks up his cane with difficulty and sits down in his dark green armchair opposite from me.

"It's funny," I say softly, pulling my knees up to me chest, staring at the cream colored carpet, "I ran away from my foster home at nine. Not even for a good reason. I was a stubborn idiot back then, I guess. Took buses and trains until I found a city big enough to not even notice me. At eleven I realized that if I didn't act soon, I was going to be homeless for the rest of my life. I could've gone to the police and got sent back to another home, but I didn't. Stupid me, you know, determined to do everything by myself," I laugh humorlessly, and brush my bangs behind my ears, "It must've been only the fourth time I'd ever been on a computer, much less the internet."

Sarutobi looks slightly confused, but doesn't interrupt.

"Hacked on to the local junior high website roster and entered myself as a student. Took days, but still. It was really expensive, too. Books, slippers, uniforms, stuff like that. I had to steal so much money. Probably saved my life though. Who knows what kind of crap I would've gotten into?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Here it comes…

"When I was twelve I met another girl who was around my age. Ran away from home, because her mother abused her. Tenten was her name. Weird, huh? She couldn't even read hiragana properly when I met her," I feel myself smiling, remembering teaching her how to the simple phonetic symbols, "In January she-" I stop, feeling my throat contracting, "S-she died," I whisper, trying not to choke.

"I wasn't even there. Off at school and when I came back there were police everywhere. And I-I don't think I even said goodbye to her that day." I squeeze my eyes shut, and look down at my knees. A few minutes pass, and neither of us say anything.

Finally, when I feel like I won't start crying if I talk, "You have no idea how happy I was when I met your grandson," I smile down fondly at Konohamaru, tears in my eyes, "I had been so lonely," my voice breaks and I have to take four deep breaths in order to speak again, "And now- gods, I don't even know, it's been so long since I actually slept in a bed…" I laugh, though it's not very funny.

"You have no idea how lucky you are," I say, quite calmly, looking up at Sarutobi for the first time since I started talking. It seems strange to look at him seriously and tell him this, after two weeks of awkward politeness.

Sarutobi nods. He does not get offended at my tone, or at the fact that he just spent the last few hours trying to calm down his mentally ill daughter and here I am calling him lucky. He could've gotten angry, but Sarutobi is well educated and smart. Those two coupled with good circumstances make all the difference.

"Sakura-kun-" he starts.

"Urmmnmgh, Nee-san?" Konohamaru groans, startling us both, "Wha time is it?"

"Time for you to go to bed, young man," Sarutobi says fondly, looking done at his grandson with such emotion-_love_-in his eyes that it surprises me and makes me feel sort of sad at the same time.

I grab Konohamaru's arm and pull him up, leading him to his mother's room. Sarutobi quietly makes up his futon, while I try not to stare at the pale, sleeping form of his daughter. Once Konohamaru is put to bed, Sarutobi retires, and I make up my futon in the living room and change into my new cotton sleeping clothes. And as I lie in bed and stare at the patterned ceiling, I can't help think that today was a good day.

I'm woken up on my 18th birthday with the not so comfortable sensation of Konohamaru shaking me.

"…get up! C'mon, I'm going to be late!"

"The hell?" I grumble, turning away from him, "Late for what?"

"The meeting with teachers and stuff at my new school! Now get up!"

"…Why do _I_ have to come to that?" I ask grumpily, giving up on going back to sleep and sitting up.

"You don't, but you have to get up!"

"Is there a reason I have to get up?"

"Yes!"

"Is it a valid reason?"

"No, I mean yes! Dammit, stop using words I don't understand!"

"Fine," I grumble, standing up and looking at the kitchen clock that reads 8:38, "It's too early," I mumble.

"Now go eat breakfast!" the brat yells, and in an uncharacteristic act of kindness proceeds to fold up my futon for me.

"What do you want?" I ask suspiciously.

"Nothing! Now go into the kitchen or I'll…I'll…I'll…"

"You'll what?" I ask smirking.

"I'll explode!" he shouts, waving his arms dramatically.

"Please don't. You'll ruin the carpet."

"Hey!"

I roll my eyes and enter the kitchen which is decked out in colorful streamers which I didn't seem to notice when I was looking at the time.

"Surprise!" Konohamaru shouts, tackling me from behind, "Do you like it?"

"…what is it?"

"Oh, c'mon, you can't have forgotten! It's your birthday! Remember you told me when we first met! March 28th!"

"Oh, right," I say checking the date on my watch, "You remembered that?"

He looks slightly embarrassed, "I have a good memory, you know?"

I make a indistinct sound and look around the colorful kitchen in slight curiosity.

"Hey, hey, you're not acting very surprised. Haven't you ever celebrated your birthday before?"

"Yeah, when I was, like, nine, though," I answer.

"Weird," Konohamaru mutters under his breath, "Anyway, here's your present from me and Okaa-san and I dunno what Ojii-san's giving you…" he hands me a small wrapped package and I take it automatically. It's not very heavy.

"Er…thanks…" I say awkwardly.

"Open it!" he urges.

"Patience, Konohamaru," Sarutobi says entering the kitchen, "Wait until your mother gets here."

"But I don't wanna wait," he whines.

When Yoshiko comes in and they all focus on me, I feel awkward and nervous. I'm not used to being the center of the attention.

"Er…"

"Open it already!" Konohamaru says loudly, "I'm dying here!"

"Okay…" I say meekly.

I rip off the wrapping paper and gape at the designer name on the front of the small box.

"You've got to be kidding me," I say to no one in particular.

Konohamaru snickers.

I open the lid to find a thin silver bracelet with intricate patterns engraved into it.

I stare up at them, "I can't take this," I say, awestruck, remembering the girls at Konoha bemoaning the expensiveness of this kind of brand name jewelry, "It must have cost a fortune! I can't-"

"It's a present, Nee-san," Konohamaru says, looking smug, "You have to take it. It's against the law if you don't!"

I just stare at him.

"And besides, it'll look good with your complexion," he continues, "Or that's what Okaa-san said anyway."

I automatically look at Yoshiko and she reddens.

"Well," Sarutobi says, cheerfully, "My present is not as classy as my daughter's and grandson's, but since you'll be in university soon, I think you'll find it useful."

To my horror he opens his wallet.

"Here," he says handing me a colorful plastic card, "I think you'll find it useful."

I turn it over in my hands and find that's it's a gift card to a well-known food chain.

"There are a lot of branches in Tokyo," Sarutobi says, "And one close to the Komaba campus, if I'm not mistaken."

I smile, "Thanks, Sarutobi-san," I say, thankful that his gift wasn't that expensive, "I'm sure I'll use it."

"Yes," he says, rubbing the back of his neck, "I hope you will, I wouldn't want you eating ramen all through university. I made sure it'll last you a while too. I put 300,000 yen (6) on it."

I choke on my own saliva and take a large swallow of air.

"What?!"

"Well, I wanted it to last you at least a few years," he says, frowning at my reaction, as if 300,000 yen is a normal amount of money to put on a gift card, "The menu is quite diverse, too, I doubt you'll get tired of it."

I take a few deep breaths and try and calm myself down. It doesn't work.

"Oh, I need to sit down…"

"Yay! Birthday cake!" Konohamaru says jubilantly.

A week later, we move out of Sarutobi's apartment and into our new house. The days all seem to blend together; a flurry of packing, moving, unpacking, arranging, buying, painting, and decorating, and my first day at Todai looms closer.

I open the door of the Gama Sennin at nine o'clock, intent on speaking to Jiraiya. I cross the dirty floor which Sai is mopping and go into the backroom where Temari is making coffee.

"Where's Jiraiya?" I ask her.

She gives me the 'you don't want to know' look.

"Right. I suppose a better question would be when is he coming back?"

"At ten, I think. He said we gotta open the club without him, but that's no big deal. What do you want him for?"

I hesitate, "I need to talk to him about my hours," I say, slightly untruthfully, fiddling with my bracelet.

She frowns and adjusts a bra strap on her shoulder, "Hours? What do you mean?"

I avoid looking into her eyes, "It's nothing," I mutter.

"Sakura…"

"I-," I swallow, and try to act like it doesn't matter, "I can't work here on weeknights anymore."

"WHAT?"

I wince. Her reaction was worse than I expected.

"Look," I say, "I can still work on Fridays and Saturdays," she is still gaping disbelievingly at me, "Our two busiest days," I add helpfully, "But I'm going to be going to university soon, and I'll be really busy so-"

"University? Which one?" she demands.

I blink, surprised at her sudden change in attitude, "University of Tokyo."

She stares at me, "You're going to Todai?" she whispers.

"Er…yeah…"

She looks conflicted for a second and then smiles, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she asks, "Congratulations!"

"Thanks…?" I say uncertainly.

"Gods, what am I going to do with you two?" she says, smiling kind of sadly, "Sai's going to uni as well," she informs me, "Some art school. I think it's in Tokyo too, actually."

"Sorry," I mutter.

"Don't be sorry," she says brightly, "It's better for you to go out there and get a real education, rather than wasting away in here like me. I'll just have to put another 'help wanted' sign up in the window."

"'Like you?'" I ask hesitantly.

She shrugs her shoulders and busies herself washing out a mug.

"I dropped out of high school halfway through 2nd year," she says after awhile, "I couldn't pay rent for me and my brothers, so I had to go out a get a job. For a while, I had this one and still went to school, but after a while the money wasn't enough and I had to get a day job as well. At the moment I'm putting one brother through university and the other through what will be his last year of high school. I really regret dropping out," she says softly, turning off the sink, "But after our mother died and our father left, I didn't have a choice. It was either that or be separated in foster care. And an older sibling's got to take care of the younger ones, you know."

"I'm sorry," I say gently.

"Don't be sorry, I said," she says smiling, "I'm okay. I've got Shikamaru, who's a fucking genius and got a scholarship to Nagoya (7) and I've got Kankurou and Gaara who can take care of me in my old age. I'm a lot luckier than a lot of people, you know. At least I'm not homeless."

I wince, but she doesn't seem to notice.

"Though finding a new worker's going to be tricky," she says as she passes me a mug of hot coffee, "We've had the worst luck it seems. You and Sai going to uni, Tenten disappearing-"

I choke on my coffee and spill it all over my front.

"What?!"

"Ohmygosh, are you okay?! That's got to be hot! Here, I'll go and get a towel."

She rushes off, leaving me staring at my coffee mug, wondering how stupid I could be that I didn't even think that Temari could have possibly known Tenten.

"_Idiot," _I think,_ "Of course, she's been working here for ages." _

Temari comes back with a towel and manages to clean up my shirt before customers start coming. A part of me feels like I should tell her what happened to her old coworker, but I don't say anything. I'm too scared, I guess.

A week later April starts, and so does university.

It's strange, riding the sleek, white Shinkansen to the tightly packed lecture halls of the University of Tokyo. There's so many people packed onto the Komaba Campus (8) that it's only because of Karin's brightly dyed hair that I'm able to find her in the cafeteria every morning before classes. People stare at us and make jokes because of our similar hair colors and it never fails to amuse me when she yells at them. In those first few weeks I learn a lot about Karin and her old high school friend named Juugo, who's a 2nd year. At first I had to admit that I was worried that they'd be like Ino, and be friends with everyone and forget me, but my worries are unfounded. Karin sometimes complains that I don't live on campus and that I would be a much better roommate than her current one, but I tell her every time that I have 'obligations at home.'

My professors are kind of boring. Even though my high school teachers were weirdos, they were more interesting than the professors I have now. Professor Tazuna (my Maths professor) is probably the most interesting, because he used to be an architect and sometimes shows the class pictures of bridges and buildings he designed.

Also the work load is more. I don't get as much homework as I did in high school, in fact, I hardly get any, but I find myself having to study the material I learned in class that day every night, in order to properly understand it.

Weeks go by and before I know it, it's the middle of June and there's only a few weeks left until summer vacation.

(1) The main campus of the University of Tokyo

(2) A nickname for the University of Tokyo. Literally: **To**kyo **Dai**gaku

(3) Hair dye and piercing are usually against the dress codes of most schools in Japan (except, of course, Konoha, because they're on crack)

(4) Alright, the University of Tokyo is kinda weird. Unlike every other college in Japan, you don't choose your major until the end of sophomore year. It's actually more like American colleges in this respect, meaning you take a broad amount of subjects (at least in the beginning) for the first two years and then specialize for your last two years. However, it's pretty inflexible if you want to change your major.

(5) I'm not sure if I've said this before, but high school isn't mandatory in Japan.

(6) 3,000.

(7) 10th best college in Japan.

(8) Another Campus of the University of Tokyo; most of 1st and 2nd year classes take place there.

(9) Christ, that's a lot of footnotes.

**A/N: Yay for college! Anyway, I did a shitload of research on this, so this chapter I'll blame my lateness on that. **

**Anyway, Konohamaru's mother's paranoia is actually a symptom of bipolarity. An example of this is a friend of my mother's hardly leaves his house because he's convinced that the CIA was out to get him. I hope I didn't make it out to be humorous, because it's really not. **

**And I love Karin! Everyone seems to hate her, but she cracks me up. The hair dye part is totally based off my friend…who's hair does feel like plastic.**

**And if you have any questions or notice anachronisms please review! **


	18. Charcoal Tableau

Chapter Eighteen-

"Tadaima… (1)" I mutter, pulling off my shoes and putting on my pair of slippers.

I pull off my sweater, which is soaked with sweat, and hang it on the stair railing. I pick up four grocery bags and dump them on the kitchen table.

"Oh, Sakura-san," Yoshiko says smiling lightly at me, as she unpacks a few boxes of tofu and seaweed, "Okaeri! (2)"

I hoist the huge bag of white rice off of the landing floor where I left it besides the shoes. Yoshiko opens the cabinet and I put it on the bottom shelve. Unfortunately, I let it drop to fast and I push myself back with too much force and knock over the whole line of my pills. Yeah, that's right._ My_ pills.

A month or two ago, Sarutobi found out that my physical for getting into university was faked (courtesy of Jiraiya) and dragged me off to some creepy doctor who, after a few tests, told me exactly what was wrong with me. Apparently, I have all these vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Thus the pills. Protein, iron, vitamins C, D, E, and A…the list goes on and on.

"Sorry," I say, and help her pick up the bottles.

"It's fine," she says smiling again. She smoothes her white apron down over her colorful skirt, "I was just about to make lunch. Konohamaru has some friends over and they want ramen," she made a little face, "Do you mind if-"

"It's fine," I say, eager to get a good look at the brat's so-called friends. It's the first time since he started at his new school that he's brought friends home. I walk up the smooth wooden steps and down the upstairs landing.

"…and then," a girl's voice says melodramatically, "I ran out of there as fast as I could. Never to return!"

Konohamaru and another person snigger.

"Don't all your dates end up like that, Moegi?" the other person, a boy to be sure, says sarcastically.

"Only the good ones," 'Moegi' replies, sweetly.

I manage to suppress a snigger and clear my throat, peeking through the doorway.

"Ah, Nee-san!" Konohamaru says cheerfully, "You're back!"

"Your mother's downstairs making lunch," I say, looking his friends over, "You might wanna…"

The girl, Moegi, has light brown hair, high cheekbones, and dark eyes. She is attractive, and by the way she holds herself and dresses, she knows it. The boy has dark hair and glasses. He is a perfect portrayal of the stereotypical nerd, from his style of dressing to his conspicuous braces that shined whenever he spoke. They look strange, the three of them together.

"Yeah! C'mon!"

They all get off of Konohamaru's navy bedspread and file past me through the doorway. As they make their way down the stairs I hear the girl whispering.

"Is that really your sister, Konohamaru-kun? You don't look at all alike."

"No, we're not related," Konohamaru says undeterred, "She just lives with us."

I roll my eyes at his oversimplified answer. I trudge over to my room and put my sweater in my hamper. My room is much less colorful than Konohamaru's which is covered in posters of his favorite bands and singers which he's recently become obsessed with.

The walls are blank except for my high school diploma which Sarutobi insisted on framing and hanging up. I have a medium-sized dresser filled with new clothes in one corner, and a desk and a file cabinet in another. A twin-sized bed with a light green comforter is pressed tightly against the wall to make way for three large, half-filled book shelves. (Sarutobi _insisted_ I use the money for something fun…though this wasn't exactly what he had expected.)

I grab a newly bought shirt and a pair of underwear, and go take a quick shower. It had been hotter than I expected and now I'm all sweaty. When I'm finished, I dry off, dress, and go downstairs to them smell of the pork ramen that Konohamaru always insists that Yoshiko buys. Mmm…pork…

Yoshiko always adds stuff into it as well, making it even better. Fuck, I'm practically drooling…

"Here's your bowl, Sakura-san," Yoshiko says, pointing to a bowl of ramen already on the table where Konohamaru and his two friends are slurping it down.

"Thanks," I mutter, aware that both Konohamaru's friends are staring at me, "Itadakimasu…(3)"

There is an awkward silence while we eat our ramen; his friends are still staring at me.

"So…uh…Sakura-san, why don't you tell Moegi-chan and Udon-kun about your studies?" Yoshiko says, obviously trying to break the ice.

I blink and look around for a second, trying to figure out why she's talking about udon when we're obviously eating ramen. And then I realize it. That's the kids name. No wonder they're all friends, with weird names like that… (4)

"Err…I'm in university," I say awkwardly, "Todai, to be exact."

'Udon' looks impressed and Konohamaru smiles proudly. The brown-haired girl tries to be polite and congratulates me, but it's obvious she doesn't give a damn.

"Are you three in a lot of classes together?" I ask.

"We're all in the same homeroom," Konohamaru says after swallowing a particularly large sum of noodles, "And I'm in two classes with Moegi-chan and one with Udon."

I nod disinterestedly, idly thinking of the half finished essay for my Japanese Literature class sitting on one of the two new computers Sarutobi bought. I excuse myself a few minutes later and I walk into the living room where the computers are situated and finish my essay. Konohamaru and his friends leave about half an hour after they came, babbling on about going to some mall. I'm in the middle of 'I Am A Cat' (5) when my cell phone rings.

"Moshi moshi." (6)

"Sakura! Help me!"

My eyebrows furrow, "Karin? What do you me-"

"She's fucking killing me! That bitch of a roommate! She threw my plants out the window today! Fucking tossed them out!"

"This might be a bit of a stretch," I say slowly, "But that's probably because you stole her boyfriend."

"You're not helping! And besides, it wasn't my fault that she turned him off and he came to me!"

"Wasn't that your last boyfriend?" I ask, amused.

"Oh, yeah," she says with dawning comprehension, "Oops, my bad."

Karin and her crazy love life are an ongoing discussion between the two of us.

"Sometimes they're so hard to keep apart," she muses, "Did I tell you about my new one? He's amazing, and tall, and cute! And his eyes! Ohmygod, they're gorgeous! Anyway, his name's-"

"I told you I don't want to know," I say, "You know I'm only going to forget, and I have better things to memorize than each and every single ones of your boyfriend's names, physical qualities, extracurricular activities, class schedules, dorm rooms, penis sizes…"

"I have _never_ told you one of my boyfriend's…oh, shit…that was that one time when we went drinking in my room, wasn't it?"

"Yes," I say, "But as I must remind you, and will remind you forever, _you_ were the only one drinking."

"Hm. Prude."

"Drunk."

"You betcha! I will have you know, I'm the queen of drunkenness."

"Believe me. I know."

"Ohhh, are you still sore about that time when I brought my boyfriend and he-"

"Shut up. I don't want to talk about it."

She giggles, "Oh, man, Sakura, you really are a prude. He only grabbed your boob. You didn't have to punch him."

"He deserved it. And besides, why were you dating an asshole like that anyway?"

"I don't see how it matters, considering I'm not dating him anymore…" she lets out a harsh cough and I scowl.

"I thought you were going to quit."

"I am, I just-"

"You're going to kill yourself, you know."

"Whoa, whoa, Sakura, calm down. I am quitting, but I can't just stop all of the sudden. I hafta sorta wean myself off it."

"Oh," I say awkwardly, "Sorry. I just-"

"It's fine," she says with a laugh, "but seriously, you're so paranoid. You worry way too much!"

"You don't worry enough," I say, but with a smile.

"Man, you really are a prude! How are you ever gonna get laid if you don't…" she trails off for a second and I hear talking in the background, "Shit! I gotta go! The bitch is back! See you tomorrow in the cafeteria, okay?"

"'Kay."

She hangs up. I roll my eyes fondly and continue reading.

Monday passes quickly and after all my class are over Karin, Juugo, and I go out to eat and I spend about 0.1 percent of the money on that gift card Sarutobi gave me months ago.

"Exactly how much money do you have on that thing?" Juugo asks me as I treat them for the forth time in a row.

"Don't ask," I say darkly, "Just don't."

However, I spend too much time out and I miss the 4:30 train back to Konoha. I'll have to wait two hours until the next one and then get home at approximately 8. Karin offers to let me sleep in her dorm (I swear if my roommate tells, I'll bash her head in!) but I have books at home that I need to peruse tonight, so I unhappily decline. They both offer to wait at the station with me until the Shinkansen comes in, but I don't let them. They have better things to be doing after all.

At about 5:00 I go look for the bathrooms, but the only ones I find have huge lines of middle-aged woman outside of them. Just to get out of the bustle of the huge station, I use the bathroom in a nearby convenience store and buy a drink. As I'm walking out I see something quite unexpected.

"Ehh?" I blurt out, "Sai?"

He turns around and blinks at me, a slightly lost look on his face.

"Sakura-san?" he says in surprise, or as surprised as I've ever seen him.

"Oh, that's right! Temari said you go to university in Tokyo too."

"Yes," he says looking distant, "It's the Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music. It's in Ueno (7,) but I was told by one of my classmates that there was a good store to buy good sumi (8) at around here. However, I haven't had much luck in finding the place…"

I raise an eyebrow at this statement and look over the large bustling Ginza district, full of bright lights and colors, advertisements and department stores.

"I think he or she might be pulling you leg," I say quietly, moving out of the middle of the sidewalk to let people pass.

"Yes," he said, smiling that stupid fake smile again, "I figured as much."

I feel…I dunno, kind of bad for him at this point. I guess that's really the only reason I asked.

"Hey, do you wanna catch a bite to eat somewhere?" I say, smiling a little, "My train isn't going to come in for a while, so…"

He looks so surprised at the question that my pity for him doubles, "Alright," he says, nodding.

We sit down at a local coffee shop and I drink my plum juice drink that I got from the convenience store, to the woman at the cashier's annoyance.

"What are you majoring in?" I ask him as he sips lightly on his coffee.

"Traditional Art," he says, "though I'm doing a bit of Western art on the side."

I wince, "I suppose, I should've known that, with you talking about sumi-e. I'm doing a lot of maths at the moment. I'm at Todai so…did you know that?"

"Yes, Temari-san mentioned it."

"Yeah, well, their curriculum is weird, so I don't decide my major until the end of 2nd year."

"Really?" he says, "That's odd."

"I guess they want to give us more time to think about it or something…so are your classes a lot of theory or actual painting?"

"Both, really," he says, "Art history is part of my major, but I have a lot of physical art classes as well."

He holds up a large cream colored folder that I didn't notice before.

"Are those your paintings? Can I see them?"

He looks surprised again, but opens the folder and spreads his assorted collection of drawings and paintings across the table. They are mostly charcoal and pencil sketches, but there are a few sumi-e paintings and one or two that look like watercolor. I have no artistic talent whatsoever, but even I can tell that's he's really good. There seems to be a equal amount of abstract works and drawings of people, landscapes, and still-life.

"I'm better at drawing objects over people," he confesses, "My people always end up looking blank."

I can see what he means. There is one in particular of a geisha playing a shamisen (9). Her kimono, hair ornaments, and the background she is standing in front of are all very elaborate and detailed. But her face has no emotion in it. It's almost…creepy. But at the same time, kinda cool.

'I dunno," I say, "I kinda like them."

He blinks and I elaborate.

"I mean, they certainly don't look like real people, but there's something kinda _intriguing _about them. They remind me of…" Suddenly an idea comes to mind, "Hey, you should try drawing dolls!"

"Dolls?" he said uncertainly.

"Yeah, like bunraku (10)! You'd be pretty good at them, I think."

"Do you draw?" he asks me curiously.

I laugh, surprising him, "Are you kidding? I can't draw to save my life. I'm not really an arts person anyway. More math and science."

He smiles again, for some reason reminding me of Yoshiko. We talk a bit more about his art and school things. A while later I happen to glance at my watch and freeze. It's 6:20.

"Fuck, I've been here that long!?"

I grab my book bag from where I put it over the chair and get to my feet, "I'm so sorry! I didn't realize the time…"

"It's alright," he says, carefully putting his work back into the large folder.

"Alright, see you Friday," I say and run to the station.

I barely make the 6:30 bullet train and when I finally sit down, heaving against the seat, people stare amusedly at me.

"_Well, that was…interesting_," I think and finish my book.

About a week later I get an email from Hinata about some get together for just us girls. She mentioned something about a sleepover at Ino's house next week. I'm a bit reluctant at first, but eventually I decide that homework can wait. So on Saturday night, which I got off with an okay from a reluctant Temari, (I need to train the new worker anyway…) I show up at the Yamanaka house at 7 o'clock sharp.

"Hey! Sakura!" Ino says, looking as dolled up in fashionable clothes and makeup as ever, "Long time no see."

"How are things going?" I ask as I take off my shoes and put on slippers at her front door.

"Pretty good," she says.

I frown, suddenly remembering that I don't know what she's doing now.

"Are you working now?" I ask, "Or…"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? I'm at beauty school," she says grinning, "It's right here in Konoha, so I still get to live at home."

She doesn't look as happy about this fact, I notice.

"Beauty school?" I ask, "Is that…?"

"It's like designing, hair styling, and makeup," she explains, talking my light jacket and hanging it over the stair railing, "I wanna be a makeup artist, so it's good for me."

I nod, "So what are we planning to do tonight?" I ask as we make our way into the kitchen.

"Well, Hinata isn't here yet, but I thought we'd go see a movie," she blinks and takes a good look at me. I feel stupidly self-conscious, "Hey, you look good. Have you put some weight on that scrawny body?"

I scowl, and cross my arms over my chest. She laughs, but stops short when her mother enters the room.

"Oh, hello…what was it again?"

"Sakura," Ino says shortly.

"Oh, yes, I remember now," the blonde woman says fondly, "Isn't Hinata-chan also coming?" she asks.

"Yes," Ino says so tersely that I wonder if they got into a fight or something.

The doorbell rings, to Ino's obvious relief and I follow her to the door.

"Hey, Hinata!" I say, "It's good to see you!"

"You too," she says, looking much happier than she ever was before. I immediately wonder if Inuzuka has something to do with it.

"Hey, Kiba really let go of you that easy?" Ino teases, "I swear you two are attached to the hip."

Hinata blushes.

"Well, I was thinking of going to a movie," she reiterates when we're all sitting in her spacious kitchen.

"Alright," I say, "What did you have in mind? A samurai movie?"

Ino snorts, "And have you fall asleep on us again? Fat chance."

Hinata giggles and I feel myself redden.

Ino checks the movie times at the local theater and we all pile into her new car (Amazing, isn't it? I can drive!) The movie ends up being boring and stupidly romantic. Ino and Hinata are in tears by the end, and I'm counting ceiling tiles.

"Oh, that was amazing!" Ino says as we're driving back to her house at about 10:30, "I'm _so_ buying it when it comes out on DVD!"

"It was completely predictable," I tell her, "Especially the end. Halfway through the movie you know he's going to propose."

"You're so unromantic," she says, glancing quickly at me, before focusing on driving again, "I thought they were a beautiful couple. Just like you and Kiba, _nee_, Hinata."

I glance back at Hinata, alone in the backseat. She is blushing, of course.

"I-Ino-san," she stutters looking embarrassed, but pleased at the same time.

"It's so true though," Ino says as we pull into her driveway, "I bet you will end up married someday, too."

I roll my eyes.

We get into our pajamas and sit against Ino's photograph covered bedroom, talking and eating snacks. Which brings about another problem. Both Hinata and I are wearing sweatpants, and an old t-shirt and a tank top and arm warmers (Guess who's wearing what.) Ino, however, is wearing what looks like too-small boy's boxers and a bra. And nothing else. And for some stupid annoying-_lesbian-_shut up!- reason, I can't stop staring at her.

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom with a bloody nose and while I'm wiping the blood off an old shirt I used to wear, it happens. I hear raised voices. I open the door a little and unwittingly hear an excerpt of their conversation.

"YOU ARE _ALWAYS _TELLING ME _EXACTLY _WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AND I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT," a woman yells and I'm horrified to realize that it's Ino.

"Now, Ino! Please don't yell at m-"

"GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

I hear a door slam and a few seconds later Ino's mother runs past and goes downstairs. She appears to be crying. I hesitate for a moment and then make my way cautiously to Ino's room. I ease the door open and peek in. Ino is lying on her bed, her face buried in her pillow. Hinata is standing over her, obviously trying to comfort her but failing miserably.

"What happened?" I mutter, entering the room.

Hinata turns around helplessly.

"Ino?" I say cautiously and I see Hinata wince.

I scowl at her. After all, it's not like just sitting here is going to solve anything.

"Hey, Ino!" I say more forcefully.

"I hate her," she says, her voice slightly muffled by her pillow, "Fucking hate her. I know she means well, but controlling my life is way too far. Crosses the goddamn line. I'm so sick of it. I'm eighteen and she still-" her words dissolve into a sob and a swallow.

"Hey, Ino…" I say and she looks up at me, her mascara smeared all over her face.

She's beautiful, I realize, even like this. Then, without warning, she grabs me, and I have to brace myself against the mattress in order to keep from falling. She sobs into my shoulder and I get a odd feeling of déjà vu.

"Hey," I say awkwardly patting her on the back, "It's not as bad as all that. C'mon, it's okay."

I glance over helplessly at Hinata, but she doesn't look like she knows what to do either. Great. I have a gorgeous, scantly clad blonde hugging me. Just great.

After about fifteen minutes she sobs herself to sleep (I guess I'm not the only one who does that) and Hinata and I hoist her into bed. We go to sleep on the made up futon without talking. It's too awkward, I guess.

In the middle of the night, I wake up for no apparent reason. I look over to see that both Hinata and Ino are asleep. There's a strange sound coming from outside Ino's room and I immediately make for my pocket knife in my bag. I flip out the blade and make my out of her room (nearly tripping over her fan in the process), walk across the landing and down the stairs. I enter the kitchen and suddenly wish it was a burglar or something. Ino's mother is lying on the kitchen table, humming something that eerily sounds like a song by a popular singer. Beside her is a large bottle of foreign looking alcohol that I'm ashamed to admit I know for a fact is vodka.

"Ano," I say, closing my pocket knife and attempt to hide it in a closed fist because I don't have any pockets, "Yamanaka-san…are you…"

She doesn't seem to hear me. As I get closer, the familiar stench of vodka hits my nose and I wrinkle it. I grab the bottle away from her, empty it down the sink, and throw the bottle in the garbage, ignoring her whining protests.

"C'mon," I say, "Get up."

She lets out a weak giggle and looks up at me through her bangs, "Funny," she mumbles, "I…" she trails off and I scowl. Why does this always happen to me…

I grab her around the waist and lead her out of the kitchen.

Halfway up the stairs she begins to cry. I hiss at her to shut up, but her sobs soon turn into full out wailing. I manage to get her into her room, shut the door and force her into her bed. All the while she keeps saying over and over again: "I'm a horrible mother! What would Inoshi think of me?"

I takes me a whole half an hour to get her to fall asleep and all the while the only things running through my mind are "Oh, please don't let Ino or Hinata wake up," and "She had better not remember this in the morning."

I hardly remember trudging back to Ino's room and falling onto my futon.

When I wake up, Ino and Hinata are already downstairs in the kitchen laughing and talking like nothing happened. The door to Ino's mother's room is still closed. I sigh, get dressed and eat breakfast. I don't tell Ino what happened, though I feel like I should tell her that her mother isn't as horrible as she thinks she is. Or that she at least has feelings too. But I don't.

After Hyuuga comes to pick Hinata up, I thank Ino for having me, put on my shoes and am about to leave when she calls me back.

"Wait, Sakura!"

I blink and turn around.

"Th-Thanks," she says not looking me in the eye, "For last night, I mean."

She's blushing and I smile.

"No problem," I say and she hesitantly smiles back.

"Look," she says, " I know this time was lousy, but do you wanna…you know…try this again sometime. W-With Hinata too, of course."

"Yeah," I say, "Gimme your cell and email."

She does and I give her mine, though she was surprised that I had a phone.

"Hinata said you didn't," she says.

"Well, see you," I say awkwardly, and shut the door.

"_Dammit," _I think as I walk to the bus stop,_ "My life is getting way too complicated."_

I had no idea just how complicated it was to become.

Two weeks after the disastrous sleepover, university goes out with a flurry of parties and festivities for summer break. The Saturday after, I walk to the club early, at about 4:00, to meet Temari for cleanup and preparations for the long night ahead. Summer is always busier, apparently.

My bus was late so I take a shortcut through an alley, which shouldn't have been that dangerous, considering the time. I glance to the left at a dead-end, look away, pause and then look again.

"What the hell?" I blurt out, staring at a familiar looking figure, "_Uchiha?!_"

The man turns around and I feel all the color drains out of my face.

Wrong Uchiha. Not Uchiha Sasuke. Which means…

"Kisame," Uchiha Itachi says to his tall companion, "We have a problem."

(1) Loosely translated as "I'm home!"

(2) Phrase for welcoming someone home.

(3) Said to give thanks before a meal. There's really no English equivalent.

(4) Udon and Konohamaru's names are obvious, but the word moegi means sprouts.

(5) Famous Japanese novel written in 1905 by Souseki Natsume about a cat who travels around Japan and satirizes the society at the time…kind of a weird book.

(6) Said solely for answering the telephone…this is really a day for Japanese isn't it…

(7) One of the many districts in Tokyo.

(8) Charcoal based ink sticks used for painting traditional Japanese Sumi-e art.

(9) Three stringed traditional instrument, kind of like a guitar.

(10) Puppets used for theatrical performances.

**A/N: HAHAHAHA! You have **_**no**_** idea how long I've waited to write that part! Cliffhangers, I love you!**

**Anyway, look at those footnotes! And I thought last chapter was a lot. (I'm sorry, I'm such a Japanophile…)**

**And more depressing people! Sai, Ino's mother! The list goes on and on! **

**Also, don't judge Ino too hardly for not getting along with her mother. You're going to find out more about it later, but I imagine Ino's mother as the kind of mother who's always trying to butt in to her daughter's business. It's the sort of thing that builds up for ages, years maybe, until Ino can't stand it anymore and explodes.**

**In my profile there's a section called Fic Status. You can see how close I am to updating, because I have no life. I was pretty sure I already posted this message here, but I looked and I can't find it, so here it is again.**

**Please review, if only to yell at me about this wonderous cliffhanger! And maybe I'm a little hyper at the moment, just maybe. **

**Also, I have a Poll up on my profile page. Please vote!**


	19. Pitfall

Chapter Nineteen-

"S-Sorry," I hear myself saying, in a weak, high-pitched voice, "I thought…y-you were someone else and…"

Neither of them say anything and I trail off. My hands jerk reflexively and my pocket knife is out before I know what I'm doing.

"_Did you hear? The little brother of Uchiha Itachi is in our class!"_

"_Really? I remember when that happened! I think I was about seven!"_

"_They say his brother killed both his mother and his father ! Tried to kill him too, but the police came!"_

"Don't come any closer," I snarl, my hands shaking.

The tall man, 'Kisame' apparently, pulls something out of his pocket. My throat turns dry as I recognize it as a firearm.

"Wait…" I gasp weakly.

"_Oh, I feel so sorry for him! How horrible!"_

"_You're only saying that 'cause he's cute!"_

"_Ah, don't say that! You're so mean, you kno…"_

"Don't move," the mass murderer advises, "It will only make this more painful."

He almost sounds kind. It makes me sick.

His companion raises the gun and I feel my legs quiver.

"D-Don't you _dare_, or I'll…"

"Finish her."

I freeze and-

"H-Hey, baby! Fuck, you're hot! You make me wanna…"

All three of us turn to see a young couple, a bit older than I, kissing sloppily and groping each other, stumbling towards the scene.

"Honey, not here!" the girl says coyly, and then they both seem to spot us: an underage girl (1) and two fully grown men, one of which is holding a gun.

"What the-" the man starts and I bolt.

There are shouts and the woman screams, but I'm not focusing at all on that. I dodge through the labyrinth of alley ways, skipping around garbage dumpsters, broken bottles, and nearly flatten a group of drugies.

"The hell-"

"Move!" I hiss, tripping over their idle legs.

I smash into something and fall hard onto the ground, skinning my knee. I look up in horror to see Uchiha's companion.

"Got you, you bitch!"

He drags me up by the wrist. I kick out at him and when that doesn't work, bite into his slimy hand until I taste blood.

"FUCK! Sonnava-"

I scramble out of the way and hear the loud crack of a gunshot whizzing over my head. It's so loud and suddenly I'm more terrified than I ever thought I could be. My breath is coming in short puffs and everything seems to blur over, sweat getting into my eyes.

I run into a dead end, curse desperately, and then turn around. To my horror, I can hear running foot steps. In a split second decision, I launch myself over to the corner, wrench open the top of the decrypt dumpster and throw myself into it, crouch down, letting the top close as softly as I can.

There is water at the bottom and it immediately fills my sandals. I gag at the putrid smell and clap both hands over my mouth. I attempt to breathe as lightly as I can, trying not to throw up. I stay there for several minutes in silence, and then I hear the soft padding noise of footsteps. I squeeze my shoulders tightly and urge myself not to breathe at all. They come what seems to be right in front of me and my heart stops. Before I do something stupid, however, the footsteps fade off in the distance. A few minutes go by before I allow myself to relax and it's only then that I realize I'm half crouched in garbage and filthy rainwater.

I lean down even further and wretch. And not even because it's disgusting.

I'm in a dumpster, a fucking dumpster. Even as a kid I never, _ever_, had to hide in one. Or sleep in one. I always…_always_ found another way to… I may have opened the top to look for something fresh, but I never had to go _inside _one or look through the decaying pieces of decaying food, among other things. I bite my lip and try very hard not to cry. I feel sick again and have to grab the rust encrusted wall of the garbage dump so I don't fall.

My shoulders shake and I let out a weak, disgustingly pitiful sound. I feel trapped and frightened and angry at the same time. It's so disgusting and I feel like a fucking animal. I gag again, but instead of throwing up it comes out like a sob.

"No," I whisper, terrified beyond belief, "No, no, no, no, no!"

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. It revolves around my head again and again until I can hardly stand it any longer. All I can think of is _before _and how sick I used to be all the time, hungry and cold, hiding out among alienating cardboard boxes. How I haven't really changed at all; just become better at hiding in places that no one would ever look, and always running, running, running, until I don't even know why, and I feel so sick and dirty-

I let out another sob, but this time I don't even try to hold it back and before I know it I've pressed my fists to my eyes and cry almost as hard as I did when I lost Tenten.

I choke on my sobs and with great effort, smash open the lid of the vile prison, throw myself over the side, and wretch again.

After a few more minutes of alternating between throwing up and crying, I realize how low the sun is in the sky. I shiver at the memory of Uchiha's inhuman eyes and set off. I run low and fast, talking no chances, jumping at small noises, and almost taking comfort as I pass other clubs and movie theaters that blare loud nonsensical music. I limp all the way to the back door, blood running down my knee. I drop my set of keys three times and by the time I finally get them in the lock, the door is thrown open.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Suigetsu demands, the new worker who is a bit of a bastard.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Instead, I grip my shoulders and suddenly irrationally wish to be at home-

_-I _do _have one now-_

-in bed with nothing to worry about.

"Whoa," he says, looking me up and down, "Are you okay?"

I shiver again and grab my jacket with my dirty hands. I still can't say anything.

"Oi, Haruno?!"

"I-I can't…" I manage to force out, "I-" but I can't say anymore and he frowns.

"Fuck, what happened to you?" he mutters, but grabs me by the wrist, I flinch, and pulls me inside.

"Sit down," he says and I comply, digging my fingers into the old couch, "Don't move. I'll get Temari."

I hear him yelling something and he leaves the room. Everything spins and I feel sick again, but manage to hold it back down.

"Sakura?"

Suddenly Temari is there, all doled up in what looks like a bikini and a short skirt.

"Sakura…" she puts her hand my shoulder and I move back instinctively, "Sakura, tell me what happened you."

She spots my bloody knee and I hear her mutter to Suigetsu to get a cloth and disinfectant. I look down at my knee as she cleans it, wiping the dried blood away.

"I need to wash my hands," is the first thing that comes out of my mouth, "I need…I need a shower, to get clean, I need, I need…" I babble.

Temari looks terrified, "Sakura, what happened? Who…did someone h-hurt you? Did someone…_do _anything you?"

I blink at her question in confusion and look her in the eye for the first time, "N-No," I reply, confused and tired, "Why…Why would they want to do that?"

"Did they take your money?" Suigetsu asks shrewdly.

I shake my head, barely comprehending his question.

Temari, however, looks furious at his intrusion, "Go back," she hisses, "Go help Sai."

Suigetsu looks vaguely disappointed, but retreats.

"I need to take a shower," I repeat robotically.

She looks at me for a long while and then helps me up, pulls my arm over her shoulder and supports me my grabbing me around the waist.

"You smell like…" she starts tentatively.

"I know," I say with a half-sob.

She pulls me over to a door I've never opened. When she does it reveals a set of rickety stairs.

"This is Jiraiya's apartment," she says, answering my unspoken question, "He's always lived over the club; I have no idea why."

She leads me into the large, fifteen tatami mat (2) apartment. I slip off my sandals and we walk over the old peeling mats, my dirty feet leaving brown footprints while Temari chatters in a scared sort of voice about the club. The walls are covered with large pictures of nude women and anime girls with enlarged breasts, and the room smells funny. Temari leaves me at the bathroom and I lock the door, strip and get into the shower, turning it as hot as it can go. There are a lot of bottles on the ground and the shelves. I'm not exactly sure which ones are shampoo and soap and which _aren't. _I'm hesitant to look at the labels and find out, but eventually my need for cleanliness wins out. I scrub myself hard with soap until I have large scratch marks down my arms and legs from my short nails. After a long time, I'm not sure how long, I turn off the water with shaking hands. I step out hesitantly, grab an old ratty towel, and dry myself off, trying not to look at my red skin in the mirror. There are dark blue sweat pants and a man's undershirt folded neatly right in front of the door. I swallow, pull on my underwear and bra, ignoring the fact that I want to _burn _every single item I was wearing, and dress quickly.

"…she didn't tell you what happened?" Jiraiya is saying as I open the door quietly.

"She didn't say anything except she wanted a shower," Temari answers, "I asked her…if anyone had _done_ anything to her and she said no."

There is a pause and I open my mouth to say something.

"She was really scared. Couldn't even talk straight. I've never seen her like that before," Temari said in sotto voce.

I close my mouth. Somehow, the movement catches her eye and she turns.

"Sakura! Are you okay?" she comes close and looks at me intently, "Y-You're all red? Was the water-"

"It was hot," I say, "I had to make it…"

"Sakura, what happened?" Jiraiya asks, as serious as he was that time that Konohamaru and I got attacked.

"Nothing," I say, trying to think of something, _anything_, to do.

"Sakura" Temari says, "Listen, w-we can help you so…"

"Do you have a phone directory?" I say suddenly.

They both glance at each other. The-she's-crazy-isn't-she look.

"Here…" Jiraiya says, going into the kitchen a rummaging through the cabinets. Finally, he pulls out the large directory, along with some other questionable items, and hands me it.

I flip through it, looking for residential phone numbers. However, to my surprise, there's no 'Uchiha' in the 'U' section. I recheck it. Still no Uchiha.

"What are you looking for?" Jiraiya asks. He and Temari look concerned.

I shake my head, "I was just thinking…no, never mind…"

I put the directory back down and stare off into space, my mind racing. The police are not an option. Even anonymous calls from public places can be traced; they could find out who I was if they really wanted to. The same about anonymous notes. Way too risky. My first idea was to drop off a note at Uchiha's place, but I guess his address is not in the phone book for security reasons. I might've thought it was a bit paranoid, but now I understand why. What should I do? I can't just sit here and do nothing! If the police don't know that Uchiha Itachi is in town…the consequences are unthinkable. There's only one reason I can think of that he'd be here.

"Sakura!" I blink and turn to her, glancing at the clock. It's nearly nine; opening time. I frown, how the hell did it get so late? Was I really inside that…_thing _for that long?

"Sakura, do you need to lie down? I'm sure it'd be okay if you…" she appeals, glancing at Jiraiya who is looking at me suspiciously.

I shake my head, "N-No. I can work. I'm fine. Really." I try to give her a smile, but it doesn't work so well.

"Sakura, _what _happened?"

I shake my head distractedly, "Nothing, I just…something just sort of scared me. I just overreacted."

Temari frowns and opens her mouth to say something, but Jiraiya cuts her off.

"Are you on something?" he asks, looking at me closely.

The question startles me, "W-What? No!"

"Look," Jiraiya says calmly, "I'm not going to turn you in or give you a don't-do-drugs talk. I smoke a bit of weed once and a while myself. I just need to know what you took. It might have done something to your sen-"

"I'm not high!" I say, half laughing at the absurdity of the idea, "That's ridiculous! I don't even drink!"

"She does have a point," Temari mutters, "I doubt she would do anything like that."

"Someone could've slipped something in her drink," Jiraiya reminds her, "A hallucinogen, maybe."

"I haven't drank anything-No one's given me anything!" I say, a bit annoyed.

Temari waves a hand in front of my face in mock concentration. I bat it away in annoyance.

"Well, that settles it," she announces, "She's not high!"

Jiraiya frowns at her flippant dismissal of the issue but makes no comment.

"Look," I say, "I'm fine. I just almost got the shit beat out of me. I freaked out. But I'm okay now. I can work."

They both look at me for a long time.

"Alright," Jiraiya says, "Fine."

We all get up and as Jiraiya opens the door I'm compelled to add one more thing.

"Oh, by the way," I say, "You're interior designing sucks."

Jiraiya just laughs.

The rest of the night turns out to be vaguely eventful with Temari watching me like a hawk and Suigetsu and Sai looking on in vague interest. There is also a huge fight between one of the crappy band members that we hired for the night and Suigetsu. Suigetsu knocks him out cold and it affects me more than I thought it would. I was kinda jumpy the whole night and that did _not_ help.

I take the bus back and it's only halfway through the trip that I realize that I'm tensing up with every person who gets on.

When I finally get off, I'm terrified. Every branch moving with the wind and dog barking causes me to jump. I end up running home and practically slamming the door behind me, breathing heavily. I side down the door, breathing heavily and realizing that I…

"_I almost died."_

It seems so…strange. I used to wonder if one day I'd get hurt or starve, but being killed by a mass murderer somehow didn't come up. I suddenly feel stupid. What was I thinking? That I was invincible or something? That I'd never get hurt again because I'm not homeless anymore? Yeah, right.

…And, maybe, I….

I squeeze my eyes shut. No. No. I'm not going there. Shivering, I stand and walk quietly up the stairs. I get into my sleeping clothes and fall into an uneasy sleep.

I wake up breathing heavily about to hours later. I grab my shoulders and try to calm myself down.

"You're okay," I breathe, "You're okay, you're okay,"

An old tree outside my window creaks with the wind and I jump in fright. I quickly slid out of bed and make my way out of my room, practically running down the stairs.

"_Is this just is? Is this the way I'm going to live my life? Hiding and in denial? Can I admit that maybe I, maybe. No, definitely, I like-" _

"Fine," I say softly, staring into the downstairs bathroom mirror with no memory of how I got there, "You know what? I don't care anymore. Fine. I'll a be a fucking…I mean I'll like…I like girls…" I whisper and swallow, "I'm a lesbian," I say a little louder and suddenly it's funny, and I sink down onto the toilet seat and laugh at the irony of everything.

"Oh, this is so _stupid_!" I mumble after a while, "I'm such a moron…"

My heart is beating really fast and I smile at my reflection in the mirror. Hell, why didn't I do this sooner?!

I stand up and stretch, feeling very awake. It's a nice feeling. Like I've just had a large weight taken off my shoulders. And even though, I'm kinda scared and I know it'll be hard…I guess it's better than hiding.

I leave the bathroom and go into the kitchen…and nearly have a heart attack when I find Konohamaru sitting at the table drinking tea.

"What the fuck are you doing up?" I gasp, trying to get my breath back.

"I couldn't sleep," he mumbles, looking exhausted, "Want some tea? Or do you wanna go to bed?"

"Tea, please," I say and he pours me a cup.

I endure several minutes of awkward silence, only interrupted by slurping noises until I finally snap.

"Alright, that's enough!" I say loudly, slamming my cup down loudly on the table, "Look, I just figured out I'm a lesbian! Er…I thought you should know!"

He looks up at me wide-eyed for a long time. And just as I start to think this was a bad idea, he breaks the silence.

"…is that it?"

"What?" I say, taken aback.

"Uhh, no offence, nee-san," he says, "But, duh."

"_What?_" I repeat, wondering if I should be insulted or not.

"C'mon?" he says yawning, as if older sister figures in his life come out to him all the time, "Look what you _wear_."

I open my mouth, close it, and then open it again, "You know what?" I finally say, "Shut up."

He chokes on his tea laughing and then I know everything is alright.

…Until, of course, the next morning, he offers to let me borrow certain _special _magazines of his. Then it just gets awkward.

After a day of thinking it finally hits me and I feel like I'm such an idiot. I call Ino and pray that this works.

"Hey, Sakura!" she answers the phone with, startling me until I remember caller ID, "What's up?"

"Er," I say, feeling awkward, "I was wonde-"

"Hey, wait a second. I'm at a friend's house, just lemme move…"

I hear her walking and talking in the background to someone else. Then there is the sound of what I think is a door closing.

"Okay, I'm good, sorry about that."

"Uh, hi," I say, "I was wondering, well, I don't have anyone's number but your's, so I was thinking that-"

"Oh, you want everyone's cells?" she says sounding cheerful and then begins to list off a bunch of numbers. I make the appropriate noises between intervals and only write down Hinata's (just in case) and Uchiha's.

"Thanks," I say, relieved that she didn't think I was weird for asking.

"No problem," she says in a tone that suggests she's not going to get off the phone anytime soon, "So you wanna hang out sometime?"

"Err… can I get back to you on that…It's not that I don't want to, but my schedule's pretty busy," I say hurriedly.

"Oh, okay," she says, "Just gimme a call, then."

"Right," I say, glancing at my watch. The time is 8:30, "I kinda have to go now, so I'll see you later?"

"Okay, bye,"

"Bye," I mutter and flip my phone shut.

"Awkward," I groan and set off.

"Hey, Jiraiya," I say, following him into the backroom, "I was wondering…" I pause, thinking about the semantics of the favor I'm just about to ask.

"Yes?"

"Can you trace this number for me?" I ask, handing him the slip of paper with Uchiha's number on it.

He raises a white eyebrow and I swallow, trying to keep my cool.

"And why do you think I have the capacity to do such a thing?" he says carefully.

I let out a cough of disbelief. After all, he was the one who fixed the loose ends of my university application for me.

"Alright," he says, "Stupid question. I guess it's really what you want to do with the information I give you."

"What if I promised you I'm not going to hurt anyone, directly or indirectly, or steal anything?"

"Your promises mean nothing to me," he says flippantly, running a hand through his long, spiky hair.

I try another track, "Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't going to hurt anyone or steal anything?"

He hesitates, "Maybe."

I roll my eyes.

"What do you want with it anyway?" he says gruffly, taking the slip of paper and eyeing it suspiciously, "Trace phone calls made? Billing address?"

"Billing address," I say without pausing.

He sighs, "You're not going to tell me why, are you?"

I shake my head resolutely.

"Alright," he says, slipping the paper into his pocket and I smile.

The next day, he comes up behind me a slips another piece of paper into my pocket. However, the secrecy doesn't work so well because I freak out a nearly drop a tray of drinks.

I take two buses to the West side of the city immediately after I get off work, in the same vicinity as Ino's house. Uchiha's house is even bigger than Ino's and I use the cover of darkness to my advantage and slip a note in the mailbox with five words written on it :

_Your brother is in town._

Satisfied, I return home.

"What? Again?" I say, trying not to whine, "Temari, I came in early a few days ag… Yeah, yeah, yeah, that wasn't my fault! I would've been on time if it hadn't been for…okay, fine. Yeah, I'll be there," I scowl and slip my phone back into my pocket.

"Bitch," I mutter.

"Ooh, who?" Konohamaru asks, flipping through one of my books while lying on my bed.

"Temari. Wants me to come in early again."

"Didn't you go in early, like, a week ago?"

"Yeah, but I was late, so… whatever, more money for me, I guess."

"Have fun," he says, not even looking up.

"Yeah, yeah…."

"There you are!" Temari says when I finally arrive. I blink in surprise to see Suigetsu and Sai there too.

"What are-"

"We're going shopping."

'What?" Suigetsu blurts out, who, like me, obviously wasn't informed of why he was called in early.

Sai looks vaguely intrigued.

"You've been depressed lately," she says accusingly, "And Suigetsu, no offense, you need better clothes."

"I have _not _been depressed," I say hotly.

"Going shopping wasn't in the job description," Suigetsu complains.

"Now it is," she replies smartly.

"Right, let's go!"

After two hours of "Ooh, look at that skirt!" and "Try on this hat," it occurs to me that the stuff that we're looking at is quite expensive.

"Jiraiya paying for this again?" I ask as Temari inspects the pair of high heeled white boots with buckles she has tried on.

"Yup. Dammit, these are too big for me."

"Er, why exactly does he pay for all this stuff? I mean, he paid for all my clothes at first too…"

"Jiraiya's independently wealthy," she answers, removing the boots mournfully, "Gama Senin is his livelihood, that's all, so he lets us buy whatever we want as long as it's for club purposes."

"Independently wealthy?" I say surprised, "From what?"

"I dunno, probably from some business back in the Warring States Period (3) , or something. Hey, your feet are bigger than mine. Try these on!"

Oh, fuck no.

"Temari," I hiss, "I am _not _wearing these."

"Why not? You'll look hot in them! C'mon, they don't fit me, so you have to wear them!"

Uggh, "Fine…"

"Ooh, and they have corsets over here! We can get a white one to match the boots! And you can wear that plaid skirt that we bought in February. Remember? The pink one with all the chains? And then I have to get you some new eye shadow and lip-gloss and-"

It is at this point that I begin to agree with Suigetsu who is miming throwing up behind Temari's back. Sai watches on in amusement; at least I think he is behind that huge pile of clothes he's holding.

"There!" Temari exclaims a few hours later when we're in the backroom again.

I glare in the mirror at my heavily made-up face, white corset that feels like an obi squeezed too tight, stupid skirt that matches my hair, and the mid-thigh in height boots that started the whole mess. (4)

Temari herself is wearing incredibly blue eye shadow that makes her look like an alien, crazy boots of her own, and what looks like a swimsuit made solely of black lace. And the whip thing which seems to be a favorite of hers.

"I love this job," Temari says and I look for an escape route.

It's about half an hour before closing time when I get the call. I always keep my cell phone on me, just in case of an emergency, and told Sarutobi, Yoshiko, and Konohamaru never to call me during work hours for anything less. So when it goes off, I freak, thinking of Uchiha Itachi or Yoshiko hurting herself. I half run to the backroom, stick my finger in one ear and hold the phone up to the other, trying to block out the loud rock music.

I don't recognize the number, "Moshi, moshi?"

"Haruno?" a low voice asks.

I blink, "_Hyuuga_? What the hell? How did you get this number?"

"Hinata gave it to me," he says, sounding slightly out of it.

"Hinata? Oh, Ino must have-"

"Look, Haruno," he says, cutting me off, "Sasuke's been shot."

I drop the phone.

(1) Yes, Sakura is over eighteen, the age people become adults in most countries; however, the age of majority is twenty in Japan.

(2) Traditional Japanese rooms are often measured by how many tatami mats are in them. Jiraiya's room is about 24.3 m2. (Apartments in Japan have a reputation of being incredibly small, so to Sakura it would seem large.)

(3) The Warring States Period (also known as the sengoku jidai) lasted from the middle of 15th century Japan to the beginning of the 17th century, where there obviously was a lot of fighting done. The main struggle was the shifting of power from the emperor to feudal lords and then between the feudal lords.

(4) If I could draw, I'd so draw Sakura in this outfit!

**A/N: Yay! Another cliffhanger! And sadly way less footnotes than last time. I'll try and fit more random junk in next chapter maybe? **

**Anyway, Sakura in Denial is over! …and it's chapter nineteen… Many thanks to everyone who hasn't ditched this fic yet because it's so long! My beta Sleeping Soundly is awesome and please review! **


	20. Metaphorical Quagmires

Chapter Twenty-

My breath comes in short puffs and my chest feels like lead. My back connects with the wall and I slide down it, staring at the ground.

"Haruno?" Hyuuga's voice comes from the phone lying on the ground, "Haruno?!"

I grasp it with shaking hands and hold it up to my ear once more.

"Yeah…" "Haruno, did you hear me? I said that Sasuke's been-"

"Shot," I finished dazedly, "With a…a gun?"

"Yes," Hyuuga says, a bit of exasperation coming through, "His older brother-you've heard of him, I'm sure-"

"Is he dea-" I start and then bite my lip.

"No, we're at the hospital now," he says and gives me the address, "Look, I don't want to say it over the phone, just come over and-"

"Yeah. Yeah," I say, already on my feet, "I'll be there."

He hangs up.

"Fuck," I say, pressing my palms to my eyes and grabbing onto my bangs with my fingers, "Fuck!"

I grab my light jacket off the couch in the backroom and run out into the club, swearing when I realize that it's raining outside.

"Temari!" I pant when I finally find her, taking orders from a table in the back, "I gotta go!"

"What?" she says, looking at her watch, "There's still twenty-five minute left and-"

"One of my friend is in the hospital," I blurt out, "I just got the call."

She looks worried, "Shit, okay, I'll sign you out. Just go!"

I nod my thanks and run out of there, almost tripping over those stupid boots.

It's fucking pouring outside. I'm soaked within a minute. I sprint to the bus stop and catch the last bus, a second before the door closes. I change buses twice and then walk a block to the biggest hospital in Konoha.

"Yes?" the lady at the reception desk says as I walk up to her desk, sopping wet and in…interesting attire.

Dammit, of all the days to be wearing fishnet…well, at least I'm wearing that jacket over…yeah…

"Er…someone told me that Uchiha Sasuke was here."

The lady types a few things on her computer and shakes her head, "Sorry, there's no one of that name in the database."

I roll my eyes, "Look, I know he has extra security, but I'm not his psycho brother. I'm a friend."

Not really, but whatever.

"Sorry, miss, but I don't know what you're talking about," she says, looking at my attire disdainfully.

I'm just about to jump over the desk and strangle her when I'm interrupted. Damn.

"Haruno!"

I turn to see Hyuuga.

"We're over here," he says,

"Never mind," I tell the receptionist, following Hyuuga.

"Wait, miss, you need a pass…"

Hyuuga raises an eyebrow at my clothes, but makes no comment…until, of course, I trip and nearly kill myself.

"Fucking boots, I mutter, "Of all the things…"

"Er…"

"Don't ask," I tell him, "Just don't."

"Right."

"Any other news?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "We all got calls from Sasuke's uncle, but even he hasn't seen Sasuke yet."

I nod and say nothing.

They're all congregated in the waiting room hospital, sitting on a bunch of sterilized chairs. I catch sight of Uchiha's young uncle, seated beside a brown-haired woman I don't know. Ino, Hinata, Inuzuka, Akimichi and Aburame are there as well, looking half awake and miserable. I scan over the area, but I don't see Uzumaki anywhere. What the hell?

"I found her," Hyuuga says, walking up to them.

They all stare at me.

"Err…" Inuzuka starts, "What…"

"Don't," I cut in, "even ask."

I'm _really_ loving the jacket I'm wearing now, even though it is a bit hot.

"Where's Uzumaki?" I ask, adjusting the jacket more tightly around my torso.

"Sasuke's university is in Kyoto, so Naruto got a job there. Sasuke's uncle is getting married soon," Inuzuka explained, gesturing to the brown-haired woman, "so he went help with the wedding preparations and…I called Naruto, but it's going to take him a few hours to get here."

I nod and sit down next to them, stewing in my own guilt.

An hour goes by and Nara and Rock show up, with worried faces. I get a call on my cell from a worried Konohamaru.

"Where are you?" he hisses, "It's almost three!"

"I'm at the hospital," I try to explain, aware that everyone is staring at me, "No, I'm not hurt. Someone I know is…"

"Can you call next time?" he says unhappily, sounding like an overprotective mother.

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't want to wake you…why are you up, anyway?"

"I'm a light sleeper," he replies, "I usually hear you come in and I woke up at two and you weren't here."

"Right. Look, I dunno when I'm going to be back, but I'll call. Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Who was that?" Ino asks, as I slip my cell back into my pocket.

"I didn't call home to tell them I was here," I say, avoiding her question.

We all stop and stare as they wheel a man with huge slashes in his chest that are oozing blood down the hall. Ino gags and looks like she's going to be sick. I stare. What's so gross about blood? It's just red stuff.

"Oh, eww," Inuzuka says, "What the hell happened to him?"

"Knife fight, probably," I say, yawning.

"What?" he says horrified and crap, they're all staring at me.

"Those are knife wounds," I say, resisting the urge to add '_obviously,_'"Probably something large, by the looks of it."

Hmm…that reminds me, I need to get a new knife. I lost my old one running away from that bastard Uchiha. I still have a few of Hinata's that I confiscated from her, but I kinda want something better than that. What to do…Fuck, they're still staring at me!

"Aren't you hot it that?" Inuzuka asks, fanning himself and staring at my jacket.

"Yes," I reply truthfully.

He frowns, "Then why don't you take it off?"

I sign and decide to get it over with, "Because I'm wearing a corset."

Nara's choking noise informs me that he knows what it is. But Inuzuka looks confused, as does Hinata. Ino just kind of stares. (1)

"What's a corset?"

I roll my eyes.

"Hey," he says, "What's a-"

"This-" I say, opening my jacket, "is a corset."

Inuzuka gapes at me. Hinata looks makes a small sound of surprise and Ino looks very embarrassed. Indeed, her face is getting redder and redder…

I roll my eyes and close my jacket, feeling my cheeks redden.

Fortunately, Inuzuka's cell rings, and I'm sparred any more embarrassment.

"Naruto!" he says, "Yeah, I know, we're in the waiting room. They won't tell us where his room is… Look, man, calm down. I'll come and get you in a sec."

"Neji," he mutters, after he hangs up, "You better come with me, he sounds hysterical."

Hyuuga stands up and the two of them disappear around a corner. My guilt worsens.

I should have done something more. What if they never even found the note? Sure, I could've gotten in a lot of trouble if I notified the police, but it's better than someone _dying_. Stupid, stupid; this is Tenten all over again!

Uzumaki is soaking wet like me when he comes in. He looks terrified and is shaking, besides the heat.

"C'mon, Naruto, sit down." Inuzuka says, half carrying him to a seat.

"Where is he?" Naruto asks, nervously, "I need to see him!"

"Calm down," Hyuuga says, "Naruto, look at me!"

The blond tentatively looks at him.

"He'll be fine," Hyuuga says, seriously "Alright?"

Uzumaki nods and then buries his face in his hands.

It is four am and I can't stand it anymore.

"I'll be right back," I mutter, and leave the waiting area.

I need a drink. Right now. Screw the fact that I hate alcohol.

Thankfully it has stopped raining and there are a bunch of vending machines near the hospital. I buy two cans of beer and sit down on a bench.

I'm such an idiot, I think as I sip the vile stuff. I finish one can and move to the second. It's not like I'm trying to get drunk (and really, who gets drunk on _beer_?) But I figure, what the hell. Who cares. Unfortunately, someone does.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hyuuga asks angrily, causing me to jump and very nearly spill my beer.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I mutter sullenly.

"Give me that," he says sighing and grabs the can out of my hand.

He empties it and tosses it in a recycle bin.

"Hey, you bastard! I paid for that, you know," I say.

"You shouldn't be drinking," he says.

"Look who's talking."

"Why are you so upset, anyway?" he grumbles, sitting down on the other side of the bench, "I was under the impression that you never liked Uchiha in the first place."

"I don't want him dead," I mutter.

"He's not dead," Hyuuga says patiently, "He wasn't hurt as badly as you think."

"How can you not be hurt badly when you're _shot_?" I ask him furiously.

Then it sinks in, "Wait, you've heard about-"

"He's fine," he grumbled, "Shot in the _arm. _You're just like Naruto. Overreacting…"

In the arm! I let out a sigh of relief. Fuck, if he died…

"I am not like Uzumaki," I say after a bit, "Don't insult me like that."

He doesn't seem to hear me, but instead is looking at me with an odd look on his face.

"What?" I bite out.

"You sent the note," he says.

All the color floods out of my face.

"W-What note?" I say, trying to play dumb and failing miserably.

He raises an eyebrow.

"Shut up," I say after a while, "Yeah, I sent it. Ran into the bastard in the Red Light District. Nearly killed me," I say, pointing to the large scab on my knee.

"You probably saved his life," Neji says, "From what I heard, they found the note and called the police. They were stationed around the house, when his brother came."

"You're just saying that," I mutter.

"It's true. They got him in custody, too."

This gets my attention, "Really?"

"Why did he do it anyway?"

"Do what?"

"Don't play stupid, I know the story."

He sighs, "They think he's crazy, but they'll know for sure soon."

I exhale loudly and look at the rapidly lightening sky.

"How did you find his house?" Hyuuga asks, "It's not in any public directory for security reasons."

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

He rolls his eyes at this, "And you were in the Red Light District because…"

"Is this an interrogation?" I grumble, "I happen to work there. Fuck, don't look at me like that! I'm a waitress, not a hooker!"

"At the Gama Sennin?" he asks.

"Yeah…which reminds, Tenten said that she met you there. What the hell were _you _doing there?"

He looks embarrassed.

"You know what," I say disgusted, "I don't want to know."

"Don't look at me like that," he says angrily, "If you must know, I got off at the wrong bus stop."

I stare, "You got off at the wrong stop," I repeat, "How the fuck do you get off at the wrong-"

"I was drunk," he mutters.

I stare again and then laugh, "Hypocrite."

"I literally ran into her," he says smiling slightly, "And she dragged me to her work and poured a bucket of water over my head to sober me up."

"That sounds so much like her," I say softly.

I don't say anything for a long time. Neither does he.

"How did you find out?" I say with difficulty, "For me, I came back on that day and there were police-" if I say anymore I know I'll cry, so I stop and close my eyes.

"My father is an investigator with the Konoha police department," he says, softly, "We used took the train together, so I met him at his work," this is hard for him too, I can tell, "I had been used to seeing his work, though it's technically not protocol… " he says to more and a tear trickles down my cheek.

"I miss her," I say softly and stare at the ground.

"You know," he says, leaning against the back of the bench looking at the sky, "If she was here now, she'd probably laugh at us."

"Yeah," I say, covering my eyes, "Yeah."

We make our way back to the waiting room a few minutes later. Uchiha's uncle and fiancée are gone, as is Ino.

"They won't let me in," Naruto murmurs, head in his hands, "'Cause I'm not family."

"Calm down, man," Inuzuka says worriedly, "They said he was fine. You know it's just hospital policy not to let anyone besides family in at first."

"But I want to see him…"

"Where's Ino?" I ask, looking around.

"Her mother got all pissy," Nara says, "And I think all the blood got to her. Ino has this thing about blood…"

I nearly have a heart attack, when I realize that it's nearly six in the morning and it's seven by the time Uchiha's uncle comes back.

"He's fine," the man says to a distraught Uzumaki, "He was sleeping. They had to do a quick operation on his arm, that's why it took so long. They told us to go home," he says apologetically, "We'll call about him later."

Something about the way he said that seems off and watch them as they leave.

'Oi, Inuzuka," I asks, "Does he know about Uzumaki and Uchi- his nephew?"

Inuzuka shakes his head, "No. From what I know, the guy means well, but Sasuke thought that he'd react badly," he shrugs his shoulders.

His words hit a bit too close to home and I wince.

"A-Are you sure you're alright?" Hinata asks Uzumaki.

"I'm fine," he says, giving her a brief smile, "I'll just call Iruka and take the bus to his place."

One by one, they all depart and I drag myself out my seat and call Sarutobi.

"Sorry, to call you like this, but I'm afraid to take the bus, because I might fall asleep and miss my stop."

"It's fine," he says and picks me up about fifteen minutes later. I'm just glad that everyone was gone by the time he shows up.

"Is your friend okay?" he asks on the ride home.

"Yeah, it turned out he only hurt his arm, but they wouldn't tell us until a lot later."

I stumble upstairs the second we arrive home and fall asleep as soon as I hit the bed.

At about four o'clock Konohamaru wakes me up.

"Okay, you've slept enough!" he says authoritatively.

"Go away," I grumble and throw my pillow at him.

It really doesn't deter him, and I'm dragged into his room.

"You have to watch this with me," he says and holds up a cassette tape.

"Do I want to know what it is?" I say, still annoyed about being woken up.

"Oh, it's not porn! I wouldn't watch that with _you_."

So reassuring.

"What is it then?"

"I dunno, it's some stupid clothes model thing, but there's this one girl that's _so _hot, and Udon doesn't agree with me. You have to help me prove him wrong, okay?"

…What the hell?

"See, look," he says pointing at the some woman with extra pouty lips and a boob job.

"Ewww…Botox much?"

"Are you kidding?" he gapes at me, "She's hot."

"She's fake, that's what she is," another woman comes on the screen showing off a pair of designer shoes and purse, "Now, _she's _hot."

"Pfftt, she's alright, but the other one is better."

A woman with dyed red hair and a low cut dress is next. Konohamaru does a bad imitation of a wolf whistle.

"Alright," I concede, "She's pretty good looking,"

"The first was the best," he says, pouting.

"You have horrible taste in women," I tell him.

"I do not!" he says.

"You definitely do," I say decisively, "In fact, I foretell a long string of bad relationships, that one awkward one-night stand that you'll rather not remember, and that time when-

However, I don't get any further as Konohamaru utters a loud war cry and tackles me.

I let out a laugh and tickle him.

"Oww…hey…Nee-san…stop it!"

"Touch the rope (2)" I say evilly.

"There is no rope!"

He struggles out of my grip and runs out of his room screaming, "You'll never catch me now!"

I launch myself out the door and follow him down the stairs, talking them three at a time.

"Got you!" I yell and grab him around the waist so he can't move.

"Nee-san!" he screeches, as I proceed to tickle him without mercy.

"Say it!"

"I give up! Fine!" he gasps and falls to the carpeted floor of the living room, "Uggh."

I place my foot on his back, "I claim this land in the name of the Konoha Red Light District: spreading STDs and other various diseases since 19-"

Unfortunately, before I can get any farther than that, there is the sound of someone clearing their throat.

We both turn to see Sarutobi, Yoshiko, and two people that I've seen only in photos on Sarutobi's desk. I believe one is Sarutobi's son and the other (judging by her swollen belly) is his wife.

Well, this is awkward.

Konohamaru quickly gets up and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. I'm just glad I changed out of the corset and fishnet.

"Well," Sarutobi says, impervious to the awkwardness as usual, "This is Konohamaru, Asuma, Kurenai, your nephew."

"Er…pleased to meet you," Konohamaru says.

"And this is Haruno Sakura, who's been stay with us," he says cheerfully.

Sarutobi's son raises an eyebrow at me, telling me that Sarutobi told him _exactly _why I was staying with them. Just lovely.

"Pleased to meet you," I say politely and bow my head.

"Sorry, I didn't tell you sooner," Sarutobi whispers to me as they talk to Yoshiko, "I was going to tell you this morning but you were so tired…"

"It's fine," I say, waving his apologizes away.

"They'll only be staying with us three days. I thought it would be nice for Yoshiko and Asuma to catch up."

Hmm…in that case I'll be making myself scarce. But I do not voice that particular thought and merely nod my head.

Dinner is…awkward. Kurenai invites me to help her and Yoshiko cook and I stare at her until Yoshiko distracts her.

Asuma is very obviously suspicious of me and asks a lot of questions about school, to the point that it's annoying. The he asks if I work. _If_! As if he doubts that I do. Bastard. Fortunately, he looses interest after I say I'm a waitress and doesn't ask _where _I work. The whole night ends up being me trying to avoid their questions and Konohamaru looking apologetically up at me. Alright, they weren't that bad. They did seem like nice people otherwise and I guess they do have a reason to distrust me…but still. It pisses me off. This is the reason, I tell myself, that I don't tell anyone about my previous homelessness.

"Sorry about that," Konohamaru says as we walk up the stairs together.

"It's not your fault."

"I know…but still," he says sadly, "He was looking at you like you had _flees_."

I wince at that, "It's okay. I'm fine really."

I go to work later, vaguely uneasy, trying to reassure myself that it was only for a few more days.

However, when I get back, the lights are still on and I hear raised voices in the kitchen. Raised male voices.

"-can't be serious about this," Asuma is saying, "You can't just _invite _random people into your house like this. Do you even know anything about her?"

Oh…great.

"She's a very nice girl," Sarutobi argues back, "She took care of Konohamaru and she got into the University of Tokyo on a scholarship. You're acting like she's some sort of criminal!"

"She probably is," Asuma retorts, "And you-you're like always. Doing random things, without even _thinking _about the consequences!"

"Asuma, you don't even know her! How can you just say that?'

"I-I'm just worried about you, you know," Asuma says softly, "I feel like you're going to get into trouble. And did you ever think how this could effect Konohamaru? A teenage girl in the bedroom next to his?"

"That's ridiculous, Asuma. The boy thinks of her as an older sister!"

"You never know," the man says, "My gods, you wouldn't even notice if she was giving him drugs, would you?"

"That's enough, Asuma!" Sarutobi says, sounding angry for the first time, "The girl has been nothing but a good influence! Konohamaru's grades were abysmal before she started tutoring him. She's not a bad kid! She's buy _books_ with the money she _works_ for, not drugs! And she has top grades in her classes at university," I'm touched to find he actually sounds _proud _of me, "She helps Yoshiko when she can, and _yes_ while she can't cook or do laundry properly, she's ten times as fast with numbers as anyone I've met. I've lived with her three months, I think I should know!"

I'm horrified to find that my eyes are damp.

"Otou-san…"

"And I don't think them sleeping next to each other would be a problem," suddenly Sarutobi sounds…embarrassed?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just…I don't think she's…well, she probably isn't attracted to men, really…"

What. The. Fuck.

"Oh, you mean…?"

"Yeah…"

I resist the urge to bang my head against the wall. Fuck, did _everyone _know but me?!

"Let's just leave it at that," Sarutobi says coldly, "It's late. She'll be coming home soon and I don't want to hear us arguing."

"Wait, you mean she's out at _this_ hour?"

"Working," he replies shortly.

"Where at?"

"That is none of your business and…" there voices dim as they climb up the stairs and I groan.

Great. I'm stuck in a house with people who think I'm a junkie, a woman suffering from bipolar disease, Konohamaru (the name speaks for itself, doesn't it?) and an eccentric old man who knew I was a lesbian when I even didn't. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?!

I go to bed that night, torn between being amused and annoyed.

(1) Obviously, the corset isn't a word that has historical meaning for Japanese people and also 'corset' in Japanese is 'korusetto' (コルセット) It doesn't really mean much unless you know the exact meaning.

(2) Like saying 'mercy' or 'uncle.'

**A/N: Gahh…long chapter…**

**Okay, a few notes about Asuma. Try and look at it from his perspective. His father, who is getting on in his years, has just started to support not only his mentally ill daughter and grandson, but also some **_**random **_**eighteen year old homeless girl. He's worried that his father is going to be taken advantage of and that his sister and nephew are going to be hurt as a result. It's really a quite reasonable cause of anxiety.**

**Anyway, you finally found out **_**exactly **_**how Neji and Tenten met and Sasuke got shot…in the arm. Seriously, I was really surprised how many of you thought he was dead. And I'm totally with Ino about the blood thing (eww…)**

**So, next chapter should be out shortly (**_**my**_** version of shortly, that is…) There will be a party, drunkenness, and…a wedding? (Though not a drunken wedding. I know, damn.) **

**Until next time! (And don't forget to review.) And speaking of that, someone randomly want to review for the last chapter so it can be a record for reviews?**

**Oh, and don't worry, next chapter will have a **_**lot **_**of footnotes. Hahaha! **


	21. Lesbians and Drunks II

Chapter Twenty-One-

"You want me to _what_?"

I hear Ino sigh on the other end, "You know they won't let Naruto see Sasuke for another week and he's getting depressed and shit. And Chouji just got his own place, so we were thinking of having a party to cheer him up."

"Uh huh," I say stoically, shifting my cell phone to the other ear "And you're calling me at 6 o'clock in the morning why?"

There is a pause.

"Oh, you were _sleeping_?"

I let my head fall face first against the pillow and groan.

"So you'll come?" she asks hopefully, after apologizing for five minutes straight. (I timed it.)

"Sure," I say sleepily, "What time?"

"We're going start at five and get something delivered for dinner."

I snort, "No ramen?"

"Yeah, I would," Ino says reluctantly, "But seeing as he eats nothing else…"

I make a noncommittal noise from the back of my throat and my eyelids start to droop.

"Late night last night?" she asks, and I find myself looking around the room for cameras.

"Yeah, you could say that," I say vaguely.

"Well, I'll let you get some sleep," she says in a way that almost sounds flirtatious.

"See you at five…wait, where is Akimichi's place?"

She gives me an address, I flip my phone closed, and bury myself under the covers.

Life was so much easier without friends.

…And the Konohamaru's uncle. That too.

I end up getting up at ten, which is pretty decent for me. I trudge down the narrow staircase in sweatpants and an old ratty shirt, which I refuse to get rid of despite Sarutobi's pleas. Yoshiko and Kurenai are talking together in the kitchen, and I can't help notice that Yoshiko seems happier than usual. I guess having Sarutobi's son around is good for _something_. She fills up a bowl of miso soup, one of rice, and a dish with some fish on it, while I pour myself a cup of coffee.

"Do you need any help?" Kurenai asks Yoshiko.

I raise an eyebrow. Shouldn't it be the other way around, being as pregnant as she is? She's pretty big. I'd say seven or eight months, though I'm not an expert. Thankfully.

Yoshiko shakes her head and puts my breakfast in the place next to her brother, who is reading the newspaper. Great.

I grab a set of chopsticks and eat quickly, not really sure what I'm trying to get away from more; Asuma or Kurenai and Yoshiko's conversation about their respective pregnancies.

Konohamaru strolls in fully dressed and opens the fridge. He pulls out a can of pop and sits down across from me.

"You drink way too much of that stuff," I tell him.

He snorts, "Says the one that drinks _black _coffee."

I frown, "Black coffee is alright."

Konohamaru rolls his eyes, "Yeah, if you're seventy."

"At least coffee doesn't rot your teeth," I say, mixing a bit of the salmon with my rice. Yoshiko winces.

"Don't be so paranoid," Konohamaru says offhandedly and suddenly I'm aware that Yoshiko, Kurenai, and Asuma are all listening in.

"Yeah, well you've never had a cavity," I mutter and immediately regret it. They all stare at me.

"You had a cavity…?" Konohamaru asks, looking worried, and I know what he's thinking.

I can't stand it.

"Gochisosama (1)," I manage and leave the table without clearing my dishes. I go up to my room and close the door. I slide down it, just like the when Konohamaru found his family and I thought he was going to leave me.

I didn't have the cavity, of course. Not pristine, paranoid, borderline hypochondriac Haruno Sakura.

But Tenten did.

And I remember ripping the molar, piece by piece out of her screaming, bleeding mouth with stolen pliers. It wouldn't stop bleeding and I remember feverishly pressing pads of rubbing alcohol to the hole in her mouth, fear of infection stealing all common sense away.

And after that Tenten kept her teeth even cleaner than mine, until the day she died.

I suddenly don't feel like going to any parties tonight.

Konohamaru knocks on my door an hour later while I'm lying on my bed reading _Ripening Summer_ (2) for the fifth time.

"Hey," he says, coming to sit on the foot of my bed, "Are you…are you okay?"

"Fine," I murmur, finding it a lot easier to absorb the controversial text than looking at him.

"Nee-san," he says carefully, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I swallow and put the book down, "Not right now," I say, "Maybe…"

"Later?" he suggests.

"Someday," I intend to say, but somehow it comes out as, "When I'm ready."

"Right," he says and picks up the teen magazine that Yoshiko bought me for reasons unknown and flips through it.

"Thanks," I say.

"Anytime."

So, at six that night, I find myself at Akimichi's cheap looking apartment door, completely aware that I can count the sentences I've exchanged with him on one hand. Fortunately, Ino is already there helping set up. Well, isn't she the social butterfly.

Akimichi's apartment is small and old. I remove my shoes and step up on to the tatami, removing my jacket. There is no kitchen, but there is a small bathroom on my left.

"Sakura!" Ino says cheerfully, pulling snacks and drinks out of a grocery bag and setting them on the only piece of furniture in the entire room, an electric kotatsu (3).

"Hey."

"Isn't it great!" Ino says, gesturing to the tiny apartment in admiration, "I can't wait to get my own place."

Akimichi blushes and mutters something about it being really small.

"Pft!" Ino says dismissively, "Anything to get away from my mother! But I can't afford it at the moment, so…"

"How do you cook?" I ask Akimichi curiously, holding a bowl out while Ino pours rice snacks into it.

He rolls his eyes, "I don't need to. My mother brings over food everyday. Believe me, I wish she didn't," he says at my look, "I have a job now and I could eat out if I had to, but she's convinced that I'll starve without her."

"Sounds like my mom," Ino mutters.

People file in and I start to get worried that they won't fit. Hyuuga and Rock come first, then Hinata and Inuzuka (with a disgusting amount of alcohol,) Uzumaki (who looks a little glum) and Aburame, and finally Nara.

For a while we all catch up and the room is filled with "How's your job going?" or "Uni's a bitch, isn't it?" or "Chouji, you're so lucky!"

After an hour or so Akimichi orders okonomiyaki, (4) causing much argument over toppings.

When the drinking starts, Hinata and I end up getting squished against the sliding doors, behind which lay nonperishable food, clothes, and a futon.

I wrinkle my nose and check the time. Seven o'clock. I still have an hour and a half before I have to leave for work. At first I was worried that leaving early would insult Akimichi, but if I've predicted right, they'll all be so drunk by then they won't even notice.

"How's school going?" I ask her.

"Good," she says, smiling, "I'm learning a lot. It's hard, but really fun. Even more than I expected."

"I'm happy for you," I say.

"What about you?"

"Pretty good, tons of work, but what did I expect?" I take a sip of my pop from the cheap plastic cup and groan as Ino and Uzumaki start a drinking contest. Fuck.

"Hey, Hinata?" I start, "I've always been wanting to ask, but it never came up. Why did you and Hyu-er-your cousin go to Konoha? Surely you could have gone to a better school."

"We did," she says looking surprised that I asked, "For out first year in high school we went to Oto."

I raise my eyebrows. Oto is one of the best high schools in Konoha.

She smiles sadly, "But the people there were…very rude. Neji-san and I didn't like it very much. We worked very hard to convince our families to let us transfer to Konoha."

She sighs, "Well, he did. My father had all but given up on me by then…And we had to keep it a secret that we were going to the same schools. Our fathers haven't spoken for fourteen years," she informs me.

I stare, "Fourteen _years_?!"

"They had a fight and never really made up. In fact, I don't really even remember Neji-san's father."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugs her shoulders, "It's okay."

But it's not and she knows it.

I don't say anything, but merely eat another slice of okonomiyaki.

"Is that new?" Hinata asks suddenly, pointing to the silver bracelet that I got on my eighteenth birthday, "I didn't know you wore jewelry."

I open my mouth to tell her it was a present, but Inuzuka gets in the way. As usual.

"Oh, c'mon," he says swaying slightly, "Haruno wearing jewelry is about as likely as getting into the University of Tokyo (5)."

I blink at him in confusion.

"Er…I did get into Todai."

Suddenly, it seems like the entire room is staring at me.

"Are you serious?" Uzumaki asks, looking quite like a fish out of water.

"Yes," I say, slightly bemused at their reactions, "That's where I am now."

"You didn't know that?" Ino asks.

A thought: Did _I_ tell Ino that I went to Todai? 'Cause I sure don't remember doing that.

Before they start to question me, however, my phone rings. I mutter an apology and go stand in the hallway.

"Moshi, moshi,"

"Sakura," Jiraiya says, "don't come to work tonight."

I frown, "What happened? The power again?"

Akimichi's door opens and Nara exits, also talking on the phone. Shit.

"No," my boss says and it's only then that I realize how tired his voice is, "Temari found a body in the bathroom."

My eyes widen and I immediately look at Nara, who has a worried look on his face and is talking quietly into his phone.

"What? Someone was kill-"

"No," he says, sounding disgusted, "Overdose. Ecstasy, I think."

"Oh," I say, because I can't think of anything else.

"Anyway," he says in a resigned voice, "The club is closing down for about at least a week for the investigation. You and Sai had better not come down, because you're underage. I think Suigetsu is twenty and Temari's nearly twenty-one, so we should be alright if they start asking questions."

"Is-Is Temari alright?" I ask, eyeing Nara.

"She's a bit shaken up, obviously, but…" he trails off tiredly, "I'll call when we open again."

"Yeah, good luck."

"I'll need it," he says and hangs up.

I slide the phone back into my pocket and enter Akimichi's apartment again, totally failing at eavesdropping on Nara's conversation which I'd bet anything is with Temari.

"Sorry about that," I say casually, sitting down again "It was my boss, so I thought I'd better pick it up."

"You still work at that restaurant?" Ino asks without the slightest slur. Fuck, she can hold her liquor.

"Yeah," I say uncomfortably.

After a few minutes, Nara returns, only to announce that he has to leave.

"I have to pick up Temari," he says uncomfortably.

"You're still dating her?!" Inuzuka yells quite drunkenly as he leaves.

"Still?" I inquire delicately.

"They've been dating since, like, middle school, right?" Uzumaki manages to annunciate.

He blinks at as if seeing me for the first time, "Hey, have you had anything to drink yet?"

I scowl, "No."

"Awww…C'mon!"

"I don't drink," I insist stubbornly.

Hyuuga lets out a snort and I glare at him.

"Haruno," Uzumaki says seriously, though the image is somewhat ruined by the fact he can't even sit straight, "I'm the depressed person this whole thing is for and I will be even _more _depressed if I don't manage to get some sake down your throat."

If most of the group had been sober when he said that there would have been an awkward silence. As it is, everyone starts laughing.

I glare at him. I might lose my job, Temari found a dead body in a bathroom, Sarutobi's son hates my guts, and I'm a lesbian.

"Oh, give me that," I say and grab the cup he brandishes at me out of his hands.

I'm going to regret this.

_-An hour later-_

Holy fuck. Why is the room spinning? Is it supposed to do that? I didn't think so.

_-Two hours later-_

"Wow," Uzumaki giggles, poking at Chouji's sleeping form with his big toe, "I think he's deadddd. Heh…"

I snort and suddenly the floor is a lot closer to my face than it was before. I groan.

"Where did," I say inanely, "all the…pe-people, like, _go_?"

I vaguely remember Hinata hustling a yelling Inuzuka out, Shino taking Ino home, Rock getting eaten by the bathroom, and Hyuuga rolling his eyes and turning into a girl. But that may be have just been the tequila talking. Or thinking. I wonder which it is.

Either way, the girl Hyuuga turned into was _hot_.

"I can't beliveeee I got you smashed, 'hough," Uzumaki says crawling over to where I'm sitting.

I try and punch him, but it doesn't work out so well and I end up on the ceiling. Huh. That's an interesting light bulb right there. In fact, I'd say it was-

"Earth to Sakura," he says, grabbing my arm and shaking it. I manage to push it off and get back on the floor in a seated position.

"So you miss Uchiha, huh?" I say callously.

The grin vanishes.

"Yeah…" he slumps against the sliding doors.

There is an uncharacteristic silence and then he bursts into speech, "I want to see him," he rants, "But nooo! Stupid fucking protocol! I hate doctors," he finishes miserably.

I giggle.

"Hey, Uzuuumaki," I say after a while, "Wasit like being gay?"

He is staring off into space and I repeat the question loudly.

"Huh?" he turns and blinks, "I dunno. I'm bi."

I snort and elbow him, "Yeah?"

"S'okay, most of the time. You know, as long as Sasuke doesn't catch me looking at other people. He's kinda weird like that."

"Bitchy," I mutter solemnly.

Uzumaki nods, "Yeah. You wouldn't _believe _what he did one time. I was just, you know, like, minding my own business, when along comes this _really hot_ girl and-"

I space out and stare at the painfully green tatami. I wonder if there's red tatami. I'd be cool. I like red.

"-but seriously, you know, she was like _sex_ on legs! I mean I only ogled. A bit. Well, maybe more than a b-bit, but Sasuke was like, accusing me of being bored with him, well, no, he didn't say it like that, but-"

"Yeah…" I say, still looking at the tatami, "Guys are boring. They're like…" I frown and make vague hand motions finding it hard to relate what I'm thinking.

"Plain," I finally decide, "They just sort of blend in."

"Huh?" Uzumaki blurts intelligently.

"Like, you sorta, kinda _see_ girls, right. They stand out, like even in like shopping places and fuck. Guys are just sorta _there_."

"It's true, then?" Uzumaki says, perfectly content that I just dissed half the planets population, "You'ra lesbo?"

"Sure," I concede, "What'd-did you have? A betting pal…pol…pool? Yeah…pool?"

"Nah," he says, waving his arms flippantly, "Well, t'was kinda obvious, you know. We all tried to tell I-Ino, but she won't listen!"

"Guys are flat, too, you know," I inform him, "No boobs."

Uzumaki giggles, and then stops abruptly.

I rub my eyes without refinement.

"It's kindaaa sad, though, you know," he says, frowning, "People, like, stare."

"Hmm?"

"Like, I can't even hold his hand innnn…p-p-public without old hags, like, glaring at me," he pauses, "He won't let me anyway, too. You have a girlfriend, Haruno?"

"No," I mutter sullenly, "That's for people with lives, right?"

"Well, when you get one," Uzumaki continues, "Don't, like, hug her in public, or put arms and shit around her in a restaurant. People hate that. There's this _cunt_ waitress, and…but, well, maybe cause you're girls…"

"Heyyy, Uzumaki," I slur slightly, "If you could, would you maybe marry Uchiha?"

He turns my favorite color. Well, not really. I like it a bit darker than that, but-

"I dunno," he mutters, taking another sip of cheap beer, "Maybe after he fin-fini-finished uni, or something…"

I tilt my head, trying to catch his gaze, "Hmmmmm….Wa's Umino think about it?"

"Iruka?" he looks confused, "Oh, he was… a little weirded out. Doesn't approve, I guess. Think he wants me to marry a girl."

"Oh."

"But, he's not, like, mean about it. Just disabbointed, er, disappointed. But, I told him I still liked girls, so…Sasuke's uncle doesn't know, you know. He would react worse, 'bably, 'cause they're all _traditional_ and shit…And 'suke's gayer than hell…so…"

He sighs deeply and suddenly I'm aware of how close we are. Morbidly curious, I lean in and our mouths connect. Uzumaki's lips are rough and he smells…unattractive. He tastes like the shit he's drinking. Very male, too. Boring, you know.

"Hate to break it to you," Uzumaki says, after I remove my tongue from his mouth and we stop sharing saliva, "But Sasuke is a way better kisser. Than you."

I start to laugh.

When morning comes, I am not ready for it. My head pounds and Akimichi's curtain-less, east facing, windows do not help.

"The hell?" I mutter, finding myself sprawled gracelessly on the tatami of an unfamiliar apartment.

I don't remember what happened the night before, until I sit up, wincing, and find Uzumaki a foot away from me with his head on the kotatsu. He's drooling.

"I am such an idiot," I say out loud and there is a groan. Uzumaki is awake and everything rushes back.

I gape at him in horror. Oh, fuck.

"Where the hell-oh, I forgot. Musta slept here last night," he says, apparently hangover free, "Oh, Sakura…why are you staring at me like that?"

"I-you-what?!" I stutter and then run to the bathroom, forgoing the slippers completely.

I throw up a bunch of clear stuff, look at it, and then throw up again.

Fuck, I can't believe I did that!! I-Uzumaki. If he tells _anyone_, I'll kill him. At this point, I'm not sure whether I'm talking about outing myself or the other…thing.

Oh, I'm never going to live this down, am I?

"Wow," Uzumaki says from the door, "Do you always throw up when people kiss you or is that just restricted to Ino and I?"

I throw a bar of soap at him.

Eventually, Uzumaki wakes up Akimichi and I raid his cabinets for painkillers. As they start to work, I check my cell phone from a dark corner and find about fifty text messages on it. From Konohamaru. I groan.

"Parents?" Uzumaki asks, "I'm in the same boat. Iruka's going to _kill _me."

"I had better call," I say and lock myself in the bathroom.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" is what Konohamaru answers his phone with.

"Sorrysorrysorry! I fell asleep at the party last night!"

"I can't _believe _you! And here I'm thinking that you got _fucking_ kidnapped or something-"

"Konohamaru!" I bark, "Please tell me you didn't tell anyone that I'm gone."

It's only 9:30, so technically I could be still in bed.

"I was going to if you didn't call in another hour!" he says angrily.

I cut him off before he can start ranting again, "Look, you can yell at me later, okay? I just need to get inside the house, so your uncle doesn't think I was out all last night!"

"What does it matter?" Konohamaru mutters, "They're leaving this afternoon. And didn't you go to work last night? Did you skip or-"

"I'll tell you later," I promise, "Just wait until I'm home."

"Fine," he mutters and hangs up.

Uzumaki and I leave at ten and walk to the nearest bus stop. It's funny, because it should be awkward, but it's not.

"Good luck," he tells me as I get off to switch buses.

I'm going to need it, I think.

Konohamaru lets me in and I sneak upstairs to my room, feeling quite stupid and childish. My head still hurts and all I want to do is sleep, but I still have Konohamaru to answer to.

"You smell like booze," he tells me in an angry whisper, "Are you fucking insane?!"

"Probably," I groan, "Ugh, I am _such _an idiot!"

"No kidding!" he snarls, "So you gonna explain to me why you ditched work and got drunk last night?"

"Work was canceled," I mutter, still feeling horribly ashamed of myself, "Some moron overdosed in the bathroom, so it has to be closed down for a week,"

"_Fuck_…" Konohamaru says, "So _that _was why you decided to get smashed?"

"Pretty much," I say flippantly, "Now get out of my room so I can sleep."

"Take a shower first," he argues, "You stink,"

"Shut up."

Unfortunately, this is not the end of my social life. Fuck. Still, at least Konohamaru's aunt and uncle are gone now.

Three days later, Ino calls. Again. Only this time she calls at seven instead of six. I start to wonder if I should block her calls.

"M'what?"

"You're _still_ sleeping?" she asks incredulously, "It's seven o'clock!"

"Exactly," I reply in a slightly mean way.

I refrain from asking her if she has a reason for walking me up. I'm not that mean. Most of the time.

"I need your help," she tells me, sounding so chipper it hurts, "You have to come to Uchiha's uncle's wedding reception." (6)

I'm starting to get sick of people's uncles.

"What?! Why?" (7)

"'Cause half the people have chickened out 'cause of Sasuke's crazy brother. So they have this huge place, tons of food, and no people."

"So, he's inviting _me_?" I ask skeptically, "Isn't he still in the hospital anyway?"

" Well, I was told that Uchiha said that Sasuke could invite his friends, so Sasuke invited Naruto…and Naruto invited everyone else."

I roll my eyes.

"And he's still in the hospital, but he'll be out before the wedding; in two weeks."

"Ugh, do I have to?" I whine, quite pathetically.

"Yes," Ino says sternly and then giggles, "C'mon, it'll be fun. It'd be really sad if Uchiha-san's wedding was half full."

I sigh. Oh well, it's not like I have anything better to do.

"Sure, why not?" I say.

She gives me the date, place and time, and then, "Do you need to borrow a dress again?" she asks teasingly.

"No, I'm good," I say yawning.

No way, I'm wearing a dress _this _time.

"Oh my god," Konohamaru says in awe two weeks later, "You are _not _wearing that."

I frown, "I like it."

"Where you _get _it? The men's department? It looks like a guy's suit. I can only hope you're not about to put on a tie."

"I did not get it in the men's department," I say in annoyance.

"Then where? Lesbians Incorporated?"

"Konohamaru!" Yoshiko scolds, "That's not very nice!"

He mutters something about it being a valid question, but, thankfully, she doesn't hear him.

"Though do let me put a little makeup on you," she pleads, "And you have to do something about that hair."

"Huh?"

"It's so…plain," she says apologetically, "You should at least get it layered, or…"

"It's fine," I say, brushing my hand through it subconsciously, "I had better go, I'll be late."

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" Sarutobi asks from the living room.

"I'll be fine," I call, adjusting my suit jacket, which, despite Konohamaru's insinuation, did come from the woman's department. It just doesn't have any flowers, or lace, or any decoration on it whatsoever, that's all.

At the last second, I remember the envelope with the wedding gift, which amount Sarutobi and I both mused over. (8)

"Have fun!" Yoshiko says, waving from the foyer.

I smile, put on my high heeled sandals, which aren't really that high, and leave.

I close the iron gate behind me and walk to bus stop, take it to the subway station, and then get to the hotel in record time.

I'm early and there are a crowd of people at the front, mostly getting on in their years. They glare at what they suppose is dyed hair.

"Hey, Haruno!" Inuzuka calls, wearing a wrinkled suit.

Beside him stand Hinata, wearing a light blue kimono (9) with a pretty green obi. She holds a small purse in front of her primly and ornaments in her hair jingle as she turns to greet me.

"Sakura-san! I'm glad you could come," she reaches out to clasp my hand and I notice she is wearing arm warmers under the kimono.

I glance at Inuzuka. I wonder if he knows. Well, he is sleeping with her after all, so he should know, but maybe…

…Never mind, I'm not going there.

Uzumaki comes over wearing an ill-fitted suit that probably belongs to Umino. He babbles about how Uchiha is doing better and well in physical therapy sessions for his arm. Aburame, Rock, Hyuuga, and Akimichi wander over, all wearing suits and looking as strange as they did in them as on graduation.

The doors open and everyone crowds in to congratulate the groom and bride, whose name I think is now Uchiha Rin. Her real hair is actually long enough to be done up in the traditional style and she wears it well. The bright red uchikake (10) she wears over her shiromuku (11) is very pretty with many complicated designs woven into it. Everyone lines up and presents their gifts to the new couple and then all sit down to eat while a singer serenades them with sappy love songs. Uchiha manages to escape his family and sits in the seat next to Uzumaki. He looks grumpy, though that may be because he's still wearing his hakama and haori (12), and it's really hot outside today. Uzumaki starts fussing over his arm, which is in a brace, and their arguing even has Rock rolling his eyes.

I see a blur of blonde and scarlet in the corner of my eye and I turn and see Ino taking the seat next to mine.

"Where have you been?" Aburame asks.

"My mother wouldn't let me out of the house," she grumbles, stealing some of my Kobumaki (13.)

Ino is wearing a strapless, low cut, short skirted red dress and obscenely high heels. I don't really blame her mother.

The bride, groom, and all their friends start giving speeches and I become very bored.

"We have to hang out more often," Ino says, turning to me after having a very long, in-depth conversation with Hinata about Uchiha Rin's hair, accessories, kimono…etc…

I have no idea what to say about this, so I merely nod. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Uzumaki and Uchiha talking, and holy fuck Uchiha is _smiling_. Not fair. I'm too young for the world to end.

I feel slightly jealous.

I walk to go to the bathroom and find a long line. There are a bunch of older woman, wearing kimono (14) in darker shades gossiping quietly about why the newlyweds took so long to tie the knot, how they would have preferred a spring wedding, Uchiha Itachi and that _poor_ younger brother of his, and of course, Uchiha Rin's hair and tsuno kakushi. (15)

I roll my eyes and they glare at me.

Eventually, the guests have enough drinks in them to start singing horrible karaoke and the sane people bolt. Just me then.

But as I walk to the subway, I feel vaguely dissatisfied.

"How was it?" Konohamaru asks, when I return at quarter to twelve.

"Weddings are overrated," I say and pick up a book.

(1) Said as thanks to the host/cook after eating.

(2) The best way I can describe it is the Japanese equivalent of "The Feminine Mystique." Written by Todo Shizuko.

(3) Low wooden table with heater used in the winter. (Not to cook food.)

(4) Japanese pizza/omelet/pancake. Try saying it three times fast. It's fun!

(5) This actually is an idiom.

(6) It is family and go-betweens (matchmakers) only at traditional Shinto wedding ceremonies.

(7) While the reception is more open, usually only close friends, coworkers and neighbors are invited. Seeing as Sakura has never formally met Obito…

(8) Wedding gifts are money in an envelope that helps the couple pay for the wedding and the honeymoon. Depending on how well you know you the couple, the amount you give is different.

(9) Hinata is wearing a homonogi style kimono, which is the second fanciest kimono for unmarried women. She would wear a furisode (aka the colorful one with the long sleeves of doom…Ahem, the fanciest one for unmarried woman,) if she knew the couple better.

(10) What the bride wears over the white wedding kimono at the reception. Red for good luck.

(11) The white wedding kimono. It had long sleeves and intricate patterns woven into it.

(12) Hakama are the crazy pleated pants that almost look like a skirt. Haori is a kimono jacket. They would be black (formal) with five family crests on it and very hot in the summer.

(13) Kelp rolls. Traditional food at New Year's and weddings. For luck.

(14) Kurotomesode kimono, most formal kimono for married woman. Shorter sleeves, darker colors, and patterned only below the waist.

(15) White hat traditional brides wear to hide their horns of jealousy, ego and selfishness. …Yeah.

Oh, my god, I have issues.

**A/N: Longest. Chapter. Ever. So don't complain! And sorry for the wait (as usual.) I actually intended to write this about a week ago, but I got sidetracked by the wonderful force known as the Hikaru no Go fandom. Shut up.**

**First things first. I apologize for those few sentences of Naru/Saku. It won't happen again. Also, as you can probably tell, I have personally never been drunk. This is mostly because of the few alcoholic relatives I have and my paranoia. It is also because I have no social life to speak of, but we won't go there. (And yes, Ino is such a stalker.)**

**Wedding! (Something I totally **_**didn't **_**do just because I wanted to be a nerd and research more about Japan. Really.) At this point, I feel inclined to mention that most couples don't have traditional weddings like this one anymore. But the Uchiha are supposed to be wealthy and prestigious, so what the hell. **

**Random question: Does anyone know the name of that fuzzy white thing on a string that guys wear when they wear a haori and hakama? I wanted to use it here, but I couldn't find the name. Hmph.**

**Okay, I'm gonna stop typing now and try and make myself look less like a crazy person. **

**REVIEW!**


	22. Tempestuous Days

Chapter Twenty-Two-

"Hey, Nee-san," Konohamaru says, sticking his head into my room at an ungodly hour, "Are you going to go to the festival with us, or go with your friends?"

"What?" I ask, poking my head out from under the blankets, "What festival?

He rolls his eyes, "Geez, do you live under a rock? The Obon Festival (1), you know!"

"Oh! Wow, it's already August."

It's not like I've ever been to a festival before; there are a few yearly ones in Konoha. In fact, Tenten and I would make a point of going to the street festivals for cheap food and pick pocking opportunities.

"When does it start again?" I ask, vaguely interested.

"August 14th."

"Yeah, we're planning to spend most of the day there." He grins awkwardly and rubs the back of his neck, "You probably should go with your friends. I'm kinda already going with Moegi-chan and Udon…I think Ojii-san and my mom are going to visit our ancestors' graves." He rolls his eyes, "Ojii-san gets really into that stuff. It's boring."

I shrug my shoulders, "I dunno if I'm going with my friends, they haven't, like, called or anything."

"Then invite them yourself!" he says energetically, "Nee-san, you've got to take the initiative _once_ and a while."

"Er…sure, whatever…"

Hmm…the Obon Festival. I feel like I should do something for Tenten. Technically, she's not my family, but still…

Not for the first time, I wonder what the police did with her body.

I swallow and force those thoughts out of my mind. There's no use griping about it.

At about noon, Hyuuga calls. Again.

Alright, I think to myself, who got shot _this_ time?

"Haruno," he says as a greeting, "Hinata-san invited you to the festival, right?"

"Umm…no…"

"Well, she did," he says brusquely, "Check your email. Anyway, I was wondering…"

"Yeah?" I say, adjusting the phone.

He clears his throat, "Do you want to meet me at Kawamori Cemetery on the first day?"

I frown, "Cemetery? Why would…You mean, Tenten…" it hurts to say her name, " She has…You…?" I am so confused at this point, I can't even talk.

"I pulled a few stings. It was expensive, but worth it. (2)"

"Oh…" My throat tightens and I can't speak for a few seconds.

"Haruno?"

"Oh, I don't…I don't have a set for the cleaning (3)."

"I do. Well, it's my family's, but I'm sure they won't notice if I take it for a while."

"I-I can bring incense and flowers. When do you…When do you want to go?"

"Late probably. Nine or ten?"

"Do you think it will still be open?"

He makes a noncommittal noise. I take it he doesn't really care.

"Right," he says quickly, "Then it's decided."

"Hyuuga," I say.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

He grunts in affirmation and hangs up.

My eyes are wet.

"Ohmygosh, it'll be so much fun!" Ino jabbers on, "I'm going to wear this cute yukata that I got in Kyoto last summer! I have a matching purse too. I'll have to ask my mom to help with the obi (4), but it'll be worth it."

"Right," I say, holding the phone in place with my shoulder as I pour detergent into the washer.

"What are you going to wear?" she asks excitedly.

I attempt to shrug and almost drop the phone, "Whatever," I say, "I haven't really thought about it."

"What so you mean?" She sounds confused, "You going to buy a new yukata or something?"

"Uh…no, I was just going to wear my usual clothes," I say flippantly, closing the washer and pushing the cold water button.

"You WHAT?! You can't do that! Alright, this is an emergency! We've got to go to Kyoto!"

"Wait, a second," I say, leaving the room, "I couldn't hear you. I thought you said we were going to Kyoto, but I must have been mistaken."

"No!" she says, "It's the only place to get good traditional shit! Other places are so expensive! And…"

"And?"

"Er…well, I've kinda been wanting to go there for a while."

"Oh, I see. So, that's how it is."

"Hey! I haven't gone anywhere all summer!"

I groan, "I still don't see why I have to buy a yukata. Normal clothes are fine. And the Shinkansen is expensive! _And_ it takes two hours to get there!"

"We could take the express."

"Even _more_ expensive!"

"We're going. Is Tuesday good?"

"But-"

'We're definitely going."

"…fine."

Dammit, Temari, why does the Gama Sennin have to be closed for the festival. You don't understand, she's making me go _shopping_!

The next thing I know, it's seven in the morning and I'm tearing apart my dresser looking for something that actually fits.

"Stupid, fucking, Yamanaka…" I hiss, "And dammit why do none of these stupid bras fit anymore!"

I throw yet another frilly thing into my box of give away stuff and voila! Sports bras, what would I do without you?

Finally, I'm ready and grab my bag.

"Are you really going all the way to Kyoto to get a yukata?" Yoshiko asks, looking concerned. I'm sitting at the kitchen table and she's cutting up some green onions for the miso soup, "There are plenty of decent priced ones around here, I'm sure. I don't think it's worth paying all that money to get there."

I shrug, "My friend is wacko. I've learned not to argue with her when she talks about fashion."

"But still…ouch!"

I look up in surprise to see her holding her index finger above the cutting board. There is blood running down its side.

"Shit," I say, forgetting myself, "Where are the bandages? I'll…" I trail off at the look on her face.

It is a strange curious look. Her eyes follow the drop of blood, entranced, as it slides down her finger, palm, and lower arm. It comes to rest at her elbow and then drops to the floor. Her eyes flicker back to the cut. There is a hungry look in her eyes. My pupils dilate and I swallow. Yoshiko's grip on the knife tightens.

"Yoshiko-san," I say softly.

She does not acknowledge me.

"Yoshiko-san," I say in a stronger voice, "Please put the knife down."

She gives a little shake and turns to look at me, the knife still in her grip. The look is still there.

"Yoshiko-san," I say and grab her arm. She struggles and I grab the other arm and pin them both behind her back, an easy feat considering her petite size.

"Stop it!" I hiss. She freezes for a second and then goes limp. She slides to the floor and I ease the handle out of her hand. I crouch down in front of her.

"Are you okay?"

"I-I," her voice is shaky and breathing heavy, "I slipped."

Both of us know she is not talking about the cut on her finger.

I stand and drop the knife in the sink. Neither of us speak as I bandage her finger.

"Hey, nee-san," Konohamaru walks in saying, "Ojii-san says you're going to be late if you don't leave soo…"

"Yoshiko-san," I say, after giving Konohamaru a piercing look, "Did you take your medicine yet? Did you take it yesterday?"

She nods, but makes no move to get up.

"Konohamaru," I say, "Get your grandfather. We have a problem."

"It might be the side effects of the new medication she's on," I tell Sarutobi, "It's not unheard of. I…I would suggest you take her back to the physiatrist. Now. Before, something else happens."

Sarutobi says nothing, but merely looks at his daughter. He does not argue, but takes out his cell phone.

"C'mon," I murmur, pulling her to her feet, "Let's wait in the car."

Sarutobi comes out soon after, looking ashen. We do not talk as he starts the car and backs out of the driveway. In fact, the only reason I say anything at all is…

"Sarutobi-san, why are you going to the Shinkansen station? You don't have to-"

"No, Sakura-kun," he says determinedly, a trace of the politician he once was, "I want you to go and have fun with your friend today. There's nothing more you can do here anyway."

He pulls into the parking lot, "Here," he says and hands me some money, "This should cover everything."

I gape at number on the bill, "I can't-Sarutobi-san, I can't accept this!"

"Yes, you can," he says and smiles a little, "Now, go on, you'll miss the train."

"But-"

"Go on, nee-san," Konohamaru says, "We'll be okay."

I swallow and open the door, "I'm paying you back," I say firmly.

"You can try," he replies.

"Sorry," I murmur and he pulls away.

I sigh, close my eyes and make my way to the door.

"What kept you?" Ino asks, as we take our seats, "I thought you weren't going to come."

"Sorry," I say, "I got held up at home."

"Parents?" Ino say wisely, "I get that all the time, too."

I say nothing.

The ride goes surprisingly fast. I find riding on the Shinkansen with another person is a lot more enjoyable than riding alone. Ino never seems to run out of topics to talk about and before I know it, the mechanical voice announces that we have reached Kyoto Station (5). We get off and stretch and then Ino drags me off to go shopping.

"I thought we were supposed to be looking for yukata," I say as we walk out of the third store.

"Shit," Ino says, holding a manicured hand up to her mouth, "I forgot. Hurry, we have to get out of here before I see another store!"

She grabs my hand and drags me forcibly outside. Kyoto doesn't look that much different than Tokyo, I think as Ino calls us a cab. However, I'm forced to recant my statement as we start to drive into the older district. The streets become narrower, and the houses and shops become smaller. By the time we are dropped off, it seems that every door has a noren (6) and I've seen about a hundred elderly woman in yukata and haori.

"Right," Ino says, "A word of caution. These people are the best salespeople ever. They will do _anything_ to get you to buy from them, so be careful, okay?"

"Sure," I say flippantly.

Hey, I've stolen more wallets than I can remember, hacked into the public school system, work at a nightclub, and have been shot at by a mass murderer. Pushy salespeople? Piece of cake.

Yeah. Right.

"How about this one!" the middle-aged man at the first shop we enter says, "It will look great with your complexion."

"Er…" I say, "No, thanks it's not really my-"

"You must try it on, at least," he says, adjusting his glasses and waving the shockingly orange yukata at me, "It will go perfectly will your eyes as well. Such beautiful eyes."

I feel my face begin to burn, "Umm…I'm sorry, but I don't-"

"Here," he says, "I'll make you a deal. Buy now and I'll give you 10 off, alright?"

"Er…"

"Nope," Ino says, coming back to the front holding a bunch of colorful yukata, "Here, Sakura try these!"

"Ooh!" the man exclaimed, switching tracks immediately, "Look at this nice green one here! The koi pattern is lovely, if I do say so myself and…"

Ino has me try them on. They all look perfectly fine to me, but she shakes her head in negation every time.

"No, I don't like any of them," she says bluntly, "C'mon, Sakura, lets go to another shop."

"But, wait, miss-"

"Wow," I say, as we exit, "That was scary."

She laughs, "Yeah, that was one of the better ones, too."

"Oh, _great_."

Eventually, Ino finds one she likes. It is navy blue with white, pink and purple flowers. The pink is apparently the exact shade of my hair, which nearly sends her into conniptions. I also get a bag that matches, but Ino says she has an obi at home that she'll let me borrow, so I don't buy one (7).

We buy bentou boxes from a department store and sit on a bench in a park to eat them. Afterwards, Ino drags me into a shop selling traditional hair clips made out of old kimono and forces me to buy one.

Then we take another taxi back to the station and, to my horror, Ino drags me into a lingerie, underwear, and bra shop.

"I need to get some new underwear," she says, as if this is a perfectly normal routine, "Besides, we have plenty time until our train leaves."

"But…" I say, glancing around warily, "This store is really…uh…"

"Awesome!" she finishes, "They have the best stuff here!"

Ino dallies around, picking out lacy bras and digging through a large pile of thongs that makes me contemplate the future of humanity.

"Hey, Sakura!' she calls after a while, "C'mere, try this one on." She holds up a powder blue bra.

I cringe, "Er…This isn't exactly…"

"Oh, c'mon," she says, "You can't just wear sports bras all the time. What happened to that other one you wore at my party."

Holy shit, she's good. How the hell did she notice?

…Never mind, not going there.

"Shrunk in the wash," I say embarrassedly.

She frowns, "Like what the straps or the cups?"

Fuck, I am not having this conversation right now. Please tell me this is some weird dream.

"Er…not the straps…?"

"Haha! I knew it," she says triumphantly, scaring the shit out of me, "Look, Sakura, take it from an expert. Cups don't shrink. In fact, I've never even heard of a bra shrinking. So, the only answer is…"

"They're defects?"

"…you went up a size!!"

Someone shoot me. Please.

"This is so cool! I can get you all new bras! It'll be awesome!"

"Er…" I interject, "I'm pretty sure I didn't…er…I mean, I probably just gained weight."

She rolls her eyes, "Of course you did. Where do you think some of that weight went?"

I look desperately at my watch. Fuck, we have an hour and a half.

"Okay, c'mere now and look at these pink ones…"

"Something's weird about this bra," I say outside the dressing room as Ino hands me a whole another pile to try on . I poke apprehensively at it, "There's like some sort of wedge in the bottom. D'you think we should tell the people at the front?"

"Sakura!" Ino moans in despair, "You don't even know what a pushup bra is?"

"A what?"

"Look," she says rolling her eyes and pushing me back into the dressing room, "Just what they sound like. They push up your boobs. Like this."

And to my horror, she puts her hand on my chest and proceeds to show me _exactly _what a pushup bra does.

"I-I-Ino!" I say, my voice an embarrassingly high pitch.

"See," she says excitedly, "For cleavage, you know?"

"R-Right," I reply, trying to force the heat in my cheeks to leave and never come back.

Fortunately, we leave soon, after a long argument in which Ino tries to convince me to buy a thong. She rolls her eyes as I stuff my purchases into the large pockets of my baggy jeans because I don't want to come home with the store's bag.

I get back to Sarutobi's at about five and unlock the door apprehensively. There is a light on in the kitchen, so I drop my bags, put on my house slippers and head towards it. I enter to see Sarutobi and Konohamaru sitting at the table drinking tea.

"Hey, nee-san," Konohamaru says, a miserable look on his face.

"Where is-" I start.

"Yoshiko is at the hospital," Sarutobi says.

"The-The hospital! What happened? Did she-"

"N-No!" Konohamaru interrupts, "Not that kind of hospital. She's been…well, she's been institutionalized."

"It's nothing to worry about," Sarutobi says, getting up to refill his mug, "They put her on a new medicine that they think won't have the same side effects, but just in case she's staying at an institution for observation. If all goes well, she'll be out in about a week."

"Oh, I thought…" I say unnecessarily.

He gives me an understanding smile, "It's alright. All of us will have to work a little harder from now on."

Konohamaru nods.

"And, I've been thinking of retiring. Before this incident," he says at my look, "I'm not getting any younger and I think I've saved enough for us to live well."

"Sarutobi-san, you-"

"Look at me," he says leaning back in his chair, "I feel much better now. I should have done this a long time ago."

"One question, though," Konohamaru asks, "Why do you have a bra sticking out of your pocket?"

August 13th comes sooner than I expected and Yoshiko has still not returned. Konohamaru and Sarutobi have visited her once or twice, and come back with more news of complications.

In the end, Konohamaru reluctantly offers to come grave visiting with his grandfather, but Sarutobi waves him off.

At twelve, I make my way over to Ino's house. I ring the doorbell and she answers it cheerfully.

"Hey! Come on in! We've got to hurry, it starts at two."

We eat lunch quickly and then put on our yukata. To my annoyance, Ino refuses to let me wear shorts and a tank top underneath. She pulls a yellow obi out and then drags her mother down to tie it.

Ino's mother has dark circles under her eyes and winces if we talk too loud, but brightens when she sees our yukata and tells a very long, boring story about kimono making.

Ino's yukata is a light blue with cranes and clouds on it and her obi is a solid purple. She spends ten minutes adjusting the hair clips we bought to my annoyance. We finally manage to leave at 1:30 and are late meeting everyone else.

"Fucking hell, Haruno's wearing a yukata!" Inuzuka greets us with, "I didn't know you even owned one!"

"She didn't," Ino says, "I had to drag her out to get one." She puts her hand on her heart and makes a painful expression, "My suffering was great."

I roll my eyes.

Uzumaki and Uchiha show up a few minutes later (Uzumaki looking downcast and muttering something about Uchiha not wanting to wear matching yukata. Uchiha just glares) and as a group we wander down the streets.

Inuzuka challenges me to a shooting game and I kick his ass, to his irritation. Hinata and Ino try and catch fish from a vender and fail miserably. Akimichi treats us to watermelon and then Hyuuga insists that we do something traditional and we watch the Bon Odori for a while (8.) It's only when Uzumaki, Kiba, Akimichi, Hinata, and Ino join in and I'm left with Aburame and Hyuuga that I realize that Nara isn't there.

"He's with his girlfriend," Aburame says stoically, "Or, as Naruto likes to say, she has kidnapped him."

Well, it _is_ Temari.

I leave early, at 8:00, and run into a convenience store to buy some incense and a bouquet of flowers. I take a bus to the outer city limits to the cemetery and wait in a long line to ask the caretaker where Tenten's grave is. At first, the man doesn't seem to understand that she has no family name. Finally, he does look it up on the computer and is very surprised to find that the grave does exist. He hands me a map and points to a section on it.

The entire place smells of incense and there are a lot of people praying and cleaning the graves of their ancestors. There are lanterns everywhere, which is fortunate because otherwise no one would be able to see.

Thankfully, Tenten's grave is on top of a hill, away from most people. I swallow as I come to stand in front of it. It is a dark gray and slightly dusty. There are two names on the large rectangular post; Tenten's in simple hiragana and a person's I don't recognize.

I pull out the framed picture of Tenten and I and put it next to the grave. It's probably bad luck, since I'm in it, but it's the only picture of her I have. I lay the flowers down and light the incense, and before I know it I'm sobbing my eyes out.

I simply cry for ten minutes until all my tears are gone. I had suspected this would happen, and am grateful I came early.

I sit on the stone ground, even though it is uncomfortable and the obi is really killing my back. I don't say anything or think much for a while and then out of the corner of my eye, I see Hyuuga climbing up the stairs, holding two large canvas bags.

I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my yukata and stand. Neither of us say anything and he unloads the bags. I sweep the dust and a few leaves off as he fills a bucket with water. We take turns ladling water onto the gray stone.

"Who is this other person?" I ask, pointing to the name.

"Another murder victim," he says.

There is a pause.

"I didn't want her to be alone. (9)"

I nod and he lights some candles. We sit in silence for a long time after that, taking in the smell of incense and the sound of the Buddhist prayers.

The next day, I don't go outside much at all. Konohamaru, Sarutobi and I spend most of the day cleaning the house as tradition dictates. I go out once to buy flowers and food for Sarutobi's family alter (10), but we are busy most of the day.

The last day I meet with everyone again and we sit by the river and watch the paper lanterns with candles inside float down the river. I light one for Tenten.

Afterwards, Uzumaki invites us all over to Iruka's house and we light sparklers and watch the fireworks that are being set off at Lake Suwa.

"Sakura!" Ino calls, waving me over, "Look at this one!"

She puts an arm around my shoulders and grins, "Look at those sparks! I thought I was going to catch on fire, so I had to drop it! Lucky we're not standing in the grass."

Her mouth is really close to my ear and I feel my face heat up. She smiles again, and there's some twisted feeling in my chest and for some reason, I really want to put my hand on her waist.

"God, it's so hot," she say later, fanning herself with a fan she bought at one of the venders. She flops down in the grass and kicks off her geta (11.) I stare at her.

"What?" she asks, her blonde hair spread out on the grass.

"Er, nothing," I say and sit down next to her.

Fuck, this is not happening to me. Please, please, please-

"Sakura, you look a little hot," she says concernedly, "Maybe you better change back into normal clothes." She fans me a little and puts her hand on my shoulder.

No! Not fair! Of all the people to…I can't have a crush on her! That would be bad, and stupid, and I _really_ don't want to!

"I'm fine," I say and her hand slides off my shoulder. I shiver.

Dammit. And the worse part about it is that a lot of things make sense now. I guess I was always on pins and needles around her.

"Sakura!" she says and waves a hand in front of my face, "Don't space out on me!"

Hell, why does this always happen to me!?

(1) Japanese festival of the dead. Is over the course of three days. Visiting ancestors' graves and cleaning the house are traditions that are practiced over the festival.

(2) Japanese funerals are the most expensive in the world.

(3) Cleaning the grave marker is done whenever you visit. There is a special set of brooms, buckets, and water dippers used.

(4) Most young people don't know how to tie an obi (I myself know the simplest way, but there are many different styles of bows.)

(5) Second biggest train station in Japan. Includes a shopping mall, a movie theater, and several government buildings.

(6) Traditional cloth hung in front of doorways.

(7) Obi are _really_ expensive, sometimes even more than the kimono or yukata itself.

(8) Circle dance danced on a platform specifically during the Obon Festival

(9) In Japan, the ashes of a deceased person are rarely ever put under a gravestone alone. Most have family plots or find a friend to be buried with.

(10) Part of the ashes are usually stored at home at the family alter (Buddhist.) During the Obon Festival they are especially paid attention to.

(11) Wooden raised clogs. (Look similar to flip-flops.)

**A/N: Finally something happens! I know that's what you're all thinking. Anyway, as you can see, I had fun with footnotes again. There's just so much to research and so little time! **

**Er…yeah, sorry about the bra part. I have no excuse for that.**

**Also, MNIHS had won Best in Category for Yuri (courtesy of TONFA)! I get to have a drawing commissioned! It's of Sakura from this fic, so I'll link it to you after it's done!**

**Also, goal for this chapter! Let's see if we can reach 800 reviews! Many thanks to Sleeping Soundly for continuing to beta this and for your support! **


	23. Turbulence of the Not Heart

Chapter Twenty-Three-

Konohamaru is still laughing.

"Shut up," I say miserably, "It's not my fault."

Konohamaru is _still_ laughing.

"Dammit," I snarl, "Will you stop it!"

He bangs his hands several times on the table and gasps for breath.

"Okay," he says after a while, "Okay. So…um…"

He starts laughing again.

"Fuck!" I yell loudly, throwing up my hands, "Stop laughing!"

He snorts and lets out a few more giggles before composing himself.

"Alright," he says clearing his throat, "You have a crush on this girl…"

"Yes," I say dejectedly.

"…who's a complete beauty queen…"

"Yes…"

"…and straight?"

I frown, "Actually, I'm not sure. She had this whole 'I'm a lesbian' thing going on a couple months ago, but that might just have been some sort of phase."

"Ooh!" he says excitedly, "Progress!"

I roll my eyes, "You know, just because she's might be a lesbian doesn't mean she does or will…er, you know, like me back…"My cheeks are probably really red at this point. Dammit, why did I choose a fourteen-year-old boy to talk this over with again?

"Well, sure," he says, not looking particularly convinced, "But it can't hurt your chances, can it?"

I scoff, "'Chances?' You make it sound like I want to date her or something."

He stares at me.

"What?"

"You…don't want to date her?" he asks in confusion.

I wrinkle my nose, "No."

He stares some more and then shakes his head, as if trying to clear it, "Okay, back up, back up. You like this girl…"

"I believe we've exhausted that particular point ad nauseum."

"…but you don't want to date her."

"No."

He pauses and blinks in bemusement.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he yells.

I jump in my seat, startled by his vehement reaction.

"So, wait, I can't like someone and not want to date them?"

"Yes! I mean, no!"

"Oh." This confuses me, "Why not?"

"Because-because…" he trails off and looks at me, crestfallen.

"Yes…?"

"Why don't you want to date her?!" he demands, banging his hand on the table again. I wince.

"Konohamaru," I say reasonably, "School starts again in less than two weeks. I won't have _time _for…uh…relationships and stuff."

He rolls his eyes. "There's _always _time for relationships! You just have to make it!"

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes, it does!" he exclaims loudly, "Now, back to the issue at hand! Are there any signs or _anything _that she might like you?"

"Er…well, half the time I think she's hitting on me, and the other half she's totally normal. I'm probably over thinking things, though." I frown, "Nah, she's definitely not hitting on me. She's probably just being nice and I'm not understan-"

"Okay, okay, that's enough, shut up."

I scowl at him.

"So…" he says, scratching his chin, "She hits on you half the time and the other half-"

"Oi," I say, annoyed, "I said that I was over thinking it. There probably isn't anything there, so don't jump to conclusions."

He rolls his eyes, "Nee-san, if your first reaction was that she was hitting on you, then she probably was. I mean, c'mon, don't you have…er…what's it called…oh, yeah, feminine intuition?"

"No," I say baldly.

He groans and lets his head fall against the table with a loud bang, "I give up," he says, his voice muffled slightly, "You're hopeless."

"Hey," I say, feeling insulted, "I'm not the one that pining after that Moegi girl constantly."

"Wha-What?" he shrieks, lifting his head off the tables and jerking back, "H-How did you-?"

I give him a disgusted look, "You talk about her," I say, "All. The. Time."

"I do _no_-" he starts, and them cuts himself off, "I do?"

"Yes," I say flatly, "It's rather annoying."

He scowls and crosses his arms in front of him and glares at me sullenly.

"So," he says after a while, "Do _you_ have any ideas?"

I scoff, "Ha! No."

"Figures."

"Konohamaru."

"Hmm?"

"Shut up."

Well, whatever. I don't need anyone's help. All I have to do is avoid Ino until it goes away, right? Easy.

Ha. Yeah, I wish.

"You're busy on Saturday?" Ino asks, "Hmm…okay, what about Sunday? It's just that Hinata's school is starting soon (so early, weird, huh?) and I wanted us to have one more night out before we have to study again."

"Er…" Dammit, I won't feel guilty!

"You're busy then, too?" Ino says disbelievingly, "Okay, how about-"

"Sunday's fine," I say quickly. After all, there're less people who come to the Gama Senin on a weeknight. I can probably get off work.

"Okay," she says cheerfully, "See you at…six, then?"

"Sure. Bye."

I hang up and groan. Well, _that _worked well. Time for Plan B. Which is….

…

…

…shit.

I'm screwed, aren't I?

So, around six, I'm standing at Ino's door, wondering what the hell I'm doing. Gah…this is not going to end well, is it?

"Hey!" she says happily, opening the door, "How's it going? I can't believe it's the end of August _already_! I don't want to go back to school, already."

Right now, I'm _wishing _school had begun already_. _

"Hinata won't be here for another hour, but that's understandable, she lives so far away…Did you eat yet?"

I shake my head.

"Good, I was going to make something." She grins all of the sudden, "My mom's at a party now, so we can do whatever we like."

I smile faintly and hold up my bag of clothes for tomorrow, "Where should I put this?"

"Oh, why don't you just stick it in my room."

I sigh and trudge up the stairs, hoping that Hinata shows up soon. Ino's room is the same as ever except that her walls have been totally filled up with photographs. By the look of her room, she has started to paste them on her ceiling. I drop the bag on her floor and barely avoid stepping on a stray bottle of nail polish. There are a couple paper back novels with their spines bent from use. I grimace at the overdramatic picture on their covers.

"-at happened?" Ino is saying as I walked down the stairs. She is holding her cell phone up, looking worried.

"What's going on?" I ask.

She looks at me, but doesn't answer.

"No, no, it's okay," she says then, "It's not your fault, I totally understand. Maybe some other time, then? Yeah, sure…No, _Hinata_, it's not your fault, stop apologizing…Yeah, bye."

"What happened?"

Ino bites the inside of her cheek and closes her cell phone, "Hinata says she won't be able to make it. Something about her train being cancelled."

"Oh," I say.

FUCK!

"So, what do you want to do? See a movie?"

I shrug. Not really, but if it makes things less awkward…

"Sure. Is there anything good out?"

"Well, kind of movies do you like?"

"I'm okay with anything," I say, not willing to admit that I don't really watch movies.

She rolls her eyes, "Well, _that's _boring. Here, I got a better idea. There's a machine with videos a few minutes away. Come with me and pick one, and then we can watch it here. They'll probably be more choices than at the theater."

I shrug and she drags me out to her car. I feel obligated to point out that Ino is a horrible driver. How she ever got her license is a mystery to me.

She ends up picking out some Korean horror movie, and when we get back to her house a whole another dilemma is realized.

"I was thinking we could just make something," she says, smiling nervously, "I bought ingredients for Oden (1) the other day, 'cause the pre-made stuff sucks." She blinks, "You like Oden, right?"

"Yeah, it's good."

She smiles and starts to take the ingredients out of the fridge and cabinets.

I used to eat a lot of the cheap stuff in the winter, but I don't know what it tastes like homemade.

A bite my lip, "But…"

"But what?" she asks, pulling a daikon (2) out of a plastic bag

I grimace, "I don't know how to cook…Like at all."

She stares, "Didn't you take Home Economics (3)?"

I shrug uncomfortably, "And nearly failed. But the teacher liked me, so…"

"Really?" she says in surprise, "But, I mean, cooking's something you _have_ to know. I mean, when you get married and stuff-"

"I'm not going getting a degree in mathematics to stay home and keep house, Ino," I say harshly, insulted.

"Oh," she says, putting her hand over her mouth, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," I mutter, suddenly embarrassed at my outburst.

I sigh, and swallow, "Anyway, I'm not going to get married anyway."

Yeah, even if I was straight.

She looks surprised, "Really? I'd love to! My wedding would be amazing! Used to plan it out when I was little, too." She looks a little sad about this.

I raise an eyebrow. She used to plan out her wedding when she was little? What a weirdo.

"I'm all for romance, you know," she says grinning.

I clear my throat, "Yeah, I saw your…uh…books…"

I'm loath to call them books, because they're well…yeah…

She laughs and blushes, rubbing the back of her neck embarrassedly.

"Okay, let's start," she says taking out a knife.

She starts to cut to daikon into thick slices.

"Here," she says, tossing me a few potatoes which I only barely catch, "Wash these and then cut them in half, and only in half. No small pieces, remember that."

I cut up the carrots, fish, and meat, while Ino starts to boil the eggs and fry the tofu. She adds konbudashi (4) into the donabe (5) and then I throw in the other ingredients.

"Okay," she says, wiping sweat from her forehead, "Now we just need sugar, soy sauce, sake, and konnyaku (6). My mom always keeps sake around…" She opens a large cupboard that is full of alcohol. I wince as she pulls out a bottle of sake and pours a little in the donabe.

"Sugar, too, though?" I ask, inspecting the pot, "Wouldn't that be gross? How much are you supposed to put in, anyway?"

Ino grabs the bag from me before I can tip it in.

"Not that much!" she says in exasperation and adds half a spoonful in, "God, Sakura you're hopeless."

She puts in some soy sauce and then puts the donabe on the burner.

"Right," she says, "This'll take about an hour to cook."

I start to washes my hands off in the sink and she comes up next to me. I feel my cheeks heat up at our proximity. Dammit, this avoidance this really isn't working too well, is it?

"Move over," she says, smirking, and bumps me over with her hip.

"Whatever her ladyship desires," I say sarcastically and then flick water at her.

She splashes me back and I retaliate by throwing a soaked dish cloth at her. She shrieks and gapes at me for a few seconds, causing me to wonder if I went too far.

"I'll get you!" she declares and I duck as she throws a ridiculous amount of water at my head.

"Nice try," I snicker.

Unfortunately, I stumble over the garbage can and lose my balance.

Shit, the stove is behind me! I brace myself for a lot of pain, but Ino thankfully grabs my arm and yanks. She overestimates my weight or something, because we're both thrown back against the sink.

"Ughh," I groan, "That was close."

"Yeah," she says seriously and it's only then that I realize I'm flush against her and my hands are practically on her ass. I look at her, really _look_ at her, and her cheeks are flushed, lips slightly parted, long hair coming out its bun and sticking to her lip gloss. And, fuck, our mouths are so close-

I rip my hands away and all but jump back. She doesn't notice my total embarrassment and merely sticks out her tongue.

"I win," she teases, "Now you have to do whatever I say."

And my poor mind immediately translates this as something I'm sure she didn't mean, and to my horror I realize if it was _that _I'm not sure I would mind all that much.

"Uhh…" I say intelligently.

"Which means," she says evilly, "I'm going to paint your nails!"

There are no words.

"Sakura," she reprimands, half an hour later, "Don't touch anything. Your nails aren't dry yet!"

I scowl and retract my hand from one of her stupid romance novels, which I was reading aloud in a sarcastic manner.

"Now, stop moving your feet, or I'm accidentally going to paint all over your toes instead of the nails."I groan, "Ino, please. Does it _have _to be pink? _That _particular shade of pink?"

"Yes," she says smugly, "It'll look beautiful on you. Especially with your hair."

I make a face.

"Oh, don't be like that," she says, "Here, I'll entertain you."

She grabs a magazine from on her bed with some buxom actress on the cover.

"I'm going to find your horoscope first, okay," she says flipping through the pages.

"You can read and paint nails at the same time?" I ask skeptically.

She winks mischievously, "I can multitask."

Gah…

"Okay," she says, settling back down on her stomach in her quest to suffocate the skin under my toenails, "What's your sign?"

"Sign? Uh…Rat, I think."

She rolls her eyes, "No, your monthly sign. I'm a Libra.

"A what?"

"Sakura!" she moans, stopping to look up a me, "How can you not know what that is? Okay, do you what a horoscope is?"

"Yes," I say in annoyance.

"Good. Horoscopes are based of your sign, which depends on which month you were born in."

"I know," I say, frowning, "But what's a Ribura?"

"Libra," she says, wincing, "Most magazines use the western system, okay? So, when's your birthday?"

"March 28th."

"Okay, March 28th…Wait, why didn't you tell me? I would've thrown you a party."

I shrug my shoulders, "It's just a birthday."

She gives me a strange look.

"Anyway," she continues, "So you are…an Aries, then."

"Erisu…okay, I'll try and remember that," I say, inwardly rolling my eyes.

"So," she says, switching to my other foot and runs a finger down the page in front of her, "Alright, here it is: 'You need to be more assertive about your love life,'" she quotes, "'You've waited long enough, it's time to take matters into your own hands! If you're in a relationship, don't hesitate to try something new. This is your lucky day! If you're single, stop waiting and take the initiative! Life's too short for waiting!'"

…Hmm…wasn't that what Konohamaru was saying the other day? Which mean…he reads girl's magazines? That's a strange thought…

Ino snorts, "Your face," she giggles, "You look like you can't decide to be annoyed or confused."

She laughs and I yank my foot out of the way before she can color my skin as well.

"Well, what's _your _horoscope?" I ask, trying to chance to subject.

"Oooh!" she says, yanking my foot back, "Let's see…Libra: 'You're in a troubled part of your life. You're good at balancing friendships, but sometimes you need to do something for yourself. If you're dating someone, don't be afraid to ask your friends for some alone time with your special guy or vice-versa. If you're single, you need to be more expressive today. Your love interest may be confused about your feelings, so take care to be clear and make sure they understand how you feel."

"_Yes, please," _I think silently, _"Please be clear. It's killing me_."

"You don't have to take them so seriously, you know," she says, grinning "It's just for fun. There!" She screws the bottle of nail polish closed, "All done! Your hands have probably dried by now, but don't move yet!"

I groan.

Twenty minutes later, our dinner is ready and we bring it into Ino's room to watch the movie (yes, she has a TV in her room.)

"This is so creepy," Ino whispers in-between bites, "look at her face!"

"It's just a special effect," I say, confused.

"I know, but it looks so _real_!"

The protagonist, an incredibly attractive former mental patient, runs screaming from an imaginary person whose face has been ripped off. She hides in a closet and then the doors open abruptly. Ino shrieks and grabs onto my arm.

"Ahh! I can't look!" She hides her face in my shoulder. I put down my bowl and stare at her.

"Uhh…" I swallow a mouthful of potato, "Ino?"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," she mutters, but doesn't move, "Too scary."

"Why did you get this movie then?" I ask and take a glance at the movie, "Hey, look it's only that doctor guy. Nothing scary, see?"

She peeks up , "Ahahaha…I knew that," She blushes and releases me. I'm vaguely disappointed.

Fortunately, she attaches herself to me again, five minutes later when the doctor turns out to be a psycho mass murderer.

I have problems. I know.

A few weeks later, school starts again and Karin bothers me about ditching her over the summer for days.

"I was busy!" I say distractedly, trying to make her let go of my arm. Now if it was Ino…

"You promised!" she whines.

"Karin," I grit out, "I have to go to work now! It's Friday!"

"Work?" she asks, sufficiently distracted, "Where do you work?"

"At a club," I say without thinking.

"Ooh! Where?"

And I, stupidly, tell her.

A week later, on a Saturday, I'm walking to the Gama Senin when something catches my eye. Ooh, shiny.

I lean down and pick up what looks like a pocketknife next to a dumpster. Closer inspection yields that it is not a pocketknife at all. It's a switchblade. It's green and has a Chinese dragon design on it. Sweeeet. I pocket it immediately. Legality be damned, this knife is fucking _cool._

At ten that same night, all thoughts of my amazing knife are driven from my head.

"Sakura! Wow, you look cute!" a familiar voice calls and I turn to behold Karin and Juugo, the latter looking like Uchiha when Uzumaki has had sugar.

Oh, you have _got _to be kidding me.

(1) Japanese pot dish (traditionally made in the winter) often made with boiled eggs, radish, yam, fish cakes, beef, carrot, potatoes, octopus, tofu products, mushrooms, squash…etc.

(2) Large white radish, native to East Asia.

(3) Mandatory in Japanese high schools for both sexes.

(4) Soup stock made of kelp.

(5) Clay pot used for cooking food over an open flame or gas burning stove.

(6) Transparent yam cake. Kind of creepy looking with a weird taste.

**A/N: Sorry, short chapter. But Ino was in it! That's a plus! I hope you liked the dialogue with Konohamaru and the horoscopes, that was one of my favorite parts to write. **

**On a side note, I'm having way too much fun with the Reader Traffic option on my FF account…**

**Link! This is the prize I got commissioned for winning Best in Category for Yuri (from TONFA) I mentioned before. Go check it out! It's actually been up for half a month, but I didn't find it…until yesterday. Yeah…**

** thei11. deviantart. com /art/ My-Name-is-Haruno-Sakura- 96903015**

**Next chapter: Karin meets Suigetsu while Juugo and Sakura cower. Hinata will have a major role as well! **

**As always, thanks for your support and please review!**


	24. Upheaval in Elysium

Chapter Twenty-Four-

"Why did you have to tell her?" Juugo asks miserably as Karin drinks several shots of whiskey as if they were water.

"I am _so _sorry," I mutter, "I have table duty too. Try not to let her do anything stupid."

"Too late," he mumbles as I walk off.

I'm in the back later getting a special brand of sake that we don't keep behind the bar when Suigetsu comes up to me.

"Are those your friends?" he asks, "The chick with the dye job and the tall guy."

"Unfortunately," I reply sourly.

"No offense, but that girl is crazy. She's only been here _half an hour_ and she's already drunk."

I groan and walk out the door to see Karin grabbing onto Juugo's arm and giggling manically.

Sai blinks at them in confusion and Suigetsu switches places with him behind the bar.

I cast a mournful look over at Juugo and adjust my tray.

This is not going to end well, is it?

I spend most of the night, glancing over at Karin (who is either flirting or threatening Suigetsu over the bar) and Juugo (who is trying unsuccessfully to defend himself from several women.)

"Save me, please!" Juugo hisses in my ear as Suigetsu passes me a few drinks over the bar, not taking his eyes of Karin. This does not bode well.

"Sorry," I say over the loud music, "Why did you let her drag you along anyway?"

"She _lied_ to me," he grumbled.

"Well, it _is_, Karin," I say, slapping him on the back.

He makes a face.

--

"N-not as, like, good as some I've been to, but…" Karin stumbles, and Juugo and

I have to grab her arms before she falls. "T-That bartender, wha's his name…"

"Suigetsu," I tell her, "But you shouldn't…"

"Totally hot," she giggles, "A total fucker, b-but in a good way…Got his number, so-"

"Karin," I grit out, "He's an asshole-"

"But I like him," she protests sloppily, "H-He's kinda cute in a sort of…of…bastardly way…"

"You're _insan_-"

"Sakura, stop it," Juugo moans tiredly, "There's no point reasoning with her. Let's just get to the train station before we get jumped."

"…and I totally dig guys like that, you know, the ones were you can't tell if you wanna punch them or fuck 'em."

"That's nice, Karin," Juugo says indulgently, and much too kindly, "Why don't you tell us more?"

And to our collective horror, she does.

"I'm going to _kill_ you," I promise Juugo at the station.

"Sorry!" he says looking generally fearful, "I didn't think she'd actually-Goddammit, Karin, stop that!"

She pouts, looking put out, but fortunately the train pulls into the station.

"Well, good luck," I say, happy to be free.

He gives me an annoyed look and I wave as they pull out of sight.

I'm so tired at this point that I don't even remember getting on the bus that I usually take home. I don't fall asleep, but I'm on total autopilot and when I come to my senses, I'm standing in front of the house with no memory of how I got there.

"Great," I mutter to myself, messing with my keys, "Now I'm going crazy as well. Fucking keys…"

I finally manage to get the door open and I'm about to go up to bed when I spot a note on the kitchen table. I turn on the light and see a hasty message scrawled on a piece of scrap paper.

__

Kurenai-obasan (1) just went into labor, so we're over at the hospital in Gifu (2). I don't know how long we'll be. Hopefully all will go well though…

-Konohamaru

I blink at the words 'hopefully all will go well.' They seem overly cynical. I ponder over what he was thinking when he wrote that for a while, but it hurts my head. I turn off the lights, trudge up the stairs, and get into my nightclothes.

_"A kid, huh?" _I think as I brush and floss my teeth, half awake.

I guess they'll be over more then. I scowl at the thought of Sarutobi Asuma and spit toothpaste in the sink. I wonder what it'll look like. Probably ugly. Newborn babies always look ugly, even through everyone says they're cute.

A thought comes to me while I'm rinsing out my mouth. Did anyone ever mention if it's a boy or a girl? I don't think so.

I guess it'll be noisy too. I wrinkle my nose and burrow under the comforter. And smelly. I hate kids, obviously. I guess the only part I like about me being a lesbian is not having to ever worry about dealing with that. When I was younger, part of me was always scared that I'd somehow end up getting married and actually _want _to carry around a little parasite for nine months, and that's not even starting on the actually birthing process.

But I guess the real reason I hate kids is that they scare me. I'm freaked out enough around other people's kids, thinking I'll corrupt them. I could never have my own, because I know they'd be _just like me_. And, really, one of me is enough.

For some reason, the thought makes me incredibly sad and I have to close my eyes to hold back tears. The kind of sad that makes me want someone to hug me. Which is stupid.

I mean, c'mon, it's not like anything particularly bad is happening to me at the moment. Alright, _besides_ having a crush on Yamanaka Ino. But in all seriousness, I'm better off than I've ever been. I have friends and people who care about me. I have a job and I go to the best university in the country. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

I sit up and clear my throat, wiping my eyes.

"Stop being stupid," I say to the darkness and my voice sounds weak, "Try to be grateful for once, will you?"

There is no reply, of course, because there is no one there.

I bury my face in my pillow and try not to cry. I am unsuccessful.

--

I wake up on Sunday morning to find that the house is still empty. I take a long shower and then go downstairs to study for a test in my Biochemistry class. While the kettle is boiling on the stove, I flip through my notes and reread three chapters in my book. I try not to think much about last night, because it makes me feel stupid. I feel perfectly fine now, so I guess I must have just been tired.

I'm just about to pour myself a cup of tea when I hear a car pull into the driveway. I unlock the door to see Sarutobi and Konohamaru with circles under their eyes.

"How did it go?" I ask as they shuffle in, remembering the Konohamaru's cryptic note.

"Fine," Sarutobi says, noticeably tired, "Kurenai and the baby were asleep when we left. We'll come visit later, but…" he trails off and wipes his eyes tiredly.

"Ugghh," Konohamaru moans and flops down onto the kitchen table, "Why did that have to take so _long_? I thought it couldn't be more than a couple hours."

I roll my eyes, "Do either of you want tea?"

"Yes, please," Sarutobi says and sits down at the table, leaning his cane up against the chair.

"Can I have some pop?" Konohamaru asks, voice muffled by the fact that he is lying on the table.

"No," I reply and pour three cups of tea, "I told you that drink too much of that stuff."

"What, are you, my mother?" he grumbles.

I put the mug I was holding down with a loud clacking noise.

"I'm sorry," Konohamaru says after a moment, lifting his head, "I shouldn't have said that."

"That's alright," Sarutobi says, with a tired grin, "We'll visit her later too. But first, I think I'll go up to bed. Thanks for the tea, Sakura-kun."

I nod and he goes up stairs. I take the seat across from Konohamaru and we sit, sipping out tea in silence for several minutes.

"Are you alright?" I ask after a while.

"I'm fine," he says stubbornly, "It's…just, seeing the baby and Asuma-ojisan (3)…I just miss her, that's all," he says stiffly.

I don't say anything and he narrows his eyes, "I'm not a Momma's Boy, you know, but-"

"Don't be stupid," I tell him, "I know."

Then, "Want some breakfast?"

"You can't cook."

"I can a _little_," I say defensively.

He rolls his eyes, but gets out a pot, and I pull out the ingredients for miso soup.

"Hey, Konohamaru," I ask while cutting up some green onions, "In that note you left me…why did you say "Hopefully all will go well"? Did you think something would happen?"

He is quiet for a while.

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you," he says softly, "But I suppose you'll find out anyway. Kurenai-obasan has been pregnant before. Two years ago, Asuma-ojisan was driving home from a conference and he got hit by a drunk driver. He was in a coma for a while and Kurenai-obasan miscarried…'cause of the stress, Ojii-san said."

"Oh," I say blankly.  
"Yeah," he says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, "They don't like to talk about it, I guess. This time Ojiisan said that there was a chance that things might go badly because of two years ago. Everything was okay, though."

"Is it a girl or a boy?" I ask, anxious to get off the subject.

He frowns, "No one told you? A girl. Not that I could tell. She was kinda…puffy and red-looking."

I snort at his description, "What are they gonna name her?"

He shrugs, "I dunno, they're still figuring it out."

He goes up to bed shortly, and I spend most of the day finishing up on homework. At about 5 o'clock they go to visit Yoshiko. I stay behind and let them have their space. I may be living with them, but I'm not blood related. I guess things like that are important. I mean, it's hard to consider Sarutobi and Yoshiko family, even though Konohamaru feels like my little brother.

It's probably because they're adults too. Even though I'm close to being one myself, to me adults have always been people to be wary off. I have a lot of people my age and younger I trust, but old habits die hard. I'm used to being wary of people that are older me, especially when I was a kid and everyone was bigger than me. Until I grew a bit, teenagers were a big problem too, because around where I lived they were all in gangs and like to torment younger children and anyone that was weaker than them. I specifically remember Tenten and I running and hiding from a particularly large group of what probably were 3rd years in middle-school, though they looked a lot bigger back then. There were always the odd people who seemed friendly and were worried about me being lost, but I always ran away from them. Tenten was the only one I could trust because when I met her she was a kid like me and was homeless too.

A week passes and Kurenai and Asuma visit, both glowing with pride and fussing over their small baby they have named 'Saya.' I fear their disapproval and keep my distance, so I'm surprised when Kurenai comes over to me and asks me if I want to hold her. In shock, I refuse, glancing over to see the frown on Asuma's face. But Kurenai smiles at me and deposits her daughter into my arms, leaving me to look down queasily at the red thing whose large brown eyes are riveted to my face. Saya stares at me for the next quarter of an hour or so while the adults talk, and then, for no apparent reason, bursts into tears. Asuma looks accusingly at me, but Kurenai takes her and tells me she is probably just hungry and goes into the other room. I make my escape and go up to my room, only to have Konohamaru come up and laugh at my half an hour later.

"Shut up," I tell him, "It was wailing."

"You should have seen your face!" he howls, "You looked like you had just been told that the world was going to end when she handed you her!"

Asuma, Kurenai, and little Saya start coming over once every two weeks for dinner, and to my horror, I find Saya being foisted on me more and more. Sometimes the adults go out for dinner, and I find myself babysitting the little…thing (at least until work starts, which is the point that Konohamaru takes over if they're not back yet.) Over the next several weeks, I learn more about babies than I ever wanted to know. I learn how to change diapers, feed her with a bottle, and generally stop her from crying. It is quite terrifying, I know. Every once and a while I find time to hang out with friends from high school, but mostly I'm too busy to do anything.

Speaking of high school friends, I still have no idea what to do about Ino. It's not like I've changed by mind about…about asking her out or something, but, I dunno… I mean, I'd like to hang out with her more, but there's this awkwardness between us, that I don't really know what to do about. The only time the awkwardness goes away is when we somehow get on the subject of something really serious. Like her relationship with her mother, for example.

"She's just so _controlling_!" she rants, pacing around her room, "I know it's cliché, but it's true! I mean, she always wants to know everything about school and my friends. I mean, sure, if I was like _five_, but I'm fucking _nineteen_ now! You think she'd lay off!"

"I can't really empathize," I say, from my position stretched out on her bed, "My parents never know where I am." It's not a lie. "But you think she's just having trouble letting go? You know, now that you're older?"

"I don't think so," she says unhappily, flopping down on the wood floor, "She's always been like that, well, ever since my dad died. Though I guess she's always been _proper_."

She says the word as if it's the worst curse she can think of.

"Seriously, no wonder I was so wild in middle school! She practically drove me to it with her '_don't do that Ino, it's not ladylike'_ and _'you shouldn't talk to that girl, she's…'_" Ino trails off and looks at me cautiously.

I raise an eyebrow, "She said that about me?" I guess.

The look on her face is an answer enough.

"I'm sorry," she wails, "It was just after I brought you home for the dress thing and she-"

"It's fine," I assure her.

I'm sure anything Yamanaka said couldn't be any worse than some of the other things I've been called. And I guess I should be glad that it wasn't _after _the time I had to drag her up the stairs while drunk.

"What're your parents like?" she asks after a while.

I shrug, "We don't really talk."

That's not a lie either.

"Yeah, I can tell," she says, and then pauses at my look, "No, I didn't mean it like that! I meant, like, I can't even imagine your parents…"

Well, neither can _I._

"…because you, I dunno, seem so independent all the time."

I feel my cheeks burn and have to look away for a few seconds to prevent myself from doing or saying something stupid.

"Hey, thanks," she says suddenly, smiling in a way that makes my chest contract, "Sorry, I dumped all that on you."

"Er…that's okay," I say, feeling hot even though the room is quite cold, "No problem."

Dammit, I hate this crush.

And while I'm on the subject, Karin is starting to scare me. She's at the Gama Senin _all the time _now. Luckily for Juugo, she doesn't drag him along, but _I _still have to see her and that bastard Suigetsu flirt or threaten each other's vital organs. Whichever. I still can't tell.

"He is such an asshole!" she raves, "One of these days, I'm going to handcuff him to a bed and then we'll see who comes out on top!"

I choke at the horrible pun and try to scrub the mental image out of my mind.

"Oh, I should've _known_ you were into bondage," I mutter as we're waiting for her train.

"Well," she grins, slightly tipsy "Most of it's good, but some stuff is just stupid like…"

And she proceeds to describe all the things she's into and I contemplate seppuku on the spot.

But besides these two setbacks, everything is fine. My classes are going well and I finally get rid of that dratted gift card forever by buying my entire Anatomy class lunch. I meet up with Sai once or twice on the days my classes end early and he shows me more of his drawings. Best of all, Yoshiko is finally discharged and we throw her a party. She seems much happier and full of energy than she was in the hospital, and I even catch her humming as she cooks.

Unfortunately, of course, this is not all to last.

It is late November at 3 o'clock in the morning when I get the call. I have barely gone to sleep after work and its annoying ring wakes me up. I debate throwing it against the wall, but in the end pick it up to see Hinata's name on the I.D. Shit.

Hinata has called at this late at night before. For the same reason every time.

"Are you okay?" I answer with, "Is it…Are you-"

"Sakura-san," she murmurs faintly. There is something in the background-a train? "I left my wallet. I-I don't have any money."

"Where are you?" I press, gripping the bedding with sweaty palms.

"I…at the train station in Konoha. I-I was trying to get back home, but I left my w-wallet at…at…" she shudders and I can hear her heavy breathing through the speaker, "…at my father's house."

I go cold at the words, "Hinata-"

"I don't know what to do. K-Kiba-kun is at home and I-"

"Hinata," I cut her off, "Are you-I'm _so _sorry- are you bleeding?"

There is a long pause and for a few second I'm afraid that she's hung up on me.

"Yes," she whispers, "I'm sorry."

I grit my teeth and wipe moisture out of my eyes.

"O-Okay. Listen, I'll…just stay there and I'll come and pick you up, okay? Don't go anywhere. J-Just come to the front of the station and I'll…I'll come."

"I'm sorry," she repeats. She sound tired, worn out.

"Don't move," I hiss, pulling off my sweat pants and grabbing a pair of jeans, "Don't you dare move, Hinata, or I'll-"

"Okay…" she whispers faintly.

I hang up and trip over my feet trying to find a bra and a shirt.

"Nee-san," Konohamaru mumbles, coming down the stairs just as I'm about to leave, rubbing his eyes sleepily, "What's going on? What are you-"

"There's no time to explain?" I say, jamming on my shoes, "I just-One of my friends is in trouble. I have to pick them up and bring them back."

"Here?" he questions, "And why are your friends always in trouble? What kind of people are you friends with anyway?"

I'm too scared to reply to his jibe, "I'll be back. Don't wait up."

He frowns, "Of course, I'll wait up. What if something happe-"

"No," I say seriously, "I don't want you to see her."

Without waiting to see what he says, I lock the door behind me and practically run to the bus stop. It's freezing outside and I forgot my jacket. Luckily, it takes only ten minutes for the next bus come and by the time is does, I'm so cold I have to hop up and down to keep warm. It doesn't occur to me until later that I probably should've woken Sarutobi up and asked him to drive me. The bus driver looks at me strangely, but doesn't say anything as I pay the fare. I sit down in one of the seats in the front and shiver, both from the cold and anxiety. It seems like forever to get to the train station, when in reality it only take forty-five minutes.

I bolt off the bus as soon as the doors open and scan the almost empty parking lot. I see her, _finally_, sitting against a pole by one of the numerous bike racks. The image is so strange because usually only homeless people…

__

-like me-

…sit like that, looking so hopele-

"Hinata!" I run and shake her. She isn't wearing a coat either and as I get closer I see the blood stains through her lavender sweater.

She blinks and then smiles up at me with an soft look on her face.

"You came," she breathes.

"O-Of course," I gasp, almost in tears.

She stands up and I hover over helplessly.

"C'mon," I say, "the bus is leaving and if we miss it we'll have to wait for another hour."

She follows me onto the same bus, and hides herself behind my back while I pay. The bus driver stares even more, but I make sure he doesn't see the blood. Hinata doesn't say anything, I don't expect her to, and she falls asleep against my shoulder.

The ride home seems even longer, something I thought impossible. By the time we get back, it's 5:30. I unlock the door carefully and am glad to find Konohamaru no where in sight.

"C'mon in," I whisper.

She does and I start to boil some water immediately. I then take her to the downstairs bathroom and sit her down on the toilet seat.

"Can you pull up your sleeves?" I whisper, fishing out the First Aid Kit.

She does without complaint and sit completely still with a blank look on her face as I disinfect the cuts.

"What are you majoring in?" she whispers suddenly, while I wrap her wrists in bandages.

I'm startled by the question, but I don't let myself show it, "Mathematics," I reply.

"Oh," she says and is silent for a while.

Then, "I would've thought you would go into medicine."

I snort in spite of myself, "Yeah, right. I hate people too much to ever be a doctor."

She frowns, "I don't think so," she whispers, more to herself than to me.

After I finish binding her wrists, we go into the kitchen and I hand her a mug of tea which she accepts gratefully.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask.

She sips her tea and then sighs, closing her eyes. She looks so _tired_ and I feel bad for asking.

"My father called me last week," she starts, eyes still closed, "He said he wanted to make amends. He asked to see me. He…He sounded desperate. I-I _stupidly_ agreed."

She opens her eyes and tears trickle down. She wipes them away with the bandages and I catch a look of self disgust on her face. Then it is gone.

"I went. We talked for a while and it seemed like…like," her voice breaks and I grab her shoulder without meaning to. She locks eyes with me, "like it was going to be okay. He actually _apologized_, something I've never heard him do. He promised he would be a better f-fa-father." She shudders and inhales deeply.

"An-And I don't even known why I asked him, but I-I asked him if he would speak to his brother again. T-To try to make amends with _him_. I told you, didn't I? That they haven't spoken for fourteen years. And he-he exploded. He was furious that I would ask such a thing. I tried telling him that his brother had probably changed and that he must be a good person because Neji-ni-san is and then he was angry that I spoke to Neji-ni-san and then my sister heard the noise. And she…she came in and told me to get out because I had abandoned her and that I deserved to-"

"Shh," I say, my voice cracking, "It's okay. You don't have to say anymore."

"S-So, I ran out and I can't even re-remember where I went and it was dark and I think I must've wandered around for hours…"

She buries her face in her hands and I watch her shake. She doesn't do anything but cry for a while and I wait it out.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs.

"Don't," I say, "Just…just give me your knife and let's go upstairs. I'll set out a futon for you, okay?"

She nods and pulls the pocket knife out of her pocket. I take it and wash out our mugs. I turn off the lights and then give her some night clothes and show her where the bathroom is.

"Did you tell your parents I'm here?" she whispers after she changes and we're sitting in my room.

I open my mouth to lie and say yes, but then I close it. I think it's time now. Time to finally tell her. She'll see Sarutobi, Yoshiko, and Konohamaru tomorrow, anyway. I automatically look around at the cardboard box in the corner of my room, filled with old things. Tenten's picture. Old jeans. Konohamaru's ratty jacket. All the bloody pocket knife's I've taken from Hinata are in there as well. I'll add the newest one later. They are things from before. Just in case I forget.

"I…" Why is this so hard? "This isn't my parent's house," I manage, "I don't live with my parents."

Another lie springs up in it's place. I could tell her I moved and live with Sarutobi now. I force it away.

"I've never lived with my parents," I choke.

She frowns, looking confused now, "B-But you told me-"

"I lied," I state flatly, "I've never even met my parents. At least I can't remember them."

She draws back looking apprehensive. I should stop, I know. But it's too late to go back. I sigh and stand, feeling older than I've ever felt in my life. I walk to the corner of the room and pick up the box. I put it down right in front of her, both feeling and hearing the clatter of the knifes.

"I…I used to live in this. I shoplifted, pickpocket-ed, dug through dumpsters- _anything_ to survive. I hacked onto Konoha's severs to get into school and I've been committing fraud since the age of twelve. Everything I've told you about my life outside school has been a lie. I've been homeless since I was nine. It was only after graduation, in March, when I started to live in a house."

She gapes at me incomprehensively. I smile at her sadly, my stomach and chest cold.

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Hinata?"

She stares at me and then buries her face in her hands again. She cries. I sigh and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me.

I sleep on the couch and try not to cry myself.

But this time I am successful.

(1) Oba-san means aunt and Obaa-san means grandmother. Annoying, huh?

(2) Same here: Oji-san=uncle and Ojii-san=grandfather

(3) The capital city of the Gifu Prefecture, an eastern province in the middle of Honshu. I would imagine that the imaginary city of Konoha would also be in the Gifu Prefecture, probably an hour or so from the main city.

****

A/N: …Why are all my fics so angsty? It's not my fault, I swear! It's the plot bunnies! They force me to write it!

Ahem, anyway, I feel that I should probably explain, why Sakura was angsting in the beginning. Basically, she's kind of lonely and she hates herself for it because she doesn't feel she should because of the situation she's in.

And the drama! How will Hinata react to Sakura's confession? How will Konohamaru-tachi react to Hinata? Why am I sounding like a commercial?

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Credit goes to Sleeping Soundly for beta-ing this! Please review!


	25. Blood, Tears, and Really Hot Girls

**A/N: Warning: Girlxgirl kissing!**

Chapter Twenty-Five-

I fall off the couch.

…Which is kinda pathetic considering that I've slept on benches for a large percentage of my life, but it could be worse. For one, I could've hit my head on the coffee table and start bleeding all over the floor and then I would have to go to the hospital and then I might be found out and then Hinata would be left all alone in my roo-

Shit, Hinata!

The clock on the wall reads 7:38 and I leap up, narrowly avoiding the coffee table and making the previously mentioned scenario a reality.

Yoshiko is already awake and in her apron scrubbing down the kitchen floor. I nearly slip walking into the kitchen and have to grab onto the doorframe to stay upright.

"Good morning, Sakura-san," Yoshiko says, looking at me strangely, "Why were you sleeping on the couch? I didn't want to wake you, but that doesn't seem to be very-"

"Ihaveaproblem!" I gasp out, rudely interrupting her.

And that is how, about a quarter of an hour later, Hinata came to be sitting at the table eating breakfast.

She leans over her bowl with her bangs covering her eyes. She's wearing my short-sleeved pajama shirt and the bandages are visible. Older scars peak out nearer to her inner arm and Yoshiko's eyes keep darting towards them and then away again. Hinata has still not said a word since I woke her up.

I shift anxiously in my seat and bit the inside of my mouth. This is not going well, I thought that if she slept on it things would be better, but everything's seemed to have gotten wors-

Hinata drops her empty bowl with a clatter and I look up, startled. She looks straight at me for the first time and I'm shocked by the look in her eyes.

She's furious.

"Why did you lie to me?" she whispers, literally_ shaking_ with anger.

I frown, "What are you-"

She smashes her fist against the table and I jump back in my seat. Yoshiko has disappeared from the room while I wasn't looking, apparently sensing that the atmosphere has gone bad.

"Even-Even _you_," she says, tearing up, "You know, I thought, I-so _stupid-_ I thought that you wouldn't do a thing like that. I thought I could trust you."

A tear trails down her cheek and then another.

My throat goes dry and I open my mouth, but she won't let me speak.

" Everyone-You know, everyone always lies to me. Even my own goddamn parents. And I thought that you wou-"

"What was I supposed to say?" I ask angrily, but it's not me talking because it can't be. I wouldn't say anything like that to Hinata. Hell, I'm not even angry.

"What the _fuck_ was I supposed to say?!" I repeat, starting to shake myself, "'Oh, by the way, I'm a fucking hobo!' That's bullshit and you know it!"

She looks just about as shocked as I feel and it hurts, but I can't stop talking.

"You-You can't just go out and _say_ stuff like that!" I continue furiously, "You-You're the first person I've ever told, you know! Other people…other people know but I've never actually had to t-tell someone! I-I…I never had the _nerve _to tell someone."

I'm nearly shouting now and it's stupid, and _I _know it's stupid. I know that Hinata's only saying this because she's in shock. I guess I'm just really good at hiding things and lying to people-

_-and myself-_

-because it looks like she didn't have any suspicions. But even so, I shouldn't be yelling at her because she's really upset already, and me telling her stuff about before didn't help. Because this isn't some stupid T.V. show where two friends yell at each other and then are suddenly okay again. And more than being angry (which I'm not) or being stubborn, I really, really don't want to lose Hinata.

"Th-This isn't about you," Hinata says and she almost sound guilty, "It's about…it's about me and how I-I can't- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, you're right!" I say loudly in that angry tone that is killing me, "It _is _about you, so…so-for now- just ignore all the other stuff, okay?"

She just looks at me for awhile and doesn't seem convinced. The sound of footsteps comes from the floor above us and I look up automatically and remember that there are other people in the house. And that at least one of them has heard my tirade.

"I couldn't really sleep well last night," Hinata whispers, not looking at me, "I kept trying…trying to imagine it and I couldn't. I just-I should've, I should've noticed. Looking back on it, there were so many signs, but I didn't even n-notice!" Her hands shake, "I was so preoccupied with my own, _selfish_, _stupid-_"

"Don't say that!" I hiss and suddenly I really am angry, "Don't you dare say that! I'm-I wasn't…Ma-Maybe I exaggerated last night, but I was okay…mostly…"

_-liar-_

"Winters wer-were hard, but I was-I _am_ alright. It wasn't as bad as you're thinking, I'm sure…"

_-liar-_

"I wasn't…there are people out there who are much worse than I was. I-there's people starving in other countries! I wasn't like that! I wasn't-"

_-LIAR-_

Hinata wants to believe me, I can tell, but she doesn't. She's looking at me with this look, _this look_, that I know from high school teachers that felt bad for me because I never had any friends, from Tenten sometimes, from people in the street, from workers at the agency and I want to tell her to stop it, to stop _looking _at me, just stop it!

"This isn't, this shouldn't be about me, because-" I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, all I know is that I have to get that goddamn look off her face, "Because…you just have to be happy, okay? There isn't-it's not, you…you just _have to_, alright?"

She snorts and smiles sadly at my words.

"Yeah," she says, wiping her eyes, "Sure, I-I'll try.

And it's sad, but I know that's all I'm going to get, all she can promise.

"Alright," I say and try to smile, though I think it comes out as more of a grimace.

"I hope," Hinata says with obvious hesitation, "that I'm not imposing on your…umm…"

I pause, "It's fine," I say after a while, because I realize that I don't know what to call them, "Do you need anything else…?"

"A-A shower would be nice," she says shyly.

"Sure," I say and suddenly feel lightheaded, "Though you had better hurry up before Konohamaru gets in and hogs all the hot water."

"'Konohamaru?'" she repeats, confused.

I wince, "Er…don't ask, alright?"

I borrow some stain remover from Yoshiro and attempt to wash out the stains in Hinata's sweater while she's in the shower. I mostly get them out, but there still is a slight residue left that I don't think is going to go away. Maybe a dry cleaner could get it out. Defeated, I put the sweater in the dryer and then go back upstairs again. The shower is still running, so I go back into my room, intending to read another chapter of a novel I've been working on for a few weeks while I wait.

I sit down on the bed and move the covers back to find Hinata's cell phone. She must have turned it off after calling me so I flip it open and turn it on.

There are fifty-two missed calls from 'Kiba-kun' and six from 'Neji-ni-san.' I gape. She didn't even tell Inuzuka she was here?! I imagine Inuzuka freaking out and running around in circles, and wince. I stand up to knock on the bathroom door and tell her that she should call him when she gets out, but freeze halfway through. What if she's too embarrassed to call him? I can totally see that happening and even if she's not ready to go back yet, I should at least let him know she's okay.

Making my decision, I go through her Contacts list and call him back. He answers halfway through the first ring, sounding scared and out of breath.

"Hinata!!" he gasps, "Where the hell are you? I thought you'd-"

"This isn't Hinata," I say calmly, but feel intensely awkward, "It's Haruno."

"Ha-Haruno? What are you-Where's Hinata? Why do you have her ph-"

"Hinata's at my place," I say and then suddenly realize that I don't know if Inuzuka _knows_.

"Why-" he starts weakly.

"She called me," I say and hope that Hinata fucking told him, 'cause otherwise I'm screwed, "at 3 o'clock in the morning and asked me to pick her up."

"Wha-What happened? Is she alright?"

He sounds exhausted. I wonder if he's been up all night.

"Do you know where she was last night?" I ask instead of answering his question.

"No, I got back from my part-time job and there was a note on the table saying that she had to do something and that she'd be back for dinner, but she never showed up, so I-"

"She told me she was at her father's house," I say wearily, "He called her and asked to see her."

"Is she okay? Did he-" His tone goes angry. "What did that _bastard_ do to her?!"

"They yelled at each other a bit, I think. Then she left, but forgot her wallet, so she couldn't get home."

I feel a headache coming on and rub my temple absentmindedly.

"Is-She's there, right? Can I speak to her?"

"She's in the shower right now," I reply, "She doesn't know I'm calling. I wasn't sure if she would want me to call, but I figured you'd be worried."

I take a few steps back and look out my bedroom door. The bathroom door is still closed.

"Nope, she's still in the shower. But, look, Inuzuka, there's something I have to-"

It's at this point that Konohamaru pokes his head into my room, bleary-eyed and messy haired from sleep.

"Nee-san, is that your friend in the shower? 'Cause Okaa-san's in the kitchen and Ojii-san's still sleepin-"

"Shhh!!" I hiss, holding a finger to my lips and pressing the speaker against my chest, "I'll talk to you later!"

Konohamaru scowls, but totters off down the hall. I press the phone back to my ear again and sigh.

"Sorry about that, that was…" I shut the door of my room and sit down on the bed, "Look, Inuzuka, there's something you need to know. I really, really don't want to tell you this and I'm hoping you already know, but if I have to, I will."

I hear him sigh on the other end of the line, "She cut herself, didn't she?"

All the tension goes out of my shoulders and I slump against the wall. He knows. Good.

"Yeah," I say, "That's-you know, that's…that's good. She told you then."

"What are you talking about?" he asks sounding suddenly suspicious, "Are you saying that you knew-"

"I've known since February. You'll remember we were roommates on our class trip."

I hear a quick intake of breath on the other line, "Inuzuka? You okay?"

"I-Yeah, I'm fine. I just- I didn't know that she…" He gasps and I wonder for a second if he's crying, "And it's all…it's all the bastard's fault. He's one of the few people who if I ever met in a dark alley…shit!"

"Where's your place?" he asks after a long pause in which I shift my weight from foot to foot and hope Hinata doesn't come out of the shower, "I'll come and pick her up."

"Look, I can take her to the train station," I say, because there's no way I'm letting him come here, "But lemme ask her first, I'm not sure if she's ready, you know. I mean, I just-"

"Yeah, I know," he says, sounding tired again, "I understand. Just could you…could you have her call me. I-If she wants to, of course."

"Of course."

"Thanks, Haruno."

"No problem," I reply and flip the phone closed.

I lean over and cradle my head in my hands. I stay like that until Hinata opens the door, still wearing my pajamas.

"Sakura-san?" she says questioningly, "Are you feeling alrig…" she trails off as she recognizes her cell phone in my hand and her face goes expressionless.

"What do you want to do?" I ask, staring at the wooden floor of my room.

"I wouldn't want to impose," she says without emotion.

My head jerks up and I turn to look at her, "That wasn't what I meant."

The hard look on her face fades and she sighs. Hinata comes forward to sit next to me on the bed.

"What did he say?" she asks quietly.

"He was really scared." My voice is shaking and I don't really know why. I mean, after all, it's just Inuzuka. But…but I've never heard him so serious before. I've always known him as this insensitive, loudmouthed guy. And hearing him talk like that-so desperately, so _hopelessly_-makes me feel like there really isn't anything I can do for Hinata. Like I should have told someone ages ago instead of keeping it a secret.

Because if I don't do something, maybe I'll regret it for the rest of my life. And the fact of the matter is that I already have too many regrets. There was a time in my life that I told myself that I'd never regret anything, no matter how bad things got, but that's easier said than done.

"Really, really, scared," I say again.

Hinata turns her head away from me and starts blinking furiously.

"He wanted to see you, but I told him I'd have to ask you first."

Hinata takes a shaky breath and then another. She seems to be on the verge of tears, but is forcing them back.

"…You should probably call him."

"Yeah," she gasps out, "I'll do that."

I hand her the phone and leave the room, closing the door behind me. I go downstairs to find Konohamaru, Yoshiko, and Sarutobi waiting for me.

"I'm…I'm really, really sorry," I start before they can say anything, "I-She called me really early in the morning, right when I got back from work, and she had no way to get home, so I-"

"Whoa, calm down," Sarutobi says, holding up his hands, "I'm not mad. I was just going to ask whether…" he pauses and glances at Yoshiko, "whether she's alright. I understand that she was…injured."

I open my mouth quickly, but then close it, rethinking what I was about to say.

"Okaa-san said she cut herself," Konohamaru says in his usual tactless way, leaning forward to take in my reaction.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Yoshiko wince.

"Yes," I say slowly after a bit, "She…she does that. Sometimes."

"So…uh…" Konohamaru mumbles, sounding almost embarrassed. I frown, what's with this reaction? Did he not believe his mother? "She really…tried to kill herself?"

"No!" I say vehemently, "She wouldn'…"

But as I start to think about it, how would I know if she did? I'm not just thinking about last night, because there definitely wasn't enough blood for that. But what if she has before and didn't tell me about it? Because if she did _that_ then she really needs more help than I'll ever be able to give her. I feel my chest go cold and my throat dry. This can't be true. This can't be-

I close my mouth, turn around, and make for the stairs.

"That's not true, Konohamaru," Yoshiko says sharply.

I turn back and stare at the odd expression on her face.

"If she wanted to kill herself she would have to cut down her wrist," she closes her eyes and sighs audibly, "and her cuts were across."

The silence that follows is long and awkward, and the only possible thing that could make it worse would be if Hinata chose to enter the room at this point. She doesn't, fortunately, but the mere contemplation of the idea is bad enough.

Yoshiko gathers up the dishes and takes them to the sink, while we all stand there uncertain about what to do.

I escape the room shortly after and make my way up the stairs. Hinata is sitting on my bed and gives me a watery smile.

"He's taking the next train out here," she says, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, "It'll be at the Konoha Station at 10:37 (1)."

"That's good," I say and resist the temptation to stare at her scarred arms, "I'll get your clothes."

About an hour and a half later, Hinata and I leave the house and take the bus to the train station. She fidgets in her seat and wrings her hands nervously, staring out the window at the buildings and cars as they go by. Inuzuka is waiting when she exits the bus and he grabs her and hugs her right there for a long time. While in the process of looking away and pretending I don't know them, I realize that I've slept outside this station when I was younger more times than I can count.

…Great.

Fortunately, our parting conversation is brief; consisting of me reminding Hinata to call her cousin and then escaping because the lovey-doveyness is making me sick to my stomach.

It also makes me feel kind of depressed and wonder what a certain Yamanaka Ino is doing at the moment…but then I steer away from those thought because I'm on a public bus right now and…yeah.

I don't really feel like going back now, so instead I take the bus to the library. I take out some books on the life and work of Al-Kindi (2) with my newly required library card and sit in a coffee shop in the downtown area for several hours.

At about 4:30 Konohamaru calls like the paranoid brat that he is and I make my way back.

The house is really quiet when I get back. Sarutobi and Yoshiko have gone out to meet up with some old family friends, so I end up studying in my room a bit until Konohamaru drags me downstairs to play his stupid videogames with him. We eat leftovers for dinner and then I do some research on the internet and resist looking up lesbian porn. I know it's there; Jiraiya certainly talks about it enough.

At eight-thirty, I grab my clothes and go off to work, frustrated for reasons I don't understand.

--

"What do you mean, he won't talk to you!?" Temari demands of the unknown person she's talking to on her cell phone, "I don't care if he's embarrassed about you walking in on him and his girlfriend…Don't give me that!"

"Who's she talking to?" I mutter to Suigestsu, who merely shrugs his shoulders.

Annoyed at his unhelpfulness, I turn away and stick my hands in my pockets. My fingers brush the handle of my switchblade and try to resist stabbing him. Annoying bastard.

"Oh, I cannot believe I'm saying this, Gaara, but you need to stop being so goddamn nice!" Temari groans and I think it's only because my hands were on my knife, but I freeze up and everything clicks into place.

She must have said that name a hundred times, but I never recognized it until now.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she says, "Just figure it out, I hate when you two fight, you know…Bye."

I wait until Suigetsu leaves the room before turning to her, "Who were you talking to?" I ask, trying to sound casual, but my insides feel like they're slowly freezing. This can't be happening to me. This _can't_ be-

"My little brother Gaara," she replies, putting her cell phone back in her purse, "He's still in high school. I'm sure I mentioned him once or twi…" she trails off at the look on my face. "What's wrong?"

"Sa…_Sabaku _no Gaara?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

She closes her eyes and then opens them, tensing up.

"You've heard of him then," she says dully.

More than heard of him, I think, but I just say: "Yeah."

"He-He's your _brother_?" is my next question.

"Yes."

Neither of us say anything for a few seconds.

"Look, Sakura," she says tiredly, even more so than when she told me about how she had to drop out of high school, "I don't know what you've heard about my little brother, but he's different now. I'm not going to deny what he did, because all those rumors are probably true anyway, but he's changed. It took him getting really hurt to do it, but-"

My mouth goes dry.

"-he's not the same person he was four years ago. Okay?"

She looks at me pleadingly, as if my opinion matters more than anyone's to her and I want to agree with her, but I can't-

"What are two doing in here?" Sai asks, poking his head inside, "It's almost nine. Hurry up."

He leaves and I grab my clothes.

"I have to change," I tell her and purposefully avoid looking at the hurt look on her face.

--

Waiting tables is as usual; I dodge getting my ass pinched several time, but generally okay. This time, however, something happens that is pretty unusual. I get hit on. By a girl.

"Anything else?" I ask over the music, taking orders for a large group of people sitting really close to the band and it's hurting my ears.

"I dunno," a girl about my age says. She's sitting the closest to me at the end of the table and is using it as a footrest. Though it's hard to tell with all the colored lights everywhere, I think that half her hair is dyed purple.

"Your number?" she asks leaning over and giving me a comprehensive view of her cleavage.

The people around her find this very funny for some reason and don't hold back their laughter. My face goes bright red and I glance warily over to the other side of the room where Temari is handing out drinks.

"Sorry," I say wryly, "Anything within reason?"

"Oooh! Rejected!" someone yells and I look down at my pad of paper in embarrassment.

"Oh, c'mon, don't be like that," she says, looping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer. This happens to me a lot, dammit. Maybe I should yell instead of standing within arm reach of people sitting in booths.

"Er…" I say eloquently, "Sorry, I'm not allowed to get involved with customers. Company policy."

That is such a lie, and even if it wasn't, no one would ever follow it (coughSuigetsucough.)

"Oh, that's a shame," she says and I nearly agree with her, because, after all, she is kinda cute, "Well, come back soon!"

And she releases me, but not before kissing me on the cheek, which causes my face to flare red all over again.

I walk off to the sound of laughter, catcalls, and whistles.

"You okay?" Sai asks while we're waiting for Suigetsu to get the drinks.

Am I? I smile ironically and brush my bangs back.

"Yeah," I say, more to myself than him, and I mean it.

Well, I thought that would be the end of the entire affair, and I was okay with that. It's kinda depressing that my entire mood would improve just because some girl showed interest in me. But whatever, she was hot.

At one I escape to the backroom to take off my makeup and also to avoid Temari drafting me to help throw any stragglers out with Suigetsu and Sai. I'm horrible with makeup remover, so by the time I come out the entire place is empty and I assume everyone has gone home. In my haste, I forgot my street clothes and I pick them up to go back into the bathroom.

Behind me I hear the door that connects the backroom and the main room creak open and the sound causes the hair on the back of my neck to rise. I grab my switchblade from the pocket of my jeans and spin around, clicking it open.

The purple-haired girl from before stands there, leaning against the doorframe in a sultry way that should be illegal.

"Shit!" I interject, clicking the knife shut, "What the hell are you still doing here?"

"Waiting for you," she says, totally blasé and it kinda turns me on.

"Y-You really shouldn't be back here," I say stupidly.

She smiles slyly and I feel my heart skip a beat. Crap…

"That's a nice knife you have there," she says, though she's not looking anywhere near it, but instead is focusing on the miniskirt I'm wearing.

"Err…"

"Bet you have to use it a lot to scare the guys around here off you," she says, smiling and sliding closer.

"Well," I say, trying to keep cool and failing miserably, "Maybe once or twice."

"Wow," she says, lifting her hand and feeling the design on my knife, "Very pretty."

"Are you drunk?" I ask suspiciously, but my squeaks halfway through when her hand finds my hip.

"Do I look drunk?" she teases.

"Maybe a little tipsy," I reply, as I've become a connoisseur of drunkenness. They could use me instead of those fucking blood tests on drunk drivers.

I open my mouth to say I don't know what, but thankfully she leans in and shuts me up.

She's wearing lip gloss that tastes like overly sweetened grapes, which is one of the weirdest tastes in the world. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, but I put my hands on her shoulders and kiss her back. The girl slides her hands down my back and then back up again into my hair, deepening the kiss.

"So…" she asks, drawing back to take a breath, "What's _your_ name?"

"It's written on my name tag," I say, trying to be coy. I'm not exactly sure if it's working.

"Oh, 'Sakura,' is it?" she says and pushes up my right breast, pretending to inspect it more closely, "I like it. I'm Haku."

She kisses me again but this time with tongue-which I initially thought was gross, but now is pretty fucking awesome-and then proceeds to grope me again.

"Who is it?" she mutters between kisses, "The girl you like?"

I stiffen in shock and she draws back, still smiling, "It's okay, me too, so I can kinda tell."

I sigh and just go with it because this night cannot get _any _weirder, "Old school friend," I reply.

"Family friend for me. He's way older, though."

I raise an eyebrow, "'He?'"

"Oh, don't worry," Haku says laughingly, "I'm not experimenting with you, I'm bi."

I roll my eyes and kiss her, hesitantly moving my hands down to her waist.

"You have nice breasts," she whispers in my ear and then kisses there too.

I try to laugh, but it comes out more as a moan, "Why would you say that?" I ask, because let's be truthful here; she's way bigger than I am.

"Yeah, but yours are natural." I blink as she draws back and the expression on her face is serious, "I'm transsexual."

I think I would have been more freaked out except for the look in her eyes. Haku smiles, but I can tell that she's told people before and it hasn't gone well. It reminds me of how I felt when I came out to Konohamaru and was worried about what he would say.

"Wow," I say, "I never would've guessed. You're really pretty!"

She smiles and leans in again when the door opens.

"Oh, Haruno," Suigetsu says, "I left my cell and why are you still…"

He gapes and I wince.

"Oh, dear," Haku says teasingly, brushing her long hair back, "It looks like we've been caught!" She gives me a not-so chaste kiss and turns to grin at Suigetsu, who is still staring.

"I'll show myself out then," she says and waves to me at the last second, "See you around, Sakura-san!"

"What. The. Fuck." Suigetsu exclaims, the second she leaves, "Were you-"

"Shut up," I advise him, surprisingly _not _embarrassed about the whole thing, "You're sleeping with my friend, so you have no right to talk."

This, of course, has nothing to do with anything, but it certainly shuts him up and it's something I've been wanting to say for a while.

"Here's your cell phone, by the way," I say picking it up off the counter.

I throw it to him and he seems to regain his ability to speak, "Screw you," he says.

"No thanks," I reply throwing my street clothes in my bag, "I don't like men."

I flip him off and exit before he can say anything more. I quickly pull my jeans and coat on in the alley next to the Gama Sennin and walk to the bus stop in an incredibly good mood.

"What are _you_ so happy about?" Konohamaru asks me the next morning.

I tell him. In excruciating detail. The look on his face pretty much makes my life.

(1) I will take this opportunity to state that Japanese trains are ridiculously on time. Unlike me.

(2) Al-Kindi (full name: Abū Yūsuf Yaʻqūb ibn Isḥāq al-Kindī) was one of the founders of cryptology. Among a gigantic list of other things that I don't feel like copying from Wikipedia.

**A/N: Haha….ha…ha…ha…**

**…**

**Okay, I'm just going to say it: I have absolutely NO reason for why this is so late. I had Writer's Block on some of my other fics and I hate doing things out of order being anal and all… And yeah.**

**So that's how almost four months went by. God, that's depressing. I would say I hope that this chapter makes up for the long wait, but there was no Ino in it, so… (though I thought the Haku/Sakura was amusing.)**

**And I have to ask: Did the Haku part surprise you? It totally surprised me. At first I just had it as some random girl, but then I decided that was boring and I couldn't find any other Naruto females that I hadn't used already or don't have plans for in the future. So yeah…**

**Anyway, I wish I could promise that the next chapter will be out soon, but I've been so busy lately, so I doubt that's going to happen. But I definitely will continue to write MNIHS. It just might take longer than usual (which **_**is **_**possible, this chapter being a case in point.)**

**And, wow, it's been more than two years since I started this. That's crazy.**

**So, I hope you continue to read MNIHS and please review (if only to complain how long it took me to post this…)**


	26. Sterling Silver Breakdown

Chapter Twenty-Six-

December goes by quickly, and I celebrate two birthdays within the span of 4 days; Konohamaru's and Hinata's. Gama Senin closes because Temari absolutely refuses to work the whole week before New Years and so I end up going to a Saturday night birthday/Christmas (1) party for Hinata at a karaoke bar. I tentatively get her a book on different ways to tie and obi as she seems to like wearing kimono so much and a gift card as a present. Nearly everyone gets disgustingly drunk, and I end up with Ino's head on my shoulder, trying not to stare down the front of the revealing "Christmas Girl" costume that she's wearing. I may have slipped up once or twice, and then almost ran into a police patrol _way_ after curfew on my way home.

Classes aren't in session from January 1-3 and Yoshiko, Konohamaru, and I spend the first few hours of the new year frantically making osechi and mochi (2), as we're celebrating with Kurenai, Asuma, and Saya later on New Year's day. They come over at about four, and then we go out to a ridiculously fancy restaurant and exchange gifts. Sarutobi gives both Konohamaru and I otoshidama, (3) which makes me feel really awkward, but I manage to smile my way through it.

On January 2nd Ino calls me at some ungodly hour (again) and vents angrily about her mother and her shallow friends who were apparently over yesterday and spent most of the visit talking about Ino's marriage prospects. It isn't a particularly exciting conversation for me except for one part. It goes something like this:

Ino: It was just so embarrassing! How could she do that to me?

Me: Are you sure she knew you were uncomfortable with her talking about it?

Ino: Pft! Yeah, right! She's too much of a self-absorbed _bitch _to think about anyone else.

Me: …

Ino: But it was horrible. She kept going on about how proud she was going to be the day I got married and about grandkids. I wanted to throw up. Seriously.

Me: Yeah, that does sound a bit weird.

Ino: And then she started talking about how I was a better than most girls my age because I wasn't running around with boys and haven't had a boyfriend.

Me: Uh huh…

Ino: And then she started badmouthing girls who have sex before marriage. Like she thinks I'm a virgin or something!

Me: !?

Ino: And anyway, it's not like I can get married anyway…Ugh, I hate her so much!

Me: !?!?!?!?

So, yeah, that was…interesting. I am now 95% sure that she's a lesbian, because the last time I checked she seemed to love weddings and stuff like that. Mwahahahahaha!

(I'm pathetic. I know)

About a week and a half later, I'm waiting at the subway station to meet with everyone on Seijin no Hi (4) to celebrate the fact that Aburame'll be a legal adult in a few weeks. Or as Uzumaki and Inuzuka have taken to calling it, he'll be our alcohol supplier in a few weeks. Oh, joy. (Apparently, Aburame was really sick as a child and got held back a year in school. As a result he's actually a year older than the rest of us.)

I'm craning my neck trying to see through a crowd of young men and women wearing furisode and western suits on the escalator when I knock right into an unpleasantly familiar face.

"Huh," he says sneering, "I haven't seen you in a while, pink."

I think his name's something like Kimihiro or Kimimaro. He was a pretty big deal around where I used to live. Apparently was high ranked yakuza at some point. Now he just looks like a bum, complete with torn over shirts and unwashed jeans.

"Piss off," I say backing away defensively.

"Well, you've done pretty well for yourself, haven't you?" he says, looking at my relatively new clothes and side bag.

"Fuck you," I hiss, and make to leave in the opposite direction. He grabs my arm and pulls me in way closer to him than I've ever had the desire to be.

"Now who'd you have to spread your legs for to get this?" he asks bitterly.

"Go to hell!"

I try to jerk my arm away from him, but his grip is relentless.

This is bad. Really bad. All the people have left the station at this point on the escalator and the next subway doesn't come for another five minutes. My switchblade is in the pocket directly below the arm he's got in and I can't get to it.

"Let me go," I say, trying to keep calm and failing, "Right now."

"And why should I, pink?" he asks, foul breath on my cheek.

Though it's not much consolation, his manner is more like he wants to slit my throat than rape me.

Four more minutes.

Just before I resort to more desperate measures to get away, someone clears their throat and we both spin around.

"If I were you, I'd let her go," Uchiha Sasuke says, eyebrow raised in obvious disdain.

Kimi-what'shisface looks over Uchiha critically.

"How sweet," he says cruelly, "But you better go back to your mama if you don't wanna get hurt, brat."

Uchiha just takes another step forward and Kimi-noname lets go off my arm and turns to face him all the way.

I back away, massaging the feeling back into my upper arm keeping my eyes on both of them.

"Get out of here," Uchiha says and god, one day all that arrogance is going to bite him in the ass.

Shit, I realize. That day might be today.

Three more minutes.

Kimi-asshole makes a move and my knife is out in a flash, the sound of it clicking open like music to my ears.

He freezes and turns his eyes back to me.

"That's a pretty toy, pink," he says neutrally, "But d'you have the guts to use it?"

"I'll make an exception for your ugly mug, motherfucker," I threaten.

He narrows his eyes, "Well, at least you know how to hold it," he says snidely, "Not a lot of punks these days can do that."

Uchiha's eyes snap over to my knife and me. I clench my jaw. Shit!

Kimi-fuckface uses the fact that I'm distracted to his advantage and before I can make a move, the bastard kicks the feet out from under me.

Angry and humiliated, I make to stab him in the leg, but suddenly Uchiha is there and grabs my hand to stop me.

Two minutes.

"Don't be stupid," he says looking down on me, and then there is a crack and Kimi-whoever roars in pain, the sound echoing all around the empty station. Uchiha has broken his nose and blood streams down his face.

"You sonnava-"

"Save it," Uchiha says dismissively, "and get out of here before I break something else."

People start coming down the stairs on the other side of the track and my attacker's eyes flicker towards them nervously.

He swears loudly and says something very rude about the circumstances of Uchiha's conception and then bolts up the escalator.

One minute.

It's only when he's totally gone that I realize that my hands are shaking and it's with great difficulty that I close the switchblade and stick it back in my pocket.

"You _do_ realize that it's illegal to own one of those, much less carry one around, right?" Uchiha asks, looking unruffled about the fact that he just broke some guy's nose.

"Ummm…" I say intelligently, "Yes?"

He eyes me critically for a few seconds, and then seems to get bored of it and turns away.

Thirty seconds.

"Was that your ex-boyfriend?" Uchiha asks a few seconds later and I nearly have a heart attack.

"Ugh! No! Absolutely not!" I reply, horrified.

"Okay," he says, not looking as if he cares at all.

Fifteen seconds.

"Look, Uchiha," I say, swallowing my pride, "Errr…thanks. Really. If you hadn't shown up that fucker probably would've-"

"Hey, Sasuke!" Inuzuka shouts down from the top of the escalator, "Haruno! Figures you two would be early."

He and Hinata walk up to greet us and I force myself to smile and act normally.

Zero seconds.

After we meet up with Shino, we go to a shrine to pray for good luck in the new year and write wishes on ema (5), and buy omikuji (6). My wish ends up being generic and boring because I can't think of anything else. (I ask to do well in school…along with half the population of Japan.)

I spend most of the rest of day feeling sick and scared. Not because I think Uchiha will figure out my secret or anything like that. Just…I dunno…I feel distinctly _unsafe_. Then we take the subway to the mall and every time someone jostles against me I jump. It's disconcerting because I've never felt this way before, and I've been jumped before, with results far worse than this.

"_Great," _I think miserably, _"I'm getting soft."_

"Are you feeling okay?" Ino asks while we're sitting at the food court and everyone else is ordering burgers and the like, "You've been really quiet."

"I'm okay," I say, trying to smile, but I'm not sure it works, "I'm just a bit tired."

She doesn't look convinced and scoots her chair closer and put her hand to my forehead. I jerk at the touch and she looks even more worried.

"Well, you don't have a fever," she says, leaning in further. She's wearing blue eyeliner and pink eye shadow today, and it might just be me but I think her lip-gloss is a little orange. Weird.

"I'm fine," I say and I sound pathetic even to my own ears.

She frowns and tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear involuntarily, causing her ridiculously large earring to jangle together.

It's at this moment that I suddenly, really, really want to tell her what happened and make sense of _why_ it freaked me out so much, but I don't. I end up going home early and curling up in front of the television watching stupid dramas with horrible acting. Then I take a bath and ignore a bunch of melodramatic text messages from Uzumaki accusing me of ditching them just like I did during Golden Week (7).

Oh, c'mon, I think. I had a huge paper to write. And it was seven _months_ ago! You'd think he'd have gotten over it by now.

Well, I think, at least I've gotten one thing straight. I am _so_ glad I saved Uchiha's life last summer, even if he is a total bastard.

Then second semester starts, and I find myself at a coffee shop with Karin in Harajuku (8) between classes. I _hate_ Harajuku.

"C'mon," she says, taking a sip of her coffee, "It's not _that_ bad."

"Yes, it is," I say stubbornly, "It's far away, it's overpriced, and overrated. What's to like?"

She rolls her eyes, "What's _not _to like? I mean, I know you're not into clothes that much, but there's still a bunch of other cute stuff here."

"And don't forget the people," I say, eyeing the woman at the counter who's wearing a maid outfit critically.

"Oh, poor you," Karin says sarcastically, "Do those _devious_ cosplayers scare you?"

"They're weird," I say bluntly and she scowls.

"You're such an elitist, Sakura," she complains and I find myself vaguely insulted.

I open my mouth to scathingly reply, but just then a group of Lolita girls walk by and I find myself staring at the woman close to the back of them. Wow, she's …gorgeous. And I don't even use that word. She's one of those people who just totally stands out. And I'm not being weird! Let's be very clear here; I'm not nearly the only person staring.

"Woah, she's really pretty," Karin says, craning her neck to look, "Bet she gets asked out all the time."

See!

I make a noncommittal noise and turn my head away, feeling like some sort of creep. Karin, however, is still looking.

"Dude, I want her legs," she says, sounding jealous.

"Karin," I hiss, embarrassed.

"Don't be a prude."

I scowl and chug down the rest of my coffee, which is black. The way it should be.

"Hey," Karin says, turning to look at me, "Are you like a…"

"Hmm?"

She lowers her voice, " Are you-okay, don't get mad if you aren't-but are you…"

"Yeah?" I ask, impatiently.

"Are you a lesbian?" she whispers.

I freeze and feel all the color drain out of my face. I have no idea what to say. We've never gotten on the subject of homosexuality before so I don't know where she stands. My chest feels really cold all of the sudden and I clench my sweaty palms.

I swallow compulsively, "Umm…Y-Yeah." And then, without pausing, "But I don't have a crush on you or anything, so you don't have to worry about th-"

Karin scowls, looking annoyed, "Really?" she says disapprovingly and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Hmph," she says, crossing her arms, "Well, just don't tell Juugo okay, because I owe him ¥5,000 (9)."

"Karin," I say desperately, "It's not like I…wait a second, yo-"

"It's not fair," she bemoans, "The bastard is a cheater I tell you!"

"You-" I say, barely able to speak, "You were _betting_ on me?!"

"Well, _yeah_," she says, looking at me as if I'm insane, "For months now-"

"_Months_!?"

"-we've had a pool going on. You know, me, Juugo, Suigetsu, that guy and girl from your work, and a few of my exes."

"Your exes?" I repeat, horrified, "And Sai and Temari too?"

Oh, gods, I'm never going to live this down, am I?

"Yup! But you can't tell!" she says secretively, looking around the café as if she expects someone to be listening to us, "I don't have ¥5,000!"

I groan and bury my head in my hands.

"I hate you," I mumble, "All of you."

"Why are _you_ so angry?" Karin asks obliviously, "You're not the one who's going to be broke!"

Dammit, I hate my life.

--

January 18th draws nearer and I find it hard to act normally. I do though, because Konohamaru still doesn't know about Tenten and I really don't want him asking questions about it. I'll probably tell him one day, but…just not now. I space out a lot a few days in a row, and Karin and Juugo (the people I'm around the most) start to get worried.

I guess it's just hard to pretend everything's alright when all I can think about is that exactly a year ago I was still with Tenten in that shitty alley. So much has changed since then. But despite the fact that so much has happened, the stabbing pain of grief in my chest does not go away.

As the day she died draws nearer, I buy a notebook at a convenience store and write down all the my memories of Tenten I can think of. I'm so terrified that I'll forget what she was like, how she looked, who she was.

I decide to not go to my classes on the 18th. I just can't. I'd be way too emotional and it would just be a waste of time. I think about visiting her grave, but for some reason I don't want to do that. I don't want to remember her death, I want to remember her life. Hyuuga will probably be there, but… I'll go on her birthday instead, I think.

I feign sickness on that day and sit in bed pretty much the whole morning, staring at the clock. I don't know exactly what time she died, but it was probably a little after noon. I eventually have to unplug the clock, because I can't stop staring at the numbers with some sort of sick fascination.

But I can still get a vague sense of what time it is by the sun and by the time it dips just slightly to the west, I'm crying so hard that it hurts. My door is closed, but Yoshiko is probably still in the house so I have to keep my voice down and bury my face in my pillow. And I dream.

"_Sakura, Sakura, I found a treasure!"_

_I look up from my grammar book to see Tenten running towards me looking unusually excited. _

"_A treasure?" I repeat, "What kind of treasure?"_

"_It's an abandoned car!" she whispers, "And the doors are unlocked. We can live in there! No more hiding in the subway stations!"_

_She helps me to my feet, "It's over there," she says, pointing._

_My body is all bruised because I got caught shoplifting a few days ago, so she pretty much has to carry me there. It's a dark red car with a bunch of dents, but it is unlocked. _

"_The seats are so soft!" Tenten says, squirming around on them. I sit down and rest my tired body against the back. _

"_You're right," I say, smiling a little, "This is nice."_

_Tenten puts her feet up on the dashboard and pulls out a stolen candy bar from the pocket of her ratty pants. _

"_Here, you want some?" she asks and I shake my head. _

"_I'm not hungry," I lie. _

"_We should put all our stuff in here too," she says, "It'll be just like a house!"_

"_If the doors are unlocked other people can steal them though," I say, always the devil's advocate. _

"_They won't," she says, undeterred, "Not if we hide them real well." _

_I nod but don't agree. My uniform and books are too precious to be hidden in something like this. _

"_And maybe we can even-oooh! Look what I found!"_

_She holds up something small and metal. _

"_What is it?" I ask, because it's painful to move my head in her direction too much. _

"_An earring. A hoop earring." _

_She inspects in closely for a few seconds. _

"_My mother always hated hoop earrings," she said seriously, after a while, "Even the small ones. She called the girls who wore them whores." _

"_That's stupid," I say._

_She smiles at me, "I know!" _

_I feel distinctly uncomfortable talking about her mother and look out the window. It's cloudy outside. _

"_Hey, Sakura," she says, "When we get older, I'm going to wear hoop earrings."_

"_You do know you'll have to stab a hole in your ear, right?"_

"_Well, yeah. I'm not stupid, you know." _

_I do not approve of poking holes in people's cartilage, but I keep my mouth shut. No need to start a fight. _

_The next day, when I come back from school, the car is gone. _

"_Stop crying," I tell Tenten, "You're not supposed to cry now that you're thirteen, you know. And it's not going to come back, anyway." _

"_Why did they have to take it away?" she sobs, "It wasn't doing anything to them!"_

"_That's their job," I explain, "The city calls them to tow a car, so they tow it."_

"_The earring was still in there," she says angrily, "They wouldn't even let me get it out."_

"_We can get hoop earrings when we're older," I say, trying to consol her, "Tell you what, I'll buy them for your myself. Deal?"_

_Tenten isn't so easily convinced, but after a while she wipes her eyes and smiles._

"_Okay," she says, "Deal." _

I sit up and wipe my eyes. I stare at the ceiling for a while and then get out of bed. I pull on a heavy sweatshirt and a pair of old, baggy jeans, and then call Temari.

"Hey," I say, "Sorry to bother you, but do you know of any cheap places where I can get my ears pierced?"

I go to some seedy looking place in the Red Light District, not because I think it's better than a chain store or anything, but because I doubt most places would grant the request I have. It seems pretty clean inside, though the lady doing the piercing has metal all over her face. But the needles she uses are new and clean, so I'm alright.

I don't get two piercings, or three, or even four. I get twelve. Six on each ear, from the bottom of the lobe all the way up to the top of the shell.

The parts on the top hurt the most and the woman initially advised me to come back later for the them, but I make her do all of them in one go. By the time it's over, my ears feel like they're on fire, but it's strangely satisfying.

I choose twelve small identical silver hoops to wear and then I'm on my way.

My ears are bright red because of the irritation and people stare at me on the bus, but I find I could care less. Some people, however, do not share my sentiments.

"What," Konohamaru gapes, "did you do to your _ears_?!"

"I got them pierced," I reply, bringing the bag with disinfectant and coupons that I got from the studio into the upstairs bathroom.

"_Obviously_!" he says, following me into the bathroom, "I thought you were supposed to be sick!"

"I was," I say and start to carefully disinfect them even though it hurts like hell.

Everyone else has pretty much the same reaction as Konohamaru did. Temari and Suigetsu blatantly stare at me when I come to work a few nights later. Sai looks so confused. Inuzuka accuses me of being an alien and Hyuuga looks at me like one might look at a mental patient. Hinata stared a lot when she first saw them, and Ino full on gaped.

"But I thought you _hated_ the idea of getting your ears pierced?" she says, looking aghast.

Even Karin cringes at the sight of them, and she has a bunch of piercings herself.

Uzumaki is the only one who has anything good to say about them (He thinks they're awesome. Figures.) but I don't particularly care. In truth, they are kinda annoying. They hurt if I bang them against something and it's hard sleeping sometimes, but they don't get infected, so it's okay.

When I go visit Tenten's grave on her birthday in March (she would've been twenty), they are mostly healed and most people have gotten over them. Sure, I have to hide them with my hair or Asuma will give me dirty looks, but that's not really anything new.

Everything is pretty good for awhile. My first year of university ends really well. My grades are great, and I've managed not to make a fool out of myself in front of Ino in a while. By spring break my ears have stopped hurting completely, and I get an internship through my biochemistry professor. I mostly shadow a few workers at a chemical research facility and file stuff. Once or twice I help people with some of the newer features on their computer and get them tea, but that's about it. It doesn't really have anything to do with my major, but it's better to have something more worthwhile on my résumé than 'waitress at nightclub.' It's kinda far away and not paid, but it's only for two weeks, so I guess it doesn't matter that much.

But everything changes about a week after my nineteenth birthday.

I get back from work at about three am on a Friday night (or Saturday morning, I guess) to find that the kitchen light's still on. I walk in to see Sarutobi sitting on his laptop looking more intently at it than I've seen him since he retired.

"What's going on?" I ask and he's looks up, startled.

"Is it really that time?" he says, shocked, peering at the clock.

"What are you looking at?" I pour myself a cup of tea and brush my bangs out of my eyes.

"You were probably too young to remember this," he says, "But a few years ago there was a huge scandal with a major yakuza boss. Everyone knew he was guilty, but he got off on a fluke." He smiles wryly, "I lost the election that year mostly because of that. But now they've got him for sure. I was just reading news articles on it."

He leans back in his chair, "Orochimaru is his name. Have you ever heard of him?"

I nod, "Only heard, thankfully, though a lot of people around where I used to live had trouble with his gang."

Sarutobi sighs, "I've been waiting about fifteen years for this day." He gives the screen one last glance before he closes out the internet browser and shuts it down.

He gets up shakily and yawns, "I'd better go to bed now."

Sarutobi exits the kitchen and starts up the stairs.

"Hey," I say, coming out into the hallway, "I bet it feels good to see him finally get it."

He smiles, "There are two major things in my life that I regret," he says, "That was one of them."

I'm not exactly sure what he means by that, but I don't really think on it until it's too late.

The next morning, I get up to find Kurenai, Asuma, and Saya already over. Kurenai and Yoshiko are in the middle of cooking an extravagant breakfast when I sit down at the kitchen table, still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Asuma gives me an annoyed look but turns back to his conversation about baseball with Konohamaru.

"Sakura-san," Yoshiko says, turning me, "Would you mind waking up Otou-san?"

"Sure," I say, eager to get the hell away from Asuma.

I go back upstairs and knock on his bedroom door, "Sarutobi-san! Breakfast is almost ready and your son and Kurenai-san are here!"

There is no reply so I nudge the door open with my foot and stick my head in.

"Sarutobi-san?" I repeat, peering into the room through the weak light. I can barely make him out on the bed when I realize that something isn't right. The bedcovers aren't mussed at all and he's still wearing his day cloth-

I throw open the door and turn on the light, taking a few steps in before I stop dead.

Sarutobi is very still, his face frozen in a sort of half grimace. His lips are blue.

"Saru-" I choke, but the words stick in my throat.

He isn't breathing. My hands shake uncontrollably as I reach out to touch his neck. I withdraw almost immediately, not even bothering to wait for the pulse. Sarutobi's neck is ice-cold.

I feel a sudden urge to throw up. I nearly trip over my feet trying to get out of there and ram my shoulder _hard_ against the wall. No. _No. _This is not happening. This _can't_ be happening. I'm grappling at the ledge on the wall, frantically trying to keep my balance, when I see Konohamaru out of the corner of my eye.

"Are you okay?" he says, looking between where I am and the door to Sarutobi's bedroom, "What's going o-"

"You can't-" 'Go in there' I mean to say, but then it's like the breath has been knocked out of me. I suddenly have a very good view of the ceiling and it's a relief when everything goes black a few seconds later.

Unfortunately, I regain consciousness only a few minutes later. Kurenai is leaning over me with a worried look on her face and-in the background-I can hear Yoshiko screaming.

(1) Christmas is a pretty popular holiday in Japan, but mostly as a secular one. It's still a work day and everything.

(2) Osechi is "New Year's food" and mochi is a glutinous rice cake with fillings which vary from ice cream to red bean paste to fruit.

(3) Money in an envelope given to those under twenty (usually by their parents) on New Year's Day. Similar to Chinese red envelopes.

(4) Coming of Age Day. Set on the second Monday of January to congratulate those who've become twenty in the past year or will become twenty before April 1st (cutoff date and beginning of a new fiscal year.)

(5) Ema are wooden plagues that you write wishes on the back of and hang on a special rack in the shrine grounds. Mostly done during New Year's but technically is a year-round thing.

(6) Fortunes you can buy at a shrine. Also done traditionally at New Year's but available at other times in the year too.

(7) The entire first week of May which is a national holiday. Includes Greenery Day (May 4th) and Children's Day (May 5th)

(8) Famous fashion and shopping district in Tokyo. Known for cosplayers and Lolita girls.

(9) ~$46.77

Attack of the footnotes!!!

**A/N: Well, this chapter was emo…But there was Ino! Sorta… And Kimimaro, whom I had a lot of fun writing. (If you can't tell, I'm totally running out of characters to use.) I also had tons of fun with the earring part. Bet none of you expected that! Karin was also incredibly amusing in this chapter and I'll take this opportunity to apologize for Sakura's remarks about cosplayers. I actually really like cosplay. She's just a bitch. And I killed off Sarutobi…yeah…**

**Timeline update: This fic started in January. Sakura moved in with the Sarutobis in late March. She started college in April. Obito's wedding was in July. The festival was in August. Asuma and Kurenai's kid was born in September and Hinata's mental breakdown was in late November. It is now early April which means about a year and three months have gone by since MNIHS started. God, that's crazy. **

**Anyway, I'm really sorry about the wait and the angstyness of this chapter. Next chapter will be pretty depressing too, but the romance will come, I promise. On a happier note, last chapter was a record for reviews! Keep it up! So, thanks for reading and please review! **


	27. The Aftermath II

Chapter Twenty-Seven-

I don't go to the funeral. I don't even go to the wake. I can't because it's too well publicized; journalists and _other people_ will be there and they might ask questions. Instead, I watch the news, flipping from channel to channel, hearing people talk about all the things he did for Konoha that he never mentioned and will _never _mention because he's fucking dead.

Asuma asked for an autopsy and the doctors came back saying that it was an aneurysm. I would be insulted that Asuma thought it would be anything else but natural causes, but at this point I don't really give a damn.

I haven't cried yet. I couldn't before because everyone else was, even Asuma, and because I had to be strong, especially for Konohamaru who hadn't eaten during the two days between Sarutobi's death and his funeral. But mostly because I'm _not _family. Even though I've known…I _knew _Sarutobi for the same amount of time Konohamaru did, it's not the same. I guess for a while I thought it was…but it's not. Not at all.

But I'm all alone now in the house, and I still can't cry. I've been holding back too long, I guess, and now the tears won't come. I wish they would, because even though crying is humiliating and doesn't do any good, there's still some sense of closure after you're done.

Instead I stare at the television and ignore the phone that has been ringing off the hook for the past three hours. I should get up and unplug it, but I don't have the motivation.

They're probably at the cemetery now, with the priest chanting sutras over the Sarutobi _family_ grave. It's not the same cemetery Tenten's buried in, it's one closer to the center of the city where a lot of other politicians are buried. The worst part about it is that I used to steal the offerings off the graves there when I was really desperate for food.

It's sunny outside and there's not a cloud in the sky.

What an awful day for a funeral.

* * *

I turn off the TV when the newscasters get bored of talking about the death of the former mayor and go up to bed even though it's only four in the afternoon. I don't fall asleep because I can't stop thinking about the bedroom two doors down from mine and how its last occupant is _never coming back_ because they burned him to ashes and stuck him in a hole in the ground.

Much later I hear Konohamaru, Yoshiko, and Asuma and his wife return, but I don't get out of bed. I hear Yoshiko crying not long after and I use the pillow to block out the sound, but it doesn't work. I don't want to hear it, I don't, I can't express how much I _don't_. It's like a knife in the heart and I want to scream until my throat bleeds. I don't, though. I don't do anything at all.

I'm distracted from my nothingness by the sound of vibrations. My phone. It's probably Karin or Juugo calling for the hundredth time wondering why I haven't showed up to class for three days. I would call, or more likely text, but I can't even look at my phone. _He _got me that phone.

I can't cry.

* * *

Asuma and Kurenai have been sleeping here for the past few days. I think they'll probably move in, which would have horrified me a week ago. But my emotions are kind of on hold at the moment. Hopefully, I'll have a delayed reaction. Right now, I can't feel anything.

* * *

On Thursday morning I get out of bed at 8 am. I go downstairs to find Kurenai cooking in the kitchen with baby Saya in her arms.

"How can I help?" I ask her, my voice hoarse from not speaking.

"Sakura?" she says, as if she's not sure it's me, "You don't have to…I can do this myself, it's alrig-"

"How," I repeat, "can I help?"

Her face falls, but she points me toward the large pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

"I would've done them myself," she says in an apologetic tone, "But it's been…"

I wash off the dishes and start up the dishwasher. I help Kurenai ladle miso soup into bowls to bring up to Konohamaru, Yoshiko, and Asuma. I email Karin, Juugo, and my professors explaining the situation and ask for a little more time to get my act together. I use the phrase 'death in the family' and the lie nearly makes me sick. I change clothes and take the first shower I've taken in days. I eat more than a few mouthfuls of food and baby-sit Saya so Kurenai can go out and get more groceries. I even manage to do some homework. It's as good of a day as could be expected…at least until I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat with no breath in my lungs.

I get out of bed and stagger down the hallway as quietly as possible. I get to the bathroom, shut the door, and lean over the sink, gasping for breath.

It's what I call my unique brand of breakdown and it's happened before. I woke up like this for weeks after Tenten was murdered, as well as other nights from when I missed finals in middle school that one year all the way back to when I was still in foster care.

There is nothing to do but wait it out and I spend what seems like hours, grasping the white porcelain of the sink, trying to get as much air as possible into my lungs. Eventually, I feel like I can breathe again and sink to the tile floor, staring at my clenched hands. I go back to my room and change my pajamas because I've sweat so much. I get back into bed and wrap my arms around my pillow, squeezing it to my body.

The next morning after breakfast and I fill a bucket full of soapy warm water and scrub the kitchen floor. Kurenai takes Saya to pick up a few things back at her house, so I'm the only one downstairs when Asuma finally emerges from the guestroom.

"What the _hell_," he says angrily, coming into the kitchen, unshaven and with his hair all in disarray, "are you doing?"

"It's Friday," I say, looking up from a stain on the floor, "Yoshiko cleans the kitchen and bathrooms on Friday."

"Oh," he says after a very long pause, "Where's my wif…never mind, she told me before she left."

There is an awkward silence and I lean down again to scrub at the stain. I think it's dried teriyaki sauce.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, remembering the Western style breakfast Kurenai made before leaving, "There's eggs and bacon."

"I'm more of a traditionalist," Asuma says, which I'm pretty sure is a lie, at least when it comes to food, "I think I'll pass."

You should eat something, I think, but hold my tongue.

"Konohamaru and my sister might like some though," he says after another awkward silence.

"I'll bring them some, then," I say, standing up and wringing out the rag I was using. I make up two plates of bacon and eggs and Asuma stares at me as if he's never seen me before.

Yoshiko doesn't even acknowledge my presence when I put her plate down on her bedside table, but Konohamaru answers when I knock on the door.

"Come in," he says dully and I do, holding the plate aloft so he can't miss it.

"You need to eat," I say, but my voice doesn't come out nearly as strong as I want it to.

He's not lying in bed, but instead sitting on the floor against the wall with a pile of baseball magazines next to him.

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" he says, ignoring the food, "I only knew him for a year and I can't even-"

"You're not," I say quietly.

He turns to look at me with red eyes, "Have you ever known someone who died?" he asks.

"No," I want to say, but it comes out as: "Two months before I met you my best friend of six years was murdered in an alley."

He stares at me and doesn't say anything for a while.

"Oh," he murmurs finally.

He squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists, "I don't suppose you're used to any of this," he says absentmindedly.

"No," I reply, "Never."

Konohamaru ducks down his head and sobs. I think I hear something along the lines of "I can't believe I'll never see him again," and I kneel next to him and wrap my arms around his waist until he presses his head into my shoulder, shaking. I stare at one of his band posters on the wall.

"Nee-san," he says after a while, "You know you can't leave, right?"

It's like he's read my mind.

"I know," I say, "I won't."

* * *

Eventually I convince him to eat the breakfast Kurenai made, and when I take his empty plate away, I slip his cell phone into my pocket.

Asuma is gone when I return to the kitchen and there's a note on the table from him saying that he's gone to work. I leave a message on Temari's phone telling her I won't be able to work this weekend, and then turn on Konohamaru's phone. As expected, he has a bunch of missed calls and unopened texts.

Once I'm sure that school is over, I find 'Udon' on his Contact's List and with a bit of trepidation, I call him. He picks up after one and a half ring. "Oh my God, Konohamaru, are you alright? I heard about-I mean, Moegi said she went over to your house two days ago and your aunt said that-"

"Er…" I say, feeling even more awkward than I did previously, "This isn't Konohamaru."

"Oh, I-" he stammers, "The caller ID said-"

"Yeah, this is his phone," I say, swallowing, "I'm-This is Sakura. I'm Konohamaru's…I mean, I live with-"

"Of course," he says, "I-I didn't recognize your voice."

"I thought I should just let you know…what happened, but I guess you already heard."

"Is he alright?" Udon asks, sounding very concerned, "Moegi said she didn't see him, so…"

"I think he'll be okay," I say, not really answering the question, "He just needs some time."

"Yeah," he replies, as if unsure of what else to say.

"So, yeah," I say, "You wanna call…uh, her, and tell her?"

"Right. I-I'll do that."

"Okay," I mumble, eager to get off the phone, "I'll just-"

"Wait," he interrupts, "Do you think it'd be okay if we came over? Or would that be too…"

I hesitate for a moment.

"Actually," I say finally, "I think that'd be great."

* * *

In less than two hours, both of Konohamaru's friends show up at the door, still in their school uniforms. They murmur their condolences and I usher them into the house. They go up into Konohamaru's room without talking and I retreat to the kitchen. Neither Asuma nor Kurenai are back yet, so I busy myself by making tea.

It's windy outside today, and the cherry tree outside is raining petals. I've always liked cherry blossoms…obviously. They remind me of the beginning of days that were actually warm and the start of a new school year. It seems so unfair that Sarutobi should die while everything else is just starting to come alive again. I feel like spring has been ruined for me, but of course, that is a disgustingly selfish thought.

Kurenai and Saya come home first, and I help make dinner. When I come upstairs to announce that dinner is ready, I find Konohamaru and his friends all sitting on the floor of his room, talking in soft voices. Konohamaru's eyes aren't as red as they were before, but Moegi's mascara is smeared beneath her eyes and Udon looks pale. However, they come down for dinner and eat silently at the table, but it's a different kind of silence. Konohamaru doesn't seem happy, but he is calm and there is no look of desperation in his eyes.

Asuma comes back from the office just as we are finishing up, but makes no comments about the two extra people at the table. Eventually, Konohamaru's friends leave and I go up to Yoshiko's room. I sit on the side of her bed and stroke her hair, and feed her some soup.

After she's finished, she looks away from me, out the window, and says: "It's my fault that he's dead."

"No, it's not," I say.

"Yes, it is," she whispers, "It's because of me. I caused him so much pain. It's cause and effect. There has to be a reason, and I-I'm it."

"That's not how it works," I tell her, but she doesn't listen.

"There has to be a reason," she says again and I want to slap her.

"Sometimes," I say as gently as possible, "there is no reason. Sometimes things just happen."

Yoshiko put her head in her hands, "Leave me alone," she mumbles.

"Yoshiko-san-"

"Get out!" she hisses.

I take the empty bowl and leave.

I spend nearly two and a half hours hunched over the bathroom sink that night.

* * *

I go class on Monday. Sarutobi used to drive me to the station in the morning, so I take the bus.

"Are you okay?" is the first thing Karin asks when she sees me, "You look awful!"

Juugo is standing slightly behind her, but looks just as worried.

"I'm…" I start and manage a weak smile, "I think I'll be alright."

They don't look convinced, which is only fair, I suppose, as I'm not particularly convinced either. But I have to be okay eventually. Right?

But on the inside, I know that there's not much more of this I can take, or I'll go mad. Because what if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like? What if every single person I make a connection with just gets murdered or has an artery rupture in their brai-

Statically speaking, the chances of that happening are incredibly low, but statistics don't particularly qualm my fears.

I just try to take each hour at a time. I try not to think about it too, which is horrible, but it works.

Nothing stops me from waking up in the middle of the night, all choked up, though, and sometimes I think _dammit, Sarutobi, why did you have to die on me like that_. Like it was his idea or anything.

I feel the same way I did about Tenten's death, how part of me still does and will always feel, but it's different too. Besides Hyuuga, I was the only who ever grieved for Tenten, and now I'm in a whole house of people who are all grieving. It's better than it was before, Asuma and Konohamaru have gone back to work and school, and even Yoshiko has left her room a few times, but I can still feel the grief in the air. And it'll be a long time before it dissipates.

I still haven't cried.

* * *

Ten days after Sarutobi's death, I wake up, as usual, in the middle of the night. It's 3:38 when I throw back the covers and slip down the landing and into the bathroom, not even bothering to put on the slippers.

"It's okay," I whisper to myself, grasping the cold porcelain so hard it hurts, "It's okay, you're alright, it's _okay_!"

But it's not. It should be, and I wish it was, but the truth is that _it's never going to be okay._

My throat seems to close in on itself, and I choke. I'm in the process of try to inhale even the smallest breath of air, when the door creaks open. I look up at the mirror to see the reflection of Sarutobi Asuma in a yukata staring back at me.

"Are you okay?" he asks, looking concerned.

"Can't…" I manage to spit out, "…breathe…"

He reaches out and pounds me on the back like he think I have something stuck in my throat. Surprisingly, this actually makes it easier and I slowly ease my grip on the sink. I stand up and then lean against the wall opposite the door and slide down it, still gasping for breath. I can't look at him. It's so humiliating.

"You're not on something, are you?" he says, but it's more like he actually _doesn't_ think I'm high and is disappointed about it for some reason. Bastard.

"I wish," I say, but it doesn't come out as hostile as I want to.

I pull up my legs to my chest and rest my forehead on my kneecaps.

"This isn't the first time this has happened, is it?" he asks, "I thought I was hearing something these past few nights."

"Yeah," I snarl, refusing to look at him, "I guess I'm just a bonafide nutcase."

"You shouldn't say things like that," he says quietly.

"I'm sure that's nothing compared to your opinion of me," I say, gripping the bottoms of my sweatpants so tightly my hands are shaking.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, sounding insulted.

"You asked for an autopsy," I say with a harsh laugh, "And I was the person to find…did you think I wouldn't realize?"

"Sakura," he says after a pause, and it's weird because I don't think he's ever called me by my name before, "My father had a lot of enemies. Both political and…well, criminal. The day before he died, the one of them, the boss of a major crime syndicate, got _twenty-five years in prison_. Of course, I had to make sure that it was…a natural death."

"Oh," I say, head still buried in my arms, "_Oh._"

And suddenly, before I even realize it, I'm sobbing.

"You know," I manage through the tears, "He was-He was always on my side. I never had anybody on my side. Not an adult anyway. He was so nice. He was so nice to me! Even when I didn't deserve it, because, let's face it, I'm a bitch. He invited me into his home when he'd only known me for _half an hour! _And it's not fair that he had to go like that. There's so many other fuckers in the world that deserve to die, so why…why…"

But it's too hard to talk anymore, so I just wrap my arms tighter around my knees and cry.

Asuma doesn't say anything or attempt comfort me, something I'm glad for because that'd just be weird. He just sits down on the bathroom floor next to me and waits, but I can't be sure because I haven't consciously looked at him since he entered the room.

It takes me a long time to stop, and it's only when I eventually do does he speak.

"I want to thank you," he says softly, but with a tinge of sadness in his voice, "For helping my wife and nephew. You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't do anything," I say hoarsely.

"Yes, you did," he argues, "You helped Kurenai deal with…all this. You talked to Konohamaru. He wouldn't talk to me or my wife at all."

I shrug my shoulders, but it doesn't really work because I'm hunched over so far.

"Sorry," I murmur after a while, "for laying all that on you."

"It's no problem," he replies, "Will you be alright?"

"Yeah," I say, voice slightly muffled.

And then he's gone.

After a while, I raise my head and lean it against the wall.

"Thanks," I say to the empty room, "I owe you one."

* * *

Things get easier after that. I'll always be sad about it, just like I'll always be sad when I think about Tenten, but I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore. I just want things to go back to a vague sense of normality. Some people want to talk to me about it, Karin especially, but I…I've talked enough. I just want it to be over.

Asuma and Kurenai do end up moving in with us, mostly because Yoshiko can't really take care of herself, but also so Konohamaru doesn't have to change schools. It's weird, living with them, even though Asuma and I have come to some sort of an understanding. I don't feel comfortable living in this house without Sarutobi. The truth is, I really want to move out. Living in the dorms is covered by my scholarship and it would be nice. But I can't because I promised Konohamaru that I would stay and he needs me.

In the end of May, Hinata calls asking if I want to come Akimichi's belated birthday party. I decline, something I've been doing pretty much every time someone asks me if I want to hang out. I'm not really in the mood for parties.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Hinata asks, sounding worried, "I haven't seen you in ages and Ino-san says you've been avoiding her calls.

"I have not!" I protest. I totally have, by the way. "I just…"

"Just what?" Hinata asks, voice starting to sound a little shrill. "Sakura-san, what's going on? Did something happen?"

"No," I say automatically, but then I remember that I decided I wasn't going to lie to Hinata anymore. No matter how much I don't want to talk about it. "I mean…yes. Something did…happen."

"What?"

I swallow, "You remember the old guy who lives with me?" I force out, "Well a few weeks ago he had an aneurysm. And he's…well, dead."

I hear Hinata inhale sharply on the other end, "I'm so sorry," she says softly.

"Yeah," I mutter uncomfortably. "That's why I've been…"

"So you probably don't really feel like partying then, huh?" she says, and she sounds sad and a little wistful.

"I-" I start, "Maybe I should though."

"Eh? No, Sakura-san I didn't mean-"

"I know," I say, sitting up in bed and stretching, "But it's been more than a month and I need to…I dunno, get on with life."

"Are you sure?" she asks in a small voice, "I don't want you to feel like you _have_ to co-"

"It's fine," I say, smiling a little sadly, "So when is this party?"

* * *

It ends up being at Akimichi's apartment. (Just because all of the happy memories from the _last_ time I was there, I'm sure.) And it ends up like most of our parties do: with everyone shit-faced. Actually that's a bit of an exaggeration. People like Hyuuga, Aburame, Hinata, and Uchiha usually clear out some time after midnight, while everyone else just sort of crashes wherever is convenient. I go to work, and then for some reason come back at 1:30 to find the door unlocked and a bunch of drunk morons passed out on the floor. Imbeciles, the lot of them. I dump a bunch of empty plastic cups in the garbage and throw a blanket over Ino. She's wearing this ridiculously short miniskirt and from where I was standing I could _see her underwear. _She stirs though and eventually sits up, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Sakura?" she inquires and yawns, "I thought you 'ad to go work."

"I came back," I reply, angrily "And good thing I did, because the fucking door is _unlocked_. Do you want someone to come in when you're lying on the floor with your-"

I cut myself off. No point in getting mad at people who aren't even sober.

"With my what?" Ino asks innocently, and grabs the sleeve of my jacket. Or tries to anyway. "C'mon, sit down."

Against my better judgment, I do. On the other end of the small room, Nara gives a sleep snort and Inuzuka giggle in his sleep. And let me tell you, there are few things creepier in this world than Inuzuka's giggling. I roll my eyes and lean up against the wall.

"Hey," Ino says, poking me in the ribs, "Whatar you thinking 'bout?"

"'Where in all this world shall I call home?'" I quote, "'A temporary shelter is my home. A hut, a jeweled pavilion, they were the same.'"

"The hell?" Ino says eloquently.

I laugh without mirth, "It's from Tale of a Genji (1). I always liked that book."

"Seriously?" Ino mutters, grasping my shoulder and leaning her head against my hand, "You are such a _nerd_. Isn't that book just about some guy who can't keep it in his pants?"

I snort, "Well that too. But the writing was really…beautiful."

"Mmmm," Ino groans, obviously not listening, "Shit, I think I'm starting to sober up. Where's the sake when you need it?"

She gropes around the floor as if expecting a bottle to be there.

"Absolutely not," I say stiffly, "You're drunk enough as it is."

"Who cares?" Ino says, but stops moving and just sort of collapses against my chest.

I stiffen up and squeeze my eyes shut and hope that she'll get off. She doesn't.

"Why do you guys drink so much anyway?" I mutter uncomfortably, "Seriously, it's all you do at parties."

"Getting drunk is fun," Ino tells me, her breath warming the place just above my left collarbone in a way that is not nearly unpleasant enough as it should be.

"How?" I demand, "You lose all self-control, act like a moron for a few hours, and then wake up with an earsplitting headache. How is that in any way _fun_?"

"Ah, you wouldn't understand," Ino murmurs, "'sides, it runs in the family."

I don't say anything to that, because I'm not sure that there's anything to _say. _I exhale softly and put my arm hesitantly around her back.

Ino makes a sound in the back of her throat, "Your shirt smells good," she mutters, "What kind of detergent do you use?"

"The non-scented kind."

She laughs, putting her hands on my shoulders and pushing herself up, to my great relief.

"Hey," she repeats, looking at me intently, "Your lips are really pink."

Color floods into my face and I suddenly realize that I'm up against a wall and therefore can't escape.

"Er…" I say, quickly removing my arm from her vicinity, "That's nice?"

She leans in and I press my head against the wall as hard as I can.

"I-Ino!" Crap, why does this always happen to me? And why am I always stupid enough to get near Ino when she's drunk?

"Just be quiet for a second," she says and reaches up to touch the side of my face.

"Stop it," I say, turning my head to the side, because she is really very pretty and she's wearing that ridiculously revealing skirt and I really _do_ want to kiss her. "Ino, I'm-"

But before I can finish that sentence she snorts with laughter and lets her head hang down, her hands still gripping my shoulders.

"Sorry," she says, "I'm really, really drunk."

She gets off me entirely and leans against the wall to my left.

"That's okay," I say, sitting up straight.

She grumbles something incoherent and yawns. She doesn't say anything after that and I just sit there and fiddle with my earrings uncomfortably. I stay there until she falls asleep and then get up. I put the blanket over her again and then go into the tiny bathroom to wash my face. After I'm done drying off, I look at my reflection in mirror door of the medicine cabinet. I look pathetic. I have circles under my eyes and I've definitely lost weight. I grit my teeth and glare at myself.

"What the hell are you doing?" Uchiha asks from the bathroom door.

It seems like the sort of thing that should freak me out, or at least make me jump a little. But I don't even blink.

"Deciding whether to put my hand through the mirror," I say honestly, "On one hand, it'll make me feel better, but on the other, it's Akimichi's mirror."

"You shouldn't do things like that," Uchiha says after a short pause, "It'll make people think you're crazy. You can get carted off to a mental hospital for that."

"I'm sure," I reply, nails digging into the palms of both hands.

"I think I would know," he says quietly and I forget my anger and turn to stare at him.

His face is completely blank, so I can't get anything from that, but there _were_ rumors that went around. I think it was 2nd year in middle school when I first heard the rumor that Uchiha had been in an institution for a few years after his parents' murders. But there were always so many crazy rumors about Uchiha that I never really paid much attention.

"Those rumors," I ask hesitantly, "They were true, then?"

"Yes."

I look at him curiously for a few seconds and then turn back to my reflection.

"What are you even doing here?" I ask.

"Naruto's still here," he says, shrugging his shoulders, "The idiot insisted on coming here all the way from Kyoto and now it's too late to go anywhere."

He pauses and out of the corner of my eye I see him frown.

"You look like shit," he says.

I've been in this group long enough to know that this is his way of expressing profound concern.

"I'm really, really sick of people dying," I murmur, "But you probably get that, don't you?"

He doesn't say anything, but looks uneasy.

"Also," I say, "Ino just tried to kiss me. Again."

Uchiha coughs.

"She likes you, you know," he says.

I exhale slowly and shrug my shoulders. It's…I don't know. It's something I guess I knew all along, but it's so much easier to pretend not to. Because if I acknowledged it things would get…complicated. And with the way things are now, I really don't see much point in it. After all, I'm not _in love_ with her or anything. And since I'm not, is it really worth all the trouble?

"Yeah," I say, "I know."

Uchiha looks at me inquisitively and I think I see something like pity in his eyes. It almost makes me laugh. After all, I've seen a lot of horrible things in my life, but I never had to watch my parents die in front of me.

I close my eyes and let my fists relax.

"I think I'm going to go home now," I say and Uchiha stands to the side to let me pass, but I feel his eyes on my back as I leave.

It's only a little, but as I leave Akimichi's apartment, I feel like I can breathe easier.

(1) _Tale of a Genji _is considered the world's first novel, one with great emphasis of human psychology at that. It is generally acknowledged that it was written by Shikibu Murasaki, a noblewomen, in 1021. It's about the romantic escapades of the son of the Japanese emperor at the time who has been forced down to the status of a commoner.

**A/N: Ugh, I really do not like this chapter. But it took me weeks to finish it and now I'm too lazy to fix it. It came out **_**way**_** more depressing than it was supposed to. Also, it was just generally really boring to write, which is probably why I haven't updated since, I don't know, **_**May**_**. Seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer might have something to do with that as well, but shhhh! We don't talk about that!**

**I promise that next chapter will be better in that **_**stuff will actually happen.**_** I don't plan on it being as depressing, but other than that I'm not really sure what it will contain. (I have all these plot points that are all jumbled up and I have to figure out what order they should go in.) **

**Yeah, Tale of a Genji. Crackiest story **_**ever**_**. The main character sleeps with **_**everyone**_**. Look up the summary on Wikipedia, I dare you.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry I fail so hard at updating in a timely fashion and it (probably) won't take as long to get the next chapter out. Thanks for being so patient (or not) and please review!**


	28. Progression

Chapter Twenty-Eight-

"I'm going to kill your boyfriend," I tell Karin, sliding rather pathetically down the wall.

Juugo and I had just finished helping her move into her new apartment, a job _Suigetsu_ was going to help us with before he decided not to show. I'm doubly mad because I have finals to study for as summer break starts in less than two weeks and moving all of Karin's shit took way longer than it should have.

"For once I think I agree with her," Juugo says, wiping sweat off his forehead, "At least breakup with him, _please_."

"I'm not going to breakup with him," Karin says, rolling her eyes, "Withhold sex for a while, maybe."

Oh, because that will work out well, I think derisively, but wisely decide to keep my mouth shut. Karin's a great friend and everything, but she can't even give up sex when she's _on the rag_, so obviously we need to figure out another way to punish Suigetsu.

"I could slip something in his drink at work," I think aloud, fanning myself with an old homework paper that Karin probably never turned in in the first place.

Karin stiffens immediately.

"Don't joke about stuff like that," she says, sounding annoyed. She gets up off the used couch she bought at a thrift store and starts riffling through boxes, "Either of you see my plants?"

"I think they're still downstairs," Juugo says and she exits the apartment.

"What's her problem?" I ask, still to tired to get up.

Juugo makes a noncommittal noise at the back of his throat and shrugs his shoulders. I stretch out my sore muscles and am about halfway off the floor when Karin returns with her plants in a much better mood than she left in.

"Hey, thanks you two," she says gratefully, "It would have taken me two days to move all this stuff by myself. And sorry about my good-for-nothing boyfriend not showing."

"Pah, we didn't need him anyway," I say, because I've never really liked Suigetsu since, well, _ever. _

"I'll make it up to you," she says, getting that grin on her face that means nothing good for my comfort zone, "Let's go clubbing tonight! I'll treat."

"Sorry," I say sarcastically, "I think I'd rather get my arm gnawed off by a piranha than hang out at the Gama Sennin on my night off."

"Who said we were going to that dump?" Karin asks, "I mean, no offense, but there are way nicer places here in Tokyo."

The funny thing is, I _am_ actually sort of offended. Oh, crap, I'm getting attached. I need to quit.

"Yeah, alright, it's a dump," I concede, "But a dump that happens to employ me _and_ your boyfriend."

Karin rolls her eyes, "Whatever. I have no idea why so many people are there anyway. But who cares about that-"

Actually that's a good point. I mean, until Suigetsu showed up we didn't even serve mixed drinks. I think the only reason so many people come is because despite the fact that Jiraiya is, well, old, he's pretty decent at picking out obscure, up-and-coming bands. That and Jiraiya absolutely does not care what people do out on the dance floor as long as there's not a mess. And I mean that literally.

"-the point is," Karin continues, "That we haven't had a real night on the town in ages and we need to go out and have some fun!"

"I thought this was supposed to be _our_ reward for helping you move your stuff," Juugo observes.

"Semantics," Karin says, making a hand motion as if she's waving away his comment, "You need to get laid. And you," she says, turning to me, "well, you need to get laid too, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here."

"Thanks," I say dryly, "That does wonders for my self-esteem."

"Hey," Karin says, holding up her hands defensively, "Just being realistic."

"And anyway," I say archly, "In order to get _me_ laid, I think we'd have to go somewhere you'd be a little less comfortable."

"What, you mean like a lesbo club?" Karin asks flippantly, "Dude, if it could get you a little less uptight, why not?"

"Wh-What?" I splutter, "I was… I was kidding!"

"I know," she says wickedly, "But now that you suggested it…"

"No. Absolutely not!"

"Fine. Kidding, kidding," she says, looking amused, "But seriously, you need to loosen up, get yourself out there, possibly go to a sex shop-there's a really good one right near my job- and ughh, get that scandalized look off your face. It's not at all attractive."

"Karin!"

"Umm," Juugo says, "I'm going to go now."

He does, quietly, while Karin scars me for life with more information about sex toys than I ever wanted to know in my _entire life. _Bitch. I don't know why I hang out with her anyway.

"I do," Karin says after I finally convince her that going clubbing is not at all my kind of thing, "You know you keep me around because I'm wonderful, yet completely heterosexual, eye candy."

"Uh huh," I say, rolling my eyes, "You've caught me. Guilty as charged."

She smiles briefly and then leans forward on her elbows to regard me intently, "So, spill. Is there anyone you like right now?"

I scowl, "Karin, you've asked me this at least five times before and the answer is always the same."

"Yeah, well that was before I knew you were a lesbian," she says, "So I'm asking you again. Do you like anyone?"

I look out her small window in order to avoid looking at her and grimace.

"Okay, okay, fine," I say, my eyes still fixed on the bakery across the street, "Yes, I do."

"I knew it," she says triumphantly, pumping her fist into the air, "Is it anyone that I know? Anyone in your classes? Do you have a picture?"

"She went to my high school," I say, still embarrassed, "And do I have a picture? What kind of question is that? I'm not a creep, you know."

Her face falls, "You're not friends?"

I shrug my shoulders awkwardly, "I dunno, sort of. It's weird. I'm really close friends with one of her friends, but….I mean, we hang out sometimes…"

"Is she straight?" Karin asks, "Is that why it's weird? Does she know you're gay?"

I laugh, "No, she doesn't know. And as to your first question…She's, well, she has a crush on me."

Karin blinks, "You don't sound too excited about that, though. What's the problem?"

I swallow and find the courage to look back at her. After all, she's been in a lot of relationships, so maybe she can give me some advice.

"I just," I start awkwardly, "She's just so totally, _completely_, out of my league."

Karin looks confused, "What do you mean she's out of your league? I mean, she likes you, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure. But she's so…" I make a vague hand gesture, "You know?"

"No, I don't know," Karin says, sounding amused, "But I think I can guess. She's really hot, isn't she?"

I bury my face in my hands, jamming my heel into the couch, "Sorta," I say, in complete and total embarrassment.

"Oh, you're bright red!" Karin says laughingly, "Are you that embarrassed?"

"Shut up," I mutter, still not looking up at her, "I'm not used to talking about stuff like this."

"Oh, c'mon you listen to be ramble on about my feelings all the time."

"Yeah, well, it's easier to listen to than talk about yourself," I say, "And most of these so-called 'feelings' are in fact an ongoing commentary about your sex life."

"Ehh, that's probably true, though I think that it's mostly your fault for getting mushy feelings for this hot girl. That and your prudish sensibilities."

I roll my eyes, "That's not the point. It's just…she's… I don't even know her all that well, you know? We don't have anything in common. I mean, she's in a cosmetology school and I'm, you know, here."

"Well, they do say opposites attract," Karin says, sounding unconvinced.

"Yeah, but I don't want to start something if it's just doomed to fail anyway," I say in what I think is a sensible tone, "If I look at it objectively, it just seems so pointless."

"You seriously need to learn how to live in the moment," Karin tells me, stretching out on the couch, jabbing me in the ribs with a toe, "And I don't mean go out and go something completely insane, but seriously it's not like you have to _marry _this girl if you sleep with her once."

"Karin!"

She snorts, "Okay, fine, the Haruno Sakura equivalent: go on a study date and have a passionate conversation about molecular biology. Actually molecular biology's too cool of a subject for you. How about something like linear algebra?"

"Har, har, har."

"But seriously, Karin continues, "I know you, Sakura. The only reason you're even having this conversation with me is because you like her way more than you're comfortable with."

I make a noncommittal noise.

"C'mon, tell it to me straight, you'd totally sleep with her if you could, right?"

I wince, "Maybe," I say after a while, trying not to think too hard about such a situation. At least not _now. _

Karin gets a triumphant look on her face, but before she can say anything else, my cell phone rings.

"_Yes!"_ I think and fish it out of my pocket, ignoring Karin's groan of : "Sakura, you _have _to get an actual ring tone instead of that ridiculous one that comes with the phone!"

"It's probably my brother wondering where I am," I say, "He always is so overly paranoid about…"

It is not Konohamaru. Crap.

But Karin correctly interprets the look on my face before I can ignore the call and lets out a triumphant shriek.

"It's her, isn't it?" she asks, "The girl you like, right? What was her name again? Answer it!"

"Karin, I'm not going to talk to her in front of y-"

"Answer! Now!"

I reluctantly take the call and hold the phone up to my head, giving Karin a warning glare.

"Uh…Moshi, moshi?"

"Hey, Sakura," Ino says, "We haven't gotten together in a while, so a bunch of us were going to see a movie on Thursday? Wanna come?"

"Umm," I say, aware of Karin's eyes on me, "Sure, sounds like fun."

Which is a total lie, because I'm not really a fan of movies, but whatever.

"What's the movie?" I ask, while Karin, who knows only too well my dislike of the cinema, giggles.

"Oh, it's not a samurai movie, don't worry. It's a horror movie about this girl who moves to a new town…"

I sort of zone out as she describes the movie and glare at Karin, who is mouthing words and phrases that I am definitely _not _going to use in this particular conversation. Or ever for that matter.

"Horror movie, huh?" I say, smiling a bit as I remember the last horror movie we saw together, "Are you going to freak out and hang on me again?"

One, did I really just say that?

Two, I am going to _kill_ Karin.

"Haha, only if you're the person who happens to be sitting next to me," Ino says without an trace of awkwardness, "So, I don't know exactly what time it'll be at, but I'll text you, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I say, distracted by Karin's muffled laughter and the heat in my own cheeks, "See you then."

I hang up and Karin bursts into loud peels of laughter.

"Shut up," I say in annoyance, scowling at her, "I was nervous."

"It's…it's not that's it's all that bad," she says between gasps, "But just that it came out of your…your mouth!

"Ugh, someone please shoot me," I mutter and bury my face in my hands for the second time in fifteen minutes, "And your stupid boyfriend. Him too."

* * *

On Thursday, I go straight home after classes to take a nap as the night before Saya kept the entire family awake because she's started teething. I wake up at about 7:30 to get ready for the movie and stand contemplatively in front of my dresser.

I cross my arms and frown, eyeing its contents thoughtfully, an unusual occurrence in my case. One part of me wants to put on something a bit nicer than usual, something that shows off my recently acquired cleavage. But on the other hand, I don't want to go over the top and look like I'm trying too hard.

After much contemplation, I end up going for baggy shorts and a V-necked tank top that I usually only wear at the Gama Sennin. It's hot out at this time of year after all. …Yeah, that's right.

I put on mascara at the last minute too, before glaring at myself in the mirror and running out to catch the bus.

I'm nearly ten minutes late, so they're all waiting for me when I run up, pathetically out of breath.

"S-Sorry," I pant, looking them over.

Neither Uzumaki, Uchiha, nor Aburame are here, but I guess that's understandable because they all live really far away now, and it _is _a weeknight. I'm surprised that Nara and Hyuuga are here, but maybe they're on summer break already.

"Are you okay, Sa-Sakura-san?" Hinata asks, looking on concernedly as I struggle to catch my breath.

"Yeah, sorry, there was a huge accident on Karasuma," I say, adjusting my bag on my shoulder.

"We'd better hurry and eat dinner or we're going to miss the movie," Inuzuka says impatiently, throwing an arm casually around Hinata's shoulders while Akimichi nods his vehemently.

Ino rolls her eyes, and I give her a smile to show her my complete agreement with this sentiment.

"Alright, alright," she says, "C'mon, try not to starve before we get there, Chouji."

"Hey," he says, "I'm a growing bo…er, man now, I guess."

"That's not really going to be an excuse much longer, man," Nara says, slapping him on the back in the classic male gesture meant to show solidarity. Or something like that.

We eat at some crappy sit-down place where our waitress speaks in an obnoxiously high voice that hurts my ears. I have a cup of coffee because without it I'll probably fall asleep, and get some chicken dish that's pretty decent. However, Ino gets what she describes as the worst soba in the entire history of Japan. It does look pretty nasty, but it seems like such a waste to throw it out.

"I'll take it," I say, reaching across the table to grab her dish. I'm not really hungry, but whatever.

Inuzuka makes a face, "Geez, Haruno, is there anything you don't eat? Last time you even ate _inago _(1) because the restaurant had extra!"

"I'm not really a picky eater," I say shrugging. After all, I couldn't afford to be for almost nine years. It's not like I don't have favorite foods or anything, it's just I don't see any point in refusing perfectly good food, even if it doesn't taste all that good.

Feeling uncomfortable, I shovel some of Ino's nearly untouched, completely overcooked and over seasoned soba into my mouth, blatantly ignoring Hinata's and Hyuuga's looks.

We get dessert and then walk over to the movie theater. The movie starts out pretty normally for a horror movie, at least in my limited experience, and quickly progresses into the main character and his girlfriend being locked into an old castle and having to run away from a crazy zombie samurai. Or something. Apparently it's really scary because Ino keeps hiding her face in her hands and eventually my shoulder. (Yes, she's sitting next to me. Surprise, surprise.)

I would be pleased, but as the coffee had absolutely no effect, I keep getting woken up every time something jumps out of the shadows and Ino freaks out. I don't understand why she likes going to horror movies so much if they obviously scare the crap out of her.

I'm shaken awake as the credits start making their way up the screen and I groggily get to my feet.

"We can hang out at my place again," Akimichi is saying in the distance, "If your mum'll let you, Shikamaru." "Har, har, har, very funny," he replies, "You won't have to be worrying about that for long though, 'cause the second my girlfriend's younger brother graduates from high school I'm moving in with her."

Cold fear at even the offhand mention of _him_ spreads through me, waking me up completely.

"Ooh, are there wedding bells I hear?" Ino teases from beside me, oblivious of how stiff I've gotten.

"Don't be an idiot, Ino…"

We take the subway to Akimichi's apartment building and find, to my relief, that he's completely out of alcohol.

Nara and I have a shougi match, which I end up losing (but only by a little) while Ino, Akimichi, Rock, and Inuzuka take turns singing horrible karaoke, no doubt horrifying the neighbors in the process. I take on Hyuuga next and win, much to his chagrin, and resist the urge to do a victory dance around the small room. I play Hinata next, but since she doesn't know how to play shougi Nara feels obliged to help her…and well, I lose.

"You're really not all that bad," Nara says around one o'clock, after he beats me for the fourth time that night, "Where'd you learn to play?"

"Through a book actually," I say, frowning, "And don't flatter me, I know I'm rusty. I haven't played for years."

The last time I played was when I was about fifteen, I think. There was this old guy on the streets like me who always kept a set on him. Sometimes we'd bet stuff (which Tenten always hated) but other times we'd just play for fun. I'd played with him for about eight months until he just disappeared, and I never saw nor heard of him after that.

It seems so strange to think about him and that time in my life. It was only four years ago, but it seems like several lifetimes away. Almost like someone else's life.

Hinata and Hyuuga play next, and I make a spur of the moment decision and text Konohamaru to tell him that I'm staying overnight. I'll probably get more sleep here than over there, and the only class that I really have to go to starts at three in the afternoon.

Soon after Hyuuga, Hinata, and Inuzuka leave to catch the last train home, and Nara, Akimichi, Rock, and I get to hear Ino argue with her mother over the phone about whether she's allowed to stay the night.

"I give up," Ino says, "I'll talk to you in the morning. I don't have time for your shit now."

She hangs up and groans, turning off her phone and throwing it into her purse, "God, I hate her," she says, "You'd think I was _twelve_ how she talks."

"Just nine more months until you graduate, though," Nara says encouragingly.

"And then I'm out of that hellhole," she says, pumping her fist into the air.

For some reason, Rock and Akimichi don't look as pleased by this prospect, but neither of them say anything.

Nara changes the subject quickly and Akimichi throws us some blankets and pulls out some old school martial arts movie to watch on his dilapidated television. It's pretty boring in the beginning and I fall asleep before the first fight scene.

* * *

I'm not sure how long I sleep, but when I wake up, Ino is gone and Rock, Akimichi, and Nara are in the middle of a conversation about her.

"…she just needs some time to figure everything out," Nara is saying, "It's something she needs to do alone. We can't just barge in and demand that she talk to us…"

I keep my eyes closed, but very slowly tilt my head towards them. Hey, they're the ones who are having a conversation about her right in front of me. It's their problem if I can hear them.

"I'm worried about her, though," Akimichi says, and he sure as hell sounds like it, "I mean, seriously, Shikamaru, we've known her since…well, forever. And to me it seems like she's been slipping back into…you know, where she was in middle school."

"She won't," Nara says determinedly, "Believe me. Once she's done with school and moves out, everything will be fine."

"I didn't know her in middle school," Rock says in a concerned tone, "But she has seemed edgy lately…"

"It's that other group that she's been hanging out with since 1st year," Akimichi says angrily, which surprises me. He doesn't seem like the type to get mad easily. "Ami and that lot. A couple months ago…she thought she could trust them, so she told them that sh-"

"-thought they were fakes and hated their guts, of course," Nara says quickly.

"Uhh, no that's not what-" Akimichi starts, but trails off suddenly.

"Haruno," Nara says in a low voice, which makes my blood run cold, "Are you awake?"

Shit!

I groan softly and turn over onto my side, "What?" I mumble, trying to sound like they just woke me up.

I open my eye blearily to find them all staring at me, faces pale and eyes wide.

"What?" I ask in a confused voice, "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"N-Nothing," Akimichi says, looking relieved. Nara, however, does not and continues to look suspiciously at me.

"Wh-What time is it?" I ask, rubbing my eyes and adding in a fake yawn. I know, I'm good.

"Around four," Rock says, glancing between Akimichi and Nara apprehensively.

"Where's Ino?" I ask casually, lying back down and fluffing the pillow a little.

"Bathroom," Nara replies, still looking suspicious.

I make a guttural sound from the back of my throat and close my eyes again, trying to get comfortable.

There is absolute silence until Ino returns from the bathroom and then they start talking about what's going on in their lives; how Nara's uni classes are going, how Ino is having trouble with a certain type of manicure, how Rock just got a raise at his job as a martial arts instructor, and how Akimichi has started taking night classes for traditional Japanese cooking to help with his day job at a local restaurant. Stuff like that. It's interesting for a while, but eventually I doze off again.

The strange thing is, is that hearing about Ino's issues actually make me feel better about the whole…thing. At least we have one thing in common: we're both pretty fucked up.

* * *

Sunshine is streaming through the windows of Akimichi's apartment when I wake up next, and Nara's foot is right next to my face. I grimace and push myself up into a seated position, wiping gunk of my eyes. Rock is curled up in a ball under the a window, and Akimichi's is sprawled out on his futon. Ino is nowhere in sight, so she probably went home already.

I get up to my feet, feeling stupid for wincing at the soreness that comes from sleeping on hard surfaces. After all, shouldn't I be used to it?

"You're really getting soft," I mutter to myself, "All that sleeping in beds is going to do you in one of these days."

How? Who knows, but with my luck it will happen.

I go to the bathroom to wash off my face and try to get rid of them mascara stains under my eyelids. To my horror, I realize that my top got shifted while I was sleeping and that just about everyone in the room probably saw my purple, sparkly bra. Dammit.

I adjust the shirt until I'm satisfied I won't flash half of Konoha on my way back to get my books, grab my bag and nearly run into Ino on my out.

"I-Ino!" I say, in that embarrassing high pitched voice people use when they're really surprised, "I…I thought you left."

"I was just raiding Chouji's kitchen," she says, looking perfect (of course) even after spending the night on the floor.

She holds up what looks like a package of Anpan (2). "Want some?"

For breakfast? "No thanks," I say, "I'll eat on my way to classes…and I should probably get going anyway."

She raises an eyebrow, "You sure?" she asks, shifting forward a little.

For a split second I glance down at ruffly lace shirt and tight vest she's wearing before I meet her eyes again.

"I'm good," I say with a weak smile, "See you."

"Talk to you later," she says, waving.

I give her an awkward sort of nod and then close the door of Akimichi's apartment behind me.

This is why it would never work, I think as I walk down three flights of stairs to the street below. I'm just an awkward person when it comes to any sort of relationship. I'm even awkward with simple friendships, so an actual, _romantic_ relationship could only end up in flames.

I'm walking out of the apartment building and onto the street, when I hear the door of the building thrown open, the front colliding with the brick wall.

I spin around to see Ino leaning against the door frame panting like she just ran down all three flights.

"Are you okay?" I asks, because she looks like she's going to keel over any second.

"Y-Yeah," she says, stepping forward onto the steps leading up to the building, "I just needed to ask you something."

"Okay," I say, wondering what could be so important that she couldn't just call me.

"Umm…I was wondering," she starts and then stops, bringing up a hand to cup the back of her neck, "I was wondering if you wanna, you know, go out somewhere…sometime."

I blink, "Well, I have exams in about a week," I reply, even more confused as to why she decided to run to catch up with me, "But after that, sure, I'm free."

She stares at me for a second and then winces.

"Oh, no, that's not what I mean-Shit, I'm going about this completely wrong, aren't I?"

I bite back the knee-jerk response of "Okay…" and settle for just saying nothing.

"Look, I-" she starts and then stops again, grimacing.

"Yes?" I say, starting to get impatient.

"Okay," she says finally, avoiding my eyes, "Okay, I'm about to make a complete fool of myself, so just bear with me, alright?"

"Okay…" I say, frowning curiously.

She brings her eyes back up to mine and takes a deep breath.

"So," she says, "I like you. I like you a lot. I mean…I like you more than a friend. N-Not that you're not a good friend! I mean, I like your personality and everything, but I also kind of like your boobs. And that…general, um, thing," she pauses, bright red at this point, makes a fast sort of circular hand motion and continues, talking very quickly, "I just…I have crush on you. I've pretty much had a crush on you for, like, five years. So. So, I was wondering if you'd like…I was wondering if you wanna go out. As in a date. Sometime. After your exams. Yes."

"Oh," I say, "That…that makes a lot more sense."

"Huh?"

"Well," I say, still not completely understanding the ramifications of what she just said, "I was kind of wondering why you ran all the way down the stai-Five years? _Really_?"

She goes even redder, a feat I had not imagined possible, "I, well," she stutters, which I don't think I've ever seen her do before, "Well, you were in my Literature class 1st year and-"

It's at this point that I realize not only what she just said, but also that I am very, very embarrassed, possibly even more embarrassed than her.

"-I always thought you were kind of, you know, interesting, so…do you _really_ want me to do this?"

"O-On second thought," I say, cheeks burning like the fires of hell, "I think I'm good."

"Right," she says, swallowing nervously, but still managing to keep her eyes locked with mine, "Thank you. That's…because that would be embarrassing. More than this already is. Did I mention the part about me making a fool of myself? I mean- listen to me I'm babbling and I really, _really_ cannot sto- I'm just…I'm really, _really_ sorry. You'd think I'd be good at this. But I'm not. At all. It's just…it's been so long-"

"Ino-" I interject, but she just goes on talking in that same super fast manner.

"-you know? Five years. Which I said. Already." She frowns, reaching back to fiddle with her ponytail awkwardly. "Do you think I shouldn't have said the five years part? It sounded so good in my head, but now I'm thinking it's sounds kind of creepy, especially since we haven't even been friends two and-"

"Ino-" I try again.

"-this is the point where I should stop talking, right? I'm trying, you know, but it's…I do this whenever I'm nervous, which you don't do, do you? I mean, you don't say anything when you're nervous which I think is kind of cool, or, you know, at least better than what I do-what I'm doing right now, so-"

"Ino!" I nearly shout, "Shut up!"

She does, clamping her mouth shut with almost frightening alacrity, eyes very wide.

"Or," I say, realizing that that sounded kind of mean, "Just, like, be quiet. For a second, okay? I-I'll…" And then, without consulting my brain at all, "Yes. I'll, you know…Yes, okay?"

"'Yes?'" Ino repeats, looking rather thunderstruck, "Yo-You did hear the part about the date, right?"

"Yes," I say, my blush, which had disappeared during her ridiculous tangent, back in full force, "I did hear that. Twice."

"Oh," she says, looking shocked, as if she hadn't expected me to say yes at all, "O-Okay, then."

I nod slowly, swallowing back stupid questions like "Do you _really_ like me?" or "Seriously, _five_ years?" or even "Is it really that obvious that I'm completely and utterly gay?"

"So," Ino says after an awkward silence that seems to stretch on forever, "Ne-Next week then? I mean, I don't exactly know my sch-schedule, but-"

"You can, you know, text me," I suggest, still a little red.

"Yeah," she says, looking a little sheepish, "I mean, I can do that."

"Okay then."

"R-Right," Ino stutters, flushing for the umpteenth time in the past ten minutes, "Umm, so I'll see you then?"

"Yes," I say, rather amused despite myself.

"Okay," she replies, "Okay. S-So I kind of have to go, uh, back," She gestures towards the windows of Chouji's apartment, "before I say anything else stupid."

I glance down at my watch and wince, "Yeah, I have to head home for my stuff before classes."

"Right," she says, nodding and backing up at the same time, nearly tripping over the steps. I bite back a smile. It's actually…sort of cute.

"O-Okay," I say, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly, "See you then."

She smiles weakly and goes back inside the building. I watch her until the doors shuts and she's out of sight. I turn, sticking my hands into my pockets and make my way down the street, all the while with an obscene grin on my face. I probably look ridiculous, but I feel sort of strange, calm, like life is finally starting to make sense.

It's only when I'm on the bus halfway home that I understand the magnitude of the situation I'm in.

"Fuck," I say aloud, in front of a busload of business men, mothers, children, and the elderly, "_Fuck_. What am I going to _wear_?"

(1) Stewed grasshoppers. Not a particularly popular or common delicacy in Japan (or possibly anywhere else.)

(2) Bread with sweet bean paste in the center. Actually not as weird tasting as it sounds.

**A/N: Hey, people! It's been a while, I know. I'm pretty sure some of you thought I had abandoned this, but fear not! I will soldier on! And on…and on… (This fic is getting really long, isn't it! We're almost at thirty chapters!)**

**Also, sorry for the cliffhanger (sorta?) I was going to add in the actual date, but then it got so long…and I might have got a little lazy…and of course, I thought you'd want to see this chapter as soon as possible. Of course.**

**Anyways, not much to say (except for the obligatory apology for the several month long wait) so please review!**


	29. Point of Divergence

Chapter Twenty-Nine-

"You're wearing _that_?" Konohamaru asks in horror, pushing himself off my bed, "No. Absolutely not."

"What?" I protest tiredly, gesturing down at my outfit, "This is _fine_. I'm not changing again! I have to leave in twenty minutes and I promised your mom I would wipe down the counters."

"Screw the counters," he says flippantly, with a dash of his left hand, "This is a disaster that must be dealt with here and now."

"Make up your mind," I say, scowling and tapping my foot impatiently on the wooden floor, "This is the fourth time you've had me change."

"That's because you just keep alternating different pairs of t-shirts and jeans!" he cries, rolling his eyes at my baggy jeans and faded red t-shirt with the logo of a sports company stamped on it. "I told you, you have to wear a skirt for dates. That's the rule."  
"That's a stupid rule," I tell him flatly, "And I only have mini-skirts for work, and I'm _not_ wearing one of those."

"It's a _date_!" he repeats, as if this is supposed to mean something, "You're _supposed_ to dress-up!"

"I don't..." I start and then stop. He looks at me expectantly, and I grumble out the rest under my breath, "I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard."

He snorts in laughter, "Which is why I didn't suggest you wear a dress. For you, that _would_ be trying too hard."

"I'm still not wearing a skirt," I say stubbornly, flipping through my open shirt drawer that looks like a hurricane hit it for a nicer shirt.

"Yes, you are-" Konohamaru starts, but then pauses and gets a disturbing grin on his face, "Wait, I've got it!"

Then he jumps off my bed, slippers screeching against the floorboards, and rushes out of my room and down the hall.

"What are you doing?" I call worriedly, sticking my head out the door. I do _not_ like the look on his face.

"Okaa-san!" he shouts, entering the room that used to be Sarutobi's but is now Yoshiko's to my abject horror, "I'm borrowing one of your skirts!"

"_What?_" Asuma's voice comes from Sarutobi's old office. I head the sound of wheels against wood and a second later he slides his head out the door as well, looking rather horrified, "Why?"

"Nee-san's got a date!" he practically bellows and I wince.

Sarutobi turns to look at me and I can see the question on his face as clear as if he had asked it aloud: _Boy or girl?_

"Oh, congratulations, Sakura-san," Kurenai says, coming up the stairs with Saya latched onto her right breast. I give her a weak smile, but then have to turn away. It's not like she doesn't have nice boobs (actually, they are rather fantastic in their own right) but breast-feeding creeps me out.

"Is he from one of your classes?" she continues, adjusting Saya against her chest.

"Agh..." I say awkwardly, finding myself in a position between being caught lying to Kurenai by Konohamaru and possibly Asuma (depending on how seriously he took Sarutobi all those months ago) and telling something very personal about myself to a women I don't know very well at all.

Fortunately, Asuma comes to my rescue.

"Is Yoshiko downstairs?" he asks his wife quickly, "It'd probably be best that she knows her son is rooting through all her clothing."

"Hey, don't say it like that!" Konohamaru protests, his voice slightly muffled by I don't want to know what.

I make eye-contact with Asuma briefly and give him a slight nod in thanks. He doesn't give any sign of acknowledgment except a twitch of his lips and then rolls back into his office.

I walk cautiously across the hallway into Yoshiko's room while Kurenai goes down to find her.

"Here, this one's decent," Konohamaru says as I enter and throws a pencil skirt at me.

"Yeah, if I were a _secretary_," I scowl and deposit it on the bed.

"What about this one?" he says, turning around and displaying a colorful floral patterned skirt on a hanger.

"Great, if I want to _blind_ her," I say rather childishly.

"What?" he squawks, turning to look at it, "It looks fine to me."

I scowl and wonder why I thought it was a good idea to ask a fifteen year-old boy if my clothes looked decent before I left house.

"It's _fine_," he repeats in what is probably meant to be a reassuring tone, "Look, if you wear this, I'll let you wear a t-shirt _and _ your creepy earrings."

I give the skirt a second look. It's not _that_ bad I suppose. Rather girly for my tastes, but then again, I am the girl that named herself 'Sakura.'

"Fine," I say decisively and grab at it, "You're cleaning the counters, then."

"Deal," he says, relinquishing the skirt and I go back to my room to change.

I end up trading my t-shirt for yet another red shirt, this time one with some nonsensical English phrase on it, and then I'm off. Well, first Konohamaru yells at me for not having a purse to put my wallet and cellphone in (the skirt has no pockets.) I was just going to bring my school bag, but apparently that is also taboo, so I end up grabbing my jean jacket even though it's a little warm and the pockets bulge annoying when I put my shit in them and run out the door before Kurenai can ask me more about my "mystery (and also presumably male) date" or Konohamaru can throw a fit about my sandals which may or may not be falling apart.

It's only when I've sat down on the bus and look at my made-up face's reflection in the window that I start to think about what is actually going on here.

Fuck, what I am I going to say? What is _she_ going tosay? I can't even act like we're just two friends hanging out, because we're doing the whole lunch-and-a-movie thing and what if the movie's awful? Am I supposed to pretend I like it? Is the skirt too much? Did I remember to shut my bedroom door before I left? What if it gets really awkward? What if a waiter realizes we're on a date and asks us to leave? Shit, I can't even remember the name of the movie!

The thing about being, well, me, is that even when I realized I was a lesbian and had a crush on Ino, I never thought it was a really big deal because I just assumed because I'm so fucked up I would never end up getting in a relationship with anyone, male or female. Liking women and liking Ino was there, but I would just ignore it like so many other things I ignore about myself every single day and everything would be fine. Unfortunately, that plan went out the window the second Ino asked me out and now I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.

I bite my lip nervously, a bad habit I've had for ages, and proceed to get lip gloss all over my front teeth. I try and wipe it off with my hand and then it gets all over there as well and then my hair, which I've been meaning to cut for a while but haven't gotten around to it, gets stuck on my lips too and by the time the bus reaches my stop I'm ready to throw myself out a window.

I get this familiar nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach as I exit the bus at the shopping center and head towards the the restaurant.

It's an okonomiyaki place that I haven't been to before (I never really spent all that much time on this side of town, after all.) It's nice, but not _too_ nice, which is a relief because I might've freaked out even more if it was some expensive traditional place. Ino is already there, sitting in a table at the far end of the restaurant, and suddenly I wonder what the proper etiquette for paying is if we're both girls. She's studying the menu when I enter the room, but looks up and sees me, waving me over with a grin.

"Hi," I say casually, sliding into the seat across from hers and removing my jacket, "Sorry if I kept you waiting."

"Nah, I just got here too," she replies and hands me the other menu.

I eye her clothing speculatively (she's wearing a short purple dress with a sash around the middle, not like I'll ever tell Konohamaru though) and then glance down at the menu quickly before she notices me staring. Her hair's up in a messy looking bun too, and she looks really, really prett-_Stop, thinking about it, Haruno, focus!_

"I've...never actually been to an actual okonomiyaki restaurant before," I say, desperate to start a conversation.

It works. She raises her head from the menu, eyebrows raised in surprised.

"Really?" she questions, putting an elbow on the varnished wood surface in front of her and leaning in, "How have you never had okonomiyaki before?"

"Oh, no, I've had it before," I clarify, shifting around in my seat a little nervously, "Just, you know, take-out and stuff, though. I've never made it myself or anything."

Inexplicably, she laughs, her lips curving into a smile, "That's so strange," she says, "I mean, my dad was born in Osaka, so I grew up going to places like this. He always said okonomiyaki reminded him of his childhood."

Augh, parents. Can we not talk about them? She has this strange sort of wistful look on her face as she talks about her dad, but thankfully the waitress comes then and asks us what we want to drink.

"I'll have a peach smoothie," Ino says, leaning back in her chair with a casual air that I'm honestly surprised at given the last time I was face-to-face with her.

"Just water," I murmur when the waitress turns to me.

She scribbles it down on her pad of paper and heads back to the kitchen.

"So," Ino says, putting down her menu, obviously having decided what she wants, "How are your classes going?"

It gets a little easier after that. I get rant to her about my completely unfair Japanese History after 1945 grade, and she gets to complain about all the shallow people she goes to school with. (Seriously, though, the only reason the professor marked me down is because he's some crazy nationalist and got pissed at me because I wrote in my paper that the Chinese may have a reason for hating our guts.)

Maybe talking about school seems a little cheap, but hey, I _like_ school.

I order pork, Ino orders kimchi (1), and she laughs at my _utter failure_ to make a pancake that doesn't immediately fall apart when I try and flip it over. Despite the utter failure, it's actually kind of fun pouring the batter onto the iron griddle and trying out the different topping and sauces. Ino is an okonomiyaki-eating _pro_. She can eat it off the grill with the huge spatulas that are provided instead of chopsticks without burning her mouth. I tried and, needless to say, did not succeed .

And when all else fails, Karin's exploits are a perfect talking point.

"...so, we're sitting in her room at three in the morning doing...fuck, I have no idea," I'm saying, gesturing with both hands, "and the people in the apartment next to hers start blasting really loud music. Not that Karin has a problem with really loud music, but it's this awful whiny pop stuff, so after a while she goes to bang on their door and yell at them to turn it off."

Ino snickers prematurely, even though she has no idea where this is going, taking another sip of her smoothie.

"But, you know, after a while, she still hasn't come back. So Juugo and I, Juugo's a junior who Karin knew in high school, go over and knock on the door to see what's going on. Turns out they're a bunch of potheads with one of those vaporizer things and they're all _completely_ baked."

"Oh, god," Ino chuckles, "I'll bet you weren't pleased."

"Understatement of the year," I deadpan, and continue with my story, "Karin tells us to come in and hang out and I'm like 'no fucking way, get out of there, you know how much trouble you could get in, etc, etc.'"

"How responsible of you."

"Juugo, who is a complete pushover, by the way, just bails, leaving me with about twenty high people and Karin, who is _ridiculous _when she's even in the same room as weed," I say, grimacing at the memory, "So I turn off the vaporizer and open all the windows when no one's looking, because honestly, it was a miracle they hadn't set off the fire alarm, and spend the rest of the night babysitting Karin and making sure she doesn't fall out of the window or light herself on fire."

"Okay, now I know you're fucking with me," Ino interjects, tapping her chopsticks against the grill succinctly, "She lit herself on _fire_?"

"She _would have _if I didn't steal her lighter," I say darkly, "But that's not even the worst of it. A couple days later, they knock on her door and are like, "hi, we just wanted to invite you over tonight, we're having another party, and, hey, bring your friend with the dye-job, she seemed pretty cool!""

She laughs then, and I bite my lip in order to not join in.

"So I basically spent the next six months hiding from her neighbors until she got her new place," I admit wryly, "It was pretty embarrassing. There may have been an incident involving me crouching behind a vending machine for over fifteen minutes, but I won't go into that."

"Your uncanny ability to avoid socialization is seriously disturbing," she says grinning and leaning forward on her elbows, causing me to strain against the urge to look down the front of her dress.

"Hey, I'm not that bad," I say uncomfortably.

She raises an immaculately shaped eyebrow, "You sat in the library during the lunch until 3th year when Naruto _forcefully_ dragged you to eat with us."

"Okay, _maybe_ you have a point," I admit, faux-disgruntled, "But, hey, I'm eating lunch with you right no-," I pause and look down at my watch, "Oh, no, have I used up my socialization quota for today? I guess I'd better go!"

"Har, har, har," Ino says, rolling her eyes, "Sit down. It took me ages to get the guts to ask you out, I won't have you running off on me."

I fight down a blush, "C'mon, now, seriously though..." I say, grimacing awkwardly.

"What, it's true!" she says honestly, with no trace of embarrassment, "Seriously, you saw me, I was fucking _shaking_."

I shift around uncomfortably in my seat, "You were better than me," I mumble, looking at her eyebrow instead of in the eyes, "I didn't even know what you were _talking_ about at first."

"True," she says, smiling at me in a way that makes my inhale a little too sharply, "So, the movie starts in fifteen minutes, you wanna head over to the theater now?"

I nod gratefully, and we split the bill. I'm vaguely annoyed that my lip gloss has disappeared, but we'll be in the theater, so I guess it doesn't really matter. Hopefully the movie will be good.

* * *

It's not. At all.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Ino says incredulously, "Why the hell is she still dating him?"

"Obviously, she has major self-esteem issues," I say patronizingly, talking a noisy sip of my overpriced, yet addictive soda, "If she had any brains, she would have ditched him ages ago instead of whining over him all the time."

"Her bitchy friend should just get together with him," Ino replies, sounding irritated, but I can't see her expression in the dark, "They deserve each-other."

I give an unattractive snort of laughter.

"...and then _she_ can get together with that hot waitress in the first scene," she continues.

"Fortunately, I don't really see that happening."

"_Fortunately_?" Ino questions, turning away from the screen to look at me in the dark, half of her face highlighted by the ridiculous teen-drama playing on the screen.

"She's sixteen!" I protest, "That's _illegal..._in most prefectures anyways."

"You take a great deal of stock in rules, don't you?" she asks, amused at my argument.

_"Oh, you are so wrong it's not even funny,"_ I think in half amusement and half uneasiness.

"Oh, god, it's only the first twenty minutes of this and I'm already considering suicide," Ino moans, somewhat untactfully, "You wanna get out of here?"

"_Please._"

* * *

We go sit down at a coffee shop across the street. I still have my soda, but Ino orders some ridiculous "flavored coffee" drink which sounds disgusting and I wonder what we're going to do for the rest of this date thing.

"They have a bunch of cool shops around here," Ino says tentatively, drumming her fingers unconsciously against the wooden surface of the small table, "We could go window-shopping or whatever if you want."

"Sure," I say, shrugging my shoulders casually, "I'm up for anything."

She bites the inside of her cheek and tilts her head to look at me carefully, while I try valiantly not blush.

"Hey," she says after a few seconds, closing the magazine she was flipping through, "You have anywhere to be later?"

"I've got to work tonight," I reply, wondering why she's asking, "But my shift starts at nine."

Ino doesn't seem to register the odd time and continues to look pensive.

"What did you have in mind?" I ask curiously.

"Well..." she starts hesitantly, "I was thinking...there was this advertisement for a new exhibit at the Institute of Medicine and Science...something about some guy named Kisato Shasoburo, or something like that..."

"Kitasato Shibasaburou?" I exclaim, "Really? Wow, he's supposed to be one the greatest bacteriologists..." At Ino's blank look, I clarify, "Discovered the pathogen that caused the bubonic plague? Founded Kitasato University?"

"Still have nooo clue," Ino says wryly, "Anyway, it said they had a bunch of his stuff and even some video presentation about him, so if you wanted to..." She trails of shyly and I suddenly realize the absurdity of the situation.

"You want to take me to a science museum?" I ask carefully, "To see an exhibit on some guy you've never even heard of?"

Her cheeks turn red and she grins a little nervously, tucking her bangs behind her ears compulsively, "Sure, I mean, I like going to museums...and I haven't been to the Institute since middle school for a some field trip."

I cannot believe she wants to take me to a museum. A science museum! Even Karin and Juugo don't really like going to museums so I had to go to the Nature and Science museum in Tokyo by myself.

_"Can I marry you_?" I think dazedly.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll treat," Ino says quickly, mistaking my silence for hesitation, "I'm the one who asked you out, after all."

"Oh, no, it's not that," I say, "I'd love to go. I haven't been since middle school either. Been too busy, I guess."

Okay, the last part is a total lie, I just didn't have the money to pay, but the sentiment of the statement still rings true.

"Great!" she says excitedly, "We can take the bus to the subway and go from there. I'm pretty sure it has its own stop."

We're going to a science museum! This is officially the best date ever.

It takes us about half an hour to get there and we have to wait in line for a while (Saturday's a big day for going to museums, I guess,) but eventually we get in. Ino insists on paying for me, which is a little uncomfortable, but I'm soon distracted from my misgivings by SCIENCE!

"So this guy did all this stuff with antitoxins or whatever and they only name a _flask_ after him?" Ino asks, leaning against the exhibit glass, despite the sign that clearly asks museum goers not to.

"It does seem unfair considering all the crap that gets named after pop-idols," I say, eyeing Kitasato's ancient-looking notebook inside the glass case, "Did you know most people don't even know who invented the _television_?"

Ino gives me a strange, sideways look.

"Uh, you know," I say quickly, realizing my mistake, "I mean, scientists never get the credit. It's always about generals and politicians. That's why I dislike history; all the focus is put on the wrong stuff."

"And here I thought history is stupid because it's boring," Ino grins.

"Well that, too," I smile back, "You don't have to take history classes, right?"

"Nope, finished with that shit forever!" Ino says, tapping her brightly painted nails on the glass softly, "You too?"

I shake my head, "Nah, Todai's weird. I have to fulfill core subject requirements outside my major during the first two years. But I'll be done with history after this semester, thank go-Ooh, look they have a section on his work with Shiga Kiyoshi in Hong Kong!"

Ino snickers as I skip ahead to the next glass case and skim over the sign outlining Kitasato's relationship with his student Shiga leading to the latter's discovery of the bacterium causing dysentery.

"Ugh, they have the original petri dishes and everything?" Ino asks coming to join me in front of the case, "Isn't that unsanitary?" she asks, gesturing towards the tan colored muck dried on the sides of the glass dishes.

"I'm sure they wouldn't have them here if it wasn't safe," I say excitedly, "This is so cool, I can't believe they managed to find all this stuff. Usually it would have been just dumped somewhere after they were done with it."

"You want a picture?" Ino jokes, mouth curved in amusement.

"I don't think we're allowed to take pictures," I reply absentmindedly, gesturing to the curt sign next to the display case, "Oh, wow, I didn't know they were both alumni of Todai."

Ino frowns, "Doesn't it say Tokyo Imperial University?"

"That's the old name. It was changed to University of Tokyo after the Great Pacific War," I murmur, impressed, "But, seriously though, I knew we had a couple of Nobel Prize winners, but this is pretty cool too."

"A _couple _of Nobel Prize winners?" Ino repeats incredulously, "Geez, you have your work cut out for you, don't you?"

I turn away from the exhibit to look at her, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know," she says, one side of her mouth curling upwards deviously, "You always did have to be the best at everything in high school."

I frown, "That's not true."

She raises an eyebrow and I relent, "Okay, maybe a little. But only in academics! I never really cared about gym or home ec."

She tilts her head to the side, leaning it lightly against the glass, posture casual and somewhat decadent at the same time, "Mmm, take care not to make any historic discoveries too soon though. You'll have nothing left to do."

I blink, too stunned to do anything but watch her stand straight and smooth out her dress, feeling warm inside, strange and _touched_. Most people've never really taken my interest in math and science seriously, just sort of scoffed and told me I was too much of a nerd.

"So," she says, smiling innocently, all evidence of mischief gone, the wicked glint in her eye fading fast, "Let's take that picture."

"W-What?" I ask, rather confused, "Picture?"

She rolls her eyes, "Of us with the petri dishes of bubonic plague, of course."

She gets out her phone and flips it open, "C'mere," she says, grabbing my shoulder and presses us close together, cheek to cheek, "Smile!"

It's an awful picture as I'm too busy staring at her to smile, but the display to the left of us shows up pretty well for a picture taken by a camera phone, so I'm content. I'm not one of the those people who care much about their appearance in photos anyway.

Except, we really aren't supposed to take pictures, even on a camera phone, and one of the security guards in the fancy uniforms starts walking toward us irritably.

"_Excuse_ me," he says, and I stiffen up, at least five excuses on the top of my mind, fighting for dominance, but Ino takes one look at the guy and shouts, "Run!" and grabs my hand, pulling me off in the direction of the exit.

"What?" I splutter as she tugs me up the stairs, "_Ino_, c'mon, he wasn't going to kick us out! He was just going to -"

"Well, that's no fun," she says, grinning, and then we stop, leaning against a wall next to a statue of a giant strand of DNA.

"Think we've escaped?" Ino asks conspiratorially.

"I think we'll live to see the night," I reply dryly, raising a rude eyebrow at an elderly man who's staring at us until he looks away.

"Ooh, hey, there's a gift shop!" Ino says excitedly, and I groan in vain as I'm pulled away from an exhibit on James D. Watson.

Eh, it's okay, he's an asshole anyway.

"Apparently, I can buy a shot-glass with a stethoscope on it," I say a few minutes later, looking disdainfully over the touristy shit that the gift shop is full of. They only have one shelf of books and that's _it. _What is wrong with these people?

"Ugh, why would you want to?" Ino asks, looking at a package of obligatory bouncy balls in amusement, "I can think of much better things to put on a shot-glass."

I roll my eyes and start flipping through a book on evolution.

"Hey, look, they have t-shirts!" Ino says in a gleeful tone that I've grown to become wary of, "You should totally get one!"

I look over the ¥10 pieces of crap and try not to wince at their dull green and gray colors and ugly block kanji proclaiming, "Konoha Institute of Medicine and Science."

"Even _I_," I say slowly, "wouldn't wear that. And that's saying something."

"Eh, your fashion sense isn't that bad," Ino says, looking up to grin at me, "I mean, hey, I got you into a skirt, didn't I?"

I feel myself blush and try to think of a good response to that.

_"What? No you didn't. This is something I totally wear all the time!" _or _"All my other clothes were in the laundry, so, you see, I had no choice," _or even _"I was abducted by aliens and they forced this horrid piece of clothing on me against my will. How do I look?"_

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I grumble, turning away in embarrassment to stare unseeingly down at the evolution book.

"What? It looks good on you," Ino says, abandoning the t-shirt rack and coming to stand next to me at the bookshelf, leaning her forearm against the wood.

My eyes dart over to her and then back again quickly, my shoulders stiffening up against my will. I make an uncomfortable sound in the back of my throat and hope she'll get the picture and leave it.

"I'm totally embarrassing you right now, aren't I?" she asks, voice low and close and fuck, we're in a goddamn _gift shop_.

"Pretty much," I say, trying and failing to sound casual.

"Hmm," she says, moving back out of my personal space, "Pity."

That gets my attention, and I turn to face her, vaguely insulted.

Her grin is cheeky, and she doesn't look away. I raise an eyebrow confrontationally, refusing to back down, but her smile only widens. This lasts for about a minute.

Somewhere in the middle of all this I realize that this is quite a lot of sexual tension to be having on the first date and hey, who knew sexual tension could be so uncomfortable or even, you know..._sexual_.

"You gonna relent?" Ino asks in a perfectly cool tone. Bitch.

"Nope."

"Guessssss, we'll be here all day then, won't we?" she says whispers and _fuck_, that's hot.

"Looks like it," I reply stubbornly.

"You know I'm a pro at this. I'm so gonna win," she says idly.

"I'm better."

"I've had tones of practice. I win staring contests with my mother all the time."

"I stared down Gai-sensei in 2nd year in order to get out of swimming."

"Touché."

There is a quiet cough and we both whirl around to see the shopgirl standing in front of us.

"Excuse me," she says purposefully, "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Nope, we were just leaving, thanks," Ino says cheerfully.

The shopgirl looks between us carefully and then turns away, a look of disgust on her face.

I scowl and pocket the stethoscope shot-glass on our way out in revenge.

* * *

"That was fun!" Ino says happily as we take the subway back from the museum, "Who knew museums could be so fun when you don't have a teacher bossing you around the whole time?"

"Yeah, I always hated that," I reply, "It really is so much nicer to wander around by yourself."

"Oh, here's our stop," she says, and we get off into the main station, "Where're you headed now?"

"I've got to take a bus," I say.

"Me too," she pauses, "So, um, I guess I'll see you..."

"I'll come with you," I say suddenly, without consulting my brain, "I don't have anything else to do anyway."

"Okay," she says brightly, grinning brilliantly, and I feel ridiculously giddy.

We talk about school more on the bus ride back, what people from high school are doing, how Tanizaki from Class 4D is pregnant and that Hatake quit and started up his own psychology practice. I'm not sure how Ino knows all of this, maybe she had friends who were underclassman, but I'm more surprised over how _easy_ it is to talk to her now. Over lunch I was constantly thinking of things to say, trying to keep the conversation going, but now it just kind of flows. It feels good and comfortable and _insane_, making me so glad I came.

I walk her home from the bus stop (just like the awful, cliché-ridden movie we saw the first twenty minutes of,) and she swoons melodramatically.

"Oh, my knight in shining armor," she says exaggeratedly, "Whatever would I do without you?"

"You might be, oh, I dunno, _bored_ on your way home," I reply, "It's a good thing I came along. You might never have survived."

"But think of the danger!" she continues, jumping up on the curb of the road, gesturing dramatically, "I might have been accosted by Murasaki-san next door on his daily eight o' clock walk!"

"It's only seven thirty, I think you'll live."

We continue in this ridiculous vein until we reach her house.

"I'd invite you in," Ino says, dropping the act and looking slightly nervous, "But my mother's home and she...well..."

"She doesn't know?" I ask, not particularly shocked, "That you're..."

"No," she laughs, shaking her head and leaning against her door, "God, no. Yours?"

"No clue," I say truthfully, "To tell you the truth, I don't think they're all that interested."

"I wish my mom wasn't interested," Ino grumbles, "She's always trying to set me up with her friends' sons."

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it," she says, making a face, "But what are we talking about her for?"

She pauses and tucks her hair behind her ears nervously.

"Look," she says slowly, "I had a really good time today..."

"M-Me too," I say quickly.

"Yeah!" she says, smiling, "So, you...you wanna do this again sometime?"

"Yeah," I nod, probably blushing up a storm, "Definitely."

"So," she says, pushing herself off the door, "I'll, I'll call you then?"

"Yeah," I repeat, knowing I probably sound like an idiot.

"Good," she says softly, taking a step closer to me, "So..."

Then, without warning, or with ample warning that apparently I am too stupid to decipher, she leans in, eyelids at half-mast.

I take one very large step back and almost fall off her doorstep, "Ino!"

Her eyes snaps open, "S-Sorry," she stutters, blushing horribly, "Sorry, I shouldn't have assum-"

"No," I blurt out quickly, heart hammering stupidly in my chest, "I was just...I haven't exactly..."

Later, I will reflect on this and realize that it probably gave her the wrong idea. I _have _kissed people before, but not, I will realize, without alcohol of some sort being involved. In a friend of a friend's apartment, in the backroom of a night club, but never like this, never on another girl's doorstep after a date spent at a _science museum_.

But if I don't get over the shock of the sheer _normality _of the situation, I'm going to ruin it. So I take a deep breath, put my hand on Ino's shoulder and press my mouth quickly to hers.

It doesn't work out exactly how I expected, Ino had been stuttering out something and I ended up kissing her philtrum instead, and it occurs to me for the first time that I'm probably a horrible kisser, but at least it shuts her up.

Ino makes a surprised noise, but kisses back, her lip gloss getting everywhere, but I can't seem to care. She presses her hand to my cheek and it's so, _so_ close, intimate, and strange. Kissing Haku and Uzumaki was _nothing_ like this.

We pull apart for air, and she makes a soft, amused sound in the back of her throat, "Wow."

I feel my cheeks turn more red than they already are and try to smile, but it probably comes out more like a grimace.

"I..." Ino says, looking at me in an incredulous way that kind of makes me want to hide, "I should really go, my mother would-"

"Yeah, 'course," I nod, licking my lips and tasting more oranges.

"I-" she starts, and then, "Oh, what the hell," and kisses me again, bringing a hand to rest lightly on my hip.

"_Oh, God_," I think and let my eyes slide shut.

It's more frantic than the first time, almost desperate and with _tongue_ which is rather amazing, but it's over all too soon and she pulls away, leaving me literally breathless.

"Right," she says purposefully, "Okay."

I make an assenting noise and try very hard to be coherent.

"Yeah," I end up going with, "Uh huh."

"I," she says, bringing her pointer finger up and down once deliberately, "will _definitely_ be calling you."

"Sure," I nod slowly,"Umm...see you later, then."

"Yeah," she replies, somewhat dazedly and I have to bolt to avoid cackling hysterically.

_"Good day,"_ I think, deliriously happy, and make my way back to the bus stop.

(1) Fermented vegetables (usually cabbage, onion, radish, and cucumber)

**A/N: Yes, I'm alive! (Aren't you surprised?) **

** Anyway, I hope you like this chapter because I struggled with it for _ages_ and only got through it through sheer willpower. Writer's Block is a bitch, I tell you.**

** ...Also, I sort of got obsessed with Torchwood in between the, I dunno, _seven month _period of time between posting this chapter and the last. Yeah, sorry about that, it's not my fault. It's clearly _Netflix_'s fault for putting all the episodes online and at my disposal wherever there is internet. Really. **

** I'm really sorry about the wait and I wish I could promise that the next chapter will be out soon, but I really, really can't. I hope you'll forgive me, but in any case I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!**


	30. Speaking Is Not Communication

Chapter Thirty-

It's July, and summer is in full force now. Exams are over, I have another six week internship over summer break, at a company that makes computers this time, which I'm not exactly sure how I managed to get. Karin's working in Sapporo this summer, so it's mostly been Juugo and I hanging out on the weekends, which is a little strange without the usual presence of Karin. We don't have a lot in common besides the fact that we both go to the same school. I'm a math and science nerd who feels more comfortable with my nose in a book than without and Juugo is an engineer whose part time job is playing bass in an alternative rock band. Whatever that means.

It's a little awkward the first couple times we hang out, but then we discover we both have girl problems and that cements our friendship for good.

"I just have no idea what to _say_ to her," Juugo says over the chatter of other people, snagging another plate of unagi sushi from the conveyer belt at the restaurant we've decided to try out for lunch. "It kind of makes band practice awkward, you know. For me at least, which is totally unfair, because _she's_ the one who started it, and now she acts like nothing ever happened."

"That sucks," I say through a mouthful of maguro. "And you don't wanna just call her out on it?"

Juugo gives a nervous laugh. "I'm not really a confrontational person," he confesses, as if it's some big secret. "Besides, it'd be bad if the bassist and the drummer were pissed at each other, you know?"

I don't know, actually, but whatever.

"But enough about me," he says, taking a sip of water. "How about you?"

I groan. "I mean, there's nothing _wrong_ specifically. The one date we've been on was...great, actually. I just tend to over-think things too much. I've kinda been quietly freaking out ever since she kissed me."

A group of middle school girls sitting next to Juugo at the bar give me horrified looks and I roll my eyes.

"Fuck off," I tell them calmly, and they turn away immediately looking for new seats, which proves to be difficult as the place is packed. "Anyway," I continue, turning back to Juugo. "I'm hanging out with a couple people from high school tonight, her included, and it's going to be really, _really _awkward."

Juugo swallows his sushi, eyes watering from the ridiculous amount of wasabi he smothers it in and coughs a bit, reaching for his glass of water.

"I take it they don't know?" he says after he recovers.

I shrug. "I doubt it. I'm not sure she's even out with them. I mean, she could be, but it's never come up or anything. _I'm_ not even out with them, but that's mostly because I just don't think it's any of their business."

I realize this is a very strange conversation to be having in a small public restaurant crowded to the brim with patrons, but I also don't actually give a fuck. If people have a problem with me then they can just go somewhere else.

Unfortunately, Juugo doesn't seem to share this sentiment and flushes a little in embarrassment.

"Er..." he says, lowering his voice so that I have to lean in a bit to hear over the chatter of the other people. "You think they'd react badly?"

"Hmm? Oh, no. They're these two guys in our group of friends that got outed a couple months before graduation, so..."

Juugo winces. "A couple months before graduation? Shit, that must have been rough."

I frown, chopsticks held in midair, as I realize I never really thought about it.

"Yeah..." I say faintly, staring blankly at the moving conveyor belt in front of me. "Yeah, it must have been."

It bothers me for the rest of the day, even after my lunch break ends and I bid Juugo goodbye to return to the office. Even when I immerse myself in math (well...boring math) I can't stop thinking about the fact that I never once wondered about what the last few months of high school must have been like for Uzumaki and Uchiha.

It's not like I wasn't busy, I think in annoyance later that night as I take the train back to Konoha. Pretty soon after they got outed Tenten died, and I never really paid much attention to petty gossip anyway. And it's not like I really talked to anyone during high school anyway. I mean, the only reason I found out in the first place was because I overheard some people talking about it.

But still, for whatever reason, it bothers me that I have very few recollections of what being outed was like for Uzumaki and Uchiha. I vaguely remember people whispering about it in the hallways, and something happening in the library, but mostly I just didn't pay any attention.

Did people try and...go after them, or something? Like bullying? Not that I would know because I've, you know, never been bullied before. Not really. How did Umino react, because working at the school he must have heard. How about Uchiha's uncle? Or he still doesn't know, does he? Did they get in trouble with the school? Can they do that?

Speaking of which, what is Todai's policy on, well, gay people? I mean, it's university and we're in the 21st century, but still...it's not like I ever checked specifically. I don't exactly plan on, you know, announcing it or anything, but now that I might kind of sort of have a girlfriend...it seems like I should probably check up on that.

I get home around seven and immediately consult the Todai website and some of the pamphlets I got during orientation, which reveal absolutely nothing of Todai's policy on GLBT persons. I'm not particularly surprised, but a little annoyed nonetheless. But I don't have much time to dwell on it, because I'm supposed to be meeting people in half an hour.

The house is empty; Asuma is still at work, Konohamaru is at his cram school as high school entrance exams are this year, and Kurenai, Yoshiko, and Saya are out grocery shopping. To be honest, I like it this way the best. It's been almost four months since Sarutobi died, but I'm still not really comfortable with my current living arrangements. I feel like I should be paying rent or something, and the fact that no one's asked me to just makes things worse. The past few weeks I've been entertaining the idea of moving out next year, after Konohamaru starts high school. That's probably old enough and it's not like I'll never come back after I move to Tokyo. And he still has his mother, and by then he'll know Kurenai and Asuma better.

The awkwardness isn't the only reason either. Commuting every day is getting expensive, even though I'm using the scholarship money which is for my housing and my paycheck from the Gama Sennin. It's getting to be a pain, and it'd be so much easier to live in Tokyo, even though housing prices there are astronomical. I could probably room with Karin to save money, too.

But it's a long way away, so I haven't mentioned it to anyone yet, and it'll probably be at least a couple more months before I decide anything for sure.

I change clothes, spending a rather ridiculous amount of time deciding what is appropriate for "we've already been out on a date, but this is just a party among friends," before I look up the best bus to take to get to Uchiha's house.

It's only the second time I've been to his place, the first being under hilariously different circumstances. His aunt and uncle are out of the country, which apparently automatically translates to Uchiha throwing a party, though I sincerely doubt it was his idea.

Uchiha's house is just an ominous as I remember it being, and I open the iron gate carefully before walking through the large front yard and ringing the doorbell. Rock answers the door with a terrifying smile on his face, a drink already in his hand, and I brace myself for the inevitable.

"S-Sakura-san!" Hinata says after Rock shows me down a long polished hallway and into a western-style living room where they're all camped out in front of the television. I eye the immaculate leather couches, large sumi-e painting on the wall, and expensive-looking coffee table, and have never felt more of a class difference in my life.

"Hey, Hinata, long time no see!" I say, smiling at her and sitting down next to Aburame on the couch.

"Shut up, Sakura, we're getting to the good part!" Uzumaki says, both he and Inuzuka leaned forward in their seat to watch the face-off between two rugged-looking samurai on the screen.

I roll my eyes, but feel a little uneasy as I realize that Ino isn't among them. Is she late? Or maybe she's not coming at all. What if-

"Be polite, moron," Uchiha says, elbowing Uzumaki in the side. "And you," he says, turning towards me, "house rules: don't break anything."

"Yeah, fuck you too, Uchiha," I reply with a yawn. "Where's Ino?"

"She went to get a drink," Inuzuka replies tersely, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Now shut up!"

"And you're not waiting for her?" I ask, just to be annoying.

"Haruno!"

Ino returns with a ramune in hand a few minutes later, looking a little surprised to see me already there and I give her a nervous smile, moving over to make room for her on the couch.

"Hey," she says softly, so that only I can hear her over the dramatic music of the samurai movie. "How's it going?"

"Good," I say originally, my stomach giving a nervous flop as her hip knocks against mine.

I spend the next hour or so completely distracted by the feel of her leg against mine and end up missing most of the movie.

Thankfully, we take a break to make dinner before I do something inane like try and hold her hand, as apparently I am secretly a huge sap. We decide on curry, and after we cut up the ingredients I sit on the staircase outside the kitchen for a bit of peace and quiet.

"Are you okay, Sakura-san?" Hinata says, coming down the hallway and looking at me worriedly.

For a second I debate telling her about Ino, before I remember that I don't know if Ino's out with her yet. I'll have to ask her later.

Instead, I shrug. "Yeah. Just got a little crowded in there. Is the curry almost done?"

Hinata gives a light laugh. "It will be if Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun can stop arguing over the best way to cook it."

"Typical," I mutter, stomach growling. "At this rate, it'll never be done."

"Yeah," Hinata says, but her smile is forced and I frown, eying her face critically. She looks a little sad, I realize, and I think back and find that it's been weeks since we last talked.

"Hey, we should hang out more this summer, it's been a while, hasn't it?" I say quickly. "Maybe we could meet in Tokyo for lunch, so you don't have to come all the way out here-unless you're in Konoha any-"

"Kiba-kun and I are breaking up," Hinata blurts out.

I pause, my mouth still open, and then close it slowly as I translate her words into what they actually _mean_.

"Oh," I say faintly. "Shit...God, I'm..."

Hinata's face crumples and she looks very much like she's about to cry, but she takes and deep breath and leans back against the wall across from me.

"It's...we haven't really t-talked about it, but it's going to happen. Soon. And I haven't told anyone, so..."

A little confused, I swallow before continuing, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees to get a better look at her. "I'm...oh, Hinata, I'm sorry. Were-Are you guys fighting a lot?"

Hinata shakes her head. "No. It's...it's not like that," she says, still sounding on the verge of tears. "We...I think we might have moved a bit too fast, you know? Moving in together right after high school...it wasn't the best idea. Being together in the real world...it's really different than being together in high school. The last year and a half...with his job and my school...it's...we're not even the same people anymore. I don't...I don't feel the same way about Kiba-kun that I used to. I don't dislike him and I hope we'll still be friends, but..." she takes a shaky breath and a tear trickles down her cheek. "It's just disappointing, you know?" she chokes, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Hey," I say, getting up and taking a hold of her upper arms. "Come over here and sit down, okay?"

Hinata complies and sits down next to me on the steps, burying her face in her knees.

"It's just not going to last," she says softly, voice muffled. "I wish it was, because...God, Sakura-san, I'm afraid I won't be able to find anyone else! I don't...I'm so shy, I don't know how to talk to most people and Kiba-kun, he understands about...about my arms."

"Hey, you're not even twenty yet," I say gently, putting an arm over her shoulder in a way that I hope is comforting. "You don't need to worry about that kind of thing. It's all going to be okay, I promise."

I, of course, have no idea what I'm talking about, as I've never even been in a relationship before, much less gone through a break-up of this magnitude. But I don't think that's the important thing to focus on in this case. Hinata obviously needs someone to talk to and I...

...I'm...sort of her best friend, aren't I?

If someone had asked me who my best friend was before this I'd probably have said Tenten, and on a certain level that will always be true, but...

Tenten's dead. And she's not coming back.

I guess I think I need to open up a little more with people, even though I know they can't replace her, because, really, at this point, Hinata should know that I'm gay and also kinda maybe dating Ino. At least the first part, anyway. Not that I'm going to tell her now or anything, because whoa, spectacularly bad timing much? But, you know, soon.

Hinata takes a couple more minutes to catch her breath and wipes the tears off her cheeks, mascara staining the skin beneath her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she says miserably, brushing her long hair out of her face. "I just...I don't really have anyone else to talk to. Neji-san...well, it'd be a little awkward, and my friends from classes...I just feel so ridiculous."

"It's not ridiculous," I tell her firmly, squeezing her shoulder gently. "I mean, you two live together. That's a big deal."

Hinata nods shakily and wipes her eyes again. "Yeah," she says softly, examining the stains of mascara that have now migrated to her fingers. "I don't know how we're going to deal with that either. Kiba-kun's been sleeping on the couch for the past few weeks, but it's not like I can move out. I don't make enough money with my part-time job to live by myself and I st-still have a whole another year of school before I can really leave Funabashi."

"You should look for a roommate, put out an ad or something," I say, remembering how Karin found her current roommate. "There's probably a lot of people in the same situation as you."

"I-I was thinking something similar," Hinata says, sighing and slumping against the step she's sitting on. "But then it's really...over."

I have no idea what to say to that, so I just keep my hand on her shoulder and try to exude sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Hinata says softly, giving me a rueful smile. "I'm always so indecisive."

"Hey, no, it's okay," I say, trying not to show how completely ignorant I am of what to do in this kind of situation. "Next time, you can just call me though. Don't just...you know, not tell anyone."

"O-Okay," Hinata chokes and then has to bury her face in her knees for a few minutes to avoid bursting into tears.

After she recovers we go into Uchiha's spacious and creepily clean kitchen to eat curry. Uzumaki had apparently won the great curry war and spends most of the meal gloating until Inuzuka throws his drink on him and Uchiha punches them both. Nara, Akimichi, and Aburame retreat to play shougi in the other room when Hyuuga and Rock try to break up the fight, but it doesn't end up lasting long as then Rock spills curry on Ino's shirt and then they all cower from her wrath.

After she finishes tearing their guts out (which is an extremely amusing sight) she goes to the bathroom to try and wash it off, and I take that as my cue. I linger awhile at the table while everyone else mutters about how scary Ino can be when she's mad so as not to seem so obvious, but then I slip out of the room and down another hallway to where the bathroom is. I lean against the wall next to the door listening to the sounds of running water for a couple minutes until finally Ino emerges.

"Sa-Sakura!" she says, almost jumping in surprise. "God, you scared me. I couldn't get all the curry out, so-"

But I don't really care about the well-being of her shirt, even though it does show off her breasts nicely. So I push her back into the bathroom, one hand on her waist next to the wet spot near the hem and kiss her right on the mouth, other hand pulling the door shut behind me.

Ino makes a surprised noise, but she clutches at my shoulders and kisses me back without complaint. Her back hits the wall and she pulls me flush against, causing me to almost choke on her tongue.

"Hey," she whispers, breaking the kiss and turning to press her lips against my jaw. "I've been thinking about this all night."

I feel my cheeks heat up even more and instinctively duck my head down in embarrassment. Ino takes the opening and leans in to kiss my neck, which...oh...that's...whoa...

"Oh," I say faintly, a full body shudder coming over me that causes my hands to tighten on her waist. "Fuck."

Ino makes a soft sound of amusement against my throat and wraps her arms around my back. I groan and reach up to touch her hair. It's up in her usual high ponytail, so I end up just grabbing onto the end for something to hold onto. She flips us around so that it's my back that's hitting the wall and I jerk her mouth back to mine for a long, deep kiss.

She touches my face, hands still wet and cool from the sink and I shudder, jerking my head to the side involuntarily. She presses her face into the crook of my neck and I can feel her smile, which just serves to embarrass me more.

"You are so cute," she mumbles, which doesn't really help my predicament. "Just when I thought I've got you figured out, you pull shit like this."

"You complaining?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her neck, a gesture a lot more confident than I feel.

"Hell no," Ino says, raising her head and I manage to get a glimpse of her bright grin before she's kissing me again, deep, and wet, and _good_, and I forget my embarrassment and focus on the way she feels in my arms, her breasts pushing against mine, my back to the tiled wall. Also on not choking on her tongue. That too.

We return to the kitchen a couple minutes later, and I have to try very hard to pretend that everything's normal. It doesn't help that Aburame very innocently points out that I have something on my face, which turns out to be Ino's lip gloss. I turn as red as a tomato and nearly knock over the napkin holder in my attempt to get rid of the evidence before someone makes the connection. Ino does not look at all embarrassed and merely winks at me. Bitch.

We end up playing some inane board game with different color cards and rules that make absolutely no sense, though to be fair, it wasn't like I was actually paying attention when Nara explained the rules. To my surprise the usual heavy drinking doesn't end up happening, and after Uchiha passes out on Uzumaki's shoulder around three, we call it a night and people start to leave.

"You guys run out of sake, or what?" I yawn, stretching out the stiffness in my legs and rubbing my eyes.

"Nah, just didn't feel like drinking tonight," Akimichi says brightly. "What?" he adds when I stare at him.

"No-Nothing," I say slowly, trying to figure out this new development and if it has something to do with how Ino has suddenly become very interested in her fingernails.

"Well," Inuzuka says, disgruntledly, getting up off the couch. "Blankets are in the closet across from the bathroom, right?"

"Yup," Uzumaki responds, his arm thrown haphazardly over Uchiha's stomach.

Suddenly, I realize what should have been obvious from the beginning. It's already so late that the people without cars are planning to stay here. Which includes me. And Ino.

"Um," I say quickly to the people who still remain. "Well, I have work tomorrow, so I have to go. Er, now."  
"It's so late though..." Hinata says worriedly, raising her head up from the couch where she was curled into a ball, a good meter between her and Inuzuka.

"The buses are not running now anyways," Rock says with a yawn.

Shit, I think, as panic wells up within me. I mean, it's been great and all but I don't think I can stress enough how much I _can't_ sleep over at Uchiha's house with Ino here. I will literally _explode _with awkwardness and I'd be so nervous I wouldn't be able to get any sleep.

"You have work tomorrow?" Hyuuga says and I turn around to see him still in the hallway, getting his shoes on. "You're staying up a bit late, don't you think?"

"Not really," I say, shrugging. "I'll be fine. I don't need that much sleep."

It's true. My average is around three or four hours a night. Any longer and it usually means I'm sick or will be soon.

"How are you going to get home though?" Ino frowns and I feel a twinge of guilt, hoping she doesn't think I'm leaving because of her. Even if I really am. "Where do you even live?"

Craaaaaaaap. I do not feel at all comfortable answering that question, but fortunately Hyuuga comes to my rescue before I can stammer out some lame excuse.

"I can give you a ride, if you want," he says, face impassive, as if he doesn't know what a huge favor he's doing me.

"That would be _great_," I say in relief, the panic dissipating quickly. I make to follow him into the hallway, but turn around at the last second to address the rest of them.

"Erm, see you," I say awkwardly, reflecting that this is usually a lot easier when they're all hammered.

"Bye!" Uzumaki says with a yawn.

"Good night, Sakura-san," Hinata says.

Inuzuka just gives a grunt and Akimichi waves sleepily. I catch Ino's eye, but she doesn't look too happy, so I just give an uncomfortable wave before I turn the corner to get my shoes.

Hyuuga looks a little surprised when I give him directions to the upper middle-class neighborhood the Sarutobis live in, but he doesn't ask any questions, so I don't give him any answers. I just thank him gruffly and then go straight to bed.

Ino's reaction keeps bothering me all through work the next day, and finally after some rather hypocritical encouragement from Juugo, I finally work up the courage to call her a few days later.

"Hey, Sakura," she answers cheerfully, and it throws me a bit. Does it mean she's not mad?

"Um, hi," I reply, cradling the phone awkwardly, and resisting the urge to start pacing around my room. "I...er...about Thursday night. I just realized...I hope you didn't think I left because of well, you know...I just really had stuff to do in the morning, so..."

Oh, my God, I cannot believe how lame I sound. I definitely did not used to be this much of a loser, that I would remember. I mean, seriously, I've been in more fights than I can count, fended off sexual assault seven times that I can think of on the top of my head, been shot at, even _stabbed_ someone with a knife once. _Why_ is it so hard to talk to a girl? Especially this girl, who admitted she'd had a crush on me for _five years_.

"Oh, no, I totally get it," Ino says and my heart falls as I realize how fake she sounds. "It's cool."

"It's not," I say without thinking. "I-I should have said something before I just, you know, left. I just felt really awkward, I guess. Lemme make it up to you," I continue in a stronger voice as an idea comes to me. "Can I buy you lunch sometime this weekend?"

There's a pause and part of me irrationally worries that she's just going to tell me to go fuck myself.

"That'd...That'd be great," Ino says slowly, sounding a little confused, but at least she's stopped being cheerfully fake. "Um...where exactly were you thinki-"

"I don't care," I blurt out, my mouth completely disconnected from my brain now. "I mean, I'd just...er, you know, like to see you again."

It is literally torture getting that last part out and I cringe at how stupid it sounds.

"Oh," Ino says, sounding far away. "Oh! Yes! That'd be great!"

"Yeah!" I reply, stupidly relieved. "When is best for you?"

* * *

"Hey," I say when she walks up to the table I chose in the back. Where no one can hear us.

We decided on Sunday at one, at this sandwich place Ino recommended near the train station. It seems okay, but as I showed up twenty minutes early, I've had nothing to do but stare at the walls and it's kind of been getting to me.

"Hey," she repeats, pulling out the chair across from me and sitting down. I give her a brief once-over; she's wearing sparkly purple v-neck and a jean miniskirt, and try not to blush like a complete idiot.

_"Just talk, moron,"_ I tell myself furiously, even as my stomach lurches at the idea. _"This can all be solved if you just use your words like an adult."_

"Are you growing out your hair?" Ino asks suddenly, hanging her purse over the back of the chair. "I don't think I've ever seen it that long."

_"Oh, my God, she's talking about my _hair_," _I think desperately, wondering how in hell things got this bad this fast.

"No," I say, because, yes, my hair is longer now than it's been since middle school, but it's not like I'm doing it on _purpose_. It's hair. It grows. "Look, Ino, I-"

"You should get layers," Ino talks over me, all fake helpful advice and smiles. "It'd look really nice."

"I'm a moron," I blurt out, deciding, finally, that enough is enough.

Ino stares, for the first time her defensive mask of small talk and pleasantries cracking a bit.

"What?" she says, looking understandably confused.

"Thursday night," I say, forcing myself to continue even though my face is probably as red as her extremely attractive lip gloss. "I didn't mean-it's not like I-" I stammer. I suddenly feel a whole lot of empathy for Ino when she first asked me out a couple weeks ago. This shit is fucking _hard_. It feels like my mouth is made of lead and the urge to run out of restaurant and never have to see Ino _again_ is overwhelming in a completely ridiculous way.

"Look, I get it," Ino says, a little red herself now. "You don't have to explain."

Except she doesn't, I think helplessly. She thinks I'm talking about me throwing myself at her in the bathroom, which is pretty much the complete opposite of what I mean.

"No, not that..." I say faintly, but even as I say it, I realize that yes, I agreed to go out with her, but I never actually _told_ her that I like her back. She probably thinks that I was just..._humoring_ her, or experimenting or-

"Um, you wanna get food now?" Ino changes the subject quickly, gesturing to the front of the restaurant where the counter is.

_Say it, say it, say it, say it, sa- _"I like you," I finally manage to spit out.

Ino stares, frozen half-risen from her seat.

"Like, since last year," I continues, figuring that if Ino can admit she's liked me for _five years_, I can at least be truthful. "I know, last Thursday, I was kinda of...there were mixed-signals..." I flush deeply at the words for no apparent reason. "But I didn't...that wasn't what I...it's just-" My mouth is moving and words are coming out but they've not the words I want.

_"You can do this, Haruno_!" I tell myself forcefully._ "Don't be such a fucking pussy."_

"I've never done this before," I finally finish pathetically. "Which is probably extremely obvious. So...so I fucked up. Sorry."

Ino looks very confused, and I wonder why all the books and movies never tell you that after you confess to someone you feel like crawling into a hole and _dying_.

"Oh," she says, very slowly, and then sits down again with a thunk. I wince. "I thought..."

"I fucked up," I repeat, finding it to be a lot easier than finding something new to say.

"No..." Ino says, looking slightly shell-shocked. "You didn't..."

"I did," I say grimly. "I should have been more clear. And honest." And, what the hell, it's not like she's not going to find out anyway. "I...I'm not a very honest person. I need to work on that."

Ino is still looking at me like she's never seen me before in her life and for whatever reason my brain decides that this is a sign that I should keep talking, because clearly if I just add more words that will make everything better.

"I know I should've...I just...I was so glad when you asked me out, because I thought I could just say yes and you'd know, but it didn't exactly...work out." I visibly cringe at how stupid that sounds. "And now I'm really embarrassed."

"Don't be!" Ino says quickly, and to my surprise, she reaches across the table and grabs my right hand in hers. I'm not prepared for it; my first instinct is to pull away, but I manage not to at the last second and then hesitantly grip her back. "It's...I'm not exactly an expert either."

"Okay," I say stupidly, just because it seems like I should say _something_.

"Sorry I was...you know," Ino says awkwardly, still gripping my hand. "I was just...confused. Thursday night was-"

"Inuzuka and Hinata are breaking up," I say.

Ino looks surprised. "Really?" she says, frowning. "No, c'mon, that-"

"Hinata told me on Thursday," I explain, and I swear I can feel my heartbeat through my fingers. "She was pretty upset."

"Geez, they've been together since-wait a second," Ino pauses, tilting her head at me in confusion. "So Hinata told you they were breaking up and you respond by proceeding to ambush me in the bathroom?"

"I-" Is it possible to actually _die_ of embarrassment? "It wasn't like-"

Ino raises one perfectly manicured blonde eyebrow.

"Okay, it was a bit like that," I concede, still holding onto her hand. "But in my defense, I swear it made sense at the time."

"I'm sure it did," Ino says, but she doesn't look mad, instead, strangely amused. Her eyes flit around the room quickly and I frown, wondering what she's looking for. She stands up and then, so quickly I barely have time to react, kisses me full on the mouth.

By the time I open my eyes she's already sitting down again, as if nothing happened.

"Erk," I say.

"So," Ino grins, picking up the laminated menu. "Hungry?"

Later, we go back to Ino's house. Her mother's out, and we end up sprawled out on her bed for hours, her hands creeping under my shirt, hair between my fingers and so close I can count her eyelashes.

"Hey," it occurs to me later, lying on my back with Ino curled against me, stroking the sliver of skin between my shirt and jeans. "Are you, you know, out?"

Ino leans in to rest her head against my shoulder, and I wrap an arm around her back, reveling in how good it feels to be able to do something as simple as put my arm around her.

"With our friends, yeah," she says, jaw moving against my chest. "I told them after Naruto and Sasuke got outed. Figured it was only fair. Not with my friends from school or my mom though. The former...I might tell eventually, but it'll probably be a while."

"And your mom?" I ask hesitantly, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

Ino's eyelashes flutter at the gesture, but she sighs.

"You've seen her," she grumbles, letting her palm fall flat against my abdomen. "I dunno, I figure she'll get it eventually, but for now...she can just go fuck herself. It's the only way I can see us coexisting."

"That sucks."

"What about you?" she asks, turning her head to look up at me.

I shrug. "Friends at Todai know. They were _betting_ on me actually, because they're assholes like that."

Ino giggles and presses a quick kiss to my chin.

"What about your parents?" she asks, in a more serious tone.

"They don't know," I answer truthfully, tightening my grip on her. "And I doubt they care."

"Lucky," Ino sighs and I wince internally, because, no, not really.

"I was thinking about telling Hinata, though," I confess, closing my eyes and leaning back into the pillow. "But I figured I'd better ask you first."

Ino stiffens up. "Er," she says.

I open my eyes, just as Ino moves away to sit up cross-legged next to me on her floral bedspread.

I frown. "What?"

"I kinda...already told her," Ino says guilty, hands coming up to play with her ponytail nervously. "I'm so sorry! I just...I was so excited when you said yes that I kinda...blabbed."

I go very, very stiff. "You told Hinata?" I say carefully.

"Um, I told...everyone actually," Ino admits, flushing bright red. "It's just...Oh, god, this is so embarrassing. I was always talking about you and they were always trying to convince me to ask you out, so when I did, I thought I should-"

I bring up my hands to my face and groan loudly. I hate my life.

"I'm really sorry!" Ino says, sounding miserable. "Are you really pissed?"

Well...I _am_ kinda annoyed, but it isn't like I actually care if everyone else knows.

"No..." I admit finally, removing my hands from my face. "Just...ask first next time, okay?"

"I'm really sorry," Ino repeats and she really does mean it, from the worried look on her face.

It's annoying and embarrassing, and maybe I'll regret it later, but right now it's far too much work to care all that much. I'll have to talk to Hinata later, but right now...

I sigh and roll over onto my side towards her. Her pillow smells like her shampoo, and her wide, worried eyes coupled with the afternoon sun streaming in from her window lights up her hair make her look like some deranged magical girl.

"I'll tell you what," I say magnanimously, mouth twitching my attempt to keep from grinning obnoxiously. "I'll let you make it up to me."

Ino blinks and then a slow, wicked smile blossoms onto her face.

"Really, now?" she practically drawls, inching closer to me on the bedspread. "Now how would I go about doing that?"

I grin and reach out to splay my fingers against her right collarbone, stroking the hollow of her neck with my thumb. "Guess."

Ino smirks and leans in.

**A/N: Yay, MNIHS is alive! I'm SO, SO sorry for my ridiculous long hiatus. My only excuse is the attack of the plotbunnies. ALL OF THEM. Hopefully you will be appeased by the long chapter length and makeouts. And if not, you could always, you know, review and complain about it.**

******Yes, the chapter title is a Bleach reference. Yes, I realize it makes no sense. I just don't care.**

**Many thanks to Resonance and d for beta-ing this chapter and hopefully I will get the next chapter out soon!**


	31. Bump in the Road

Chapter Thirty-One-

Dating someone is weird. It's like...I'm not sure how to describe it, really. It's not like in the books, or the movies, or the dramas on TV. In fact, no one else seems to be talking about it, so I think it's just me. It's great, really nice to...to have someone, I guess, but honestly, half the time I want to run away screaming and change my name so I'll never have to deal with all the anxiety again.

I think it's because...I've just spent so much of my life alone. Even after Tenten and I met, even after I moved in with the Sarutobi family, I still spent most of my time elsewhere. I was always at school or work, or commuting between the two. I'm not sure if I like it like that or I've just gotten used to it, but now that Ino and I are officially, you know, "girlfriends" or whatever, she seems to want to hang out _all the time_.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing or anything, it's just a little, I dunno, claustrophobic, almost. I like Ino, a lot, I really do, but I'm not really used to being around her 24/7.

I keep having to stop myself from making bullshit excuses about why I can't hang out, even when I do have free time. I don't _want_ to outright lie to her, because being honest does really seem to the best policy if I want things to work out between us, but it's just so _easy_. I'm good at lying. I _like_ lying. If I lie...I can _control_ things. It's always been that way.

Also the incessant texting is really starting to annoy me.

After my phone buzzes for what must be the fifth time in ten minutes, I cringe and turn it off without looking at the message. I'm alone in my cubicle at my internship right now, but my supervisor could come around at any moment and I don't want to look like I'm texting instead of doing work, even if it is just data entry.

I stick my phone back in my bag, scowling. I never had to turn off my phone before, because everyone else I know would only call if there was an emergency.

I finish the data entry and then check my email to see if I have any other work to do. There isn't, so I tap my foot idly against the floor. I glance around the dim room before fanning myself with a couple papers. The building maintenance seems to be talking the government's request to save energy to heart, what with the absolutely no air conditioning and dim lighting, much to the misery of everyone who works here.

I just sit there for a few minutes and then finally get up to go to the bathroom, slipping my cellphone into my pocket.

* * *

"Mmmm," Ino says a couple days later, rolling off me after a makeout session that seems to have rendered me unable to correctly process the flow of time. "We need to do this more often."

I'm not particularly inclined to disagree with her at the moment, and turn to nuzzle her neck with my nose. Ino immediately shivers and skims her hands back under my shirt, rubbing slow circles just above my hipbones. I smirk at her reaction, because, as I've discovered in recent weeks, Ino seems to have a neck thing.

We're at her house again (it's not like I can bring her back to mine, is it?) Ino's mother is out doing whatever she does. (Does she even have a job? I don't think so. Ino says she's always visiting friends in other parts of the country.) We came back here after we went out for sushi at some tiny hole in the wall place that was a little too close to the Red Light district for my peace of mind, but now I feel warm and relaxed, curled up in Ino's bed, her body a warm comforting presence against mine.

"Are you going to have more free time next week?" she asks stroking her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes against the feel of her nails on my scalp and try to figure out the best way to word this.

"Sakura?"

"Ino, I-" I start when I realize that there's no good way to say this. "Look, I love hanging out with you and...and, you know, but I..."

I open my eyes and sit up, leaning up against the bed frame. Ino is looking at me with an expression of part shock and part disappointment, but she doesn't move.

"It's just...I'm not...I don't usually," I stumble over my words helplessly and then think, _fuck it, you said you were going to be honest, Haruno, so just say it and damn the consequences_. "I just...I grew up mostly alone, you know. I'm an only child and my parents weren't really...around. You saw me in high school and middle school was pretty much the same. So I'm not really used to being around...people so much."

Ino sits up too, her curtain of blonde hair falling down to swing back and forth once before she tosses it over her shoulder.

I wonder if I should add some more, but I think I've used up my honestly quota for at least another few years, so I just sit there and wait for her reaction.

She tilts her head to the side then and gives me a puzzled look. I swallow and wonder exactly how awkward this is going to get.

"I always admired that about you, you know," she says at last, a sad little smile on her face that I'm not sure exactly how I feel about.

"Yeah?" I say, surprised. "I mean, what?"

"You were always so independent. You didn't care what anybody thought about you," she elaborated with a wave of her hands and then sighed. "Middle school was awful for me. I cared so much about everybody thought of me that I didn't do anything I really wanted. I was so afraid, all the time, though I only realized it after I graduated. I did pretty badly, academically, because of it, too, so I didn't get into Oto like my mother wanted. But when I went to high school I swore that it'd be different. That I wouldn't do things just because everyone else expected me to, or to piss my mother off."

"Really?" I say before I can think it through. "I'd have never thought...I mean, in high school, you didn't seem...I mean, you always looked like you were having fun. I mean, you were friends with everyone."

Ino laughs and then stops, giving me a strange look as she seems to realize I wasn't joking.

"Sakura," she says, looking a little confused, her brow furrowed and lips curved slightly downward into a frown. "There were _three thousand_ kids at our school. I barely knew the names of half our class."

"Oh," I say, immediately feeling stupid, because, really, what was I thinking? The answer was obviously that I wasn't. If I had put even a few seconds thought into it I'd have realized that it was impossible that Ino was friends with _everyone_. I knew Konoha was majorly overcrowded; it was a big issue in the district and there was always talk of building another school. It's why we went to the middle of nowhere in Akita for our school trip instead of something cool like Kyoto like other schools usually did. I just...never really paid much attention.

Ino sees the look on my face and sighs, lying back down on the bed with her arms folded under her head. "I guess I had two groups of friends through most of high school. I really only keep in touch with our group though now."

I'm surprised at how pleased I am to be included in "our group." It's not like I care all that much, but after I found out they all knew that Ino had a crush on me, I kinda wondered if I was only invited anywhere because of that.

"To be honest, I'm surprised you noticed me at all in high school," Ino continues with a rueful grin, warm and soft in the afternoon light that's streaming through her bedroom window, turning the entire room different shades of gold.

"I noticed you," I protest, wondering how dumb it would be to reach out and grab her hand.

She raises an eyebrow. "Like right before we graduated. And that was only because I was a complete bitch to you for no reason."

Well, yeah, _technically _that's true, but I feel weird about Ino calling herself a "complete bitch," even though she kind of was.

"No, I..." I say, embarrassed, even though I don't know why. I fix my eyes on Ino's pink sheets instead of making eye contact with her. "I knew who you were."

There is an awkward silence and I fidget restlessly on the bed, raising my eyes to meet Ino's with trepidation. She has that sad sort of look on her face again, the one that makes my stomach twist uncomfortably. I don't like to think that I'm the cause of that look.

"I meant...Shit, I'm really messing this up, aren't I?" Ino says, playing with her ponytail nervously. She takes a deep breath and her blue eyes are simultaneously serious and rueful. "I know it was years ago, but I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I was...a bit screwed up and I don't really have any excuse."

I shrug. It's true, nothing she's saying is anything but the unvarnished truth, and I really was hurt by what she'd said to me at the bathhouse and in the ramen shop, but...

"I know," I say awkwardly, reaching out to put my arm on hers, though I can't quite bring myself to raise my eyes to her face, so I just look at that instead. "I mean, I kinda figured that something else was going on."

"Really?" Ino says, sounding surprised. I glance up at her to see her looking a little taken aback.

"Yeah," I say in an attempt to be reassuring, but I don't elaborate. Awkward it is, but it will only get worse if I bring up her mother.

"I didn't mean it," she says quickly, and I'm horrified to notice that her eyes look a bit damp. "I know that that doesn't excuse anything, but I wanted you to know that. I was just so mad at you-you didn't, you didn't even _do_ anything! You didn't even know who I was, but I'd had a crush on you for ages and then Naruto and Sasuke got outed and the school freaked out, and I..." She brings up her knees to hide her face in them, hands clenched at her sides alarmingly hard. "The things they _said_, to them and behind their backs, I had no idea people could be so...Naruto and Sasuke, they, you know, tried to pretend it didn't bother them, but it was _horrible_. I think the only reason they didn't transfer was because there was only two months left until graduation. Sasuke was even worried about his uncle finding out and all I could think of was my mother's reaction, so I-"

"Hey, um, don't," I say and find myself wrapping my arms around her trembling shoulders. It's a lot more than I'd ever thought-I hadn't even made the connection between Naruto and Sasuke's outing and Ino's reaction, but I guess it makes a lot of sense. "Ino...you don't have to...I...I get it. It's okay."

Ino clutches at my hand and I let her, leaning her head against her shoulder, marveling at how easy this is. I've never hugged all that many people and I'd always imagined trying would be really awkward, but it feels...natural. Like, why did I ever bother worrying?

"You don't," Ino mumbles, shifting forward on the mattress to press herself closer into my side. "But that's...I'm glad you didn't have the whole sexual identity freakout."

I kiss her temple without really thinking about it-some weird comfort gesture picked up by osmosis, I guess-and then she stiffens a little and raises her head.

"Unless, I mean, did you?" she asks, her face only centimeters from mine.

I pause to think about it, but the answer's pretty clear.

"Not really, I guess," I say, thinking back upon my realization. "I mean, I was in denial for a really long time, but then right after I graduated everything, well, it was pretty obvious."

Just like that. I never really thought about it before, but I guess it _was_ easy for me. I never had any of the self-hatred or the fear that people I loved wouldn't accept me that is so common.

I guess that's because I never had that many people to worry about disappointing in the first place.

"The worst part is that I've pretty much always known," Ino whispers miserably, leaning back against the headboard, closing her eyes. Her mascara's a little smudged, but she still looks gorgeous, even now. It's almost kind of annoying.

"Really?"

She nods, a little stilted against the headboard and gives me a rueful smile. She reaches out then to take my hand, just like that, so easily, and I don't feel stupid grabbing it back.

"When I was little I had crushes on girls in nursery school," she says with a reminiscent smile, because she probably went to one of those colorful, completely child-proofed centers full of toys that they show on TV instead of an overcrowded piece of shit apartment with no central heating and a leaky ceiling during rainy season.

Ino had crushes on other little girls in nursery school. I had bruises and bite-marks.

"But I always knew that I wasn't supposed to feel that way, even before I knew what being gay was," Ino continues, oblivious to my increasingly morbid thoughts. "No one had to tell me that I wasn't quite right. In middle school, I thought, I thought if I just tried hard enough, I could be normal, but that kind of backfired on me."

I marvel at how easy it is for her to talk about herself, especially about things that are obviously painful. I feel like I should offer up something about myself in return, but...I hate talking about myself. It's...creepy and unpleasant. It doesn't feel safe, even here, curled up in Ino's bed.

"Anyway," she says when I don't say anything, clearing her throat and sitting up straight in an attempt to get herself together. "I thought I should tell you that. Because...because I really do like you, and, if you want to, you know, be...um...like this, I guess. Well, I figured you should know what a fuck-up I am."

The laughter bursts out of me before I can suppress it. It's not because Ino's basically asking me to be her girlfriend, something I'd thought was obvious and unspoken, but because _Ino_ thinks she's the fuck-up in this...this _relationship_, God.

Ino looks shocked, hurt starting to bleed into her expression, so I smile at her in a probably botched attempt at comfort.

"It's okay, really," I say and pull her closer by the hand. "Everyone's a fuck-up."

Ino sighs and curls into me, pushing me down until we're lying back on the mattress again. Her hair smells nice, not the fruity crap that I used to buy at convenience stores to disguise the smell of unwashed bodies and I've continued to buy out of habit, but like class and money. Designer brands and immaculate make-up and decorated nails. I used to hate girls like her on sheer principle, except for the fact that there _are_ no "girls like her" and it was stupid to think so in the first place. The worldview of a child. And despite the fact that I won't be of age until next March, I haven't been a child in years and this is not a coming-of-age story for either of us.

Ino might be born into the upper-middle class of a first world country, but she's smart enough to realize she's got issues.

I didn't lie; everyone's a fuck-up.

Just some are more than others.

"Sorry," I mutter, hiding my face in her shoulder.

Ino shifts slightly under me and strokes her hand gently through my hair. I suppress a shiver.

"For what?" she asks softly.

I feel my face redden idiotically.

"I kinda...I kinda already thought we were, you know, girlfriends," I admit, my voice cracking embarrassingly on the last word. "I didn't think it was something that you had to talk about."

Ino lets out a small chuckle and kisses my cheek, her lips soft and dry, because all her lip gloss has disappeared by now.

"S'okay," she says, and I can _hear_ the smile in her voice, feel the way her body's tensed with the sort of excitement I had no clue existed until I discovered dating. "I have no clue what I'm doing either."

And for some reason it's _this_ statement that sends of shivery flush of heat running through my body to pool low in my belly and I practically _have _to raise my head and kiss her now, cupping her face in my hands as she rolls on top of me, a comforting weight above me with strands of hair tickling my face and her smile against my mouth.

* * *

"So..." Konohamaru whispers as we wash the dinner dishes a couple hours later, looking positively delighted with himself. "How was your date?"

I'd missed dinner, which is hardly unusual, as I'm still not completely comfortable with Asuma and Kurenai as I was with Sarutobi, but I'd come back in time to help with the dishes. _Not_ to endure Konohamaru's adolescent sniggering.

I glare at him, jerking my head towards the other room, where Kurenai, Asuma, and Yoshiko are situated. Yoshiko's been improving so lately she's been looking for a part-time job. She's mostly been looking at department stores close by and Asuma and Kurenai have been helping her with applications.

Konohamaru unfortunately does not take the hint.

"So when can I meet her?" he asks, undeterred by my dark looks. "C'mon, I have to give her the "hurt my big sister and I'll fuck you up" speech. It's practically mandatory."

"Just focus on drying those," I scowl and hand him another pan. Konohamaru rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath about me being no fun, but I don't much care.

"Alright, alright," he sighs, managing to dry bright pink rice bowl with little fishy patterns on it and still look like a martyr. "But you should probably cover that up if you don't want to get weird looks from my family."

He doesn't even have to point or elaborate. I nearly drop the tea cup I'm holding to grab at the spot on my neck which I now realize must have a suspicious looking bruise on it.

Konohamaru howls with laughter and my face feels like it's on fire, even as I try to maintain a dignified expression.

"Shut up!" I hiss, but it's too late, there's the sound of shifting chairs in the other room and Asuma peeks his head through the door, gives us a trying look, and then disappears back into the other room.

"Sorry," I mutter after him and then escape to the bathroom and leave Konohamaru to deal with the rest of the dishes like he deserves.

The lights in the downstairs bathroom always make me look like I haven't seen the sun in years, even though I've never been particularly pale, and the hickey stands out even more than it probably does in natural light. It's on the right side of my neck, just to the side of my Adam's apple and there is absolutely no way to hide it, even if I'm wearing a collared shirt.

I glare at my reflection in the mirror. Great. I took the bus home like this, so all the other commuters probably saw...And I'm going to have to steal some of Kurenai's foundation if I don't want to make even more of a spectacle of myself.

/I hate you./ I text Ino, because I can't complain to anyone else about this.

/?/ she responds.

/You know what you did./

/lol, yeah, i really do (°з°)/

/It's not funny. I have work tomorrow, Ino!/

/i know. something to remind you of me./

I raise an eyebrow even though there's no one here to see it and sit down on the toilet seat, regarding her text carefully. I've gotten less awkward with texting her lately, but every once and a while I have to stop a while and think of the best response.

/Are you flirting with me?/

Ok, I could have probably come up with a better answer than that.

"Fuck," I say aloud and let my head fall to the side against the tile wall with a thud.

But before I can try and salvage my error, Ino texts back with lightning speed.

/(*´∀`*)/

/Ino, I don't know what that means./

/im sure you'll figure it out baby/

I roll my eyes and decide to quit while I'm...not ahead.

I manage to get up the stairs without anyone seeing me to change into my work clothes, but don't get the chance to "borrow" some of Kurenai's makeup. The club is dark and my hair is long enough now that I sort of manage to brush it in front of my neck, but Suigetsu still makes a lewd comment about me picking up girls in the back room (It was just the once and it was _months_ ago! When is he going to get over it?) and Temari gives me an extremely unsubtle thumbs up. Sai just smiles at me and thankfully Jiraiya is too busy to notice.

It's nearly 2:30 by the time I get back to the house, leaving me less than five hours to sleep before I have to get up for my internship. I don't particularly mind; I'm used to not getting a lot of sleep anyway, but second year classes are a lot harder than first year classes were and there were times in the spring that it definitely would have helped to have weekends completely off for studying. My current internship pays pretty well, but it's only for the summer and while I'm not paying for rent at the moment, that's going to change soon and financial aid isn't going to cover shit if I want to live anywhere _near_ Tokyo.

Not that I'd want to leave Konoha just yet, with Ino here and all. Maybe once she graduates from beauty school in March, but that's months off and who knows what will have happened by then.

Ignoring the cold feeling that's settled in the pit of my stomach at the thought of the future, I creep quietly up the stairs towards my room.

But apparently not quietly enough, because as soon as I hit the landing, Konohamaru's door opens and I freeze.

"Nee-san," he says sleepily, hair wild and eyes soft. "You just get back?"

"Yeah," I say guiltily, glancing over at the other bedroom doors. "You should go back to bed, it's late."

"Nah, I just wanted to ask you something," he says, looking a little more awake. And then, oddly enough, he leans against the frame of her door and looks over me with more appraisal than I'd expect from someone who just woke up at two in the morning.

"What?" I say quietly, wondering why he didn't just ask his question.

"This Ino girl..." Konohamaru says softly, looking at me with piercing eyes that I've never seen on him before. "Is the reason you don't want her to meet me because you haven't told her?"

Again, I do not have to ask what he's referring to. It's obvious.

"Konohamaru, what-" I say weakly, feeling suddenly sick to my stomach. I swallow and fuss with one of the straps of my bra with twitching fingers. "It's late, you need to-"

"You haven't, have you?" he says, sighing and closing his eyes. I can't really see his expression very well in the dim light and I'm actually kind of glad. I don't want to see the censure that I know must be in his eyes.

"I haven't told anyone either," he admits, surprising me. "Not even Moegi or Udon. They asked, you know, but I just said I moved from a different district. It was automatic; I didn't even think about telling the truth."

I don't really know what to say. I just stand there in the dark, uncomfortably aware of the silence and the rapid beat of my own heart.

"I didn't realize it until tonight, though," he continues, and I'm shocked at how adult he sounds. Surely this cannot be the cheeky brat I'd run into almost a year and a half ago now and taken under my wing. He's not even in high school yet. He's not supposed to...he's not supposed to be like this yet.

"It's over," I say, and my throat sounds wrecked, like I haven't had a drink in days. "It's done with now. We don't...we don't have to talk about it if we don't want to. We don't have to tell anyone. It's not any of their _business_."

"I know," he says after another silence. "I just thought..."

"Don't," I say, and it comes out more harshly than I intended, because I know what he's going to say. It's going to be that I should probably tell Ino, or at least I should think about it if we get serious.

I don't want to think about that. _He _shouldn't think about that. I don't know why I said "we" before. Konohamaru was only homeless for a month, and I was there with him for most of it. He has a family now, even if he just met Asuma and Kurenai. He has no idea what it's like to be out there, _alone_, with your best friend dead because you weren't there to protect her and no one to turn to because the only thing worse than being out there is being out there and people _knowing_ about it.

"Nee-sa-"

"I'm going to bed," I say coldly and don't so much as glance at him as I walk past him into my room and shut the door behind me.

* * *

I feel a little bad about it in the morning and manage to give Konohamaru a stilted apology before I run out the door. It was late and I was exhausted, and he didn't deserve how short I was with him, not when he was only trying to help.

He accepts my apology a little too easily though, an odd sort of resigned smile on his face that makes me uncomfortable and my stomach feels wound tight with nerves all the way to work. I don't like to think of Konohamaru thinking that I'm...I don't know, a coward, or something. I'm not. I'm not scared of people knowing about my past, it's just...I just don't want to talk about it, you know? I had to tell Hinata that one time because she would have asked questions about where my parents were that night she stayed over and that was bad enough. She's still my best friend and everything, but she...she looks at me differently now. She's a little too kind and careful in the way she speaks to me now and it's not _bad_, I'm not accusing her of anything, but it's not...it's not _pleasant_.

I know she'll get over it, she _has_ been getting over it, slowly but surely realizing that I'm the same person I was before and she doesn't need to treat me like I'm made of glass and will break at the mention of money or extravagance or any reminder of her own privileged upbringing. Like I don't remember that it was this same upbringing that drove her into a deep depression.

And that's fine, I know it could be worse, but doing it once was enough and I don't want to have to go over it with every new person I become close with. Everyone's got secrets, right? I don't ask Ino all the gory details of her overbearing, most likely homophobic mother, a childhood of what I suspect was delinquency, and, if I've guessed correctly, losing her virginity in fucking _middle school_. I haven't even asked exactly how her father died and among her recent confessions, she showed no interest in talking about it.

I'm still me, right? I'm not putting on a fake persona of some well-adjusted comfortably middle-class university student. _That _really would be lying. I'm pretty sure with the ratty clothes all through high school, the total social isolation, the sobbing in the bathroom after Tenten's death, and the obvious intimacy issues and general cluelessness when it comes to human relationships, Ino knows who I am.

Konohamaru doesn't understand that though, and I don't expect him to. He will, eventually though, when he's figured out that life isn't some drama where everything has to be some huge melodramatic deal and everyone's issues have to be dissected by everyone else. Mostly, life isn't melodramatic or even all that exiting. It just kind of is. Because everyone's got issues, and if we all talked about them all the time we'd never have time for anything else.

Still, the thought that Konohamaru might think badly of me, even just a little bit, bothers me for the rest of the week. But then something so completely unexpected, while simultaneously being something I really should have been ready for, takes my mind off the matter entirely.

* * *

It starts out so simply. There were so many warning signs and I could make excuses, say I was busy with suddenly having a girlfriend and a nine to five job in Tokyo, but the reality of it is that I got stupid. Even worse, I got complacent, lazy. I forgot how precarious my situation is and that once you've managed to claw your way up into some form of stability, you've only got that much more to fall.

"I keep meaning to ask about your plans, Sakura-kun," Asuma says, adjusting his reading glasses and a stack of file folders about optimizing production of something boring under his arm. I look up from where I was checking my email on the downstairs computer, as I am probably the only university student in Japan without a laptop, to see that Asuma has sat down on the couch behind the computer desk, file folders in his lap, eyeing me thoughtfully.

"Plans?" I say blankly, but the ice cold grip of fear is already at my stomach. I rarely exchange anything more than pleasantries with any of the Sarutobis besides Konohamaru. Discussions of anything but the amount of rain we're getting this time of year does not bode well.

"Your future plans," he stresses, looking at me expectantly, and I get it, horribly.

"Oh," I say and abruptly lose my appetite for the leftover soba I was going to snag later.

My throat feels tight and dry, like those times when I first moved to Konoha and didn't know where to find free water in the city. I feel a little numb, like I'm not really here, like this is some sort of nightmare that I'm going to wake up in any second and then have to convince myself wasn't real after all.

"I-I've actually been looking for a place, with a friend," I say hesitatingly, forcing myself to meet his eyes even though I want nothing more than to beg out of this conversation, possibly forever.

It's a lie. I've thought vaguely about living with Karin somewhere down the line, but never with anyone else. Hinata is still living with Kiba, but she's looking for another place in Chiba and I could never move all the way out there. It'd be a two hour trip back to Konoha and I'd hardly ever be able to see Konohamaru, not to mention Ino.

"That's good," Asuma says in what I'm sure he thinks is approval, but just comes off doubtful. "I don't mean to be pushy, but you must have realized that this was never meant to be permanent."

It's not a question. Because...because, of course it wasn't, not for him, not even for me. I knew, I knew as soon as Sarutobi died that I wasn't welcome anymore, or rather, was even less welcome. Which makes it all the more ridiculous that I truly did not see this coming.

"No," I say faintly, "Of course not."

I'm absurdly grateful that I'm already sitting down, because my knees feel very weak right about now.

Sarutobi doesn't notice, just clears his throat uncomfortably, straightening the folders on his lap for no discernible reason.

I don't think I ever noticed this before, but as I look at him now, I can't help think he has a very strange beard for a salaryman.

"I'm sure you understand, with Saya getting older," he says, suddenly awkward where he had been perfectly business-like before. "I wouldn't want her to become...confused."

Confused about what? I think, but don't say aloud, because it's clearly something I'm supposed to understand by implication alone.

"Of course, we're all very grateful, what you did for Konohamaru," Asuma continues, at least somewhat comprehensibly this time. He gives me a small smile, just a bit strained. "Kurenai and I talked it through and we don't mean to alarm you...just think of this as a...heads up."

"Righ...Yes," I say, trying to look like I know what's going on when I really have no clue. Asuma gives me a curt nod and then stands, still clutching his folders.

"Well," he says, coughing awkwardly again. "It just needed to be said. And...and hopefully, things will work out with you and your..._friend_."

Oh.

He's gone before I can come up with some sort of response, and if there were any part of me paying attention I'm sure I'd be glad, because as it is all I can do is sit in the computer chair and stare blankly at my university email.

My..._friend_. Saya being confused. That's what this is about.

Not all the way, to be sure. I'm sure it's weird having some random ex-homeless girl living with you while you're trying to take care of your formerly estranged mentally ill sister, her teenage son you just met a year ago, and a new baby. I'm sure Asuma and Kurenai don't really trust me because of that and I can't find I blame them too much.

But at least part of this is that I like girls, and for a brief second I'm able to empathize with the fear that Ino, Uchiha, and probably Uzumaki have.

Because this is what they were afraid of.

**A/N: So yeah. It's been more than a year. I wish I had a happier chapter to bring you, but...at least the first part was happy? Anyway, I'm really sorry, but the truth is I've been really busy with real life stuff this past year and it doesn't look like it's going to get better anytime soon. :( But I'll update as soon as I'm able, I promise! Please review!**


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